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WHITY FREE PRESS, WEDNESDAYe,APRIL 6,1988, PAGE 5 Timewoundsall heels. So it is with some joy in my heart that I write of the great demise of one TV huckster. Aimost three years ago, this coiumn described one of the new delights. of late night television: hour-longed, sustained commercials. Specifically, how to get rich in real. estate.1 The trick, the program concluded, lay in ordering a cour- se inreal estate secrets, at a cost of a mere $298. But to tem- pt the doubting Thomases, the program did offer a few hin- ts about how to proceed toward your first million. Basically, the secret was this: find a property worth $200,00 that someone wiilsell toyou for $150,000. Buy it., No cash? No trouble. What you do is go out and get 50 credit cards. On each one get a cash advance of $1,000. Okay. Now use that money as a down payment. Got it? Okay. Go to a bank and take out a mortgage on the property. Now, since the property is worth $200,000, you mortgage it to the hilt. Say a mortgage of $180,000 wiil do nicely. Right. With your mortgage funds, you pay off the $100,000 you still owe on the property; you also pay off the $50,000 you owe to the credit cards. This leaves you with $30,000 in cash and a hulk of a property that likely needs $100,000 worth of repairs. Don't despair. See, you've done ail this in days; your next step depends on your hustie; it's pure genius. Yougivethepropertyaway! 0f course, in the process, you pocket the $30,000 cash on the deal. With which you can look for another property to do WITH OUR FEET UP >by Bill Swan There is justice the same sort of magic. You think I'm making this up? That this is Swan's April column? Naw. For one thing, this is just the introduction. For another, ail I've done so far is to give you a condensed version of acolumn from three years ago. Besides, fabrication may be o ne of my strong suits, but not even I could make up such an outlandish a plot. Other- wise, I'd be rich. Or in jail, given the difficulty that most of the above tran- saction is either impossible or illegal in Canada. Anyway: the Beckley Group of Fairfield, Iowa, the com- pany that spewed out those full-hour'sustained gospel shows on how to-get rich quick in real estate, has met an ignobl e end: bankruptcy. Not quite as nice as jail; of course' but it makes you believe there's justice sometinles in an unjust world. It figures 1 Wit gold now valued a t about $450 an ounce, an idieye fetid brainhbas performled a number of calculations: One pound of gold is now worth $7,200. One ton of gold is now worth $14,400,000. The total cost of the Darlington . Nuclear plant wiii be about $12 billion. Translated, that is about 833 old-fashioned tons of gold. Or 83 ten-ton trucks loaded to the hiit with gold. Or 4.44 ounces of gold (abh.out $2,000) for every man, woman and child in the province. Another update: One year ago, we reported a campaign to stamp out violets in hockey.. The program was destined to be a success, and had the backing of parents, coaches, players, owners, referees and ambulance attendants. Alas! even the best laid mice of men and plans and al that: the whole scheme is now domed to complete failurIe. Violets in hockey now triumphs! Tonight (Wednesday), the Toronto Maple Laughs start playoffs against Detroit. Stamp out violets? Nonsense. That the Laughs made the playoffs only shows that even shrinking violets have become so deeply embedded in the sport thâtno miracle can save the game. Nominations wanted for recycling board Nominations are now being ac- cepted for positions to the board of directors of the Durham Recycling Centre Imc. Concerned and interested citizens across Durham Region are invited to present names of individuals willing to stand for election. Election of officers wili take place at the annual meeting of Durham Recycling, Wednesday, April 13 at 7:30 p.m. at the new recycling facility at 4600 Garrard Rd. N. Nominations must be received by April 8, by mail to Durham Recycling Centre Inc., P.O. Box 630, Whitby, Ontario, LUN 5S6, or by caliing 579-5264 or 683-4244. Crime Stoppers Crime Stoppers and the Durham Regional Police are asking for the publii's heip in solving the theft of a wallet containing cash, driver's licence and credit cards, and the subsequent use of the credit cards on March3. At about 1:30 p.m. somneone entered the Pickering Recreation Centre locker room on Valley Farm Road and pried open a storage iocker. The wallet and contents were taken and shortly after, these credit cards were used at stores in the Pickering Town Centre. The suspect who used the cards is described as a: White maie, 25-28 years, 6'462, 170 lbs., sandy brown wavy hair, feathered at the sides to nearly the shoulders. He was clean-shaven and was wearing a plain shiny dark blue suit with white leather shoes. He was also wearing a gold- colored watch with diamonds around the face. He had a gruff manner. Crime Stoppers will pay up to $1,000 for information leading to the iden- tity of this person. Do you know who he is? Did you see him in the Pickering Recreation Centre or in the Pickering Town Centre? If so, cal us. You don't have to identify yourseif or go to court. The Crime Stoppers office is open 8 a.m. to 10 p.m., Monday to Friday and the phone numbers are: 1-222-8477 or 1-800-387-8477 free from al phones inluding pay phones. Sergeant Sandy Ryrie of the Durham Regional Police force writes this article to heip combat crime. A citizen board adininisters the Crime Stoppers programns of which there are now more than 700 in North America. The reward money is raised through tax-deductible donations which may be sent to Toronto and Regionai Crime Stoppers (Durham), P.O. Box 54, Oshawa, OntarioLlH7KB. ----------