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10 The Canadian Statesman. Bowmanville. January 11.1989 Handling It... by Lloyd Scott I'm glad that the strap is gone, at least in some schools if not in all homes. However, the strap is one of the easiest forms of abuse to eradicate. It's unsubtle, it's visible. The indirect forms of child abuse-the humiliations and put-downs, discriminations •and guilt-trips-that are still the order of the day in many classrooms (not to mention homes) are far harder to deal with. A friend of mine tells a story about himself waiting in line at the feared principal's principal's office for his turn to get the strap for an infraction of school rules. Instead of the strap, however, he was given given a talking-to, along these lines. "I'm very disappointed in you today. You've always seemed more like a son to me than just another student. I guess my expectations of you were too high. It's hard on me to find out the truth about you and that you're involved involved with those other boys. You've made me feel very sad." And so on. That rather lavish guilt- trip crushed the 10 year-old so effectively that he ran away and hid for several hours, too ashamed and guilty to face going home to his parents. To make matters worse for him, by being exempted exempted from the punishment punishment given to his friends, he was later rejected by them for being a teacher's pet. His choice of friends had also been soundly condemnèd. Humiliations, put-downs, and name-calling of children (often justified as innocent teasing) are the root cause of one of the most common emotional problems around, so-called tow self-esteem. Scores of books have tried to solve the riddle of how to feel good about yourself, how to overcome feelings of inadequacy, how to develop a positive self-image. But we all know where it starts, where the damage is done - in childhood. Low self-esteem becomes a way of life rooted in fear -- fear of more painful put- downs, fear of never being able to measure up, fear of failure. Lots of adults still mistakenly believe that installing installing fear in children is the road to sound learning. It's not. It's the root of much anger anger in adult life. A brother of mine, 15 years older, appointed himself himself as deputy-parent to me.Though I've never doubted that his intentions were good, his method of teaching me was mainly the put-downs. In his eyes, I was ly every- a failure at virtua ACCIDENT OR TRAFFIC TICKET? CALL Let a former Police Officer be your voice in court. No Cost Consultation. Low Cost Representation. 3436-7194BR 249 KING ST. E. (Across from the Oshawa Provincial Court) thing I did. And because I admired admired and feared him so much, I was in many ways a failure in my own eyes as well. Praising and encouraging others is something many of us have had to learn to do. My brother didn't know how to do it very well, probably because he hadn't been praised himself as a child for much of any thing he'd done. A grade 9 math teacher I recall well had a special: knack for humiliating kids k and installing fear. He al-| ways picked on the boys,| never the girls, calling us i' "Young brothers," in a tone; of mock friendliness. Never 1 openly angry, he wore a patronizing patronizing smile ns he led us by the ear (still thought by many to be the correct handle handle by which to hold and control a child) to the blackboard. blackboard. There, pointing to the solution to a math problem, he'd ask, "There, young brother, do you see it, do you see it?" Even if we hadn't been terrified, we couldn't have seen anything with our noses an inch from the board. By way of putting us in our place-educationally and socially-he'd often say sarcastically, sarcastically, "Young brothers, why don't you take up plumbing, or some other noble noble profession," indicating, I guess, our unsuitability for academic learning. I'd grown up with carpenters (my father was one), plumbers plumbers and electricians and his put-down made me and my friends furious. Yet, we couldn't raise our voices to object, as many kids would today,_ because we were, quite simply, immobilized by fear. Relatively common 40 years ago, that kind of thing goes on less today because fewer teachers are that insecure insecure to need the put-down to strengthen their authority. Also, more kids of all ages today today would openly object to that kind of control through insult. And so they should. Put-downs in all their variety, variety, including the strap, put kids down. And in their feelings feelings about themselves, many stay down all their lives. A lot of us, as adults, know how hard it is to break the generational cycle and go against what we've been conditioned to do (and to have done to us). The ordinary, ordinary, everyday kinds of child abuse are obscured these days by the sensational varieties. They're easier for us all to deplore. Lloyd Scott is a marriage and family counsellor in private private practice in Oshawa and in the Orono Medical Centre. He welcomes letters from readers. Write him in confidence confidence at The Canadian Statesman, P.O. Box 190, Bowmanville, Ontario L1C 3K9. Workshop for Literacy Tutors The Literacy Council of the Durham Region is holding holding a workshop for prospective prospective tutors on January 13,14 and 21. Anyone interested in participating participating should contact the Literacy Council office at 434-5441. You are asked to leave your name, address and telephone number and to request a registration form. Someone from the office office will then be in touch with you. People who need to make up workshop hours are asked to contact Karen Bur- well at the Literacy office. OM ONTARIO PACKERS CUT FROM CANADA GRADE "A" BEEF SHOULDER 4 BLADE STEAKS KEEP YOUR FOOD COSTS DOWN - SHOP BY THE BOX" (2.00 PLASTIC BOX DEPOSIT) s=-7\« ONTARIO FILLY0UR0WNBAG W WHITE FRESH 3.95 ko j MUSHROOMS 179 H LB. LIMIT I j ■ LB. PRODUCT OF CANADA FRESH OR PREVIOUSLY FROZEN CHICKEN LEGS is. CATELLI PASTA MIX OR MATCH 1 •SPAGHETTI900 g BOX • MACARONI 900 g BOX •PLUS ALL OTHER VARIETIES & SIZES SPAGHETTI SAUCE 28 FL. OZ. TIN 99 6 PKG in BACKS ATTACHED" PRODUCT OF CANADA VAC PAC UTILITY GRADE ROCK CORNISH kg 3.73 à A A hensm-1.69 5 LB. LIMIT SWANSON FROZEN BREAKFAST • ENGLISH MUFFINS 120g PKG. • PANCAKES WITH ikuci ERRY 1859 PKG • PANCAKES WITH SAUSAGES 197 g HABITANT SYRUP* 750 mL BTL Lfl DEMPSTER SUNSHINE BRAND BREAD SLICED LARGE 675 g LOAF • WHITE #60% WHOLE WHEAT • 20% CRACKED WHEAT • HOT DOG ROLLS (8 PACK) • HAMBURGER BUNS (8 PACK) • ENGLISH MUFFINS (6 PACK) • CRUMPETS (6 PACK) MIX OR MATCH 9 LOAF OR PKG. LIMIT & Ijk NEW ZEALAND FROZEN GENUINE Am SPRING LEG OF LAMB % 48 VAC PAC NEW ZEALAND FROZEN (APPROX. 10 OZ. PKG. OF 6) LAMB nAiz I KIDNEYS PAK 49 $ MOTHER PARKER'S 25% BONUS ■INSTANT ■ coffee LARGE 250a JAR 2 LIMIT BETTY CROCKER SUPER-MOIST CAKE MIX COCONUT PECAN CREAMY DELUXE FROSTING 450 g TIN 69! MIX OR MATCH 6 LIMIT 510 g BOX BLOCK PARENT I y- i ' FOR ALL YOUR mF INSURANCE NEEDS HOME•AUTO BUSINESS • LIFE II '(SB: 1 JAMES INSURANCE BROKER LIMITED WHOLE •"HALF NO CENTRE SLICES REMOVED FROM ONTARIO PACKERS CHOICE CANADIAN nw FROM ONTARIO PACKERS CUT FROM CANADA GRADE "A" BEEF STEWING BEEF kg 4.39 LB. BONELESS 1.99 FROM ONTARIO PACKERS FRESH OR PREVIOUSLY FROZEN rrtfcbn UH rHtVIUUbLY rnUZ.ti'i m am a OXTAILS 1.49 SCHNEIDER'S FROZEN 454 g CELLO PAG BEET* STEMETTB FROM ONTARIO PACKERS SWEET PICKLED SHORT-CUT P AT SERVICE COUNTER «439 BYTHE PIECE LB. 1.99 §^■8 SCHNEIDER'S MIX OR 450 g VAC PAG WIENERS - 169 ^ RED HOTS. SKINLESS OR DUTCH TREAT ■ ■ W W ^ RED HOTS, SKINLESS OR DUTCH TREAT Ml SCHNEIDER'S FROZEN 500 g PKG. SIZZLERSI REGULAR «MAPLE* BEEF ■ QUALITY PACKERS "TOWN CLUB" BRAND AT DELI COUNTER FILLERS FINEST QUALITY BRAND MINI "BLACK FOREST" STYLE SMOKED & COOKED. kg ViDv HAM BONELESS 3-4 LB. AVERAGE LB. VAC PAC 2.99 TASTE DELIGHT MIX OR MATCH • DANISH DREAMS ioo g A A/t • BROWNIES i75g Mir • SWISS ROLLS 225 g V Vpkg FRAPESMNSTANT 10 ENVELOPES 250 g BAG CHOCOLATE • 99* HEINZ TOMATO SAUCE I 28 FL. OZ. 796 mL TIN BETTY CROCKER HELPER^^^^* tuna^H HAMBURGERS 'w \ OR W UNCLE BEN'S CONVERTED RICE i Uncle Ben's \ I ^converted' | I <01 Rice R& | I i LARGE 4 kq BAG 5.95 ^West- Mississauga DIXIE MALL At Dixie Rd. South ol Queen Elizabelh Way North - Markham WOODBINE NORTH At'No. 7 Highway; Markham Central - Toronto 222 Lansdowne Avenue Corner Dundas St. West North York Terminal 2549 Weston Rd. Just south ofHwy. 401 Downtown - Toronto 222 CHERRY STREET Just South ol the Lift Bridge 8 A.M.-10 P.M. East - Pickering HWY.2& BROCK RD. In Pickering OSHAWA/DURHAM FIRST AVE. Between Simcoo & Ritson Just a "Stone's Throw" North ol 401 7 A.M.-10 P.M. PRICES EFFECTIVE UNTIL SATURDAY JAN.14 89