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I Section Two The Canadian Statesman, Bowmanvillc. May 10,1989 3 Handling It... byUoydScott Welcome United Church Gets Spring Cleaning have seen anything with our today would openly object to noses an inch trom the that kind of control through board. insult. And so they should. By way of putting us in Put-downs in all their va- our place - educationally including the strap, and socially -- he'd often say put kids down. And in their sarcastically, "Young broth- ' " I ers, why don't you take up plumbing or some other noble noble profession," indicating, I guess, our unsuitability for academic learning. I'd grown I'm glad the strap is gone, at least in some schools if not in all homes. However, the strap is one of the easiest easiest forms of abuse to eradicate. eradicate. It's unsubtle, it's visible. visible. The indirect forms of child abuse - the humiliations humiliations and put-downs, discriminations discriminations and guilt trips - that are still the order of the day in many classrooms (not to mention homes) are far harder to deal with. A friend of mine tells a story about himself waiting in line at the feared principal's principal's office for his turn to get the strap for an infraction of school rules. Instead of the strap, however, he was given given a talking-to, along these lines. "I'm very disappointed in you today. You've always seemed more like a son to me than just another student. student. I guess my expectations expectations of you were too high. It's hard on me to find out the truth about you and that you're involved with those other boys. You've made me feel very sad." And so on. That rather lavish guilt- trip crushed the 10 year-old so effectively that he ran away and hid for several hours, too ashamed and guilty to face going home to his parents. To make matters matters worse for him, by being exempted from the punishment punishment given to his friends, he was later rejected by them for being a teacher's pet. His choice of friends had also been soundly condemned. Humiliations, put-downs and name-calling of children (often justified as innocent teasing) are the root cause of one of the most common emotional problems around, so-called low self-esteem. Scores of books have tried to solve the riddle of how to feel good about yourself, how to overcome feelings of inadequacy, how to develop a positive self-image. But we all know where it. starts, where the damage is done-- . in childhood. * tX Low self-esteem becomes a way of life rooted in fear- fear of more painful put- downs, fear of never being • able to measure up, fear of failure. Lots of adults still mistakenly believe that instilling instilling fear in children is the road to sound learning. It's not. It's the root of much anger in adult life. A brother of mine, 15 years older, appointed himself himself as deputy-parent to me. Though I've never doubted that his intentions were _ good, his method of teaching ' me was mainly the put down. In his eyes, I was a failure at virtually everything everything I did. And because I admired and feared him so much, I was in many ways a failure in my own eyes as well. Praising and encouraging others is something many of us have had to learn to do. My brother didn't know how to do it very well, probably because he hadn't been praised himself as a child for much of anything he'd done. A grade 9 math teacher I recall well had a special knack for humiliating kids and instilling fear. He always always picked on the boys, never the girls, calling us "Young brothers," in a tone of mock friendliness. Never openly angry, he wore a patronizing patronizing smile as he led us by the ear (still thought by many to be the correct handle handle by which to hold and control a child) to the blackboard. blackboard. There, pointing to the solution to a math problem, he'd ask,. "There, young brother, do you see it, do you see it?" Even if we hadn't been terrified, we couldn't Draw Winner Becomes Police Chief for a Day During National Police Week, May 15-20, nil Durham Durham Regional residents seven seven to 13 years of age are eligible eligible to enter a draw to become Junior Police Chief for a day. Just pick up the brochure containing 10 questions and the entry form at any Durham Durham Regional Police station. Answers to the questions can be found in the brochure and at the Police Week display display at the Oshawa Centre. Forms will bo available on May 8. The entries may bo returned returned to the police station ■ or given to the officer at the 1 Durham Regional Police display display at the Oshawa Centro. The winner will bo announced announced during the week of pi feelings about themselves, many stay down all their lives. A lot of us, as adults, know how hard it is to break the generational cycle and go against what we've been up with carpenters (my fa- conditioned to do (and to ther was one), plumbers and ^ave ^ one UB )- or ^" electricians mid his put- TO> everyday kinds of down made me and my ^ ld abu " are obscured friends furious. Yet, we these days by the sensation- couldn't raise our voices to ^ varieties. They re easier object, as many kids would f° r UB a " deplore, today, because we were. a Marriage - * Family Counsellor in tuuajr, ucvauBü ttc ncic. quite simply, immobolized ana by fear. Relative! 40 common years ago, that land of thing sly cm p «gw, that nun. vi ..*..*o ? [oes on less today because ewer teachers are that insecure insecure to need the put-down to strengthen their authority. Also, more kids of all ages private practice in Oshawa and in the Orono Medical Centre. He welcomes letters from readers. Write him in confidence to Handling It, d o The Statesman, Box 190, Bowmanville, Ontario. L1C 3K9. A little sprinkle of rain cleared away before time for church at Welcome on Sunday Sunday morning, April 25th. Reverend W. Sedgwick welcomed welcomed Worthy Matron Alberta Alberta Johnston and members members of the Eastern Star of Port Hope with their husbands. husbands. Between 40 and 50 were present and at the conclusion conclusion of the service Worthy Worthy Matron Alberta Johnston Johnston and Arnold Austin greeted the congregation at the door. The theme for the service was "The Holy Spirit and we have agreed", Acts 15:28. Michelline Ough assisted assisted Reverend Sedgwick with the children's story when she blew up a balloon, then let the air out, and by walking down the aisle showing a paper windmill blowing in the wind. This made quite clear to the children children that some things, unseen, unseen, are real. The sermond concerned the Holy Spirit and its presence, and also the difficult time in the early early church about making decisions decisions in controversial matters. matters. Did Gentiles have to obey all Jewish laws to be Christian? There was real heart searching, and James led in some decision making as told in Acts 15. The choir's anthem was "Father Almighty" by Cesar Franke and in the absence of Stephen Stephen Sword, the pianist for the day was John Groene- veld. The offering was received received by Ron Brimacombe and Carroll Nichols. Two beautiful arrangements of gladioli and white mums were in loving memory of Margaret (Peggie) Byers. Coffee and visiting hour followed followed the service with opportunity opportunity to greet the Eastern Eastern Star people and renew old fnenships. There was welcome, too, for George White one of the nine workers workers from Jamaica who are employed at the nursery at Zion. Congratulations to John and Sandy Groeneveld of Banff, on the birth of their son Eric, on Wednesday, April 26, and also to grandparents grandparents John and Marsha Groeneveld. It is always a delight to see a bird which is different from the regulars at the feeder. On Wednesday a pair of mallards lit on the fawn and walked back and forth for some time as if they were looking for a nesting nesting spot under- the hedge. They remained while a car drove in the driveway but left when it was driven out. On the same day a towhee was picking up the seeds fallen fallen from the feeder. With his striking colours he is handsome handsome to see, and in the woods, will follow your call. Ed and Helene Karvonen and this writer were in the Ottawa valley the last of the week to attend the funeral of a family member Gerald Hill, at Metcalfe. That area is usually two or three weeks behind this area in spring farm work, but it was surprising the number _ of fields worked and seeding done. There were manv tractors tractors on the fields at the Experimental Experimental farm at Kempt- ville. Ladies were _ busy last week housecleaning at Wel- Al Gray 987-4517 I . Delhi Channel Master Houston Tracker Systems DECKING "CUSTOM PATIO DECKS" CALL DAVE LOMAX AT 668 - 8721 FOR A FREE, NO OBLIGATION ESTIMATE JO-ELEN SPORTSWEAR & GIFTS Suppliers to Teams, Schools and Clubs Corporate Gift Packages 102 Queen Street Bowmanville, Ont. L1C 1M6 (416) 623-8161 J. Wayne Aasen - «...I jfr , V ": " ' i 1 . ; CANADA INC. YOUR B.B.Q. CENTRE Burners and Parts for all types of B.B.Q.'s ' : L Garden. Grill B.B.Q.'s at excellent prices Propane, Propane Cylinders, Cylinders Retested We will dispose of your old propane cylinders free. Phone 436-2015 Mon. - Fri. -- 8 a.m. - 5 p.m. Sat..--8 a.m.-12 noon FIAMEX x _ UJ -7 H O ckSasIf BASELINE Patrick G. Deegan DENTURE THERAPY CLINIC 5 GEORGE STREET, BOWMANVILLE . . 623-4473 or 623-6477 «I • A twUM* «4 Custom Homes Renovating Additions Barns Designing Drafting Permits Finishing Give the headaches to us! 987-5400 Box 401, Newcastle j Olde Tyme / ' .-tC Fish & Chips / ;// A\\ 1 136 King St. E., / *' i f T 1 J \ j j Bowmanville / 7; J ir ' / 623-1781 J / Mon.-Thurs. 11 a.m.--7 p.m. Friday -11 a.rp. -- 9 p.m. Saturday -11 a.m. -- 7 p.m. We take pride in serving quality Fish and Chips. WHITE'S FENCE SYSTEMS RESIDENTIAL & INDUSTRIAL , • pressure treated I • custom wood • chain link | • sundcck • dog kennels l • pool fencing Professionally installed or Do-it-yourself Kits available -All Guaranteed Call for more information on Free Estimates and Delivery "We install trusted name products." R.R. # 6 Bowmanville (Courtice) . EL WHITE 436-2120 COLLEGE HOLDING SEMINAR ON ETHICS -- Durham College is holding a seminar on the ethical and legal issues in nursing on June 5 at 8:30 a.m. in the lecture theatre of the main campus at the college. Speaking in the morning morning will be Professor Paul Thompson of the University of Toronto and Professor Elizabeth Jack from Queen's Unversity in Kingston. A panel discussion on ethical-legal dilemmas is scheduled for the afternoon. Registration for the seminar closes on May 22 and there is a fee for participating. For further information call the college at 576-0210, ext 518 or 250. DIABETES MEETING -- A meeting is being held on May 17 by the Canadian Diabetes Association Association in Bowmanville. There will be a discussion discussion on foot care by chiropodist Valerie Balough. The meeting commences at 7:30 p.m. at the Lions Centre on Beech Ave. in Bowmanville. Bowmanville. Refreshments will be served and all are welcome to attend. INFO ON BREATHING PROBLEMS -- If someone in your family has a breathing problem, problem, you may be interested in attending an information series run by the Durham Region Lung Association. Beginning on May 31 the series, titled "All About Breathing Problems", will be held at the Kedron United Church in North Oshawa. Some of the topics discussed will include the causes of breathing disorders, information regarding medications and the correct use of inhalers. For more information on the program contact the Lung Association at 436-1046. ^.^OSPREYS-SAVED --.Ontario Hydro-staff are . -being -hailed : as heroes, by one Statesman reader. It seems that two young ospreys were trying to build a nest on the top of a hydro pole in the northeast corner of Scugog Township. One of Ontario Hydro's service trucks apparently apparently stopped at the pole. A worker gathered up the twigs of the bird's nest and re-located the twigs to a higher pole with a platform. The birds flew about for awhile before settling into their new home. The reader was pleased that Ontario Hydro workers are putting to use what they have learned about ecology. SKATEBOARDERS MAY ALSO BE SAVED -- It seems skateboarders may finally have a place they can call their own. Community Services Services Director Joe Caruana was to have met with a consultant last week to discuss a skateboard facility and its possible location at the new recreation centre in Bowmanville. Skateboarders have come under fire in recent months for using the Town Hall as their skating skating ground as well as the streets. This will give them someplace to go, if the fad lasts. CLARKE COLLECTORS' CALENDARS -- Special Special 1989-90 calendars have been printed as a fundraising method for the Clarke Museum. Nineteen photographs from the museum's archives archives were used to produce the 16-month calendar calendar which will run from September 1989 to December December 1990. The 8 x 10 photographs on the calendar dipict people, places and events in Clarke and Darlington Townships from the 1800's to 1934. Ifyou're interested in purchasing one of them, give the museum a call at 983-9243. It's a great idea for remembering the past and all the proceeds go directly to the Clarke Museum Capital Expansion building fund. NEW PRINCIPAL IN COURTICE -- A new man will be replacing Earl Wolff as principal at Courtice Secondary School in the fall. Mr. Wolff plans to retire at the end of the school year. Gary Milovick, currently vice-principal at Campbellford District High School, will assume assume Mr. Wolffs duties. Mr. Milovick, a native of Hamilton, has lived in this area for a number number of years and was previously head of History at Bowmanville High School. We wish both men the best of luck. POSITIONS OPEN--Anyone interested in serving serving on the Newcastle Community Services Advisory Advisory Board has until noon this Friday to apply. The town is accepting applications for two positions on the board for Ward Three and one position on the board for Ward Two. You have to be 18 years of age or older to apply for the positions. This is a chance for you to get involved with a group that provides an essential service to the town. : ■ DOUG IBBOTSON Excavating and Grading Complete Line of Excavating Equipment Phone: 987 ■■'/jjgj/ai Newcastle BALLOONS RETURNING -- Students at Central Central Public School have been getting replies back from the people finding the balloons they set loose a few weeks ago. Every student released released a balloon with a letter inside to celebrate celebrate the school's centennial. We've heard that one woman in the United States found a balloon balloon and sent back a two page letter. We'll keep you posted (no pun intended) on further replies. replies. MONTE CARLO NIGHT --St. Stephen's School CPTA are holding a Monte Carlo Night fundraiser fundraiser this coming Friday, May 12, from 8 p.m. to 1 a.m. There will be a cash bar, blackjack, number wheel, crown and anchor and bingo. If you're interested in attending, tickets can be purchased in advance or at the door the night of the event. Monte Carlo Night will take place at St. Stephen's School at 80 Rhonda Boulevard. Admittance is restricted to persons 19 years of age and over. CANADIAN CLUB HOLDS MEETING -- The Canadian Club of the Durham Region is holding holding a meeting tonight (Wednesday, May 10) at the Holiday Inn in Oshawa. Guest speaker, Rod Angevaare, president of the Whitby Historical Society, will present a colour slide show featuring interesting architectural features in the region. Members and guests are welcome welcome to attend. Dinner starts at 6:30 p.m. If you're interested, contact Eleanor Rycroft at 668-2484 or Ruth Brooking at 655-4530 for reservations. reservations. STUDENTS PERFORM OPERETTA -- St. Stephen's Elementary School is presenting "Mirror, Mirror", an operetta in two acts, next week. The performance times are May 16 and 18 at 9:30 a.m. and May 18 at 7:00 p.m. If you are interested in attending this performance, please call 623-3202 for ticket reservations. THANKFUL TANKFUL DAY -- May 13 is a special day for all drivers. This Saturday, anyone anyone filling their gas tanks at ESSO stations will be contributing to the Easter Seal Society. ESSO retailers will donate one cent for every litre sold to Easter Seals. ESSO head office will then match the money donated. Officials expect to raise more than $125,000 on this day. Keep that in mind this Saturday if you need gasoline. LAIDLAW MEETING -- Laidlaw is holding another public open house regarding the proposed proposed expansion of their landfill site north of Newtonville. The meeting will take place on May 16 at the Newcastle Village Community Centre from 1:30 p.m. to 9:00 p.m. ORONO PLAY GROUP -- The Orono Play Group has recently moved into new facilities and welcomes new members to the group. It was established in 1987 by five moms. Since that time it has grown to 24 families and 43 children. They meet three times a week, providing providing regular social playtime for children and a time to chat for the parents. If you are interested in joining, call Pam Hodgson at 983- 5438 or Marg Crashley at 983-9698 for further information. LIONS ELECT OFFICERS -- The Bowmanville Lions Club recently elected a new slate of officers officers for 1989-90. The new president is John Lewis. The remainder of the executive are: Les Virtue, first vice-president; Elmer Banting, second second vice-president; Jim Lachance, third vice president and Bradd Anderson, secretary. GOOD BROTHERS COMING -- The country music sounds of a Canadian group, The Good Brothers, will be heard this summer in Newcastle Newcastle Village. The dance/concert will take place at the Newcastle Arena on August 19. The event is being organized by the Durham East Junior Farmers. For tickets, contact Marvin Marvin Stapleton at 786-2286 or Hank Van Dorp at 263-2698. All proceeds from the program will go towards fund-raising programs at hospitals in Bowmanville, Port Perry, and Port Hope. BRINK'S EXCAVATING come church. Different people people chose the part they could do at their own time, so Helen Helen Dinner and Christine Wilson were on duty on Monday and among those on Tuesday were Orald Ford, Phyllis Symons, Kay Thorn- dyke, Barbara Irwin, Dora Nichols, Caroline Byers, Hazel Hazel Hill doing this work of love. There was a happy event at "The Flying Dutchman Inn" on Sunday afternoon April 30 when Archie and Orald Ford of Port Hope entertained entertained their three children children , Wanda, Gwennie, and Leslie with their spouses and grandchildren all but two who were at work. They were celebrating the birthdays birthdays and anniversaries which occurred or will occur in April and May. Next table over, the family of Chas. Henderson's side of the house was celebrating, also which made it all the merri- 6r 'April 30, 1934: The Y.P.Ü. enjoyed the hospitality hospitality of Newtonville Y.P.U. when the programme was provided under the leadership leadership of Mary Lane. It included included readings by Mr. Rowe, F. W. Hayden and music was provided by three of the Campbell family. Congratulations Congratulations were extended to Reverend Wallace on the occasion occasion of his birthday. At church service the Temperance Temperance address was given by Reverend F. T. Grafton of Toronto- Work continues at levelling and seeding in the cemetery. SEAL-N-STRIPE ASPHALT SEALING AND REPAIRS ACT NOW FOR SPRING RATES FREE ESTIMATES 100 per sq. ft. (416) 623-5983 r ! Stop Party Shop 1801 Dundas St. E., Whitby (K-Mart Plaza) The Paper Factory 436-8718 General Excavations Excavator and Bulldozer Available Basements -- Ponds -- Land Clearing Driveways -- Rough and Finish Grading a l< Stuart Simpson Telephone (416) 786-2732 HAMILTONS INSURANCE SERVICE Main Street, Orono Telephone 983-5115 Serving your insurance needs since 1942 Affordable Dream Vacations! 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