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WITBY FREE PRESS, WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 26, 1988, PAGE 5 The three are up there right now, right up on the piano at the Lone Star saloon. You know from the way they shift from one side to the other that they either have to go to the bathroom real bad, or they are a trio of politicians about to meet a lot of voters during an election camTpagn. Se osince this is Wednesday and we are in Beaver, Ont.., you will do well to bet on the politicians. In this case Mayor Johnny Cannuck; Razor Strop, former mayor; and Bent Broadaxe, who would like at least to be known as someone who almost became mayor. Each wants to be mayor, and right now they are addressing such of the townfolk of Beaver, Ont. who have gathered in The Lone Star. First to speak is Mayor Johnny Cannuck (you can pck him out of the herd by the width of his chinny chin chin). I believe in a strong Beaver; a town that can stand on its own two feet. I don't think Beaver residents are chicken and believe in a small Beaver; I think they believe in a large Beaver, a Beaver with . . . " "Slow down a shade," intejects Razor Strop. Strop, regular readers will recall, was mayor of Beaver during the last election and goofed by appointing all his residents to the staff gardening jobs at the Beaver Nursing Home. His big mistake was saying that he bad ne choice, ne cboice. "Slow down a sbade." It is Razor Strop talking, remember; Razor, with his two ice blue eyes forever focused on a single peinît; Razor, wbo weeks ago stole aIl the cards being used in tbew rew Trade Poker Stakes, and hid them all'in the Senior Citizens Shelter and Nursing Home and on the Hill; Razor, whose own mother has admitted she tried to trade him for another child while in thematernity ward years ago. "Slow dewn." MayordJobnny adjusts his tie and winks at the audience. "If I slowed dowi:as much as my friend here would like I wouldn't be able to breathe for a week." he says. ,The. saloon is packed, and the three politicians are WITH OUR FEET UP by Bill Swan Squaring. Off all sitting on top of the piano, that being the only place in the room where the elevation allows a clear view of the entire room. And allows all three te be seen from anywhere in the room, too. "Ask him about his mother," cries a heckler. Broadaxe lifts a hand te admonish. "Be kind. It matters net that his mother wanted te trade him at birth. He will disappear right after the next election, you have my word." "Very scary," replies Mayor Johnny. "But this is the guy" - - indicating Broadaxe - - "who wants te ban all parking in the downtown cere. We call him the No Dewntown Parking Candidate.." "He would like me te go away," says Razor Strop. "But anyone who knows me knows I'm net going away. Il7l step away for a while, like anyone else, because I like a party as much as tbe next person. But net when tbat party tries te ..t "What I want te talk about are stereos ... " says Strop. "unny you should mention stereos," says Mayor Johnny Cannuck. "We have a policy that nobody Region decides it won't pay for w-tele replacement B9y Debbie Luchuk Durham regional council has further recommended, as works committee did last week, that Durham not pay for replacement of a water line on the property of a Whitby resident. Mary Freeborn, of 114 St.Lawrence St. appeared before the works committee two weeks ago to demand that the Region pay ail or part of the replacement of a faulty water line on her property. Under Region policy, the only water service that is replaced at cost to the Region is that within the road allowance. There is no provision for replacement of a homeowner's private lne to the regional bookup. At the Region council meeting Tuesday, there was a suggestion made that perhaps Freeborn's water problems were caused by a nearby development. "The problem may have been exacerbated by the development nearby," said Whitby regional councillor Tom Edwards, refer- ring to the reduction in water pressure. Works commissioner Bill Twelvetrees reported that Freeborn's water line was a corrugated pipe, and that it was quite corroded. However, the consensus of council was that the corrosion of the pipe was not caused by any action of the Region and was therefore. not the Region's financial responsibility. "These things have to be replaced, and it's her respon- sibility from her property line to her home," said Oshawa coun- cillor John Aker. Council passed the works committee recommendation that the Region replace the water New plan FROM PAGE 1 line. Councillor Tom Edwards and Joe Bugelli also approved the building. Staff informed council that a solution to the storm drainage problem would have to be found before a building permit is issued for construction. TheCanad'"mov "ent for "' l f eSS service for Freeborn's house, within the road allowance only in accordance with regional policy. Freeborn will have to foot the Steak and Seafood House PA RTV Sat. Oct. 29th 9 pm to the Wutching Hours Special Food & Drinks Great Fun For Ail! Prizes for the Best Costume. SUNDAY BRUNCH il am- 3 pm Entertainment featuring Bryan Felan and Alison Forestall The Fantasy 577 King Street East Oshawa 576-6999 1 LiÎLL -~ 1 should take stereos, especially if they are involved in athletics. Taking stereos is not only dangerous, especially if you get caught, but can also lead to irreversible ear damage." "You were quick enough to congratulate anyone beforethe stereoincident," quips Strop. "What I want to talk about is muscles," says Broadaxe. "I mean, if stereos is supposed to create muscles, then how come that while Mayor Johnny here is in charge of the town, we get all these problems about poisonous muscles." "We got more of them?" "Right down by the River Island, right across from Spud Jackson's place. Muscles like you wouldn't believe." "Not," says Strop, "connected to the stereo incident by any means?" "Spud's looked after it," says Mayor Johnny. 'You can count on him." Right about this time, Joe the Bartender cuts in. "Time, please gentlemen, Time please, gentlemen." At that, Razor Strop jumps off piano while at the same time reaching for a drink. But bis mother has tied his shoelaces together, and he trips, smashing bis forehead into the sawdust. "Tied te, warn hlm," says Mayor Jobnny. He steps onto the piano bench and offers a hànd to Broadaxe. Broadaxe takes the hand and steps once on the keyboard and tries to place his other foot on the piano bench. He's too slow, though, and Cannuck gives the bencb a quick kick with bis foot, wbile at tbe saine time twisting Bent's wrist to the right. A sickening snapping sound is beard, followed by the skidding of the piano bench on the sawdust floor and Broadaxe's body hitting the hardwood floor with a thud. "Somebody should've told him never to trust Mayor Johnny," Cannuck says. 'Who'd ever vote for a politician they could trust?" Who indeed. ià - AI& - -M im - - bill for replacement of the water line on her property.