Kawartha Lakes Public Library - Digital Collections
Looking Back: Drunk
, p. 30

Hooper, John, Author
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Item Type:
Written: 26 April 1997
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Geographic Coverage:
  • Ontario, Canada
    Latitude: 44.35012 Longitude: -78.73286
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Full Text

Many years ago there was a gentleman who lived on the outskirts of Minden along the Kinmount highway with his wife and family and according to my informant he was very much in love with the bottle.

Apparently this man would get his pay on Saturday and the first thing he would do is head for the hotel to whet his thirst.

Now there wasn't anything wrong in that, but what he failed to do was to leave the hotel before he had gone through practically every cent he had earned.

This meant little money was left to pay the rent and, more importantly, feed his wife and family.

Finally in desperation, his wife approached several people and asked if they knew of anything she could do to get him to show more consideration toward his family.

Feeling extremely sorry for her, some of the men in the town came up with an idea that might scare the wits out of him and get him off the bottle.

Knowing that every Saturday night was a repeat performance they approached John Welch, the local undertaker, disclosed their plan to him, and asked for his co-operation.

Welch, knowing the woman and the predicament she was in, told the men to go ahead with their plan with his blessing.

A couple of weeks later the individual entered the hotel and, as as was the norm, drank until he passed out!

It was at this point the plan went into action.

Four or five of the men carried him out to a wagon and hauled him over to Welch's. There they took him into the garage where there were a number of caskets and carefully placed him in one.

Wanting to see what would happen once he slept off his drunkenness, three of them sat around and patiently waited to see the man's reaction when he would awaken from his drunken stupor.

Some couple or three hours later, their victim awoke and sat up in the casket. Looking around the room at the other closed caskets he said "well, what do you know, it's resurrection morning and I'll be damned if I'm not the first one up!"

No, in case you're wondering, the plot failed to stop his drinking habit.

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Looking Back: Drunk