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page 4, Whitby Fr.. Pres, Saturday, June 7 This isn't funny By MARK FENTON A few days ago I was scan- ning an article entitled "Di- rect Marketing Tips" and came across this comment: "Humour never, ever works". I was somewhat surprised at first but then real- ized that taken in its context it made some sense. Cute advertising may win awards but it doesn't sell products, that sort of thing. Also, the piece was written specifically for my industry and I'm sure some psychologist has conducted a study designed to prove that the most successful financial plan- ners, stockbrokers and accountants never crack jokes in front of clients - especially when the mar- ket's going down. It was a bit disturbing thought. Did this mean that I'd inadvertently lost some potential clients by wittily, but unwittingly, letting slip a clever pun or bon mot? But then I thought, no, probably not, my ability to make people laugh has taken too much of a beating lately for that to have happened. I have a fifteen-year-old son, Drew, you see, and as any of you parents who have maintained their sanity long enough to see their offspring reach ado- lescence know, there's an unwritten law among kids aged 12 to eighteen or so never to smile, let alone snort or chuckle, at their parents' attempts to be funny. I must be constantly on the alert to keep my sense of humour ego at a level above maudlin. When the corners of Drew's mouth raise approxi- mately two degrees north I know I've scored a direct hit mirthwise. It's possible that this lack facial expression amoung teenagers is part of a more general princi- ple to display a deadpan.expression at all times and has nothing to do with humour (or perceived lack of it) at all. It certainly extends to other day to day parent-kid things such as conversation - or perhaps monologue would be a better word. Most of the time Drew's vocabulary consists of "uh", which means yes and "uh" , which, with a subtle modulation of tone and expression, means no. The second "uh" when increased in volume can also mean, "Get out of my life and don't return till Friday." (Friday's his allowance day). I can deter- mine, by watching his reflection in the tv screen, that these comments all issue from his mouth seemingly without any movement of the facial mus- cles whatsoever. So maybe I should be careful not to make people laugh. It could be that teenagers are secretly in training to be ventriloquists or poker players or magistrates and Drew actually thinks I'm a born co- median. This could have dire consequences according to the article I read. Therefore I want to make it clear that if you ever read anything in this newspaper that seems the least bit humourous that it was com- pletely by accident, that I always have my tongue planted dead centre my mouth, as far away from each cheek as possible. Mark Fenton is a Whitby resident and busi- nessperson. Permits total $ 14.54 million The value of building permits issued by the Town ofWhitby last month eclipsed April's figures by $1.6 million. Last month, the Town processed 138 permits worth $14.54 million, which exceeded the pre- vious month's total of $12.88 million and the May 1996 figure of $6.6 million. In fact, May's total was almost twice as much as the $6.86 million in per- mits issued in May 1995, a banner year for the mu- nicipality when more than $103 million in permits were processed. The bittersweet pill Every party gains but Liberals except in Ontario By MIKE KOWALSKI Free Press Staff Writer Although miles apart on most issues, three of the four losing candidates in Whitby-Ajax riding shared a com- mon element in Monday's federal election. Despite being unable to prevent Liberal Judi Longfield from romping to victory locally, candidates for the Re- form Party, Progressive Conservatives and New Demo- cratic Party had some reason to smile as all saw their parties improve their standings in the House of Commons. "It is bittersweet," agreed Reform Party candidate Bill Serjeantson, who trailed Longfield by almost 12,000 votes in the newly created riding which takes in all of Whitby, plus Ajax south of Highway 2. "I'm glad that we're the Official Op- position and that the Bloc (Quebecois) FRANK lost seats to the Tories and Liberals in SNYDER Quebec," he said. "(However) I think the entire party is disap- pointed with the lack of a break- through in Ontario." Serjeantson said Monday's re- sults make it "quite clear" that his party and the Tories must come to some sort of arrangement - "espe- cially in Ontario" - during the next four years or face a repeat perform- ance by the Liberals. While the 36- BILL year-old Ajax SERJEANTSON resident would not commit himself to another run for public office, Serjeantson did vow to do his best to "unite the right" before the next election. Progressive. Conservative candi- date Frank Snyder, who finished about 1,850 votes behind Serjeant- ROBERT son, partially agreed with his oppo- RADFORD nent's view. "I think it's clear that's something that has to be discussed. at a later date," said.Snyder. But for the moment, Snyder would prefer that the two parties go their separate ways. "I do think we have to do some soul searching in the party and how we can better represent Canadians," he said. The 38-year-old construction company owner noted that both his party and Reform campaigned on the need for tax cuts and that most Canadians share his belief that "we're overtaxed." +taxes :e 728 AMRSON ST. (AT M ANG) BOTH FREE IF YOU PICK UP ORDER 666-87'88 Although she finished almost 7,000 votes behind Sny- der, New Democrat Karen Dolan promised to be back in four years. "I feel great, I feel we ran a clean campaign and stuck to the issues," said the 36-year-old autoworker. Dolan attributed her party's jump from nine seats to 21 to leader Alexa McDonough's decision to focus on the New Democrats' traditional issues, such as unemployment and social programs. Whitby-Ajax riding had approxi- mately 73,000 eligible voters of whom 49,346 cast ballots. Unofficial results had Longfield with 23,541 votes; Serjeantson, 11,951; Snyder, 10,106; Dolan, 3,354 and Rob- KAREN ert Radford of the Canadian Action DOLAN Party with 394. hoegr -e o er e xcllnt u-itye id e - eo a à lm1'i£ em ý L Sji Pý ÇACaHl for Information & School Tour (905) 430-8201 301 Bron St. South Whitby alLife •S thy Montessod Whitby Montessori School and Futurekids are proud to announoe that Futurelidawili be teaong their worid cias children'a and aduct curriculum in a new state of the art computer lab. The new Computer Lab wiU be situated in Whitby Montessori School, maing it one of the & yt private achools in Canada t deliver ha advanced program. Ail atudenta at Whltby Monteaaori School will attend weekly computer claasea as part of their daily school activitles. Student sgraduating from WhitbyMontessori School willbewel e aulpped to become leaders in the technoiogcal era. The rogram wil commence intheall of 1997. Summer Camp and afler achool programa fradultand children will also be offered starting june 30. Visit our Internet Sites www.magc.ca-rubidrubin.html COUTERE I DS wwwfuturekids.net ý TQLILNNCNPs. CORRECTION NOTICE The ad for Judi Longfield which ran in the May 31, 1997 issue was authorized by Mark Burch, Officiai Agent for Judy Longfield. This information was supplied by the Longfield campaign, but was omitted due to a printing error. We apologizefor any confusion this ommission may have caused