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VPAGF 18. WEDNESD;Ÿ AAUGUST 7, 1985,WHITBY FREE PRESS CLOCA photo contest The Central Lake On- tario Conservation Authority is still accep- ting entries for its first annual photo contest. The theme for the con- test will be "Reflections on our Natural En- vironinent". Sub- missions may be either 35 mm colour slides or prints. Entries will be con- sidered under - the following categories: general nature; vegetation; wildlife; recreation (photo- graphs of people and nature); and, junior en- tries - general nature (under age 15). Prizes will be awar- ded for the top three en- tries in each category, with additional "honorable mentions" as necessary. Par- ticipants will be limited to two entries per category. Winning en- tries in each category will receive framed enlargements of .their photographs. Second and third prizes will be nature photography books. Entries should be mailed with an official entry form not later than August 30, to: Cen- tral Lake Ontario Con- servation Authority, 100 Whiting Ave., Oshawa, Ont. L1H 3T3, Re: Photo Contest 1985. For additional infor- mation, call Steve1 LaForest at 579-0411. Abused wives had difficuly finding help Auberge fights stigma of abuse Lynda hs lef thome fur time since anuary remenaaelnurue CONT'D FROM PG. 9 would kick me out of the apartment for anywhere from 10 minutes to five hours. I would wander around the halls or go outside and swing on the swings...I couldn't go to anyone...1 was too ashamed." This constant erosion of self worth had its effect. "He would criticize eyery little thing. He really believed what he was saying," Claire said. Lynda said she believed what her husband said. "I believed I was that much of a failure. "I always had to say I was sorry. Sometimes I had to admit to something I didn't do." For Lynda, there was physical violence too. "After we were together six months, Jim was shoving me and punching me. He was always hit- ting, but so it wasn't obvious." Although neither father had been physically abusive to the children, each woman described acts of breaking toys, of teaching the children to do mean things like hitting Grandma, or kicking dogs, of asking upsetting questions such as "Who do you like best, Mom or Dad?" and giving directions like, "Tell your mom to shut up." And there were threats toward the children. HOWTHEYFOUNDTHE COURAGE TO LEAVE After accepting these conditions for some time, why did they decide to leave? For Claire it came about as a result of her own medical problems. She needed surgery for a collap- sed lung; she also needed support from her husband, but even after detailed plans for her son's care requiring minimal co-operation from her husband, he refused to give this. Minutes before her surgery, he called her at the hospital to say he was going to commit suicide. The week that followed her release from hospital was a nightmare for ber. Because of ber stitches, and weakness she could not pick up ber son. Her husband, after spewing out a stream of abuse, would lie on his bed and refuse to assist or he would walk out for periods of time, she said. When she told him she was going to ber sister's for a few days because she couldn't look after their son she said he exploded with, "You can't walk out of my house when you say so." "I walked out of the room," she said. "The scar tissue split when I backed into the wall, ducking his swing. Now I've been wearing a brace. "I'm not going back...Now he's started hitting me, what's next?" she said, ber eyes full of fear. q 60< THAT'S ALL Just 60e ... is all your Free Press carrier will be asking you for ... 60" for a whole month of home delivery of your local newspaper. This voluntary payment is the best bargain in town. No other newspaper costs so little and offers so much to local residents. And even if you don't want to contribute we'll deliveryour newspaper anyway. ery ir ore y al ing le e ~s g M Lynda has left home four times since January. "lThen Jim would say he was sorry. He'd keep 1,,. ,Fhr- At a picnic bench on the back porch of Auberge from right, Joyce Killin, executive director to Auberge, a shelter for abused women and their children, reviews the shelter's resources with Judy Robins, a volunteer; and Karen Carr, case worker. Free Press Staff Photo calling me and keep asking me to come home. I would go back, and the same day he'd be hitting me again. "This last time he'd come home early from work and wanted me to understand some point. He just started strangling me. My daughter (3 years) star- ted screaming and my youngest (1 year) was crying. I got this bad case of whiplash." THE SAFETY OF AUBERGE Both women were glad to have Auberge. "There is no other place to go," Claire said. "At Auberge people listen to you. You learn a lot more about your rights. When your husband keeps bothering you on the phone, you learn how to turn him off. (Phones and doors are answered by staff, first.) Killin said, "We help the women who come here with information on legal aid; we help them find an apartment; and we give referrals to family coun- selling. "We also help women know what their options are with regard to living on their own. We give them in- formation on parenting and refer them to parent ef- fectiveness courses. If they arrive with no clothing we obtain some from a clothing depot." THE STIGMA OF BEING A VICTIM Society has difficulty accepting the victims of wife assault. After Lynda and Claire were able to face the problem squarely they found denial, blame and denigration instead of help and understanding. "My husband's lawyer said, 'Oh, you live in one of those places.' "Legal Aid says I have to get photocopies of my husband's first three months' bank receipts. How am I going to do that?" Claire asked. In order to obtain assistance paying for legal ser- vices it is necessary to obtain a certificate from Legal Aid. Jel Palter, area director for Legal Aid, said the certificate will only be used if there are legal groun- ds for the action the person wishes to take, such as divorce, and if after a financial assessment of the individual (including proof of earnings, details of property she might own, assets, incomes, liabilities) there is need. "Legal Aid says I have to wait six weeks before I can get help. They don't trust me because they think I mightgo back to my husband," Claire said. "I feel like I'm being punished for trying to look after myself." Auberge will provide temporary accommodation for six weeks. This is not absolute Killin said, but THISWEEK! Ai Sizes & Styles L - FRAMING -521 I 1 iF CENTRE 82 FROST, WHITBY U-- LMIT oNEbCoUPON PER CUSTOMER weeks. Anxious to, get on with her life, and angry for others in her situation, Claire said, "I can't wait the six weeks. I can't wait in here, knowing there's another mother taking s--- out there, waiting for my bed." Lynda said, "My in-laws turned against me. They said, 'He's not a wife beater.' "My church had given me strength. It had been my lifeline, but when I came here my minister asked me, "What did you do to make your husband hit you?" Terry Davidson, author of Conjugal Crime, published by Printice-Hall, stated, "Provocation of- ten exists only in the mind of the provoked..." TRYING TO START AGAIN Both women have been frantically looking for a place to live. Killin said there is a major housing problem in the area. Claire is going to share a house with another woman who stayed at Auberge. The house will cost them $725 plus heat and hydro. Lynda has had more difficulty. She is over her six- week limit at Auberge, and still can't find anything. Her only hope is that her husband will sign over the rented house, he now has, to her, but she doesn't want to go back there. "I had a chance to share a house with a mother who had an angry, violent 4-year-old boy, but I've just taken my girls out of an angry, violent home....I had another place but it went down the drain." "I've watched Lynda trying to find a place. She's tried so hard. They don't want us. They don't want single mothers with kids who have to live on social assistance," Claire said. "There should be more help after Auberge. This is a crisis centre. You need more after that." Will they go back to their husbands? Claire is filing for separation. She is determined to go ahead with her plans. She said her husband is going to a self-help group, but she is concerned whether there will be any real change. "I still love my husband, but..." Lynda has returned to her husband before, but she is determined to make it on her own this time. "I would go back if he got help, but he's got to change. Right now, I like myself. When I love my husband, I can't like myself." ABOUT THE AUBERGE HOME Auberge which serves Durham Region, opene4 last August. It has room for a maximum of 10 people including mothers and their children. To the end of July it has sheltered 200 residents, or ap- proximately 85 families. Since opening it has had a consistently high occupancy rate over 90 per cent. In Oshawa, Auberge and the YWCA try to refer to each other. This past week, Killin said, both places had to run people away. Auberge is presently gathering money for capital fund-raising to get a larger house to care for more families. The need is there, Killin said. Auberge is funded by the Ministry of Community and Social Services, the Region of Durham, the Ajax-Pickering United Way (Auberge has applied to Oshawa-Whitby but as yet does not get support there.) and the biggest contributor; community support (churches, service clubs, and individuals). If you would like to make a contribution to Auberge, send it to P.O. Box 146, Oshawa, Ont. L1H 7L1 or call728-7311. Your 60c payment may not seem like ve much money, but it means a lot to you carrier and to us. Your carrier earns mc money and as a result is more properl rewarded for a job well done. Your loc newspaper benefits through defrayed circulation costs and happier carriers And you benefit by supporting and help to maintain your very own truly local newspaper. P.S. You can win valuabli prizes also! So when your carrier says "Free Press calling"you'Il know whati all about and that your money is goin to-be well spent. WHITBY FREE PRE 131 Brock Street North Whitby '668-6111 i iu . L0 Y Ll' - residents are encouragea to maKe oLner arrangements by then. The average stay is three 1 Lu