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-v.. 1 v. n - Orono Weekly Times, Wednesday, April 24, 2002 BASIC BLACK IN VINO VERITAS by Arthur Black So I'm walking past the office door of a newspaper guy I know when he looks up and beckons me in. He's holding up a wine glass. (This guy is a syndicated wine columnist, so he gets to actually actually bend the elbow in his office in full view, unlike the managing editor who has to sneak sips of gin from a brown paper bag in his bottom bottom drawer). "It's a new wine from the Okanagan" my friend says, holding up a bottle of red, "Have a taste. See What you think." What I'm thinking is, Oh, cripes. Now I'm going to have to try and do the wine thing. I am no good at the wine thing. I like my grape as much as the next oenophile, but I just like to enjoy it. I cannot talk the wine talk. There is no way I can taste any beverage and make my mouth say things like "Hmm. Big. Very big." Or "My! Exquisite balance - and yet, somehow, austere - perhaps even astringent." Other terms I would have difficulty applying to a beaker full of wine- include 'well- rounded', 'firm' and 'soft'. Breasts maybe, but not grape juice. Wine jargon gets worse than that, of course. A serious wine bore can prattle on about a wine's 'resonance' 'luminosity' 'luminosity' and even 'bellicosity' long after the bottle's dead and gone. It's all very impressive and intimidating - but do they actually know what they're talking about? One wonders. No one is more dedicated to wine than the French. They drink 16 gallons of the stuff, per capita every year. So it is sobering to reflect that French researchers have proved that 'wine experts' are mostly talking talking through their chapeaux. A chap by the name of Frederic Brochet has been conducting a series of heretical studies in the Bordeaux region of France. In one experiment, he had 57 wine experts taste a bottle clearly marked gran cm -- a premium vintage. The experts sniffed, swirled, gargled gargled and spat, and then purred words like 'agreeable','complex', 'agreeable','complex', 'balanced' and 'rounded'. 'rounded'. Forty of the 57 tasters said the wine from the expensive bottle was good. Then Monsieur Brochet brought out a bottle of table wine bearing a cheap, well- known-but-not-well-thought- of label. "Faulty" said one critic. "Weak" pronounced another. Other words that featured prominently in their critiques included 'short', 'light', 'flat* and 'flabby'. The odd thing is, it was the same wine they'd tasted before. Only the labels were changed. The 'experts' had unconsciously based all of their comments on the label, not the contents. In another test, Brochet asked 54 wine experts to sample sample several bottles of vintage red wine, including one ringer that was actually a bottle of white, coloured red by a flavourless dye. Not a single winegeek noticed that one of their 'reds' was a'white'. . Quelle scandale! Do you think this means an end to annoying and pretentiously flannel-mouthed corkdorks? Fat chance. The field is actually expanding. There's a. promoter in the states by the name of Arthur von Weisenberger who's going around setting up taste-test competitions in which people get to rate and comment on various American brands. Mister von Weisenberger advises the contestants to "look, sniff and taste" each product carefully. Here are some comments culled from a recent von Weisenberger taste testing: "Thick, oily and dull." "Full and voluptuous." "Rich, good mouth feel and very crystalline." "It tastes like tap water." Actually the lajst comment was right on the money - it WAS water. Von Weisengerber contests are sponsored by U.S. companies that produce and market bottled bottled water. Thank heavens these guys weren't around The Holy Land in the Old Testament days. Jesus could have performed performed his miracle of turning water into wine, and they wouldn't have noticed the difference. difference. It is Sale Season, a sad time for sellers, but an opportunity for bargains and catching up for others. There have been long lists of farm sales in the papers this year, perhaps an indication of the Rising age of fanners, and thei struggle to make ends meet by others. Gerry and Lome Butterfield celebrated their fiftieth wedding wedding anniversary at a dinner with friends and family at the Clarington Beech Centre last Saturday. Congratulations! Edgar and Annie Wright were honoured at an Open House at Hampton Church on April 14. This kind, generous, friendly couple greeted dozens of friends and relatives relatives on the occasion of their sixty-fifth wedding anniversary. anniversary. Edgar and Annie are certainly deserving of all the tributes paid. They have contributed contributed all their lives to their family, their church and their community. Wilmot Creek Chapel Choms brought its talent to Tyrone Church on Saturday evening. Under the leadership of Ron Tidy, and accompanied accompanied by Mary Hunt at the organ, and Bemie McKee at the piano, the choms presented presented a program of sacred music to a very appreciative audience. audience. The solos, duets and the terrific sound of the choir combined with the acoustics in our church to make a wonderful wonderful evening, of familiar and not-so-familiar songs. The whole event was arranged by Sandra Milne. Well done! The Friendship Club from Bowmanville and Rev. Norm Seli participated in the afternoon afternoon service at the Community Centre on Sunday. Enniskillen Church is holding holding its annual Anniversary Supper on Saturday, May 11 beginning at 4 p.m. This is always a really good supper, and helps the Sunday School. Cost is $10 for adults, $5 for youth, under 12 free. Just come to the church. Most farmers will be on the land in the next week or so, if not already. In the msh to come, please bear in mind that tired workers aré sometimes sometimes not as safety-conscious as they should be. Durham Fami Safety Association reminds you to take great care. We need you all! Main Street, Orono Proprietors: Gary & Carol 1 • Wedding Cafes • Cafes for dll Dccasms • Pastries - Donuts - Pies • Bread & Bwns 905-983-9779 Closed Sunday and Monday DURHAM REGION CMNwsters * Blue Boxes For Sole! Liading tk* Way 1*5.00 Saturday May 4th. 2002 From 8:30am until 12:30pm Location: Darlington Sports Centro, 2276 Taunton Road, Hampton. Free kraft paper leaf 4 yard waste bags while supplies last. Free compost available while supplies lost! Bring your own shovel and containers. 12 ® co " yo * tm l Quantity limited to 3 containers of compost per household! avoMobk^so come A Joint «entire wfflt *e Jtaidpolrty of Oemgtsi and the fc#JÜ!ÉÉfc_-- Wrt» IW>t-t ot (90S) 5W-52M > 1-M0-M7-5671