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WHTYFREE PRESS, WEDNESDAY, JUNE 15,1988e PAGE 5 This is a column wvritten out of sheer frustration. (Note: why is frustration always "sheer"? Is it sheer, as in drapes, or in shear, as in sheep. Perhaps a coumn lies in the resultant etyrnological studies.) (Rule #3: neyer use big* words. Somebody will think etymological means a study of insects, and nobody, but nobody, will ever bother to iook it up.) (Etomological: the study of the origin of words.) (Rule #1: don't wander -- keep to the original theme.) Frustration. The kind of frustration that cornes in a cardboard box with instructions, sometimes in several languages, none of them known to personkind. I speak of the frustration that cornes with the simple phrase: "Some assembly required." It is, as the etyrnologists say, to laugh., My first mistake was with wheelbarrow. Sturdy. Steel barrow part. Big, fat inflated Assembly, $5 extra. tire. What? Pay $5 for someone else ta siap it together? After the invention of the wheel, the first thing they attached it ta, was the barow. Nothing anyone couldn't takie, right? So, the lessons of toy assernbly on many long ago ChrÎstnias Eves dutifully forgotten, we buy. The rationale is that an assembled wheelbarrow will not fit in the back of my car. I know this is a lie; I arn dumb enough ta think in saving something. Two evenings and five hours of assembly and two trips back ta the store later, the machine sits ready for the best nianual labor I can throw at it. The -cost ta save five bucks? WelI, without my time, the two trips to the store alone (eight kiiometres each way) total 32 kilomnetres. At 25 cents per, that's over five dollars alreaey. WIT[OUR FEET rUP by BiIiJSwan Frustraticn Add to that the $3.75 for extra bots to replace the pair I cross-threaded in rrmor. (Editor's note: cross-threading is always dorie in eýrror.) (And to whom do I charge m> tirne, everi at the minimum wage? Do such f1guresý count in th.e GNP, wherever that has disappeared t?' ) So that episode behind mie, yowa think I would be worldiy wise when it came- thme, t buy a fertilizer spreader. After an evening spent in the 1>ack yard trying te hold down the instructions witaih one hand, swat insects with the other and stili sc»rnehow hold part A inside socket B while threadiig wter into lose joints, one can get a touch expressive TuLe trouble is, nione of the expressions can be used 'here, this being a famiiy paper. It is, as the entomnologist said azout the insect part, te laugh. I won't even throw in the part about the three-year-oid assistant who kee»s counting washers and nuts and boits and borrovinW- srewdrivers to dig in the garden with. Once upon a time, we could biame such problems on the Japanese. That was also in the days when the Ilibel 'Made in Japan' ineant the product was destined. ta fail apart the first time it was used. Domestic goods came just the way God built them: assembled. No more. Manufacturers of everything save shipping costs, storage space and» part of the assembly by shipping everything in boxes. And dton't get me wrong. I really appreciate those exploding-type diagrams which purport to show where everything is supposed to fit. And I appreciate the difficulty that went into writing the instructions. There was a day, in this brave- land, when nobody bothered te read instructions because, well, because the world was put together with common sense and logic. No more. Today al nianufactured items are designed by an engineer who has neyer used a tool in bis life, manufactured by a tool and die maker with a sense of humor, illiustrated by a guy who'd rather be painting oiis in a garret,' with copy written by a frustrated Stephen King, ail co-ordinated by the drunk in the shipping room. Whoever drew those exploding diagrarns makes al the littie parts srnaller than a mosquita's kneecap. .And whoever wrote the instructions should go ta, work coding messages for OSIS. The copy is syntactically correct but the meanings are shrouded in the mystery of the exploding diagrams. I guess a lot. If I ever get my fertilizer spreader together, I will have the most beautiful iawn in my neighborhood. If. Seniors iii danger at push htutton crossin gs: dad By Debbie Luchuk Pedestrian iights at the Brock- Mary St. and Manning-Brock St. interections in Whitby, among j others, were descibed as unsafe for some residents by WhIitby ', regional councilior Tom Edwards at the Regional works comniittee meeting last week. Edwards told committee that seniors, the, disabled and children are in danger of being run over at the push buttan crossings in the tewn. He recommended that the crossing lights be adjusted ta give slower pedestrians time ta get across the road. "Can't we set it up where the need is apparent, such as near schoois or hospitais or ciinics, to allow for sufficient time ta get across an intersection without fearing for their lives?" said Edwards, who is not a member of works committee. Dave McMullen of Region engineering departmnent said that the Region cannot monitor push buttan intersections. However, if residents compiain, the matter can be investigated and the iights adjusted. He said the lights are adjusted ta a waixung speed of17 12 meters per second, a road v.width of 17 meters taking 14 secon. -ds ta cross. The flashing orange -Jhand light gives the pedestrian ix-i mid-road seven seconds more tcD) cross the road safeiy, McMullen :eaid. Edwards «askecl corinittee ta observe the Mary anéi. Brock in- tersection. Commnittee chairman Gerry Emm spent' two hours at that intersectioni recr7ently and agreed with Ed-wardý that the iights shouid be adjustoe-d. Emm added that this is a probiern not oniy in Nhtby, but ail across the region. He suggested that the pedlestrian walk signal be lowered ta eye 1ev- el ta, facilitate quicker recognition of the light. President of the Durham *Sen- ior Çitizens'Association, Harold O'Brien, echoed Edwards com- ments. "I amn one of the younger senior citizens, but other seniors are just flot on the bail often, especiaily coming or going ta, a clinic," he said. McMullen volunteered ta at- tend a seniors' association meet- ing te explain the operation of the push button pedestrian iights. However Bill Tweivetrees, Re- gion works commissioner, cau- tioned the committee that if changes are made in the timing of the lights, traffic would be adversely affected. - "If we give more time ta ped.. estrians, it means less time for traffic. That's the difficuity we're facing," he said. The committee wiil further discuss the matter at a later date when staff makes a report on the matter.