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22 The Independent, Canadian Statesman Weekender, Bowmanville, Saturday, September 18,1993 Blending families is a noble idea. When marriages have failed, adults and children alike are lonely and feel displaced. After the disruption, disruption, one parent usually has to take over the arduous task of raising the children, often unassisted. Single parents meet other single parents or other unattached adults without children. They're drawn together, together, as everyone is, by common Handling interests, by love, by sexual attraction and, in many cases, by the need to stabilize their lives in a new marriage. marriage. Blending families promises a lot. Companionship with a new partner is exactly what most divorced individuals individuals need most. Also, the possibility possibility of a second income appeals to most people living on their own, particularly particularly if they're raising young chil- Happy 40th Wedding Anniversary Ron and Gwen Evans OPEN HOUSE October 3 - 2 to 5 p.m. at Southmeade Park Club House, Oshawa (behind Glenholme School) ^ Congratulations Only Notice of Liquor Licence Application The following establishment has applied to the Liquor Licence Board of Ontario for a liquor licence under the Liquor Licence Act: Application for a Sale Licence Mosport Restaurant, Town of Newcastle R.R. 5, Bowmanville (including outdoor area) Any resident of the municipality may make written submission as to whether the issuance of the licence is in the public interest having regard to the needs and wishes of the residents. Submissions must be received no later than October 15,1993. Please include your name, address and telephone number. Note: The LLBO gives the applicant details of any objections. Submissions to be sent to: Licensing and Permits Branch Liquor Licence Board of Ontario 55 Lake Shore Blvd. E., Toronto ON M5E1A4 Fax: (416) 326-0308 © Ontario from Crystal Pages RAISE HIGH THE ROOF BEAM, CARPENTERS & SEYMOUR, AN INTRODUCTION By J. D. Salinger The first story revolves around a wedding which did not take place (with all the expected rages and diatribes of the invited guests). It's a very funny story. The groom, a sometimes genius, failed to arrive at the wedding because he 'didn't want to talk to all the people.' His brother, the narrator, a stranger to all, is as you can imagine, privy to storms of invective regarding the insensitivity and 'sheer bastardlincss' of the groom. Most of the story takes place in a New York taxicab stuck in the middle of a parade. Seymour is an epistle about an elder brother, dead by suicide, written in enchanting semi-dialogue form. This is a beautiful, painful, exhausting account of a loved family member; surely the greatest tribute one could make. - RECYCLED- Pat Irwin Lycett CRYSTAL PAGES Phone 983-6150 or 983-9605 Holistic Healing 'talks' at the store. Dr. J. Hawrylak, homeopathic, naturopathic and chiropractic physician discusses car infections, sore throats, nagging coughs, frequent colds, acute and chronic sinus congestion. TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 21,7:30 p.m. S8.00/Iccture Refreshments THURS..FRI. 10 a.m.-6 p.m. 983-9605 sat., io a.m. - 4 p.m. 5367 Main St., Orono 983-eiso wait) IV Utilli " J/illli UUV / ITIillll VM) VI Vllv zuu-vivv VISIT OUR CONSIGNMENT TOY EXCHANGE It... by Lloyd Scott dren and have been forced to lower their standard of living following divorce. divorce. A natural parent plus a step-parent means twice the potential energy and know-how for raising children. When the two single-parent families join, parents naturally hope that their kids will get along well, eventually becoming becoming close friends. Work and responsibilities responsibilities will be shared. All the children will be loved and nurtured by both adults who, in turn, will support support each other and find new happiness. happiness. For example, partners in a blended family can help each other through the often difficult post-divorce fighting fighting with fonner spouses. This is particularly particularly true when there are ongoing, ongoing, emotionally-loaded issues such as unresolved custody and visiting visiting arrangements for each other's children. Many blended families have worked hard to make these promises come true. However, just as they can be very happy .places, blended families families are prone to certain hardships that make them special. Families are a little like churches. Unspoken rules prevail in all families, families, rules about closeness and distance, distance, about who is in charge of the kids, the money and the house, rules about what can and can't be said and to whom, complicated rules about all kinds of behavior. Family integrity and uniqueness derive from certain shared loyalties and expectations. Lines between acceptable acceptable and unacceptable behavior are built-in, sometimes rigid and non- negotiable. Members know just how much those lines can be compromised. compromised. When two individuals are first married, they bring with them the doctrines, rules and behaviors learned in the families in which they grew up. To some degree, conflict is inevitable inevitable and all families suffer the strain stemming from parents' emotional baggage. But when single-parent families decide to live together, they must deal with even more baggage acquired in their first marriages and families. After the breakup of their parents' marriage, children are angry, hurt and confused. They're trying to maintain loyalties to both parents, the one they live with, as well as the one they visit. visit. That's hard to do if they have to listen to each parent criticizing the other one. In these circumstances, children have to hide their true feelings feelings with the result that relations with their parents become artificial and stay that way for years. Furthermore, children in blended families are often left to sort things out too much on their own by parents who prefer to be with their new partners. partners. Parents and their kids drift apart. Kids often drift into trouble. Of the blended families I've watched break up and return to single-parent single-parent family status, some have expressed relief to be back on their own, despite the obvious hardships. More than one parent has said that they'd never again try to be a stepparent stepparent to someone clse's children while trying to raise their own at the same time. 1 recall several couples who decided decided not to blend their families following following their respective divorces. Instead, they decided to live and raise their children separately. They also agreed to get their families together on occasion occasion and to spend lots of time together together as couples. Some planned to get married when their children were grown. Successfully blended families I've known have made careful, plans before before moving in together. They've spent plenty of time getting well ac quainted. they've talked about potential potential problems in advance so that no one, particularly the children, is taken by surprise. Finally, they've consulted their children, as important participants in this experiment, to be sure that they're willing to try it too, and to make certain that their fears are openly discussed beforehand. Lloyd Scott is a marriage and family counsellor in private practice in Oshawa and in the Orono Medical Centre. He welcomes letters from readers. Write him in confidence at this newspaper, The Canadian Statesman, Statesman, P.O. Box 190, Bowmanville, Ontario L1C 3K9. sikkens Cetol 1 To protect the Natural Beauty of Your Exterior Woodwork Special Fall Clearance Price on Cetol 1-078 (Natural) Available at CENTRAL PAINT&WALLPAPER 295 Ritson Rd. S., Oshawa 434-3939 Co Hectors Open House m featuring Premiere Pieces:.. A, in "The Pied Bull Inn" Second Edition, Limited to 1993 Wednesday, September 22nd 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. Canada wide winner of The Heritage Village Display Award, The Gift House proudly presents their 1993 display for your enjoyment. Come and view at your leisure and speak with our knowledgeable staff. Be sure to enter our draw for a (< Pied Bull Inn" VISA Layaway H Available Mon. - Fri. Saturday 9-5:30 10-4 18 King Street East, Oshawa, Ont. Telephone 416-571-3511 Optimum ealth Chiropractic Centre #152 m Church St. Town Hall N * GO m o c 2 & E i® King St. DR/S DIANNE E. LOTT and KATHERINE A. WOOD are pleased to announce the opening of OPTIMUM HEALTH CHIROPRACTIC CENTRE open 6 days (Mon. - Sat.) - emergency service low back injuries - hip, knee, ankle injuries shoulder, elbow, wrist injuries - neck injuries laser acupuncture therapy - headaches physical therapy - nutritional counselling motor vehicle injuries - workers compensation orthopedic arch supports - sports injuries (orthotics) 697-0355 152 Church St,, Bowmanville, Ont, L1C1T6