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TT =' WoL. XX 12 | PORT PERRY, PROVIN CE O AND GENERAL ADVERTISER ma F ONTARIO; THURSDAY, MAR. & 1880. mm mem. Porth Onfurig Observer. A WEEKLY POLITICAL, AGRICUL TURAL § FAMILY NEWSPAPER, 18 PUBLISHED AT PORT PERRY, ONT. 'EVERY THURSDAY MORNING, BY ; BAIRD & PARSONS. "PERMS.--$1 per annum, if paid in ad- wance ; if not $1.60 will be charged. No subscription taken for less than six months; sand no paper discontinued until all arrears are paid. RATES OF ADVERTISING. Wor each line, first insertion ........$0 08 Bubsequent insertions, per line ...... 002 'Cards, under 6 lines, per annum ..... 5 00 Lettdrs containing money, when ad- dressed to this Office, pre-paid and regester- ed, will be at our risk 'Advertisements measured by Nonpareil, wand charged according to the space they oc- 'cupy. Advertisements received for publication. without specific instructions, will be inserted amtil forbid and charged accordingly. No advertisement will be taken out untilpaid for A liberal discount allowed to Merchants 'and others who advertise by the year or 'belf-year. gad These terms will in all cases be strictly +. e"d to - Job Department. Pamphlets, Hand Bills, Posters, Pro- grammes, Bill Heads, Blank Forms, Receipt Books, Checks, Books, Circulars, Business 'Cards, Ball Cards, &c., of every style and ssolor, exceuted promptly and at lower rates shan any other establishment in the County g&y Parties from a distance getting hand bills, &e. printed can have them done to take home with them. 0. PARSONS. BRD. I H. SANGSTER, M. D., Physician, Sur- J. geon and Accoucheur, (orone¥ for the County of Ontario PORY PERRY. Omce over Nott's Furniture Store, corner of Queen and Perry Steels. OMee hours from 9 a.m. to 12 m. Residence, the dwelling rcecently oceupled By Mrs, Geo. Paxton. et D. ANDERSON, MB. MD, FTMS. e). M.0.P.S., L.R.C.P. Graduate of he Univesity of Toronto, graduate of the Uni warsity of Trinity College, Fellow of Trinity Medical School Member of the Collegw of Physicians and Surgeons § Licentiate of the Royal College of Physicians, Edinb Physician, Surgeon, and Aceonchenr, Office over Corrigan & Campbell's Store (office weeupied by the late Dr. Diathwaite), Port Perry. ey. R. WARE, Coronor for the County of Ontario, Physician, Surgcen and Ac- coucheur, OfMce, opposite the tow hall. Port z M. F. McBRIEN, M.D, M. R. N FFospital, London, England. Hou E. FAREWELL, LL. B, County Crown Attorney for Ontario, Barrister, Attorney, nlieitor, and Notary Public. Omfee Incely oc- upiad by 8. H, Cochrane, Esq., Brock street, Whitby. , Guy's The lye R. Oshawa, J a ee ¥ YMAN L. ENGLISH LL. B, Solicitorin J Chancery, Attorney, Conveyancer, &e. y Oshawa. ce--Simeoe street, opposite the Post Office YOUNG SMITH, LL. B,, Barrister, At- ._torney-af-Law, Solicitor in Chancery, snd Insolveney, Notary Public, &c. OMce--MoMillan's Block, Brock street, Whitby. W. Maurice Cochrane, TTORNEY-AT-LAW, Solicitor in Chan cery Notary Public, &c., &c. Jffice hours punctually from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Money to Loan at 8 per cent, on all Kinds of good security. Office, Bigelow's toyal Arcade, PORT PERRY. ee N PATERS)N, (late of Beaverton.) Barrister un | Attornes-at Law, Soliei- £or in hancery, Conveyancer, Notary Pub- Lio 7 Lf Brown .& Currle's Store x Port Perry. * --eee i BILLINGS Barrister, Solicitor, Notary + Public, &e, Port Perry. £20~ A large amount of money to loan at 8 per cent. A. MURRAY, J ATE Patterson & Fenton, Surgeon Dentist. Office over Corrigan & Camp- bell's Store, Port § Perry.: All Ww done in the very latest and bust style and warranted to give satisfaction . Por Perry, March 28, 1877. T - © ©. N. VARS, T. D. 8. EETH inserted on all the latest princi- ples of the art, and as cheap as the cheap- est, and as as the best. Teeth filled with Gold and Silver. Teeth extracted without pain by producing local anmsth- esia. Dentical Rooms--in Cowan's new block, over Atkinson's Drug Store, King Ktreet, Oshawa. ~ Hanning & Lally, IL. SURVEYORS, CIVIL EN- . cinpsns. Draughtsmen, Solicitors of Patents. Office, Gould's Block, Uxbridge. '©. @. HANNING. ©. W. LALLY. Moxey To Loax --C. 0. Hanning, Agent forthe Freehold Loan & Savings Co. . Uxbridge, March 26, 1879, -- a ENRY GRIST, Paren SoLicito) _ DeaveuT™AY, Ottawa, gy Transacts business with the Patent Office oh dopartinents of tle Svaiment and the on of Trade and Designs procured. Drawings, 'and other Documents ncees. are Patents of Invention, prepared the model of the Invention. s __ Business Cards. ONTAR10 BANK. CAPITAL $3,000.000 PORT PERRY BRANCH. SAVINGS DEPARTMENT. A Savings Department is now open in connection with this Branch. Deposits of FiveDollars ana up wards received and inter- est allowed thereon. : No notice of withdrawal required. A-A. ALLEN, MANAGER. W. M. WILLOOX LICENSED AUCTIONEER. 3) ETURNING my sincere thanks to my \ numerous friends and patrons for their liberal patronage bestowed upon we as Afictioneer during the past eight years, would now beg to offer my services to atl who may have Farm Stock, Implements, or uther property to sell by Auction anywhere in North Ontario, the township of Mariposa or Cartwright, My long and extensive practice as Auc- tioncer has enabled me to judge the value of Farm Stock with an accuracy second to none in the County, and this is of import- ance as it the Auctioneer is not a good judge of the value of Stock he may soon lose far more than his foé in any sale. Bill stanps always on hand. Sale Bills arranged and notes supplied free of charge. Days of Sale may be arranged at the Omserver Office, where a Sale Register will be kept Terms Liberal, W. MW. Port Perry, Supt. 4, 1877. E. MAJOR, © [CENSED AUCTIONEER. All parties wishing his services can call at the "0b or! Ofhice, Port Perry, and arrange for days of Sales. Port Perry, Jan 10, 1879. WM. GORDON, Licensed Auctioneer, Valuntor, &e. YOR the Township of Brock, Uxbridge, Scott, TIhorab, Rama, Mara, Mariposa | and Eldon, g@™ Parties entrusting their Sales to'me may rely on the utmost attention being given to their interests. WM. GORDON, Sunderland, Brock. T. H. WALSHE, ICENSED Auctioneer for. the Township of Brock, "Thorah, Mara & Rama in North Ontario; Mariposa, e the County ! of Victoria. Residence--Cannington, Brock. Orders left at this office, or at his residence will be panctually attended to. Debts col= lected in Cannington, or otherwise, and prompt remittances made. Remember-- WALSHE, the North Ontario Auction- eer. = WH. HEZZELWOOD, Licensed Auctioneer. | FEE Undersigned having taken out a Licenss as Auctioneer is now prepared to attend to all sales entrasted to him -- Having had wuch experience in handling Real Estate, Live Stock such as Horses, Cattle, Sheep, &c., also Farming Im le. wents of all kinds, Farm Preduce, &c, Le, parties placing their sales in my hands may rely on getting ali for the property that is posstlle to bring. All orders promptly attended to, sale bills made out and sale notes turnished free of charge Parties leaving their at 'the Ossenver Office, Pert Perry, will receive immediate and careful attention, Charges Moderate, WM. HEZZELWOOD, Raglan. orders | Raglan, Sept 10,1878, The Subscriber In returning his siucere | thanks for the very liberal patronage be- stowed on him in the past would inform the pubii¢ generally that having hought a erty and moved into the Village of Prince Ribery, he will in future give his whole attention to his business as Contractor, and is Ww ready to uifdertake Stone Work, Brick- Fain Plastering, and everything connecte ith, which he will executeon the shori- est notice and In the best and most durable style, and at the very lowest figure at Which a Roc Job san he dove: pane est material and first-class workmanshi Gar. SPENCE. Prince Albert, April 5, 1876. OHN CHRISTIE, TOWNSHIP OLERK, ser of Marriage Licenses--Conveyancer, : Commissioner &c. Office--Manchester. FORMAN, ISSUER OF M. SPENCE, Contractor, Buiiper, &c. e T. © Marriage Licenses. One door west of the Walker House Port Perry. 2 Port Perry, July lst, 1874. YTENRY CHARLES haying been re- ointed Marriage License nish Licenses as horctoiore==at Port Perry. WESTERN ASSURANCE COMPANY, ; INCORPORATED 1851. 2 OADITAL 8800000. (With power to increase to $1,000,000.) HEAD OFFICE, TORONTO, ° = Insurances effected at the low ot iki on Buildings, A oe and other property, against loss or damage by fire. J 3 JNO. & D. J. ADAMS, Agents, Port Perry. Port Perry, Jan 22, 1879, BROKER, 'MONE NOTICE TO FARMERS & OTHERS | PORT PERRY LIVERY STABLES (after sixteen years duty) continues to fur- T [port Perry, Aug. 6,1878 INO, & D. J. ADAMS, Money, Land & Insurance BROKERS, . PORT PERRY, + ----e TT AVE large sums of mohey on hand for Investment, Mortgages Purchased. A number of excellent arms fo! Sale or to Rent. AGENTS FOR THE ALLAN LINE Of Steamships. JOHN & DAVID J. ADAMS, Office in Mx. Ross' Ontario Buildings, Port Perry. Port Perry, Jan, 23, 1870 JAMESLUND, MONEY, LAND & INSURANCE QUE ANCES, Commissioner for taking Afidavits in Court of Queen's Bench, &e. MONEY 10 LOAN In any manner to suit borrowers, Mortgages Bought. accounts, Notes, &e., Collected and prompt remittances made. The party borrowing money can get it without commission, at the Lowest rate, and is allowed to fix his own time for payment of interest once a year (not in advance), and he can at any tithe, just as clrcumstances perinit repay part or all of the principal, the Company binding thems Ives inthe mort- gage Lo nceept such sum, whetber large or small, and apply it as a direct reduction of prineipal, immediately eancelling the interest on the sum puid. No extra charge is exacted on such repayment. Loans mode from 2 to 2) years on farm, or good p:oductive town property. In all cases where the fitle is perfect, the cost will be very slight ta' the horrower. As I am a hoth ag Afent and Valiator for several Companies thdre can possibly be no publicity in the transaction. If the title 1s perfect the money will be pald here in two weeks after making applica- JAMES LUND. Broker, &c I y y Parrish's Block, Cor, Brock and Bascom x streets, Uxbridge. TO LOAN. The undersigned has any amount of Money to lend upon Farm and Town Property, at Unusually Low Rates of Interest! Loans can be repaid in any manner to suit the borrower. Also several Improved Farms, and Wild Lands for sale, cheap, ot Investments made in Municipal Deben tures, Bank #nd other marketable Stocks. Apply to JAMES HOLDEN, Broker, &e. Whitby, April 10, 1873, MONEY TO LOAN. HE undersigned would say to the owners' of Real Estate, that he has in his hands a Taage amount of private funds which he is prepared to invest for periods to suit borrow- ers--interest at eight per cent Expedition and most reasonable terns assured. CHRISTIAN. 0, LOA Manchester, October MONEY NHE Subscriber is prepared to lend honey F| | on improved property for terms from one to twenty years, Agent for WestRey CANADA LoaAN AND Savinas Company, fle has also been jusiructed to invest a large amount of Private I'unds. y Inter st Eight pec cent. No Commission. N. F. PATERSON, "ay 20, 1878. Solicitor Port Perr [Private "'o Loan on good Farms, at 8 per cent in- 8 terest. LYMAN ENGLISH, BarmisTer, &o., Oshawa 4 November 21, 1866. THE ONTARIO Farmers' Mutual Insuance Co'y, ' Head Office, Whitby, ' This Company is now fully organized and is prepared to accept risks on Farm Buildi and their contents, country School Houses and Churches. Those wishing to itsure and thereby support a Home Insurance Company have now an opportunity of doing so, either by applying to the Head Office, or to any of the local Agents of the Company. Our rates will be found as low as those of any respon- sible Mutual Insurance Company in Canada. Head Office--Opposite the Royal Hotel Brock 8t., Whitby. C. NOURSE, Seeretary. W. H. BROWNE, General Agent. C. KENZIE, PROPRIETOR. riber havi fully ip ving now ee ved tehEIve Live Sabioe w th Carriages, is 1 rior Horses an prepared i To tarnish first class ! On Moderate Terms. Ci MCKENZIE. Re-appointed Issuer Marriage Licenses. Under the New Act. Office, lot 10, in the 1st con Brock. VERY RIGS) FRotels. THE Walker House, "PORT PERRY. HE Subscriber having leased the above hotel, it will be his endeavor to conduct it in every particular so as to merit the approbation and patronage of the public. THE WALKER HOUSE whether for extent or quality of accommos dations is \equalled by few Trotels in the Province and surpassed by 'none out of the tb cities Ed Sal . "Commercial Travelers, the Traveling Public, Farmers and others doing business in the'Village and the general public will od in THE WALKER HOUSE all that can be required in the matter of accommodation and moderation in charges. fhe Charges are No Higher at the 'Walker House than at any other. Hotel in Town. The House is fitted up throughout in FIRST CLASS STYLE. The Tables ahd Bar supplied with the choice of the market and the utmost atten~ tion paid to the convenience and comfort of ALL GUESTS. : No better stable and shed accommodation in the Provinge: Attentive hostlers, W. HASLAM, Port Perry, Dec. 4, 1879. pore PERRY HOUSE, The urdersighed having leased for a term of years this gomfortable, pleasantly located Hotel will endeavor by strict attention to the convenience and comfort of guests to make the Port Perry Ho:we a desirable place of entertainment for the general public. Choice supplies for the table and bar. The stable and yard carefully attended to. JOHN RUDDY. Port Pei Dec 9,1879, QF rari HOTEL, Brock st., Whitby. C. DAWES, PROPRIETOR. The proprietor will spare neither labor nor expense in securing the comfort of his guests, He invites all his old friends and the public generally to call and see hiin, Cnarces To sure toe Times. Good Livery attached to the Hotel, Whitby, Dec. 4, 1879. (reraaL HOTEL, The subscriber having succeeded Mr, Dewart in the Commercinl Hotel, Williams- burg, Cartwright, intends fitting it up with a view to the comfort and convenience of guests The supplies for the table and bar care- fully selected, Cartwright, M Rivers HOUSE, MANCHESTER. By GEO. HOUCK. ; Having {eased the above excellent Hotel it will be my endeavor to conduct it in every particular so as to merit the appro- bation and patronage of the public. Manchester, Oct. €, 1875. ( UEEN'S HOTEL, «, Corner of Cameron and Laidlaw Sts. D. CAMPBELL, ProrrieTOR CANNINGTON, Oxr. This Hotel is now furnished in the best style, and offers every accommodation to travelers 3 pES™ First class Sample Rooms, attached. Cannington, Oct, 20, 1875. Livery A FOuO-ANERICAN HOTEL,» PRINCE ALBERT. ° W. H. PARK, PROPRIETOR, Having purchased the above pleasantly situated Hotel, 1 have thoroughly repaired and renovated the entire premises even to the Sheds. The Hotel has been furnished in First-Class Style and Stocked with the best Liquors and Cigars! Strict attention paid to the comfort of uests, The tab.c and bar well supplied. W H. PARK. Prince Albert, June 12, 1875. A RusTRONG HOUSE, (Lata ALBION,) . WHITBY, ONTARIO. E. ARMSTRONG, PROPRIETOR. '$ HOTEL, WHITBY, ONT. McCANN & TAYLOR, ProPrisToRs. Every accomodation for the traveling public. re QUEEN WHEY, PORT PERRY & LINDSAY RAILWAY. Taking Rest Mon Xo 8, 1870. a ondav, Vv . "8 "TORONTO TIME. Trains Going North. ISSUER OF MARRIAGE LICENSES, m: came a regular big dealer as you RUTH'S STEPFATHER. A curious trade to take to, but then it has grown to be profitable. Things were at a low cobb with me when IT took it up, whilo now ---- There, [won't boast, only say that I'm thankful fof it. Poverty comes in at the door, and love flies out of the window, so they say ; but that's all nonsense, or else your poor people would be always miserable, while according to my experience yop poor man is often more light- carted than the man with thous- ands. I was at my wits' end for some- thing to do, and set nibbling my nails one day, and grumbling horr ibly. " Don't goon like that, Tom," says my wife; 'things might be worse." ' How ?' I said. ' Why, we might have Luke at home and, he is doing well." Luke's is our boy, you know, and wo had got him into a merch- aut's office, whore he seemed likely to stay ; but, I wasin a grambling fit then, and there was a clickety- click noise going on in the noxt room that fidgeted me terribly. ¢ Things can't be worse," I said angrily ; and I was going 10 prove myself in the wrong by making my wife cry, when thore was a knock at the door. 'Comein, Isaid' and a fellow- lodger put in his head. 'Are you good at works, Smith ?' he said. 'what works ?' I said: ¢ fireworks --gasworks ?' 'No no I mean works of things as goes with wheels and springs.' ¢ Middling," TU said, for I was fond of pulling clocks to pieces, and trying to invent. "I wish you'd come and look at this sewing machine of mino' for I can't get it to go.' Sewing machines were newish in those days, and I got up to huve a {ook at it, and ufter about an hour's fiddling about, 1 began to sce a bit the reason why--the purpose; you know, of all the screws and cranks and wheels ; I found out too why our neighbor's wife--who was a dressmaker and had just started ono --could not get it to go ; and before night, by thinking, and pitting this and that together, had got her in the way of working it pretty steadi- ly, though with my clumsy fingers I couldn't have done it myself. 1 had my bit of dinner and tea with those people, and they forced half-a-crown upon me as well, and I went back feeling like a new man, s0 refreshing had been that bit of work. ¢ There," said my wifo, you something would come.' ¢ Well so you did," I said; "but the something is rather small.' Bat the very nextday --as wo were living in the midst of people who were fast taking to sewing machines --if the folks from thu next house didn't want me to look at theirs! and then tho news spreading, news will spread, that there wus somebody who could cobble and tin ker machinery, without putting peo- ble to the expence that mukers would, if the jobs didn't come in fast, so that I was obliged to get files aud drills and a vice--regular set of tools by degrees ; und at last 1 was as busy as a bee from morning to hight, and whistling over my work as happy as a king. Of course, every now aud then I wot a breakage, but I could general - ly got over that by buying a new wheel, or spindle, or what not. Next we got to supplying shuttles, and needles, and muchine cotton. Soon after I bought a machine of a man who was tired of it. Next week l-sold it at a good profit; bought another; and another ; and sold them { then gov to taking them and money in exchange for now ones ; and one way and the other bo Mr. "T told as see. Hundred? Why, new, second- hand. and with those being repaired up-stairs by the man, I've got at least three hundred on the premises, while if anybody had told me fifteen years ago that I should be doing this, I sbould have laughed at him. 'hat pretty girl showing and ex- plaining the machine to a customer ? That's Ruth, that is. No, not my danghter-~yet, but she soon will be. Poor girl, I always think of her and of bread thrown upon the waters at the same time. but I'll tell you why. Curious idea that, you will say, In our trade we have strange pen- ple to deal with. Most of 'em are ves -------------------------------------------- off, but are ready and willing to pay so much a week. That suits them and it suits me, if they'll only keep the payments up to the end. You won't believe me, perhaps, but some of them don'tdo that.-- Some of them leave their lodgings, afid I never see them again; and the most curious part is that the sewing machine disappears with them and I never ece that again. Many a one, too, that has disappeared like that J o see again--perbaps have it brought hore by soiie one to be re- paired, or exchanged for a bigger, or for one by a different maker; for if you look round here you'll see I've got all kinds--new and old, little do- mestiés and big trades--there, you name any maker, and seo if I don'{ bring you out one of his works. Well whon I ask these people where they got the machine--for I always know them by the number-- It turns out that they have bought it through an advertisement, of at a sale room, or may be out of a pawn- Foroker's shop. But I've plenty of honest people to deal with too-- them as have come straightforward,and asked to me take their machine back, whenI'd allow them as much as I thought fair, art "twould be the end ofa pleasant transaction, - The way I've been bitten thongh by some folks, has made me that case-hardencd that sometimes I've wondered whether I'd got any heart left, and the wife had to interfere, telling me I've been spoiled with prospertiy, and grown unfeeling. It was she made me give way about Ruth; for one day, after hav= ing had my bristles all set up by finding out that three good sound machines, by best makers, had gone nobody knew where, who should come into my shop but a ladyhke- looking woman in very shabby widow's weeds. She wanted a machine for herself and daughter to learn,und she had heard that I would take the money by instalment.-- Now just half an hour before by our shop clock, 1-had made a vow that I would give up that part of the trade, and I was very rough with her -- just as Lam when Im cross--and said, 'No. «Bat you will ff the lady gives security,' says my wife hastily. The poor woman gave such a woe begone look at us that it made me moro out of temper than ever, for I could feel that if I stopped I should have to let her have oue at her own terms. And so it was; for there if I didn't let her havo a drs class machine, as good as new, she only paying seven and six down and undertaking to pay half a-crown a week, and no more security than nothing. To make the thing worse, too, if I didn't send the thing home without charge!--Luke going with it for he was back at home now keeping my books being grown into a fine follow of five-and-twenty ; and Isat and growled tho whole rest of the day, culling myselfall the weak-minded idiots under the sun, and telling the wife that business was going to the dogs, and I should be ruined. ¢ You onght to be ashamed of your- self, Tom,' she said. ¢So Lam,' says. *¢Tdidn't think I could be such a fool.' ¢« Such a fool as to do a good, kind action to one who was evidently a lady born, and come down in the world.' « Yes,' I says, 'toliving in Ben~ nett's Place, where I'vo sunk no less than ten machines in five years.' «Yes, says the wife, ¢ and cleared hundreds of pounds, Tom, I am ashamed of you--you a man with twenty workmen busy up-stiirs, a couple of thousand pounds' worth of stock, and in tho bank a -- 'Hold your tongue, will you? 1 anid roughly and went into the shop to try and work it off. Luke, came back soon after, look- ing very strange, and I was at bim directly. : 'Where's the seven and six? 1 says angrily. He didn'tanswer, but put three half-erowns down on the desk, took ont the book, made his entries --date of delivery; first payment, when the other's due, and all the rest of it-- and was then going into the hduso. «Mind, Isags sharply, 'those payments are to be kept up to the day ; and tosmotrow you go to. the Rolly's who live nearly oppasite to 'om, and tell 'em to hedp an -éyé on the widow or wo shall lose another machine.' : : «You neednit be afraid, father,' he sys coldly; 'they ure honest enough, only poor.' I was just in that humour that I wanted to quarrel with somebody Brock, Aug. 5,1874, 33 FORT PERRY, ONTARIO, poor and can't buy « machive right «When I isk you for your opinion it,' I says in ag savage a way as ever I spoke to the lad, 'You go over to-morrow und teil Rolly's to keop u strict lookout on these people--do you hnar ? Father,' he says, looking me full in the face,*I couldn't insult them | ty doing such a thing', when with- out another word he walked quietly out of the shop, leaving me worse than ever. me like thut before, and I should have gone after him feeling mad like, only some people came in, and I didn't see him again till evening, and a good thing too, for I am sure I should have said all sorts of things tothe boy that I should bare been sorry for after. And there I was fuming and frotiing about, savage with everybody, giving short ans-- wers, snapping at the wife, and feel- ing as a man does feel when he knows that he has been in tho wrong and hasn't the heart to go and own it. E It was about eight délock that I was sitting by the parler fire, with the wife working and very quiet; when Luke came in from the work- shop with 3 book under his arm, for her had been totting up the men's piccoework, and what was due to them, and the sight of him made me feel as if I must quarrel. He saw it too, but he said nething, only put the acéoutits away and, began to read. Tho wifo saw the storm brewing, and she knew how put out I was, for: I had not lit thy pipe, nor yet had my evening nap which I always have after tea. So she did what she knew so well how to do---filled my pipe, forced it into my hand, and just as I was going to dash it to pices in the ashes when she gave me one of her old looks, kissed me on the forehead, as with one hand sho pressed me down in my chair, and then with the other she lit a splint and held it to my tobacco. To be Continued. Banks' Babies. { was detained over Sunday in Barnsbury, and on Sunday morning I resolved to go to church, The first church I came too was a small wooden structure with a wooden steeple, had the doors and windows tightly shat, but there was a man sitting on the front steps whittling @& stick, and I said to him : ¢ Are you connected with the church ?' «Yes, he said ; 'I'm the sekton,' ¢ What is it clused for?' t Well, mostly on account of Banks' babies.' ¢ Babies 7' «8it down, and I'll tell you about it.-- You know Banks, he came to town to live a few weeks ago, a perfect stranger, aud he rented a pew in this church, It seems that Bauks had three little bits ot babies, triplets not mor'n two months old, and then besides these, he had twius about a year old. So nobody knew about the babies, but Banks wanted to have the little darlings baptized, and he allowed to Mrs, Banks that to rush the whole five babies into church on one sunday might excite remark, you under~ stand, So he settled that hic'd have them christened gradually so tospeak. Accord. ingly, the next Sunday be fetched little Jemmy, one of the triplets, and all went off well enough. On the following Sunday he came & promenadin' up the aisle with George Washington, another triplet, and Dr. Binns, onr preacher, he fixed Lim up all right: People thought it queer, but wlien on the next Sanday mornin', Banks and his wife came into church with another baby, William Henry, crying likea Pawnee war- whoop, some of the folks couldn't help snickerin.' + , nobody complained, and all might have been well if Banks hadn't come along the Sunday after with Elijah Hunsiker Banks, one of the twius, Every. body laughed, and Mr. and Mrs. Banks, they were furious--mad as everything you know; sud when Elijah Husiker Banks hauled off dceidently with his hand and Lit Dr. Binns, who was holding him during the ceremony, & whack in the face, and the Dr. dropped bim off ia the water, the congrega- tion just fairly roared with laughter, and Mrs. Banks turned as red as fire aod looked as it she would like to murder somebody. « Well you know, we all thonght this was the last, and public feeling kinder simmered down, on towards the end of the week, when who shotild conie booming up the aisle on Sunday morning but Mr.and Mrs, Banks with Tecnmseh Aristotle Banks the remain~ ing, twin? Well, you ought to have heard the congregation laugh! I neveraeen any thing like itin my experince. Bven Dr. Biuns bod to smile. And the Bankses were perfectly wild with rage. Anyhow, they baptised Tecumach ; aud aftet meeting some of the elders got to jokin' about it. -- One said they'd have to apply to the town supervisors to have the water works; an- other allowed that dtrangements should be rade to divert the Huckleberey Cresk, and young man, you give it to the ind | br when I tell you to do a thing,you do athens time to interfere; For that boy had never spoken to : #n especial aversion. run it dotn the middle aisle of the church was eople Jat roaie'. And when Banka, in on Sunday, with the fourth and sisters' children, the trustees thoug 0 _ Betting to be a farce yor know, So the trustocs held an informal meetin' and agreed to close the church for a month, so's to kinder freese Banks out, and now we've shut up, 3 Sol said good-day to the sexton, and went in search of another sanctuary, A Tableau: « Cade Chloride got out of bed suddenly the other night and caught his daughter sitting on the lap of i young masher for whom he ente: inel Walking up to the couple he collard one with eithes hand, and holding them at arms'-lengih, he said, ad- dressing the girl : « Lizzie, don,t I tell yon not to allow this yong fifow to come foolin around here ? What you been a doin,' ?' ¢ We are getting up a tablcau for the church father,' said Lizzie. ¢« A tablow ; what was them smaks I heard ?' . 4 ¢ That't in the tableau,' said the yong man. 1 Oh | they was, was they? And what was all the bugging' I saw, about ?* «That fs in the tableau, to Lizzie. «Oh it i] is it?' said Chloride . releasing the girl, and dragging the young man to the window, He hoisted the sash seized hilt Ly the collar and the back of bis pants, aud dropped him out. + Oh, father | what 1 r+ you doing ?' shreik= ed Lizzie, in agonized tones, ns the howl of a man and the growl of a dog cauie up from below, ¢ Nothing, nothing at all,' said Chloride. + I was having a little tableau for the bene- fit of this family, and that was one of the most effecting situations. I did feel kinder sorry for that coon,' remarked the father, when telling the wife the incident, - for that dog hates a masher wors: than I do castor oil, but discipliiie Is going to be maintained in this family, if I have to feed every young man in this town to that dog. said ---- -- et Dis-pairing people==those about to obtain a divorce. Never kick a man when be is down. He might get up again. This is arrest I have not been longing for, was the coment of a weary thief Who he was finally run down. The time has evidently gone by when thé thermometer hugs zero, the old folks hug the fire, and the young folks hug each other, A man who makes up his mind to become a rascal bad better first examine himselt and see if he is not better intended for a fool. This being leap year, any wife is privileg- ed to go down town after ten o'clock and hunt up her husband and read im a lectus on larks and other Lirds, A beautiful girl up town recvived a fing rant bouquet from of her many admirers, « How lovely ' exclaimed the ecstatic fale one ; * it famiguts the eatire domicile.' Josh Billings had no recollection of hav- ing ever met a person who hud all the fame he Wanted and was acxious to take a back scat, A successful banker deserves great credit, since from the time he commenced business he has constantly been receiving cheques. It may be vulgar to keep time to orchestra music with your foot, Lut it keeps a man so interested that Lie forgets to go out to get a clove. Sheep naturally live to the age of only fifteen years, and this accounts for the fait that spring lamb in restaurants seldom gets very far into the teens. A Suape Cnicx.--Lady Exmniner--¢ Tell me, what is an average ?" Child--"' A thing to lay eggs on. Mother says our old hen lays six eggs a week vn an average. No one knows who invented the fashion in society of turning down the corner of & visiting card; but the fashion of turning down the corer of a street was first thought of by the man who owed a small bill to the trad he saw coming' «How shall we treat the boys?' asks an educational magazine, To which the Bure lington Hawkeye replies: -- Oh, don't you worry about that, Just you call the boys up and ask them what they'll take, and they'll render their decisions a great deal more promptly and more to the general satisfuc-- tion than you could do, Don't let that keep you back a minute.' ' A well known beauty in London society occupied # stage boxat a theatre inthe Strand not long ago, Her white furs and diamou is were the admiration of the house. Shortly after the beauty's departure an at- tendant found a star of brilliants iu the box, and, like da honest woman, gave treastire-trove into the hands of the man= agement No inquiries were made next day about the lost star, but ultimately it found its way into the rightful owner's another made sofrie kind of a joke about and that did it,