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0 The Canadian Statesman. Itnwmanville, January 18. 1989 Section Two Happy 4th Birthday Hello! My name is Christopher Doyle and I celebrated celebrated my 4th birthday on January 15,1989. My mom and dad, Lori and Mark Doyle, and baby sister Ta- ryn helped me celebrate with a party! My grandparents grandparents are Win and Anne Howarth, Newcastle, Dan Doyle, Bowmanville, and Sonia Doyle, Peterborough. Peterborough. A special hello goes to my greatgrandmothers, greatgrandmothers, Mrs. Hazel Weddup, Oshawa, Mrs. Margaret Doyle, Cobourg, and Mrs. Bernice McNamara, McNamara, Peterborough. Handling It... keep at least some of them to ourselves. For me, it's always always been hard to worry in silence, while a child of mine takes risks and faces certain dangers and fears, even though I realize that he or she has to deal with them sooner or later. Decisions that parents make for their kids potentially potentially limit or expand their freedom freedom to decide and choose for themselves. Beyond a certain point, parents mouthing mouthing their concerns to their children just generates guilt and contributes to rebellion. Between protection as necessary necessary and protection as smothering, it's hard to strike a balance. Was Mrs. Bell-Younger of Vancouver being over- protective when she kidnapped kidnapped her daughter and tied her up for two days to try to talk her out of prostitution? prostitution? It's my impression that mother and daughter may have been in a control- rebellion mode for a long time. I think that Mrs. B-Ys kidnapping illustrates just how controlling parental over-protection can become, just as her daughter's unfortunate unfortunate choice of prostitution may illustrate how extreme anti-parent rebellion'can become. become. Are parents over- protective when they intervene intervene between fighting two- year-olds? If they're not interfered interfered with (but still supervised), supervised), can they learn something something useful about their anger and their tolerance of others' anger? I think so. Parents Parents intervene in these minor scraps as much to relieve their own anxieties as to teach their two-year-olds the meaning and practice of fairness. Is it over-protection when parents nightly supervise kids' homework? Would it encourage their kids' independence independence more if parents' waited to be asked for help? Is it necessarily neglect if parents leave the matter of homework for children and their teachers to work out? When is the best time for children to begin to choose their own clothes? Somewhere Somewhere between preschool and grade three? The process of trial and error in kids choosing for themselves (their clothes, friends, sports, careers, etc.) should begin, I think, as early as practical. Learning the responsibilities responsibilities of personal freedom takes a long time. I've often failed to give my children the degree of freedom freedom they've said they wanted wanted and could probably handle. handle. I've smothered them lots of times by my overprotection. overprotection. And in doing so, I've stunted my own growth, as well as theirs. Like other serious addictions, addictions, parental overprotection overprotection is easy to rational- By Lloyd Scott I've been reflecting on my own intermittent tendency to be an over-protective father. This column is another attempt attempt to understand it. In part, parental over-' protection of children is made up of those common worries which are often repeated repeated to children of all ages: r Watch out. You're going to fall/fail/get hurt/get into trouble," etc, "You mustn't go out in such weather dreçsed like that." (My kids are helping' me get over that one, especially especially during skiing season.) ■ "Be careful riding your bike on the highway." (Will that admonition really encourage a 12-year old to exercise care? Or is it a not-so subtle way of dumping parents' worries on the Kid, thus making making him responsible and guilty for that worry?) "If you don't do your homework you'll probably fail." (How does that threat help a child to meet his or her homework responsibility effectively?) "If you donjt finish grade 12, you can't qualify for a decent job." (Aside from building up false hopes that grade 12, in itself, will necessarily improve one's chances of getting a "decent job',"", this kind of warning substitutes pursuit of a diploma for genuine initiative.) initiative.) Repeated advice from parents can undermine children's children's development, particularly particularly of self-confidence. Parents' Parents' worries slow kids' growth. Maybe we shoufcf ACCIDENT OR TRAFFIC TICKET? CALL Bil Let a former Police Officer be your voice in court. No Cost Consultation Low Cost Representation. B436-7194M 249 KING ST. E. (Across from the Oshawa Provincial Court) ize and consequently hard to break. I know. I've been addicted addicted myself, off and on, for over 30 years, 1 I FOR ALL YOUR' INSURANCE NEEDS m w HOME•AUTO f BUSINESS • LIFE Vtt JAMES INSURANCE BROKER LIMITED "KEEP YOUR FOOD COSTS DOWN - SHOP BY THE BOX" ($2.00 PLASTIC BOX DEPOSIT) PRODUCTOFCANADA FRESH OR PREVIOUSLY FROZEN CHICKEN LEGS 1.52- "BACKS ATTACHED' PRODUCT OF CANADA VAC PAC IMMfl UTILITY GRADE ROCK CORNISH k 9 3.73 4 AA IhenséuÆ) 5 LB. LIMIT LYNN VALLEY BRAND CANADA STANDARD CUT 14 OZ. 398 mLTIN GREEN BEANS • WAX BEANS • CARROTS I MIX OR MATCH 110 LIMIT! 1 f CANADA CHOICE - PURE UNSWEETENED ALLEN'S NEW ZEALAND FROZEN (APPROX. 10 OZ PKG. OF 6) LAMB KIDNEYS 4LIEIÏS JUICE 48 FL. OZ. 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In Pickering fVis Oou jusS Iwk • 4 UinkC»Jil fcX. -623-5023 rtsMiM XSv-. - - • > 1 - Th™ MONDAY TUESDAY WEDNESDAY TO LIMIT 9 A.M.-10 P.M. 9 A.M.-10 P.M. 9A.M.-10P.M. North York Food Terminal 2549 Weston Rd.| THURSDAY I FRIDAY I SATURDAY I Just south ofHwy. 401 F OSHAWA/DURHAM FIRST AVE. Between Simcoe & Ritson Just a "Stone's Throw" North ol 401 PRICES EFFECTIVE UNTIL SATURDAY JAN 21 89