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fW-; -1 4 I f i f i i ! * Orono Weekly Times, Wednesday, January 28, 2004 ^ Basic Black by Arthur Black Water, water everywhere and nary a drop for free My great-grandparents, God bless 'em, are no longer with us, and perhaps it's just as well. I think a single, sixty-second glimpse of the modern world would drive them, stark, raving bonkers. Consider: my great-grands all died before 1900, which means they never saw a pilot - light, airplane or Palm. They would not know what to make of the initials ICU, IUD or IBM. They would be equally mystified mystified by an I Mac, a Big Mac and a Mack Truck. But I think the phenomenon phenomenon my forbears might have most difficulty wrapping their minds around is the sight of modern day folks voluntarily and enthusiastically enthusiastically buying drinking water. Savor that on the tongue for a moment: we BUY drinking water. The earth is 80 percent water. It lies around unsupervised and unclaimed in lakes and streams and puddles. Ninety-nine percent of the water that comes out of Canadian taps is perfectly drinkable and free. And yet we line up to purchase pricey little plastic bottles of the stuff. And not just for our own consumption. Last week I wrote about an Australian entrepreneur who is currently marketing a product called Dog Plus K-9 water. That would, be flavoured designer water. For dogs. Is he crazy? Crazy like a fox terrier. He's charging $2:70 a bottle and the stuff is flying off the shelves. Watermania is morphing into new and even more bizarre behaviour. It is now routine to see people walking down the street, shopping in stores, all the while clutching their canteens of Evian or Nay a or Disani water. Like - what, folks? You're going to expire of dehydration dehydration walking from your car to the Seven-Eleven? Future , archeologists will find your bleached skeleton curled up in front of the supermarket deli section? Canada doesn't have a Death Valley. There are no Gobis or Saharas in the Great White North. As a matter of fact we have more fresh water than any nation in the world. And we've got backup reserves in glaciers, icebergs, permafrost and Arctic icepacks. icepacks. The country is not without it's hazards--you can drown, go over Niagara Falls, or be buried 50 feet deep in an avalanche, but you can bet your houseboat you aren't going to die of thirst. There are megatons of fresh water out there, and it's absolutely free. But the strange truth is we ENJOY paying for water. How else to explain the menu in the ultra-chic 2 West restaurant in New York's Ritz-Carlton? Diners at the 2 West are offered a choice of 24, count 'em, 24 different brands of..water. They range from flat to sparkling and, er.that's it, really. Confused? No need. See that chap gliding up to your table brandishing a cut-crystal cut-crystal goblet and a wagonload of hauteur? That's the Ritz- Carlton... water sommelier. He's ready to offer his expert guidance to help you choose just- the right brand of, well, water, to go with your meal. Mind you, it's gonna cost ya. The cheapest bottle of water on the 2 West menu goes for eight bucks U.S. - and for that you get a dinky little carafe that might fill a wineglass wineglass twice. Is it a scam? You betcha. David Shaw, a food writer based in Los Angeles, says it's turned into quite the little moneymaker for high-end restaurateurs. "Order a bottle of water," he says, "and your waiter will refill your glass so frequently, you'll go through several bottles in no time." There seems to be something something about water that brings out the charlatan in people. Not to mention the sucker. You heard about the big snowstorm that tied up New York last week? Well it didn't didn't tie up New Yorker Gilberto Triplitt. He set up a stand on a corner in downtown downtown Manhattan, and started selling - at a buck a pop - snowballs. "Freshly hand-packed!" he shouted at passers-by. "Limited edition!" He sold 60 in two and a half hours - even though customers had to wade through a foot of free snow to buy them. "I've always wanted a snowball," said one customer. The next big trend folks. Remember you read it here first. Designer snowballs. DON'T LEAVE ME THIS WAY!... Candle fires are on the rise. Keep lit candles away from children and pets, and snuff them out before you leave the room. m MORRIS FUNERAL CHAPEL LTD. SERVING DURHAM REGION SINCE 1841 ALL FUNERAL SERVICES PREARRANGED AND/OR PREPAID BURIAL - CREMATION - TRANSFERS 'WHERE PROFESSIONAL ETIQUETTE IS IMPORTANT" FUNERAL DIRECTORS PAUL R. MORRIS DOUG R. RUTHERFORD GARY M. CONWAY DEBRA D. KELLEHER 905-623-5480 4 DIVISION ST- BOWMANVILLE - AT QUEEN ST. k 4t A Blade of Grass by Lewis DeSoto Marit Laurens is a 24-year-old newlywed who has joined her husband, Ben in a romanticized notion of farming on the African veldt. She soon feels isolated and disconnected at their ranch, Kudufontein which is so different from her former life. Life takes a turn for the better, when Marit is able to befriend her maid Tembi, but too soon the encroaching civil war threatens threatens the tranquility of their lives and they are both engaged in a struggle for survival that has devastating consequences. Trojan Odyssey by Clive Cussler ' Rumour has it that this might be the last Dirk Pitt adventure - and if it is, what a way to end such an illustrious career. Called upon to save the world (again!) from villains who are plotting to launch a new ice age, Dirk gets some help fipm his children, Summer and Dirk, Jr. Familiar characters all make an appearance to help Dirk to get to the bottom of the evil Specter's plans and the mysterious, gigantic tunnels that his company is excavating in Nicaragua. In true Cussler fashion the action never flags and the heroics are non-stop. The Stranger and the Statesman James Smithson, John Quincy Adams, and the making of America's greatest museum: The Smithsonian By Nina Burleigh Very little is known about Englishman James Smithson who left a tremendous donation and a puzzling mystery to the United States of America upon his death. Although he had no visible connection to America, Smithson left his entire fortune, including his extensive library and mineral collection to the United States to found "...an establishment for the increase and diffusion of knowledge among men". This is an interesting read about a man who was directly responsible for one of the most recognized institutions in the world. Isn't It Romantic? An Entertainment by Ron Hansen Booking a tour of the American countryside promises to deliver deliver French librarian Natalie to every tacky tourist stop in the state of Nebraska. But Natalie -is determined to explore her fascination of the American culture while getting away from her cheating fiancé. When Pierre follows her to the small town of Seldom, a story full of romance, mistaken identities and laughter emerges in this fun novel. Got a story that needs telling? Then this is your opportunity to put pen-to-paper! You can have the . "Last Word' simply by emailing your story to: oronotimes@speedline.ca or fax us at 905-983- 5301 or drop by the office: 5310 Main Street, Orono between 8 and 5 Monday to Friday. MS lives here. L A MS is the most common neurological disease affecting young adults in Canada. Multiple Sclerosis Society of Canada 1-800-268-7582 www.mssociety.ca