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JUST IN FO Long Wait The pomsponls sti-an1ger tak iO the offke addmiddto led he lerk "J there any- tg 1 a li do?" odiapedUiivsiur " neyver decal with udrig. Il w;it until the .,grreus" 'Wery vecl,1, ake 'a SeatC"I 01e clerk, anid w ('lo. wîtihis work. About on ir il14cr the mani got "Hwmuch longer do you thînik ~he rnigerv, lc?"lie de~ miantler1 "Oh. a i.uni' '."was tire tcaim r-(, I dhi; hou- (- f ays ýyestrcrday!" Pi-epaitd Jake was 'awrtlesavd im- precOident feBw. Oe d lie said to the local gi-ocer: "I gos tî av a ýsack of floLir; IUmal out, an' niy iamily is sa-i' "Ail righit, Jk, ad the giocerF. If ynne sack oi klur '16d have no money îtebu ,v il 'witir, we'ýligeyo a sack. 1,Lut, gce i her, Jak, thiïe's a cui-us -opi-gto town r n afewdys n iligive you a- sack cof floni-, are yoD su1;4re you won',t Sei!Iit and takt ý,wmefamily to th cii-euts? ûQh, a"said jrrke. "I goî the Just Get Him T'ire Hollywood jmagnate told an wasistant tdat in his opýinion, a cer- tain writer was thie only mnfor a fi-mI they had unider consbiderationi The assistant iwas t actfully dut Êni. "Elon't you! thinik pera s ' alittie too cauistic?" esugstd "don't care Ihow much h c, Osts," çoared, the producer."e hm1 V engeancu Ncw %YOTk1s,Snao Royal S. Ctspelandi, who is as a physiciani, tiezklies îshefunny-bonles 0of his dn Mr companIions wvitl, this medical yarnf: A imian who had beeýn biitten by a dog found that his wounds didn'i ireal and consbulted; a doLtor The jpiysician alarmd b,, the appear- ance of thre wound, had the on fauglt adn urnd . The dog ,-aLies. As it was to (at o ffie na ?,serui, tiedoto he wouh d have toý die of r mai bat dowrn at ia adbegan writinig. Tii Soght ',0comforth im.- ,P,;s it wllnet bc So, bad,' now. "Youn i,,di't make your I'm uoe iakinj, my ijwill," i- plîed rtre man.'m writin-g out a lîst of people 'uî going to bite.", That Shoulà 1Ho0d Ujur A Scot hldinýg an important job ;Inl ondoi was always bein3ï twit- ted by ant English firend atbout is matiouiity. By a curions chiance the two n.et on hboiday. "Hlallo," chaffeýd thie English, mtati, hoon earth is youir cffice mlanagiug withou)tt youl" "Fairly wli"answeIred thecot eatitiouL-y. "y ou sceý, 1Icfettw Englîsirrucâr and foui- Wclslrren in iluy place." Nothing To Report "WlJoan, what's the scandai whdle Vve been a.way?" "Whlc eyouI'vc bDeen away there's erceu no £candal,Fiede" Weak Thjey hiad cumplcted thii- sales aS thre catle nmarket, and wcre talk- iurg about fariniing. 'Better stcýp acr-oss home witih -nie2 sud have a glass of ider, as its su lbût," 'said Farmer No. 1. Farimer No. 2wet samipled the cider, and waos asked iris opinion. "Ahi," be said, "how imaily barrels did ,e sy ye made,?" "Fft-tre!" was the rcply. "ýNoiv, ,hat do) you think oftra? Wel"said Farmier-'No. j'2, slo0w'y, "it wr-e a gi-caS pity ye did"'t have one i-e apple left. Von 'Couid have ithen made fify- The Oldest Profession A Surgeon, anl archliteet, anda politician were ai-guiing as tu whose Profession vwas the -oldest. "*Eve was made froni Adan's lïb," sai4 thie sugeri nd fthal '"Ves," agi-c heariteici, "buit prier te thait, order wa.s creaited lolt of Chaos, :nd tlIiraS wýas rci tectural job."' "lt, po,<e rip Illre poýliicianl oatle hechas' 1L.lFE'S LIKE THAT By Fred Neher "We li~.. tot bethrei for dear . .. thanlf ul that Our neigbbors haventi got the thigs wve can't afford, eitherY" !FUNNY BUSINESS By Hershberger '-esable ta leep 15 minutes longer since he got that sireet bawker's euaoiDnmeit 1" THE SOTIGTHING "PleaeJta meet y.-!" THU.E. SPORTING THING "Why didn't yau dig up a date for me, too?" POP-Carry On But You Cani Try The right of fcee speech oen' carry vwith it a guaurantce that soineone won't puch you i h eý nose for inidiscreetly eecsn that right. Preference ini Food Persýorîs of a scienrlific beýnt m1av find ail especiýal inte-e-st in1 a nlewly discovered wood-puflp food, but as a conservative Jlayman, our prefeî- ence is stii for a plank with a; stea )ontop, -BostonHead Be Carefuil Saving rone for , a iay daty i, ail right, sayý a co;epoayts long as you doni't get sojakeýd later- on. -St., Thomas Times-Journal. A Cyn ical Note. Amarriage expert says that mepn like tio mari-y girls "whosEe knowledgc is less than theirs.' This ud tdyexpIns ý7w4y lot of nlare bachelors. -Kigston WhVlig-Stand(ardl. Dangc'rous Money A lMidI-West professor p)redicI Ihaýt the Imonetary systemi ofth fiutuiie wile based on uranium. Butthn of thie disaster to the ireighbonhonod when a ýýdollar is Split. We Coulci Retaliate Rsia ha tossed a voting mo- ïrû-veisy in(ýto te ap of thie Aton)- ie Ener-gy Cmm ýson 7otldni Rustia be suirprised and hurt if, sornebody lost paiece ndtossed somlethinig ixto Rssasb -Brantford x Good Intentions? Police arrested a wonîan jIfor trying te) jumlp into the (C hicago river wenshe couidn't finideat for hier tImsband. Cops shouJfldnut aïct S0 fast; she mjay have breen tryinig to get Ihim a fish1. -O0ttawa Citizen. A Flag Suggestion Onie Of thec difficulties foreseen il wc deicide tu have a Mpl leaf OP oi- flag is thïat of choiosing one frioui or seveniteen vaieties ef maple. W hy lnot solve the whole matter by putting a s3ap buckct on1 the flag, the Sap to0 do honor to the taXpayer and the bckt t smb Pete-boi-ougli Examiner. Too Good To Last When this country vwas discev- ere,IAthre Idaswere runing i',ai- fairs withý no dicbt, nio taxes, ne -strîkes and !1o couponis, and' the ,women w e re doi ng ailt he vork. el'ie mnsiure puit his foot ni things, tryinig to imiprove on Ia sstenli like that. -Ottawa Citizenj. M ~~ir **-b***u MAe g Makesai - - - - VOICI 0F TUIE PRESS IONALDS e bet fer c " are (te By J.,MILLAR WATT MUTT AND JEFF- AND THE TANK IS F'ULL 0F GASOLINE TOO-OH BOY! By BUD FISHER I REG'LAR FELLERS-iquid ersnn By GENE BYRNES 1"'s That The Reasoni? Womnen, it sceem, arce more fas'. cinlated by hâorr-ors than men, yvbhh ay aIccouLnt fo'r ithir mi-- ryinig tomle oif themr, HUSBANDS ALWAYS APP ROVE -your coffee when if's Maxwell Blouse. They simply love it lie- cause "Radiant-Roastinig" brings Oui ail tie extra goodness iu ibis superli blend of finer -roffees. The Si. Regis Rotol CDoubdlem. $:Llibg m d Dne HOTEL METROPOLE Ail Beautifully Furnsshed With Running Water Rates: $1,50 up NIAGARA FALLS OPPOSITE C.N.R. STATION