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< , t 4dl , , ( t4 1 1 è,é I * e,. 1 .. i t 't j , f î PAGE 6, THURSDAY, MAY 3,1973, WHJTBY FREE PRESS BIRD 'S EYE WIEW by JI. QuaII FORE?? Now what the heck is that supposed to moean? Fore means forward and it strikes tue that the bail miust naturally go forward as part of the game so why flot yeil, "Look out!" Whether you're in front of the bail or behind it golf is a peculiar game. When a golfer miakes his first stroke on a new hole ho sots the bail up onl this little wooden thing calied a Tee. As far as 1 can sec the place where the golfer drives the bail from is always nice and flat and level but the place where the bail usually winds Up 15 up to you know what with tail grass and weeds. Now this is the point where the golfer should be using a three inch high tee but nope, here he doosn't use any dovice and after a gigantic slash anothoir unidentified lying object is launched, and it isn't the bail. And titis business about woods and irons and putters is roally funny, and 1 dont mean funny hialha, Just go out and watch your average duffor. He's about 50 yards froni the green, (which docstn't mako sonse either because what othor colour does grass corne in??) and after carefully studying (lie course hoe chooses a certain-club whlether it's a driver or an iron. Ho thoen gives the bail one heck of a clout and gazes in awe as the little white thing goes sailing off into the noarest woods. Heck, 1 could do thiat with a putter and I don't even know how to play golf! One of his partrnors usually yolls out that so-and-so is ini the rougît. Rough! Fronm sonie of the situations l've seen the guy won't get that bail out of there with anything short of a field cannon and even thon lhe'll say it was oniy one stroke. Nover have 1 seon the English language more misappliod than in the sport of golf. Whien the golfer takes a swing at the bail they cali i a stroko. lu looks to me like assault with intent to kili. 1 have seen iess vicious strokes at the slaughter hou se. Li .LLTAN FASHIONS I i I L How about the birdie and éagle stuff? Look closely somne Sunday and you're bound to see some guy jumping up and down 011 the green yeliing, "I got a birdie!"' He's braggiflg about it and likely as flot it was some poor sparrow mind- ing its own business and whammio! And as for eagles, the way sorne golfers drive an eagle doesn't stand a chance unless ho's up around 2000 foot. No wonder thoy're lbecom- ing extinct. The curse of most golfers appears to be the hazards. Apparently it isn't a good golf course unless there are a few sand bogs here and thero and at least one river or streamn anîd two or three ponds. I'rn flot sure if they stock the ponds or flot because I've neyer seon a golfer jumping up and down yelling, "I got a fish!" I There mnust be a big eastern syndicato that goos around with a crew of specially trained scuba divers to dlean out the ponds and streanis and soul the golf baîls back to the poor golfor. 1 guess the formi is the big thing in golf. My father and 1 were once watching tlieso curious people called golfers and one chap addressed the bail (we couldn't liear what hie said to iL) and thien after two or three very stylishi practice swings hie finally hit the little white critter. The golfer made a very graceful swing and followed throughi with his swing and lie, my dad, and 1 watclhod the bail make a beautiful, slow lazy arc throughi the air to land with a splash into the pond in front of us. Dad and 1 laughod out loud but I guoss it wasn't supposed to bo funny because the group of golfers looked very sternly at us liko we were being very rude or somnething. Now the way 1 saw it hoe was going to take a hock of a lot of strokes getting out of that pond but maybe that's part of the gamoi. I1rnissed the follow through to that opi- sode because Dad and I îactfully left the scene of the splashi. They telllnie golf' is a very relaxing sport but a lot of bartenders mnight say differently. They are the ones that have to face the golfer on the I 9thi hole. The door slamis and in cornes the red faced golt'er, hie charges up to the bar and says, *'Give mie a triple of anything!' This is a relaxed personi??'? 1 remiember asking a golfer onîe sunny day whiat was so great about goIfîng. H-e replied, "Thie exorcise mani, the exer- cisc is great for you!" And lhcn lie jumipcd inIihis clcctric golf cari and rode off into tc rough iin a cloud of broken tees. Nope, 1 just don't understand any of' il. Wl 'j I i i I I i i ~ Lu Ed Broadbent speaks on his recent trip ta Washington concerning the Autopact. Photo by Mike Burgess BUSINESS OPPORTUN ITIES EARN MON EV IN SPARE TIME Men or Women to re-stock and colleot money from New Type high quality coin-operated dispensers in your area. 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