The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

Orono Weetcly Times, Wednesday April 14, 1O9~ - 7 more by Heclen MacDonald In the Hooterville of 'Green Acres' famne. the Douglas'. climbed the telephone pole to make a cali. When my family first moved to the Hootervilie of Clarke fame, we found -a communication system seemingly but one step Up the technoiogicai ladder. Because our family operated a business, we had a private Une, while everyone else was on 'Party limes'. Up to four famiies wouid share a line, and there was convoluted code system for contacting other members of your 'Party'. For some, it was no Party! The Joncs' might be an elderly couple, whilc thc Smiths might have six children... mostly, teenagers. Shouid one of the Jones' require immediate medical attention, they would have to intercept the telephone from a lovc-sick pubescent. . . no simple task. And when the phone bill aivdvia good oid-fashioned post, thc head of the household brought out the spyglass, and assemnbled the 'ramily in a gathering of truths. Each member would account for long-distance telephone cails. If, aftcr thorough scrutiny, there were amy unclaimed calis, thus began the long process of negotiation with Community Telephone. In Uiose days, (until the eariy '80s) whcn you diaied a long-' distance number, thc operator (a graduate ,of the Lily Tomlin School of nasal intelligence) intercepted: "number please?". Nobody wanted to point fingers, but tiumbers somnetimes floated from the airwaves, in ghostly error. In other words, Uic Smiths, kids might have been carrying on long-distance romances - at Uic expense of thc Joncs'! Today, none of this can happen. Technology prevents mistaken phone identities. However, as the Wales' of England wiil attest,,technology has other drawbacks. It is not recommended that star-crossed loyers whisper sweet nothings about knickers . .. to somneone other than Uic liccnsed bcd-mate. Super-snookers can record these tete-a-tetes. 0f Uic greatest annoyance to me, though is the.climb up the technology iadder to the touch- tome phone , which, because it ýcosts a wee bit more than the diai tone, we do not have. Now, when caling many government agencies or businesses, I am greeted by a computer. If I want department 'X', I am tolàl to press '2. If I want the Prime Minister, I- must press '0'. After waiting for the three- minute voice of instruction to conclude, it will then tell those of us technoiogical neanderthals who stili have a (ho hum) dial phone, to wait for-',a communications officer to assist. Th en, a voice-mail message tells me to leave my name and number, and sometime (preferably when I get a touch- tone phone) a real person will contact me.1 The phone rings. It's not a return eaul. It's Uic 2lst Century charlatan, making a computerized' sales pitch for rug shampooing, pet grooming, or some other essential service. It used to be that charlatans came into towm with ass and 1 "x6"x5' - $1 .49 ea. 1 "x6"x6' - $1 Y79 20#x4l" - 450 ft. 2."x6" -1 59o ft. wagon, selling cura- for baldness, infertiiity, and wî1rts. You couid walk in the eppo-ýit direction if your medicine che-t was full. Today,. computers make the telephone pitch and you can't waik away from them. Until the three-minute message runs its course, the phone line is tied Up. This means that ail your voice- mail calIl-backs wiil get busy signais when they return your eall. Later, when they do get through, they get my answering machine. I've gotten tired of r.he sales pitches and have unplu gged the phone . .. letting technology take care of my business. Playback of my messages includes one from the Hair Club for Men: "cail themn at my convenience", and one from my mother . -. she just wanted to chat with the real me. 1 cail her back and leave a message on her answering 2"x8" - 890 ft. 411X411- 890 ft. I I WE ALSO CARRY FR E1 CEDAR POSTS BARN STEEL 16- MEASURING TAPEI i OAK FLOORING I I LOCKWOOD WINDOWS IWITH THIS COUPON I ALDSAIG WHEN YOU ORDER MINIMUM $300 SIKKENS, WORTH 0F BUILDING SUPPLIES Ianfd many more items I SPECIAL ENDS MAY 301hI L-------------------------- j BIGGER DISCOUNTS ON LARGE ORDERS Bowmanville Travel. Tom Gatcheli of Big Brothers Bowmanvilie, preserits Val Miler* and Albert Pearce with their'prizes from the Bowi for Millions Campaign. Trent offering B.A. at Durham this- fali The first fuiltîme univers ity programr offered by Durham College this fall will be a bachelor Of arts from Trent University. The programn is offered only by Trent and will be scheduied m"OstlY in the evenings and week- ends. There is also a possibility that several day-time courses will be available. Further info from the Coilege. A BU WNG CmNR SER VING THE A REA FOR 0OVER 30 YEA RS 30 MINUTES FROM OSHAWA Quality 1 BUILDING LUMBER and service has been the secret PONTYPOOL (705) 277-3381 FAX (705) 93~LD FENCING RETAINING WALL TIMBERS to our success 277-3943 TREATED OR CEDAR DECKING LUMBER 6"x6" -$1 .99 ft.1 Mini Ties - $5.99 ea. v ".00 UaT ze a ér,ý' -ip i eî r et . . . ..... .. oe 0-à ..... ..... .. "'Ms [NIN -W C> Order Vour o Winter SFirewood Hardwoodi 4x8x 12" - $60.00 4x8016" -$65.00 4x8 - $40.00 Peterborough:ý p\ 2m 11.5 Newcastle Pontypol on 35 He. Bowmanvilîe Val Miller and Albert Pearce- are the iucky winners of the Big Brothers' Bowl for Millions, draw prizes. Val won the prize of a two night stay in Toronto, donated by Bowmanvilie Travel. Albert was the winner of dinner for two at Skydome. This prize was donated by Skydome. Tom Gatcheil of Big Brothers presented the iucky, winners with their prizes on Tuesday, April 6 at machine. "Mom, we're fine in Hootervilie, and the snow is nearly ail gone. I've sent a letter by post, but I really think a FAX machine would bc more convenient. Hope to hear from, you soon."