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WHITBY FREE PRESS, WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 16, 1988, PAGE 5 Bill Swan has nothing to say this week. In his place, Lucas Letterpress, editor and prop. of the Beaver Flat Tail, bas written the following column expressly for the Whitby Free Press: Gadsooks! Ain't elections something else? (There. That folksy 'nuff for most of your readers down there in Whitby? Nobody up here talks like that, but darned if all you city folk want is down to earth rural talk. (Okay, okay. I know Whitby ain't no city, being a town and all. But yuh got enough cars to start a traffic jam, and that's city enough for most of us.) But let's get back to the elections.) How else could Canadians be bombarded with pamphlets and brochures and phone calls and doo' callers all in such a short period of time? And as if municipal elections weren't confusing enough, with the slate full of so many names. But to run a federal election at the same time! Given that our elections have become more of a marketing exercise in name recognition rather than an honest effort to inform voters of the issues. As we say up here in·Beaver, the only good moral issue is a dead issue. On the federal election front -- I assume you people down there in good old prosperous Whitby still consider yourselves part of Canada -- we have bit a new high (or low) in election shenanigans. Now ole Howard McDonald, he claims that in the good old days he could get at least a mickey of rye for his vote. On good elections, perhaps two mickeys, one from the Tories and one from the Grits. And if you think today's voters are whimsical, think of this the next time you read a poll: more than once Howard would allow one side te pull his vote, complete WITH OUR FEET UP by Bill Swan A new high with his hip full of comfort, and then vote for the other side. I guess that's when customer relations really began. And of course, Howard would never knowingly vote for the New Democrats. Since NDP arrived on the scene, vote pumping had died. Howard says he misses those days and he's quick to blame the NDP. Sanctimonious lot, he calls them. Now on the municipal scene: -- but I digress. Yawn (sorry, yon) Yon editors have told me to keep election comments general, since nobody in Whitby knows where Beaver, Ont. is and no one cares either. So I won't tell you about Mayor Johnny Cannuck and Razor Strop and Bent Broadaxe and our run for mayor. Besides, a deadline time the results weren't in yet. If you buy a subscription you could read about it Public, separate school trustee incumbents are returned FROM PAGE 2 he was "not surprised, but I'm a little disappointed that I'm not running first or second. "People are starting to understand that the job is comp- licated and requires skills and experience." Brown saw the immediate duties of the public board as the creation of the budget and lobbying for more funding from the provincial government. Buchanan was quite pleased with the response to his camp- aign. I brought forward the issues of declining provincial funding and the fact that if the provincial government is not willing to pick up 51 per cent (of the cost), they shouldn't have the right to mandate (programs)," Buchanan said. Buchanan thought there was "an awful lot of apathy, and very few (voters) were aware of the major issues, except portables and busing." Priorities in the immediate future of the board will include finding funds for the busing policy, and finding a solution to the overcrowding, partly through lobbying of the provincial government, Buchanan said. Bowman, the overall victor in the public school race, said "awe is the word" for her victory which she credited to continuous camp- aigning since she was first elected three years ago. She said the financing of education is an issue that must be addressed immediately, as well as the improvement of com- munication and values education, and professional development through "mentoring." Finan, one of the re-elected separate school trustees, said "I feel very enthused, and I entirely hope some things (issues in the election) will come to pass. I will be working the best I can to relieve overcrowding." Unlike Buchanan, Finan did not feel that apathy reigned supreme in the separate school race. "Strangely enough, I didn't feel that separate school supporters were apathetic. When I talked to people, they were enthused.," Finan said. Priorities of the new board will be to deal with overcrowding, and to step up lobbying for increased funding, he concluded. Tsagris was pleased with her first election despite her finish. "I feel I did really well. I had a really good time. I guess the electors felt that the people there (incumbents)-were doing a good job," Tsagris said. Oldman was unavailable for comment. 1 in The Flat Tail. What I will :ell you about is Zeke Zyhar. Zeke has run for school board every election since 1951. He's never come better than fifth in the race for four seats. Once he ran third -- the year only two seats were up for grabs. Poor Zeke. Always one spot away from the brass ring. "It's the damned alphabet," Zeke claims. "All those names go on the ballot in alphabetical order. People only know one or two of those names and just guess at the rest. "So they guess from the top of the alphabet down." "You don't believe n1e? Look it up. Take a list of municipal officials in my community. According to maw Bell and Stats Canada, the middle of the alphabet is about one sixth the way through the Ls, somewhere between Lalonde and Lambert. So you'd think there would be an even chance for names from both parts of the alphabet. "Not a chance. Take a look at any election where several candidates are after more than one position. School boards, council, you name it." "We get lots of Ambers, and Bowers, and Calcitrants, but not very many Zylkas. There ought to be a law." Putting mundane municipal matters aside, ain't it wonderful the way the Tories and the Grits have brought policics to its rightful level? To see a whole nation gripping on this one single issue of reciprocity, or free trade, or whatever you call it, a people thirsting for knowledge and information and being filled with it by politicians in their quest for public office. It's enough to make you believe in democracy. And then there's that scene in Quebec last weekend, full of clubbing the opposition over the heads with two by four pickets. Who said the politicians weren't full of it?