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I Orono Weekly Tinies, Wednesday, October 21, i~~Y ïV ~ I Clubs Orono Sr. Cees News The Orono Sr. Cees met ti the Pd dfellows Hall on October 8th. As we have flot been able to find a president lb was decided to have our usual Christmnas burkey dinner on November 8. Cards to follow but no meeting. Beginning December'1lOwe wlll play cards at the Complex on the second Thursday of each month at 1:30 p.m. There will be no business as we will join the 4T Club when they have their busi- ness meetings. Card winners October 8th - Berniece Moffat 77.- Bill Grady 74, Jean Allen 69;. and Annie Fisher 65. Hilda Tamblyn and Mary Henderson tied for low. George Dunilop won the bingo prize. Optimist Club of, Newcastle News The Optimisi 'Club of Newcastle, Village will be pre- senting 2 events during the upcomlng 75th Anniversary Celebrations of The Newcastle Community Hall. On Thursday, October 22 we wil be holding a Family Fllcks movie featuring the film Dr. Dollttle starring Eddie Murphy. A SPECIAL ADMISSION PRICE 0F .75 CENTS PER PERSON will he charged i recognition oi the anniversary. Chips and pop wlll be available for .50 cents each. Movie begins at 7 p.m. wlbh the doors opening at 6:30 p.m. THEN .. On Friday, October 23 we will be holding a Teen Dance at the Newcastle Community Hall from 7 - 10 pm. for teens i Grades 7 to 12. Admission is $4.00 per person with SURPRISES AND PRIZES. Clarington Older Aduit Assoc. hive 1Clarlngton 'Older'Adulb Beech Centre Is a hive of aEctivlby. Seniors have no need bo be bored or lonely. Mondays feature the popular Sit and Be Fit,ý 10 a.m.:- yoga at 1:30 p.m. Tues.-Sit and- Chat 10 a.m. to,12 p.m.; have a deliclous hot lunch, then square dance with Bonne at 1 p.m. Wednesdays rybegin- ners bridge 1 - 3 p.m. Thursday, October 22, have your hearlng checked, "Can You Hear'Me" at 10 a.m. Lunch at 12 noon. The afler- noon Is devoted to social euchre and bridge.. At 7 p.m. there Is a pre- sentation by Phone Busters of activity - bask torce. This should be of g reat lnterestto ail seniors who are prime. bargeis of phone- and mail scams. Frlday make crafts with Cathy 9 bo 12 noon and drop ln for bingo at 1 p.m. Remember Tuesday, October 27 at 7:30 p.m. C...sponsors 'Smile Theabres' "In Flanders Field" at Beech Centre. ickets at the door, refreshrnenbs after play. ,For information phone Clarington Beech Centre 697- 2856 or drop ln 26 Beech Avenùue (former Lion's Centre). Amateur poetry contest' awards thousands in prizes The Poebry Gulld has To enter, send ONE origi- announced that over, nal poem, any subject and $20,000.00 ti prizes wvill be any style, to: The Poebry awarded this year in their Guild, COntest CPA-223, 253 199 8 International Poetry College St., Suite 382, Conbest. Through tis presti- Toronto, ON, M5T iR5 or go glous competition, poets from bo www.poetryguild.com. The the Orono area, particularly poem should be no more than beginners, are invited to sub- 20 Unes, and the poel's naine, mit original poebry for con- address and phone number sideration by our -dtstin- should appear on bhe top of guished panel of literary the, page. Entries must be judges. The deadline for the posbmarked or sent via the conbest if October. 31, 1998. ,internet by Oclober 31, 1998. Tue contest Is open 10 every- A new contest opens one and enlry is FREE. < November 1, 1998. Arthur Black IT'S A MIRACLE! NO ... TWO MIRACLES! The Art of Medicine con sists of amusing the patient while Nature cures the disease. Voltaire My first encounter with quack medicine was an amber- coloured flask of brackish, vilem- tasting fluid bearing a label that identified it as Doctor Swinson's White Pine and Tar Syrup. It went for $1 :98 a bot- tie at better (and worse) drug stores everywhere. The smafll print promised it would cure "sore throats, bronchial infec- tions and inflammations of, the upper respiratory tract". As far as 1 could tell, it did none of these things, but two or three swigs gave you a mild, disori- enting buzz, so 1 guzzled it with enthusiasm whenever my Mother decided 1 had a cold coming on. My theory is that old Doc Swinson had glommed on to the guiding principle the mak- ers of snake oit elixirs figured out ages ago: as long as the patient gets a litile drunk-or at least relaxed, he or she will be glad to sheil out good-dough for the most impiausible of, products. And as likely or flot, Mother Nature wilt see to it that said patient's health gets better in a week or so, and said patient will then go to his or her grave, swearing on the effi- cacy of whiatever bogus remedy he was prescribed. '1 In the last century, pharma- cists routinely ladted out medi- cines laced with laudanum -- which is a 25-cent word for opium. Patients really enjoyed taking their medicine- in those days. The only drawback was they got more than a ltte cranky when their prescription ran out. That's because by then they were opium junkies. Itfs illegal to seli over the counter remedies containing laudanum today, but that hasn't put the snake oil salesmen out of business. They jusi keep coming up witb new products 'guaranteed' to kilt cancer/stop aging/prevent fiat feet/cure- arthritis/eradicate warts/fill in the blank. I have a friend who regular- ly ingests gobs of shark carti- lage, based on a conversation he had with a total stranger at a health food store. I know other folks, who swear that gingko biloba tablets are making theni smarter; that ginseng extract is making -them hornier; that beta carotene is responsible for their new vîtatity and that patpating amethyst crystats has irnproved their nervous systeni. Well, înaybe. But everytime they bend niy ear about the wonders of their newty discov- We podnt and design.. c& Letterhead, Envelopes, Business Cards q*- NCR Business Forms ,,4- Flyers, Coupons, Gift Certificates te- Bookiets, Programs R*- Admission & Draw Tickets R*- Scratch Pads and much more! Other services provided.. <-Complete line of Wedding Stationery we Rubber Stamps id- Name Plates and Badges Everything with the prinfed word! for ail your printing requi rements... 5310 Main St. Orono LOB 1IMO - Phone/Fax (905) 983-530 1 m ........... - - , 1 ý , W, could swear 1 smell the aroma of- Doctor Swinsons White Pine and Tar on their breath. The latest 'miracle cure' to come down the pike? An olive-shaped berry that grows mostly in the wilds (what's lefi of them) of Florida. It is the fruit of the saw palmetto plant, and demand for it has mush- roomed so drainatîcally of laie that 'berry poachers' are sneak- ing into sectuded, berry-rich r-m--M( areas of Florida parks and strip- ping plants in the dead. of night. Apparently the bernîes are picked, then dried and processed for their oit. The oul is then packaged into soft gel capsules, packed 50 to a bottle and sold for exorbitant prices at select health food stores. Do I sound bitter? Weil, I arn, a hatle. The truth is, 1 was taken in by this latest scam. Laid out my money like-a rube, fotlowed the instructions to the letter for three solid months. Nothing. You see, these bernies are supposed to 'help' maie pattern baldness and enlarge breasts. Well, forget it. I was as bald as a volleybaii when I started taking these pis. Three months later 1 stili look like 1 go to the same barber as Patrick Stewart and Montel Williams. Mind you., I'm up to a 40 Double-D cup in my bras. ~ Simpson Memorials Ls"Now j,,Bowman ville" 119 King Street East BowýmanviIle * 623-6581 and 111 Toronto Rd.. Hwy #2 West, Port Hope (905) 885-6434 Monuments ý* Granite or Bronze Markers - Inscriptions indoor/Outdoor.Displays :Excellent Prices Garanteed Workmanship *Etchings - Personal and Scenes Wooden Sandbiasted Signs Try us before you decide by visiting our new Sales Office, or cai us and arrange- for an appointment in the com fort of your home.