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1.¢ CAN D GENERAL ADVERTISER VOL. Wow HENRY GRIST, Toth 'Ontario Obseroer. ; ; ORI FAMILY NEWSPAPER, Ty ar \ PORT PIRRY, WERTISING. wtion ........ $0 08 per 1ing ...... 0 02 8&0" Letters contal " dressed td this Office, ed, will be at our risk, : Advertisments by Nonpareil, aud charged according to the space they ace supy. i Advertisments recdyed for punliontions ithout specific instrwwtons, w antil Sordid. and cl aicooding] ly. No advertisment will be bken out until paid for. A liberal discount flowed to Merchants end others who adrtise by the year or half-year. #@5~ These terns will in all cases be strictly adhered to. | rp Job Department. - phnmplets; Hand Bills, Posters, Pro-. grammes, Bill Heady Blank Forms, Receipt Checks, Books, Circulars, Business (Cards; Ball Cards, ¢c., of every style and 1 olor, exvcuted promptly and at lower rates { than any other estailishment in the County. pE@y™ Parties froma distance getting hand { bills, &c, printed sn have them done to take . home with thew! -J. BAIRD. H. PARSONS. \ "Protessional Cavs. XVIL NO. 1. ted | Bailiff, 1 intend, in i PATENT SOLICITOR AND DRAUGHTBMAN, OTTAWA, CANADA, Transacts business with the Patent Office and other dep ti G Copyrights and the Registration of Trade Marks and Designs procured. Drawings, Specifications, and other Documents neces sary to secure Patents of Invention, prepared on receipt of the model of the Pr PERRY HOUSE, PORT PERRY. JAS. V. THOMPSON, "~ PROPRIETOR. The above House is now most comfort- ably furnished, and Guests. are cared for in the Home Style. | Good Riquory and Cigars, also, first class Stabling. gopd Ostlers.-- Additions have been made which maker this the largest and best Hopse in this section of country. Fare $1.00 per Day. rer auctioneers, ILLCOX, 1} LICENSED AUCTIONEER, FOR THE COUNTY OF ONTARIO. AND TOWNSHIPS OF MARIPOSA & CARTWRIGHT, EGS to thank his many friends and the public generally, for the liberal patron- age bestowed upon him for the yas five yours. jven up the business of oie Saul hy to devote my whole time to the business of Auctioneer, Collecting, &c. It will be my endeavor, by prompt and careful attention to business, to give full satisfaction to all who may favor me with es or Collecting. hg alm and Blank Notes furnished free of charge. Also Bill Stamps Arrangements can Hie Osserver Office, pery. Office, Port Fe always on hand. be made for sales &c., and at the Standard W. M. WILLCOX, Prince Albert, Oct. 25, 1873. Wm. Gordons L ed A , &e. OR the Township of Brock, Uxbridge, Scott, Thorah, Rama, Mara, Mariposa and Eldon, gay Parties entrusting their Sales to me may rely on the utmost attention being given JONES, x D, Covoner, R. Surgeon, ke. Port Perry. OMce, over Alison's Drug Store, Queen-st. Residenee--One 'door west of tho Presby \ "terian Church) ronor for the County of Dts buysician, Surgeon and Ac- coucheur, : prince Albert. Physician, H. "SANGSTER, M. B,, Physician, Sur- J. geon and Accoucheur, 4 PORT PERRY. lf Office over Nott's Furniture Store, corner of ' Queen and Perry Streets. \ Office hourq from 9 a. m. to 12 m. | idence, phe dwelling recently occupied | 3 Mr: Geo, axton. 3 Re ef enn, Frrynotane, Surgeons, D &o.. &o, [Office and Residences, King st, ! Quhawa. 1 FRANCIS RAE, M,D. WM, M' GILT, MD. Hospitl, London, England. The liye R. Loy Wi F. MBRIEN, M.D, M. R. C. 8, Guy's oO. . Oshawa, Al | E. MARYN, M. D.Siricoe 8St., Twodoors | . Notth ofipe Central totel, Oshawa. to their interest WM. GORDON, Sunderland, Brock. THOS. H. WALSHE. : ICENSED "Auctioneer for the Township of Brock, Thorah, Mara & Rama in. North Ontario ; Mariposa, etc., in the County of Victoria. Residence--Cannington, Brock. Orders left at this office, or at his residence will be punctnally attended to. Debts col- lected in Cannington, or otherwise, | and ENISON'S DOMINION HOTEL, At the Railway Station, PORT PERRY. Every given to the d: tion and comfort of guests. The table and bar supplied with the the Market af fords. Choice Liquors an the best brands of Cigars, Excellent stable and shed. ac- commodation, and attentive ostlers. D. B. DENISON, Proprietor. Q= HOTEL, PORT PERRY. JAMES DEWART, - PROPRIETOR. The Subscriber having leased this excel- lent Hotel and fitted it up with a view to the comfort of guests and the accommoda~- tion of the general public, will be glad to welcome old friends and new to take part in the hospitality of the Queen's. he Table carefully supplied, Choice Liquors and Cigars in the Bar, the Yard and Stables punctually attended to. The Queen's is conveniently sitnated a few rods west of the Post Office. > JAMES DEWART. Port Perry, Nov. 11, 1873. ssiddnaad lind AjeroanEnias HOTEL, PRINCE ALBERT, ONT. Bu... EZRA..BATES, The comfort of guests carefully attended to. The Table and Bar well supplied. Choice Liquors and the best brands of Cigars, Good Stabling and attentive Ostlers. EZRA BATES, Anglo-American Hotel, Proprietor. July 15, 1874. REVERE HOUSE, MANCHESTER, A. TENNYSON, Proprietor. The Revere House is decidedly one of the best and most comfortable country Hotels in the Province and is situated in a most con- venient position for the trayeling public.-- Stages to aud from Uxbridge, Utica and Ep- som, call here daily. " The Subscriber, since becoming proprietor, has had the premises thoroughly repaired and will spare neither labor nor expense in making the Revere House a comfortable transient home for travelers, and for the re- freshment of guests. The table and har supplied with the best the market supplies. Gi stables anil attentive ostlers, A. TENNYSON, Proprietor. Manchester, A i, 1874. rompt remittances wade. Ren e WALS HE, the North. Ontario Auction- eer. IST OF DIVISION COURTS , FOR THE County of Ontario, FOR THE YEAR 1874, NION HOTEL, MANCHBSTER. JAMES T. HEARD, PROPRIETOR. Good ! . Careful to the requirements of travelers and guests, The bar supplied with the best Liquors and Cigars. Good Stabling. Manchester, July 15, 1874 Ces HOTEL, 30 . . GREENBANK. | Rickie Forks; XMAS Silver Plat- ed Goods. Tea Betts, Cruits, Cake Baskets, Butter Coolers, Mugs, Gongs, Napkin Rings, T\a Spoons, Table Spoons, Tea Knives, Dinner Knives,' Tea and Dinner forks, Butter Knives, Toast Racks, &e, ke, &e, Port Perry, Dec.-24, 1875. Sa PORT PERRY, PROVINCE OF ONTARIO, THURSDAY, DEC. 81, 1874, A MERRY XMAS T0 ALL! I now take great pleasure in thanking my pat liberal support they have accorded me in' the past, and hope by closely attending to their wants to merita sontinpanes of the same. much pleasure in showing : trans and friends for the very Thavenow y new Stock of Bells, Toys, Stand Lamp. ll, Side Brackets, Hall Pendants, 1,2,3 and 4 light Chanda. liers, Larger sizes got 8 to order, Again wishing you the best compliments of the season. 1 remain, Yery truly yours, COWL PARRTSEH. "I'wards the Orb of Day. The taws of Impassionate Oratory. There 18, no doubt, a large amount of eloquence in these modern days, but its fault is that is it is cold rea-- soning, and mathematical, It is rarely that we have either from phl- pit or platform, or even in the gild- ed halls of Municipal Councils, the impassioned oratory that marked the pericles period in Greece, or the age of Cicero in Rome. How re- freshing, then, it is to come upon a warm and soul-stirring peroration as the following, delivered by a can- didate at the recént State election on the other side ot the lake :i-- 'Never, whilst the eternal earth is hung an her everlasting pivot, never will I forsake the sacred cause to which am dedicated and devot-- ed, from the topmost hair that springs from the scalp of my cran- ium to the skin on the soles of my pedal extremities- In vain will the summer zephyr; or the awful blast of winter, or the song of the black- bird, or the roaring of a million famished lions frantic for toothsome prey, cajole or terrify me from the pursuit of that aim to which I as- aspire like a juyenile eagle who imagines that the sun is an edible, and soars on his downy pinions to- nature be suspended. or reversed.-- Fish may walk and pigs may fiy.-- But never, oh ! never, will T desist from this sacred agaitation until these degrading laws are blotted from the Statute book forever. SECURED AT M KENZIE & SCOTT'S PHOTOGRAPH demand for R. McRAE, PROPRIETOR. Feb'y . | March kyl pril Oct'r | Jan'y. sons zlo SE u 1 | Whitby. _né | | FE. FAREVELT, LL. 'B, County Crown | . J Attorney f Ontario, Barrister, Attorney, il :itor, and Ngary Public. Office lately oc- eupl :d by 8. H.jochrane, Esq., Brock street, Whitby. GLISH. LL. B., Solicitor in \ YMAN I. | L Chancery, Algrney, Conveyancer, &c. { ehawa. \ OMee--Simae sthct, opposite the Post Office. YOUN| ¢ florney and Insolvdoy, N OfMce--Mdiilian' 'H, Ll. B., Barrister, At- , Bolicitor in Chancery, ry Publie, &c. . Block, Brook street, t AMERO! MAEDONNELL, Barristers O and Attineys at Law, Solicitors County Louncil, Onirio. Offices : Court House. § i Whitby. : \ MM, C, CAME! H. J. MACDONNELL. A. HUF, Attorney at Law, and Solicitor P. in Chakry. Office in the Royal Arcade, Port Perry. faurice Cochrane, Y.AT-LAW, Solicitor in Chan- tary Public, &c., &c. Office hourpunctually from 9 a.m. to 5 pm. Moneylo Loan at B per cent,on all kinds of gd security. Office, Byow's Royal Arcade, PORT PERRY. Ww. \ TTOR cery, Of. VARS, L. D. 8. rted on all the latest princi- and as cheap as the cheap- and as pd as the best. Teeth filled d Silver, Teeth extracted by - producing local anwmsth- enpl Rooms--in Cowap's new ove tkinson's Drug Store, King oe bliss © THORN, VS. of the Veterinary Institute, Ill, Gold Medalist for the on Horse Practice. Author of a Fi Esgray on Shoeing, Gradu- { 14867, - ¥ 'Dr. 40 announce that he has taken up hishidence at Port Perry, and is treat all cases entrusted to his care in | most skillful and scientific manner. left at the Medical Hall Af Mr 11 receive prompt attention. pririary Stables may be found & pposite Cossitt's Factory. Port Perry. 28, 1878. 3 9123 | 1018 117 0) 1 5 115 -- Br Part Perry. Uxbridge . Canningto Beaverton | Mara, T. Hall .. EZ | Sept [H=5 cx=1 Gro. H. DarTypLL, Junior Judge. Whitby, Jan. 1, 1874. WHITBY STEAM MARBLE WORKS, J. &R. WOLFENDEN, \ N HOLESALE and Retail dealers in Foreign and American Marble Man~ tles, Monuments, &c., Dundas St , Whitby. Also, Agent for the Scottish Granite, Also Building Stone cut to order, JQHN NOTT, Agent, Port Perry. Whitby, July 29, 1874. 32 John McDonald, MARBLE DEALER ! NEWCASTLE, ONT. Ncuente, Tomb-Tables, Head- | 1Y1 Stones of great variety, with every de- scription of Marble Work, suitable for Cem- ateries, supplied at short notice. Also head and Aberd Granit The above hotel has undergone a thorough renovation, and has been fitted up with a view to the comfort and convenience of the traveling public. Strict attention paid to the table and the bar. Comfortable stables and an attentive ostler. Greenbank, March 25, 1874. DAF HOUSE, > UTICA. 7. DAFOE, PROPRIETOR. Good dasi Careful attenti and cigars. Good stabling. ALF HOTEL, WHITBY. A. MASON, - PROPRIETOR. This Hotel has undergone a thorough re- novation and been fitted up with a view to the comfort and convenierrce of the traveling public. Every attention paid to the table and bar, while obliging and attentive Ostlers will have charge of the stables. Whitby, June 20, 1870. 'Now FOR FIRST CLASS P LIVERY RIGS LIVERY RIGS. W. H. PARK, Jr, AB fitted apa Livery Stable opposite Parties will find it to their advan- tage to withhold their orders until called on by : " J. ©. WILLIAMSON, * | AGENT. Satisfaction guaranteed, and all work war- ranted January 10, 1872. B-yr MONEY | MONEY! MORE MONEY The Subscriber would inform all in want of Money that he is p d to tiat: 'the Post Office, Port Perry, where first class Livery Rigs can always be had on moderate terms. W. H. PARK, Jr., Proprietor. Port Perry, Jan. 22, 1874. Loans with the Trust and Loan Society of Toropto, for any amount of money from $400 AND UPWARDS, On Mortgage Security on Town or Farm Property. The interest.is aply 8 per cent. 'No Commission charged, and dLogus pro- cured without delay, JOHN TAYLOR. 'Manchester, Nov. 12, 1873. 4 WESTERN ASSURANCE COMP'Y qr TORONTO. NooRparatet rises AOE | Oapital ¢ $400.000. F o+:+2un Tom. Jobn MeMeurrich. Vice-President... ..ooeu! a. Fsq. Becretary ......o.oees Bernard Haldan, Esq. | JAMES PRINGLE, : General Agent, THE ONTARIO FARMERY Mutual Insurance Company. This Company is now fully d to WM. SPENCE, CONTRACTOR ¢ BUILDER. RICK-LAYING,STONE-WORK, PLAS- tEmiNG, &c., in all their departments, executed in the 'best . Dtica, July 15,1873. New Marriage Act. Port Perry, July 1st, 1874. ENRY CHARLES having - been re- ol Mra ; (after sixteen years duf > continnos v fu | gti vl geod organized and ib) prep! accept risks on Farm Buildings and their contents, country School Houses and Churches, Those wishing to insure and and introduced such In all times secure PERFECT PICTURES Their thorough knowledge. of every de-- partment of the Art, acquired in some of the best Galleries on this: continent, together ies and superior in- ties enjoyed by few for producing those beautiful Photo- with their excellentGalleri struments, give them fac graphs admired by all who sce them. By skilfully retouching the negatives the most handsome photographs are produced in every instance. Their Galleries are stocked with a choice assortment of First Class Albums, Pictu 4 | Frames, Stereoscopic Instruments, the Fine: to the requirements of travelers and gueats. | Chromos, and specimen Photographs in end. | The bar supplied with the best wines, IQUOTS | Jess variety. A cordial welcome is extended to all to visit our Galleries and inspect our Stock McKENZIE & SCOTT. Port Perry, Dec. 10, 1873. PORT PERRY LIVERY STABLES, Cc. MKENZIE, PROPRIETOR HE Subscriber having now fully equipped his new and extensive Livery Stables with a supply of superior Horses and Carriages, Is prepared to furnish first class On Moderate Terms. Port Perry, Aug. 6, 1 3 3 FIRST CLASS TAILORING ments, the latest styles and at moderate rates. Prince Albert, April 2, 1874. PHOTOGRAPHS FOR ALL, AND PERFECT PICTURES GALLERIES! Orposit Foy's Hotel, Port Perry; [ran . \ 71TH the view ofsupplying the greaf their: much admired Photographs, the Subscribers have--regard- less of expense--so fitted up their Galleries wruments as will at 51 C. MCKENZIE. 34 IRST class Tailoring in all its depart- AT HUGOE'S, PRINCE ALBERT, Work made up on the shortest notice id good fit guaranteed. Remember the place, opposite. Cook's Hotel, R. HUGOE. 1 MONEY TO LOAN ! MORTCACES WANTED. HF. |ubseribers have large sums of mon- ey placed in their hands fr investment on nproved Farms, Village Properties, and other Securities In this and adjoining Counties at the lowest current rates of interest. As we have funds on hand at all times Borrowers candep nd on getting their money with the east possible delay. - WANTED TO PURCHASE, Any number of Mortgages for which the high- est figubes will be allowed. ~ igh Wearealso appraisers for the Canada Per- nt Building Society, the cheapest and t Monetary Institution in Canada. Paid Instalments re-payable up Capital $1,500,000 in from 2 to 20 years. Lands Bought and Sold. Several good farms for sale. Se Av ssugral iss! ate FiNe Lo: ness transacted. 72 DEBENTURES BOUGHT."#&R JOHN & DAVID J. ADAMS, General Agents, Office in Mr, Ross' Ontario Buildings, Port Perry. Pert Perry, Oct. 11, 1872, HOEY T0 16ND! The undersigned has any amount of Money to lend upon Farm and Town Property, at Unusually Low Rates of Interest! Loans can be repaid in any manner to suit the borrower, 1 Also several Improved Farms, and Wild Hands for sale, cheap, { Investments made in Municipal Deben- thres, Pank and other marketable Stocks. Apply to re st JAMES HOLDEN, Official Assignee, Broker, &e. Orrice--Over the Dominion Bank, McMil- lan's Block, Brock st., Whitby. Whitby, April 10, 1873. LUGGAGE TAKEN TO AND FROM THE STATION AND AROUND TOWN. The Subscriber is prepared to convey Chests, Trunks, Boxesand every other de- ~---- { meription of Luggage to or from the Railway Station or anywhere around town. All Orders promptly attended to. Charges . moderate, J. COOK. Port Perry, Jan. 1st, 1874, A La MONEY {Private Funds,] r T. COURTICE'S PREMIUM SADDLERY WAREHOUSE To Loan on good Farms, at 8 per cent in- terest. - us men, | JR GIROVEd Barrister, &c., sii ; > Oshawa, : TO HIS November, 31, 1866. 24 WANTED 1 counts, Judgments and Mortgages, Apply personally to - W. M. COCHRANE, . Port Perry 44 PURCHASE, Promissory Notes, both over dve and yet to become due, ac. NEW BUILDING, Opposite J: W. Davis' Cabinet Factory, QUEEN STREET, MRS. L. M. COOK, thereby supp Home have now an pofanit of doing Bo, either by applying to the H Office, or to any of the local of the Company. Our rates will be found as low as those of any respon- sible Mutual Insurance Company in Canada. prs Ofsopents fas Sisal Hote ? L, FAIRBANKS, Jr. MONEY | MONEY! ~ MoE TO LOAN at 8 per cent interest on Real Estate. P. A. HURD. 3 Poth Perry, Matoh 12, 1874, 2 : Pad HAIR DRESSER, ings, and Hair Jewelry Manufactured. yooms, corner Queen and Perry 8 Port Perry, Nov, 18, 1874. Switches, Braids, Frizzets, Curls, and Comb J Rooms, qver Mr, Nott's Furniture Ware- treets. 47 PORT PERRY. Port Perry, Oct. 15, 1874. DR. MCCLINTON 'OULD respectfully request all parties indebted to him either by Note or ALL PERSONS NDEBTED to me are and settle before the Those whose Accounts from two to five other hands for collection unless before the above mentioned time. " R. JONES, M.D. Port Perry, Oct. 38, 1874, requested to call of November.-- been running years will find them in } exp: arranged | voided ; but any who have not settled by that 44 Book account to call and settle the same at his office.in Saintfield, before the 20th day of November next. All indebted will please come and'any who may not be prepared to pay cash may have the matter arranged. "By attending to the above the trouble and of sending 'a collector will 'be as time will be waited on by an authorized Saintfield, Oct 26th 1874. 'His only jewelry consists of a plain Collections made and a general agency busi- | | $100,000,000, made by him since A Pen Portrait and Buccessful Advertiser. He dresses in black. His clothes are well nade and fit him perfectly. gold watch worth $500, which he seldom disturbs from its place in his pocket. He loathes all unnecessayy adornments. Three small, plain linen covered buttons appear on his WHOLE NO. 88 There's nae Place like Hame. Bome thirty years ago, an English tourist was standing on Castle Rock with & lank; keen-vigaged Scotchman as a guide. Now, my good friend,' says the Southern, * you have taked enough about your native town, Pray forget Paisley for a moment, and let us look at Edinburg,' replied the offended cic- erone. ' Dae ye see yon,' and hé pointed to the University buildings ; * that's the col- lege, where they come frae England and a' part o' the warld to be doctors, and chan cellors an' members 0' | arliament, an' it has the cleverest men in the kingdoms for its professors ; but far the cleverest yen ¢ them a' is Jobn Wilson, an' he's a Paisley man.-- An' dae ye see yon 7' pointing to a distant &pire ; ¢ yon's the steeple o' North Leith. -- 1t's the best stipen*in a' Scotland, an' at present it's allowed to hae the best preacher in Scotland for its minister. Ye may hae heard o'the Rev'd James Buchanan, but maybe dinna ken Aes a Paisley man An' dae ye see yon kird wi' the doom on't?-- That's St. George's where a' the gentry at. tend for the sake o' the gipging ; an' I'se warrant ye'll no hear the like o' the precen- tor in England. They ca' him R A Smith, an' he's a Paisley man. An' dae ye sce yon big buildin! yonder whauy a' thae coaches are stan'in' waitin' to start 7 That's the Regis- ter Office. Ye may say it's the key stane o' the kingdom. for lairds and lands a' hapg by't. But though it's the place where dukes and earls keep their titles, an' the king him- sel' keeps his papers, every day when the clerks gang hame, and the door is éteckit, the whole place is 1&ft in charge o' yae auld wife; anl-shels-a-Faisloy woman, Vou say. torget Paisley when ye look at Edinburg, Lut sir, ye'll see no it's no' possible.' When was the greatest freak 'of nature ? When Mary had a little lamb. A Minnesota man males the win- ter sgem short by giving his note { payable in the spring. Before taking liberties with a strange dog observe .his tail and wait for the wag on, No church is too weak to take up a collection. It requires no particular skill to make a blunder. shirt bosom. No watch chain is vis- ible. Ie wears a black beaver hat, | which weighs halt a pound less than | the heavy gray stove-pipe fashion ordains shall be worn this summer. ! His hair of a reddish grey is neatly dressed at all times. [His Sean] which is more tinted with grey than r bis hair, is short and trimmed regu- larly, so as to keep atthe as length all the year sound. Where 3! cumbersome moustache ought to be a hair is never permitted to obtain | more than a day's growth. Heis of | of a slender though compact phy-| sique. His complexion is ruddy and bespeaks the best of health. He al- ways looks as if he had just left the | toilet table. The man is Seven) four years of age, in conversation his | keen blue. eye is never for an instant | taken of yours. His face bears the | impression of prudence, discretion, self confidence, a calmness impossi- ble to ruffle, and aboyeall, of honesty | and truthfulness. He never speaks | loud enough to be heard ten steps away from where hestands. Eaves dropperscannot catch even the sound of his voice. He shakes hands with you cordially, nay, even warmly.-- He is courtesy and politeness itself. His conversation is always couched in the refined language of the ecdu- cated gentleman. He uses no slang. He is witty, and at all times viva- cious. He is no tetotalor; hedrinks only at meal time. His favorite wines are Johannesburg, from | Prince Metternech's private vine-- yard, the like of which is not easily tound in this country. ' Ie is fond of Sherry and Maderia ; his wine cellar contains probably the choicest, col- lection of wines in America. This man's wealth js estimated at 1834, in New York City. He hasno children. He has not a single known relative on the face of the earth. He is the last ot his race. It" iy A. T. Stewart, of New York city. ------------ Cored HEr.--An old man in Con ecticut had a poor, cranky bit of a wife, who regulary once a week in the night and invited her family to see hor die. She gave away her things and spoke her last words) made her peace with heaven, and about eight she got up in the usual way ani disappointed everybody by going about her household duties' as if nothing had happened. The old man got sick of it finally, and went out and got a coffy, a real nice cash- mere shroud, a wreath of immortels inand a handful of silver plated screws. Lying the screwdriver be. side the collection, he invited her to holler dic once more. " Doit" he said " and in you go, this farewell business is over." Mary Amn is ot this moment baking buckwheat cakes for a large and admiring fam: ily while they dry apples in the with ¢ Farewell Mary Ann" worked |p With bungry men meal times are the best times. A mother-in-daw in the house is a well-spring of jawy. Time will only hang up hisscythe when he is no mower. Jonah was -a stranger among whales and they took him in. A client is never cortain about a lawyet, and generally takes him on trial. William B. Astor is over eighty A young lady who had just finish od reading a novel, a of Spunish_ belles as using cigrattes called at a tobacconist's store lately and enquired, "Have you any female cigars 2" - Pliick and patience are a strong firm in transacting the daily busir ness of life. HE A father in Dubuque makes his childrén address him as follows for: . instance :--"Most respected and re. vered father, I'll take 'nother tater. Colérado started a college & few a few weeks ago, and up to date its inmates consist of one woman, three Indians; a buffaio calf and a professor of Botany. : A Rhode Island man earries $200, 000 life insurance, and if he even takes cold in his head the compan- ies rush down thrée or four doctors to feel his pylse: Jenny, June got a hat turned up on gngside, and ber hea' and ériticis: ed it so. that she wore her old bonnet when shu went to see the Sphinx; and lo! it was the only one there.--- everybody had on a new felt hat and everyong had it turned up high at the sides. * Baid her husband, "Good heavens t have all the women gone orazy 2' Yes," replied she, m ly, "and why can't I go crazy too? «My dear," said he "you may; it would be ridiculous to be the only sensible woman in the world." Sg hereafter she is going to wear her' gray feft turned up on ong side, in » peace. ! . "Wlat shall we do with our daugh< ters?" inquires Mrs. Livermore, and a Western editor--an inhuman wietch--replies. "If they are like their mother--wear false hair, cor- séts and high heeled shoes, powder and paint--wring their necks at once." An old Scotchwoman, who bad been a long time a follower of the Duke of Wellington's army, in the capacity of sutler, was one evening proceeding an important battle, was in grave conversation with a venér- able sister, : though of a different nation, on thé probable consequences of the noxt day's engagement. -- "Well," says the English sutler, "Tt most certainly will be a bloody battle; and all I have got to say is God stand by the right." "The and old age is telling on him pretty rapidly. He will leave a little mat- ter of $70,000,000. A little boy at Baltimore amused himself the other day by pouring tar into the street letter-boxes. The mails were late next morning, Please, Mister, my father's dead and my ntother's runned away, and would ye let me and my sister suck cider with a straw out of that ere | barrel o' yourn ?' Philosophers say that shutting the eyes mokes the sense of hearing more acute. A wag says that that this accounts for the many closed eyes that are seen in our churches. A rude fellow told Barnum that he had never exhibited anything that was not a barefaced humbng., "Yes, I have,' said Barnum, ¢ the bearded lady wasn't barefaced. It is told of Lord Norbury that when passing sentence of death upon a man for stealing a watch, he said to the culprit, ¢ My good fellow, yon eternity.' Two students at the Troy "Poly- technic Institute were rivals in courtship. Onp had plenty of money and was handsome, but the other wrote a song called "Love's Reverie" bad it published with a dedication to the girl who was the objective in the case, and that settled it. While a gentleman, a leading banker, in Richmond, Indiana, was reading the bible one evening to his family, in which occurred the pas- sage, ¢ What profiteth ita manif he gain the whole world aud lose "his own soul'? when Percy, a four-year old scion of the house, spoke up and | answered, ¢ Well, guess it'll do his boy some good.' The French Minister of war is much annoyed at the number of mr: riages in the army since the conclu- sion of peace. He iders be made a grasp at time, but caught diel pluck out your eén for your wicked wish, replied theCalidonian. "May God stand by Hantley's regiment, right or wrong," y Half the discomfort of life is the result of getting tired of ourselves. : Love without money is something like patent leather boots without soles. The charity that begins at home isn't the kind that « covers a nuuliifude of sins." Each bean plucks a leaf from a coquette ; go that thorns only remain for the husband. A Tennessee funeral was delayed for half an hour to allow a horse trade. Business befere pleasure was the motto. i A Milwankee woman's bonnet costs, upon ap average, about $15, but she has the bill made out for $30 or $40, in order to show if to the woman next door, A Brockport man dreamed recently thaf his aunt was dead, and the dream proved true. He tried this same game with his mother-in-law, but it didn't work. Marble men now make small tombstones by the quantity, with the epitaph already cat}; « Didn't know it was loaded." They leave the blank for the name and age. A spread-eagle orator wanted the wings of a bird to fly to every village and hamlet in fhe broad land, but he wilted when a naughty boy ip the crowd sang out : "¢ You'd be shot for a goose hefore you had flicd a mile." 'When a Chicago woman answered the door bell and was informed that her husband had been drowned, she sank down and whispered : " And the bill for $50 worth 0 false hair is to come up st four o'clock--ooh --hooooh I" Is there sny person yon wish me to xowrry 7 said a wife to a dying spouse; whe had been somewhat of a tyrant in his day.-- " Marry the devil, it you like," was the gruff reply. "No, I thatk you my dear, one husband of the same family is enough for me." & Neds At a competitive examination for a prize fot the best compositfon at a grammar school in this city, one of the effusions hended in coutaiped the following passage: "A man who has heen born aiid bred in the lap of luxury is more apt to siccuinb to bedbug poison than the hardy pioneer of our Western. forests." : : i A touching | incident is reported Oh : act prejudical to the organi of the army. 'Why he shotld think so is not" stated by the Patrie, which blishes the opinion of the mini Two soldiers were heard conversing during the Mexjcan war. 'What brought you here ?' said one. 'To tell the truth, love of adventure.-- 1 have no family ties, and I enlisted to see some fighting" 'Alas!' said 1 came here for exactly the oppo- coffin 1n the garret. ~ the other, 'I am a married, man and | site reason---1 wanted to see some} An utter strangyr called upon a respectable farmer last week, and asked hm if his house had not been yobbed bat during the war. The farmer veplied that it 3 bad. L' eaidethe stranger. "was one of the marsuding party that did it, I took & little silver locket." "That Jocket:' said the farmer bursting into' tears, * had. been,