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THE CANADIAN STATESMAN, MAY 9,2001 PAGE 7 Fighting the school Are kids just being kids when schoolyard disputes break out, or is there something more troubling going on . for parents to be concerned about? BY JENNIFER STONE Staff Writer DURHAM - Robyn Degarris says she watched her son come home from school with split lips and black eyes. Meanwhile, the work her daughter had been doing to become "more assertive and self-motivated" was being undone by "a few students who seem to have free passage at her," Ms. Degarris believes. ' But the straw that broke the camel's back came in January for the Newcastle mom./ 1 "My son had surgery in January on his ears," she recalls. Shortly after the surgery, "one kid pinned my son in the snow ancjjumpcd on his head." 1 ' That's when Ms. Degarris decided ïo pull two if her children, aged éight and n/ne, out of one area school, in favour of another, where she says her children are happier, And spend rauch less time defending themselves/against schoolyard bullies. bullies. She says she feels it's time to really really start punishing the aggressive Children s.ie feels were making her 'children's school lives miserable. "The rrgument of not suspending 'a bully because it only gives him a holiday,/a reward of sorts, is very weak," says Ms. Degarris in a letter to the sphool board explaining why 1/er children would be switching /School;; mid-year. "In fact, this 'holiday' 'holiday' yould in many ways be that of the victims. They would not have the intimilation or fear for the period of time he offender is away." / Bit local educators say they are ever yigilant to deal with the problem problem )f schoolyard bullies. Z "iertainly, bullying continues to Be in issue that we want to keep relieving. relieving. We're no longer saying, 'will, that's just a bully' or 'boys yvil be boys'," notes Sherry Sum- 'riiirsides, superintendent of schools Wfh the Kawartha Pine Ridge Dis- tret School Board. "Bullies are ad- Children who are bullied at school can be excluded from a peer group, with devastating effects at a time when children most need social connections. Whether your WALTER PASSARELLA/ Statesman photo illustration child is being bullied or is the bully, advice for parents in either situation has a common thread: contact the school. dressed because bullies go on to be, bigger bullies." WHAT IS A BULLY? Once upon a time, likely as recently recently as when today's parents were in school, bullying was in many cases just seen as a symptom of 'kids being kids.' But, as noted by Ms. Summersides, that excuse doesn't necessarily wash with educators anymore. anymore. Schoolyard bullying has become become more of an issue in recent years, especially in light of serious acts of violence which have been linked to bullying, like the 1999 school shooting in Taber, Alberta, which left one student dead and other seriously wounded. Durham Region is by no means immune to youth bullying, be it on the schoolyard or elsewhere. In February, February, six teenaged Ajax girls were arrested and charged with assaulting, confining and threatening, to kill a 15-year-old girl in an attack police have said was "boy-related." The victim told police she was lured to an Ajax apartment, held against her will, and beaten. She suffered a concussion concussion and bruises to her face and body. Two 15-year-olds and four 16- year-olds were charged. The many faces of a schoolyard bully 11Bullies come in all sorts of shapes and sizes, and use a variety of techniques to commit their offences. !, Bully Beware Productions, a BC- jbased organization, identifies four main I types of bullies: I « PHYSICAL BULLIES - Physical bullies bullies are action-oriented. This type of bullying bullying includes hitting or kicking the victim, victim, or taking or damaging the victim's property. This is the least sophisticated type of bullying because it is so easy to identify. Physical bullies are soon known to the entire population in the school. As they get older, their attacks usually become become more aggressive. These aggressive aggressive characteristics manifest themselves as bullies become adults. 'VERBAL BULLIES - Verbal bullies use words to hurt or humiliate another person. person. Verbal bullying includes name-calling, name-calling, insulting, making racist comments, and constant teasing. This type of bully- ipg is the easiest to inflict on other children. children. It is quick and to the point. It can opeur in the least amount of time available, available, and its effects can be more devastating devastating in some ways than physical bullying bullying because there are no visible scars. • RELATIONAL BULLIES - Relational or relationship bullies try to convince their peers to exclude or reject a certain person or people and cut the victims off from their social connections. This type of bullying is linked to verbal bullying and usually occurs when children (most often girls) spread nasty rumours about others or exclude an ex-friend from the peer group. The most devastating effect with this type of bullying is the rejection by the peer group at a time when children children most need their social connections. • REACTIVE VICTIMS - Reactive victims victims straddle a fence of being a bully or victim.They are often the most difficult to identify because at first glance they seem to be targets for other bullies. However, reactive victims often taunt bullies, and bully other people themselves. themselves. Most of the incidents are physical physical in nature. These victims are impulsive impulsive and react quickly to intentional and unintentional physical, encounters. In some cases, reactive victims begin as victims and become bullies as they try to retaliate. A reactive victim will approach a bully and say, "You better not bug me today, otherwise I'll tell the teacher, and boy, will you be in trouble, so you just better watch out." Advice for parents of bullies and victims Which is worse: having a child who is being bullied, or having a child who is the bully? It's a tough question, but for a parent parent in either situation, at least some of the advice is the same: get in touch with the child's school. For parents of a child being bullied, Superintendent of Schools Sherry Summersides of the Kawartha Pine Ridge District School Board, suggests being in contact with the school, whether it be the principal or the classroom classroom teacher. She suggests bringing up any supporting information or specific specific issues the child has shared with parents. "Discuss with the school strategies they may already have in place to deal with bullying," suggests Ms. Summer- sides. At the same time, parents should attempt to "support the child at home," says Ms. Summersides, who suggests sharing the school strategies with the child. The child may be taught how to "have a conversation, not a confrontation, confrontation, with the bully." Reinforcement of self-esteem may also be necessary, "Sometimes, children may In fact The act of bullying can come in a variety of forms, be it physical or verbal. "Bullying can be something as subtle as exclusion, where somebody isn't welcome to be part of the group, and that can be just as bad as unwelcome, inappropriate comments," comments," notes Lewis Williams, race relations officer with the Durham District School Board. According to Bully Beware Productions, Productions, based in British Columbia, "Bullying in its truest form is comprised comprised of a series of repeated or intentionally intentionally cruel incidents, involving the same children, in the same bully and victim roles." But the organization's organization's Web site also notes that bullying bullying "can consist of a single interaction." interaction." While physical play among children children is considered normal, there is a difference between playing and bullying, bullying, says Bully Beware. And there is often at least a perceived perceived power difference between bully and victim, be it physical, mental, mental, or social, says the group's Web site. But, once a bully doesn't necessarily necessarily mean always a bully, says one local educator. "Some students try to assert themselves themselves on the social pecking order... and it may not become a pattern." says Dr. George Dimitroff, of the student services department at the Peterborough Victoria Northumberland Northumberland and Clarington Catholic District School Board. Still, even the single act can have an impact on the victim, notes Mr. Williams. "We know what a positive comment comment can mean to the way we live the rest of our day, and we certainly know the opposite," he says. SAFE SCHOOLS Bullying has been dealt with in many ways by school boards over the years. And, it is one of many behavioural behavioural issues covered by new Safe Schools Legislation, recently released released by the Province. Under that law, schools must have a code of conduct, though many have long had such rules in place. In many ways, the new Provincial legislation has just meant schools have "fine-tuned or re-twigged" existing rules, says Ms. Summersides. While all the new regulations have yet to be implemented, implemented, Ms. Summersides says school boards could look at applying specific, discretionary suspensions or even expulsions to actions such as "bad behaviour injurious to the learning environment." And according to Ms. Degarris, the mother who removed two of her children from a school because of the harassment she says they were dealing with, bullying is something that does cause a problem in the learning environment. After all, she says, she did not send her children to school to "learn how to defend themselves at recess and lunch." Visit the Bully Beware Website www.bullybeware.com set themselves up without realizing it to be re-victimized," notes Ms. Summer- sides. "If they have victim symptoms, they open themselves up to be re-vic- ' timized." Children in this situation may need to learn to "be assertive in a safe manner," manner," she suggests. For parents who believe their child may be bullying others at school, a conversation conversation with teacher or principal may also be necessary, says the superintendent. superintendent. "If a parent perceives their child as being a bully, and they're not successful successful with dealing with it on the home front, go to the school and say (to the teacher or principal), 'you must be noticing it too."' Modelling behaviour for children is ! extremely important, she notes. "Appropriate behaviour is something something we can all do. It's important that we model behaviour that is socially appropriate appropriate and that we also reinforce It." But she says no one should expect overnight success. "The key I believe is that bullying, again, Is a pattern of behaviour, and it takes time to change a pattern of behaviour," behaviour," notes Ms. Summersides. Mother's Day Event Thursday, May 10 to Sunday, May 13 Oshawa Centre, Energy FM 94.9 and Fido invite you to make the right call, with our "Calling Home to Mom" event. Come to Oshawa Centre and call Mom for free on Sunday, May 13. You'll not only warm her heart, you'll be part of the fun with our live broadcast from noon to 4pm. Also, enter our Grand Prize Draw for your chance to win a weekend for two at the Delta Pinehurst Resort, courtesy of the resort and Marlin Travel. Plus the finishing touches: a fragrance package Including $ 100 gift certificates courtesy of Soars; luxury bathrobe and slippers courtesy of Silk & Satin and an outfit of your choice courtesy of The Bay. Ballots are available in Centre Court, near Customer Service. Contest open May 9 to 13. 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