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Places I've Done Time Qi 2002 The Widow by Clifford Francis A long time ago, people would ask, "why don't you settle down, buy a house and get married?" My answer was always the same. "One of these days some guy that has worked hard all his life, done nothing but save his money will "croak" and I will end up with his wife and money and be on easy street." It happens sometimes. While dating a girl her best friend's husband died suddenly suddenly and we went to the wake. These places bring out the best in me it seems. The man that died had few friends as he had spent all his time working so there were few people there paying their respects. Not knowing what to say, I blurted out to the widow that she looked good in black. More silence and I got the hell out of there. Time slides by and one day a year or so later the widow phoned and asked it I could clean the well where she was living. I did and she was pleased and I got paid. A short time later the widow asked me to come for dinner and I accepted. The night of the dinner should have told me something. something. She fixed her "late husband's" favourite dish lamb with mint sauce. I said nothing but I hate lamb. When I went to leave she said that her late husband had had a nicer pair than mine- and I looked at her kind of funny and said, "Mine have a lot more miles on them than your late husband's." My boots looked all right to me and I thought, "Maybe I'll get your late husband's boots." He didn't need them. We dated and things never seemed to go smoothly and there was always "my late husband." The first issue we had was my drinking and she said a real woman could make me quit. Maybe a real big woman I said. The widow would say my "late husband" would only drink after supper. Never in the afternoon and for sure not in the morning like you. "My late husband" never drank warm beer or whisky straight. How can you? "I'm not hard to please," I'd say and smile. She would tell me how her "late husband" husband" never smoked and how I smoked too much. I would never mention her "late husband" husband" but I thought all his good habits did little or nothing nothing for him. As time went by the widow got worse. She said I was a failure and I agreed, but like I said, a happy and healthy failure. The end came suddenly one day in March. The widow had gone to town to pay for her "late husband's" new graye marker and the weather weather had changed quickly. Freezing rain was covering everything. When she returned home she could not get the car up the driveway and into the garage. Her "late husband" would never leave the car out in such weather. I went out to the garage and got some kitty litter arid salt to put under the wheels to get the car up the drive but it wasn't helping. Finally I found some sand and ashes in the garage. This worked fine and the car was in the garage. When I went into the house and told her, she was pleased until I mentioned the ashes. Then she started to screech and wail. Her "late husband" had been cremated and they were his ashes in the box. I really didn't know. The rain had washed most of the mixture of sand, salt, kitty litter, and ashes away. The transition went smoothly. smoothly. She just threw my clothes and boots out in the rain. At least she could still think of her "late husband" every time she drove over him in the driveway. CLASSIFIED (continued from page 10) AUCTION SALE SALE GRIST MILL AUCTION CENTRE, Newtonville FRL, APRIL 12th 6:00 p.m. Selling an antique oval dining table, pair needlepoint parlour chairs, side tables, dressers, old trunk & chest, glassware, china, collectibles, coins, L/E prints, Persian carpets, youth quilts, air bumper jack, Hardy portable sprayer, fishing equipment, equipment, key cutting machine, several dolls and numerous other articles. Preview after 2:00 p.m. Auction at 6:00 p.m. Check website for full listing. TERMS: Cash, Approved Cheque, Visa, M/C, Interac AUCTIONEERS FRANK and STEVE STAPLETON (905) 786-2244 1-800-263-9886 www.stapletonauctions.com 'estate specialists since 1971* 10 ac AUCTION SALE FARM MACHINERY Saturday, APRIL 13 at 11:00 a.m. The property of the late Matthew Marchant, Lot 9, Con. 4, Clarington, 4 miles north of Bowmanville on Liberty St. to Con. 4 & 1/2 mile east or 1 1/4 miles south of Taunton Rd. on Liberty St. to Con. 4 & 1/2 mile east. 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