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Whitby Free Press, 12 Jun 1991, p. 33

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Fathers s'hould try to be. gre at. - not ^perf.lect, Ever since the beining. of mankçind, we have, been striving, for pefcin.Our natural desire toe tebostbhaspropelled us te greatness. It bas sent us inte space and it bas enabled us te put nature and tecbnology te work for Us. ' 9W. have always bolievod that 'a perso's reach should- exceed their grasp,' and that 'notbing but *the. hst is good -eniough.' For tho perfectionist, however, this tendency te strive, for excellence can become a painful source of endless stress, especiaily when it comes te the important area of parenting. Ail of us admire people who work bard te, improve. But it is important te recognize the distinction hotween trying te ho 'botter' and tryigtob. 'dperfect!, With vory few exceptions, .we would, ail like to be the perfect parent -nover .making ,a mistakiie always acting in t he. beét intéreste of our childron, and holding the love, admiration and reset 'ohe entre faily repeothpepe rconie h perfection is not achivbl.But many of us' strive for it neverthéless -. and frustration often resuits. As the gap widons betwoen our idoal image of whom we want te ho and the reality of how we ueo ourselves really performirag, wo expepenoe more and more stress and frustration. Dads in particular are at risk of falling into this trap. Today's fathers have new expoctations that- put increasod domands on thom. Not only are -dads expected te hbe income-earners and excel at thoir jobs but they are now expected t tidpate, ini child:roaringand .housekeepg «atiio, speciaily infamlies where bot parents are ,Woring The ond result of ail of, th8s expectation is increased stress. And although on a purely rationa lovel1 they know perfection is impossibles,<lads begin te tbink that they can only reaily succeed if they become perfect in evoiy 0fw' course, that is not truo. So bore are a few tips te help fathers ho 'great <lads,' not perfect <ads.' 1. Give yourself credit for tho 'good <lad' things'you already do. Take' some time te tbink about the valuable, contribution you make te, your family, and pat yourself on the back. 2. Plan te keep on doing those things. Now that you've reconize the andfeel good aot them, keep it 'Up. 3. Be honeàt ith yurself. Try te dede which of, the important '<lad thinga' that you should do (but rarely get the chance), are raUl worth pursuing. Should you reZ for them, or should somie ho <lropped? Even if you nover, ever play football with youpr>son, he'll probably turn out okay anyway.1 4. Ask, you son or <laughter what he or ah. moot enjoys 'doing with you and whether he or ishe would like. to-do somnething more often?' -Yowmay rb. surrsd te find yor oing bote than ,O' thi.n. -Or yo y realrze ýta sometimïes just, a littie extra. effort can make a big difforece. 5. Get somefeedback from your spouso, and peèrbaps from a'close friend, about.whIat they tbiiic, are the .-roalistic Ingrèdients of a 6. o 8m. rea<ling on s3tress and how te manage'.,It more effectively. The I10F Forosters is an excellent source of information on faumily-related topics. Parents aca oel1-800-268-6267. teOobtain fre. ýbookiets ,o n parenting and faily 'stress. .Finaily, just< the fact Wýthatyou ýare taikng the time te, read this column probably means, -you realy rea 'ret;<lad'already. That's fot an easy .titi. to earn, and you shold ongratulate yourslf on caring 'so much about your. relationship with your famnily. Dr. EZarle iii presklent of the Cawzdian Institute of Stress and ,onsýultant to t/w 10F Foresters Family Stress program,. *Attention You can.ni this 1/4pai Of.orthe sa eri you cau ai]d ~eadinth WitbyYllwPages 1othese ads .in the WhiSby Free press AND reach' an even wider market** AND have yoi r nam e seen up to a hu ndred times more often. A»- stili havf. $$$ left ov er-for a l/16paeadinl he. YeIlow Pages Con: 1.You can change your ad to match the seasons, new or"prducts etc. 2. You are not locked in 3. Your ad is see.n every week, not just when people are looking for you. 4. Your ad can stand alone, away .your competitors. Specia Savins onl until June 28-À Compare andsve ,Ta-Ik t-o ,-your-Free Pre s s advertisi.ng Lrep-or-calG861I---

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