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8 - Orono Weekly Times Wednesday, May 19, 2004 Basic Black by Arthur Black Seemed like a great idea at the time I don't ask much from life. I don't expect, the stretch limos, flotillas of groupies, or a wallet full of thousand-dol- lar bills to light my Cohiba panatelas. I have no interest in becoming Lord Black of the Millpond, a guest on the Tonight Show or of winning that Lottery for Life - a red velvet bunk in the Canadian Senate. No, I only have one unrequited unrequited desire: to have, in my lifetime, One Great Idea. Is that so much to ask? Archimedes got his revelation in a bathtub. Newton got his under an apple tree. Einstein brainstormed "E equals MC squared" at his blackboard, and we can guess where Thomas Crapper was sitting when he got his inspiration to invent the flush toilet. One great idea. That's all I ask for. I'm not trying to be a Thomas Edison, filing a thousand thousand patents for everything from phonographs to light bulbs. I just want one. I thought I had it back in Grade Seven. I remember almost nodding off at my desk while the teacher droned on about The Rebellion of 1837. "Upper Canada was a tiny colony," he was saying, "not like the country of 15 million (hey, it was a long time ago) that we live in today." And I fell to doodling at my desk. Fifteen million... let's see... that would be 15... .followed by six zeros. Imagine if I could persuade every Canadian to mail me... one penny. That would put 15 million pennies in my piggy bank. Or put another way, I'd have $150,000! Which was a fortune, fortune, back when I was a kid. And that was as close as I ever got to a Great Idea. The Achilles heel that fatally hobbled hobbled my breakthrough concept was the fact that I couldn't think of a compelling argument argument to convince my fellow citizens to start mailing their pennies to me. My bombshell brainwave died a-borning. I admit, it sounds kinda lame a half-century later, but great ideas don't have to be blockbusters. Somebody invented invented the safety pin. Others came up with the ballpoint pen and the paper clip. Small items, but great ideas all the same. And it's not like it's hard to get a patent even for a lame idea. Paul Hanson of St. Paul, Minnesota just obtained a U.S. patent for his all-new method of treating heart-related chest pain. Hanson's solution: just drink limeade - but from concentrate. concentrate. That's it -- Hanson's Great Idea in a nutshell. He says it worked for him and the U.S. Patent Office was sufficiently sufficiently impressed. Impressed enough to grant Hanson patent # 6,457,474. I think Michael Nelson's idea had a more obvious aura of greatness about it. Nelson recently opened a law office in suburban Orlando, Florida, leased himself a company car (Mercedes), printed up some toney-looking letterhead stationery stationery listing alb his law partners and began soliciting business from the families of convicted drug traffickers. Did very well, too until a radio station investigated and found out that Nelson's law partners didn't exist and Nelson was not a lawyer. As a matter of fact Nelson was Newtonvllle Bid Euchre MAY 14 RESULTS TOP SCORES Marie Couroux, 82 Dolores Comar, 82 Don McHolm, 82 Kerryson Marshall, 80 Gwen Nesbitt, 79 Doreen Green, 77 DRAWS Eileen Stapleton, Margaret Peacock, Evelyn Rupert, Marie Couraux MAY 15 TOURNAMENT RESULTS TOP SCORES Joan Sutcliffe, 100 Garrett MacDonald, 92, Marlene Stacey, 86, Marie Couraux 81 DRAWS Marion Sears 2,Thelma Vagg, Joan Sutcliffe, Joyce Cowan LOAN HANDS(6) Garrett MacDonald himself a felon, serving time for bank-fraud. He could only 'practice' during the day as he had to return to a half-way house each night. As near as investigators could figure Nelson made "several hundred thousand dollars" before he was nabbed. Not surprisingly, surprisingly, Nelson's half-way house privileges have been revoked. Still, Great Ideas don't have to be crooked and they don't have to involve lawyers (but I repeat myself). Take Dennis Hope of Gardnerville, Nevada. For the past 23 years, Mister Hope has operated a real estate company, selling lots to interested customers. But not in Nevada. Not even in North America. Not even on this planet. Mister Hope sells land... on the moon. Business has been so good that he's expanding. He'll now sell you choice lots on Mars and Venus as well. Going price: $20 an acre. How good is business? Very. Hope reckons he makes about $270,000 US a year. And it's legal. It's based on something Mister Hope learned in school as a kid. Back when I was doodling through my history lesson, Dennis Hope was paying attention. He heard his teacher say that, while the international Space Treaty of 1967 prohibits nations from owning celestial bodies, it doesn't say anything about individual ownership. Hope says "I even wrote to the United Nations explaining my plan and asking it they had a problem with it. Nobody ever wrote back." But that was 23 years and $6.5 million ago. Great Idea, Mister Hope. AT* "M. MORRIS FUNERAL CHAPEL LTD. SERVING DURHAM REGION SINCE 1841 all funeral services PREARRANGED AND/OR PREPAID BURIAL - CREMATION - TRANSFERS "WHERE PROFESSIONAL ETIQUETTE IS IMPORTANT" FUNERAL DIRECTORS PAUL R. MORRIS GARY M. CONWAY DOUG R. RUTHERFORD DEBRA I). KELLEHER 905-623-5480 4 DIVISION ST.. BOWMANVILLE - AT QUEEN ST Beryl Clark washes up after St. Saviour's Salad Luncheon last Wednesday Ganaraska Region Conservation Authority continues frog monitoring program Port Hope - This spring, Ganaraska Region Conservation Conservation Authority (GRCA) is continuing its second year of roadside surveys of frogs throughout the watershed. This involves monitoring by the side of the road adjacent to wetland areas and recording the species and numbers of individuals heard within a three-minute period. When enough data is collected,. GRCA should be able to determine if local frog populations populations are rising or falling. The survey results will contribute important information about the health of.our watersheds. Throughout the spring months, the air is saturated with the peeps, trills and croaks of thousands of frogs and toads - all seeking mates and an opportunity to lay their eggs. These frog and toad calls provide the perfect opportunity to monitor the status status of populations. "Amphibians are good indicators of environmental health," said Ken Towle, GRCA Ecologist. "Frogs, toads, and salamanders have very sensitive absorbent skin and as a result they are highly susceptible to pesticides and other pollutants. Studies have also demonstrated that amphibian eggs may be sensitive sensitive to increases in ultraviolet (U V) radiation. Some amphibians amphibians also require very particu lar types of high quality wetland wetland and forest habitats and connectivity between the two. The decline or disappearance of sensitive species can therefore therefore inform us about changing environmental conditions that may be less obvious than the outright loss of wetland habitat." habitat." Species, such as the tiny western Chorus Frog (whose call is like the sound made by running a finger along the teeth of a comb), appear to be in decline in Ontario and so far, these surveys suggest a very patchy distribution of this species. Other species such as the spring peeper and gray tree frog appear to be well distributed and large choruses choruses of these can be heard in many rural areas. "This is a good sign but we should not be complacent", said Towle. "These species are sensitive to urbanization and have disappeared disappeared from much of the Greater Toronto Area. Frogs are important links between terrestrial and aquatic ecosystems ecosystems and we don't want to lose them here," explained Towle. A contributing factor to amphibian declines may be roads. More roads combined with increased traffic have resulted in mortalities for frogs and toads as they move to and from wetlands during wet weather.