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8 - Orono Weekly Times Wednesday, November 24, 2004 the deceased pet of his grand- Graham explained it this mother, from whom he (the fan) way: "When (the grandmother) Basic Black was estranged. The only way died, she left him the dog. He the fan could achieve peace of said, 'If you sign it, I might be mind was if Ed Graham would able to make peace, so I signed consent to... sign the dead dog. his testicles. by Arthur Black Sign here, please In an unusual location for a signature. No doubt Ed used a ball point pen. Would somebody please explain to me why every newspaper, newspaper, magazine or flyer I pick up lately is telling me 'way more than I ever wanted to know about Paris Hilton? Near as I can tell the 20- something American heiress (I prefer heirhead) is on the world's celebrity radar screen because she is (a) rich (b) - blonde (c) dumb and (d) er.. .that's it. Lifetime achievements? Well, she did make that pom video with one of her boyfriends which mysteriously got into instant world-wide circulation. circulation. Then there's her role in that TV show The Simple Life, in which she plays a rich, blonde, dumb urban princess who finds herself stuck out in the sticks. And she had a nice PR spike this past summer when she went on line with a hysterical email offering a $15,000 reward for the return of Tinkerbelle, her kidnapped feral Chihuahua. She'd 'forgotten' that she left the dog with her grandmother. Oh yes, and her book. Mustn't forget her just-released literary opus entitled "The Tinkerbelle Hilton Diaries:' My Life Tailing Paris Hilton." Hmm. Fake kidnapping of dog named Tinkerbelle closely followed by book launch of Tinkerbelle 'biography'. Coincidence? Coincidence? Or is that the fetid odour of a desperate press agent I smell? The book is a best-seller, natch. Paris Hilton has, against all reason, become so famous that she is now trying to trademark her name as a logo--it's a tiny tiara with a stylized "P" in the centre of it ('P' for 'Paris' or 'Princess', geddit?). She plans to use the logo to 'brand' her personal personal lines of fragrances, body lotions, bath gel, cosmetics-- even footwear and kitchen utensils. utensils. Martha Stewart, what hath ye wrought? Am I the only one who finds it bizarre that a character model as dubious as Paris Hilton can be turned into a profitable marketing marketing tool? ; But then, why not? Robin 1 Hood parlayed a career as a rural mugger into an immortal legend as a champion of the dispossessed. dispossessed. And we know that tomorrows rising sun wilj shine on O.J. Simpson once again setting setting out on his endless quest to bring his wife's murderer to justice. justice. And O.J. armed only with a golf cart and a set of clubs.* Celebrity is an odd commodity. commodity. It makes no value judg- . ments on the mortals it deigns to favour. Pete Rose said it best. Rose was one of the best players players in baseball. He was also a gambling addict and he went to jail for betting on games he'd played in. When he got out, one of the surprises waiting for him was an invitation to appear on The Tonight Show. After thanking Doc Severinson for not playing Jailhouse Rock, Rose observed, that despite all the records he set in 23 years as a major league player, he had never before been invited on the show. They he turned to the studio audience and said: "You gotta go to prison to get on this show!" Well, not quite, but it certainly certainly doesn't hurt. The downside of empty celebrityhood? Not much really. Both Paris and Pete have entered Celebrity Never-never- land, where people are famous just for being famous.. Neither will ever have to buy a drink or a meal again. And there will be rafts of invitations to parties and openings and galas. And endless endless doting admirers to fawn and adore. Of course, celebrities are expected to sign things a lot - autograph books, eight-by-ten glossies, posters, T shirts. Pete Rose has probably signed more baseballs than he caught during his career. Could be worse. He could be Ed Graham, the drummer for the British rock band The Darkness. Graham was doling out signatures at a press conference conference recently when he was confronted confronted by a fan carrying a dog. A stuffed dog. The tearful fan explained that the dog was Ontario Public Meetings on the Golden Horseshoe Greenbelt A Greenbelt is key to permanently protecting greenspace and containing urban sprawl in the Golden Horseshoe. . Building on the advice of the Greenbelt Task Force and guided by the input of hundreds ° f individuals municipalities, more than a thousand written submissions and the advice of more than 60 stakeholder groups, the Government of Ontario has developed draft Greenbelt legislation and a draft plan. We want to hear what you think. YWCA Durham 1 McGrigor Street Oshawa Thursday, November 25 - 7:00 p.m. to 10:00 p.m. If you require special accommodation related to disability, please notify ^a minimum of 24 hours in advance of the meeting by calling 416-645-8082 or toll-free 1-866-751-8082 (TTY 1-866-220-2290). If you are unable to attend a public meeting, visit www.greenbelt.onl8rio.ca and share your views online. Building strong communities XRfeekly Times The Orono Weekly Times will publish its 6,000-issue run on December 1st. Copies will be delivered to all homes 88 in Orono, Newcastle, Newtonville, Kendal and areas east of Bowmanville. 88 Businesses wishing to place ads in this jj. special edition should call The Orono El Weekly Times office at (905) 983-5301. jnm ltm.T-1' 1 «WfitK •■«.HI NEWCASTLE FUNERAL HOME Family owned and operated by Carl Good, Funeral Director, and Joyce Kufta 386 Mill St. S„ Newcastle 905-987-3964 www.newcastlefuneralhome.com "Caring for our Community" Brigitte Brown - « | m )|c 9|c )|c Pedicures/Manicures Waxing . .. \y \/ Qfft Nail Extensions _ ^ Air Brushing ESTHETIC STUDIO Certificates Eyelash Tinting Avsiilflhle Electronic Muscle Stimulate (EMS) AMIUUM • Paraffin Wax 15 % DISCOUNT with coupon 171 Mill Street, Orono, ON LOB 1M0 • 905-983-8169 Newcastle Adult Day Program Social and recreational opportunities. 20 Robert St. West Newcastle, ON LIB 1C6 For More Information call: 905-987-3000