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. 7.can have them done totake home withthe . = Professional Carros, hee Attorney at 3 Solicitor . chargedaccordingly. Noadvertisemeni will be taken ATT FT RE a a Trp th Sas VOL. XIV, NO. 16. PRINCE ALBERT, ONT., THURSDAY, APRIL 20, 1871. " {WHOLE NO. 691 en a --- Oh Hutavin "hasten, A WEEKLY | POLITICAL, AGRICULTURAL AND Family Newspaper; .¥8 PUBLISHED AT THE VICTORIA BLOCK, PRINCE ALBERT COUNTY OF ONTARIO, EVERY THURS DAY MORNING BAIRD & PARSONS S:--g1.60per or ananins if paid within six amREL a Within that time. $2.00. Nosub- seription taken for lessthan six months;andnopaper discontinued until all arrearsare paid. ; Letterscontaining money. when addlessed to tl ce, pre- "paidandregistered, willbeat ourrisk, RATES OF ADVERTISIN G. For cach Tiie, de $s° !" Bubsgquent it 'insertions, per line. 0 02 Cdrds, und , ber annum. 500 'Advertisements measured in Nonpareil and charged according to the space they occupy. Advertisementsreceived forpublication.withoutspe- cific instructions, will be inserted until forbid, and .out until paid for. Aliboral discount allowed Lo Moighants and others | bythe yearorhalf- wibadenlisghy ils ih dn rs be strictly al. hered to, 'The constantly incrensing importance of the North 'Bidingof OmariorendersthepublicationofihcOBsERVER _anecessity. Ever advocating right, and condemning wrong, it willconstantly take the Tend in-forwarditg- 'the Sénetalinigiensof le county; and' in the amount - land generalnewsgiven, willbe uns passedby Thane? pablisesin Ool Canada. JOB DEPARTMENT. Pamphlets, Hand Bills, Posters, Programmes, Bill Heads, Blank Forms, Receipt Booke, Check Binokisy Circulars, Business Cards, Ball Cards, &e., every style and color, executed promptly. hb catesthanatany otherestablishinentin thiscounty. Partiesfrom a distance getting hand bills, i sprinted J. BAIRD. | H. noi, Shs DENTISTRY. aD ED H. L. Harnden, L.D.S., Surgical 'and Mechanical Dentist, Of Ten Years Experience, OFFICE IN . BIGELOW'S BLOCK, PORT PERRY. RESIDENCE "PRINCE ALBERT. Particular attention given to ge _ regulation of Children's Teeth. Mineral Teeth mounted on aod, Silver and Vulcanized Rubber. Teeth filled with Gold, so as to pregerve them from further A Nitrous Qsida. L: oo Miministered. foi thet painless extraction of Teeth Consultation free and all work wairaniel: Sept. 7 1870. 36-1y C.D WAID BargeonDentist,Ccr, Maing Brock St. ie LL Dental opera- tions performed with the utmost skill and care, warranted to givesatisfaction or no charge, and at prices which defy competi tion, [Also dealer in all kinds of Jewelry, Fancy © Goods, &c. RrrerENCES.-- 17. P. Griggs, Port Hope ; Rev, J T. Byrne, Whitby : Jos. Gould, Esq., and J. Bolster, M, $B. , Uxbridge. Uxbrids 3, Dec. 17, 1868. . N. VARS RACTICAL Dentist, Oshawa, Ont,-- Dental Rooms directly opposite the post offie entrance Simcoe street, third door north of the Ontario Bank. bo-1y meryr------ ~Dr. Brathwaite, PRINCE 'ALBERT, Physician, Surgeon, and Accoucheur, 3 DR. WARE, ORONER for the County of Ontario, P sician, Surgeon and Accoucheur, Prince bert" DR, C. E. MARTIN, RADUATE of Victorin College, Trott a Provincial Licentiate, Graduate of' Bellyue Hospital Medical College ; of the New York Eye and Ear 1 Infirmery in General and Su id special graduate for iseases of the chest, ork. Office at al lison & Petitt's Drug a, Port Perry. Insurance, THE 'ONTARIO FARMERS' Mutual Insurance Company HIS Com! UpALY is now fully organized and is prepare is accept risks on Farm: Buildings and their contents, country School Houses and Jhurches, Those wishing to insure and thereby support a Home Insurance Company have now an opportunity of doing so either by applying to the Head Office, or to any of the local Agents low as those of any respos Company in Canada. Head Office--The old Registry Office Build- ings, Brock Street, Whithy, L. FAIRBANKS, JR., Secretary ibleMutual Insurance 27 ly R. JONES, M. D,, CORONER FOR THE COUNTY OF ONTARIO; PHYSICIAN, SURGEON, &C. FFICE and Rewidence--over Allison & Pettit's Drug Store, Port Perry. Drs. McGILL & RAE, * PARoIaNs S Surgeons, &c., &e. Residences, Ki ing street, Oshawa. WM. M'GILL, M. D. " FRANCIS RAE, M, B. SAMUEL H, COCHRANE, LL.D. BiHETER County Crown_ Attorney, Solicitor in Djianeey, Notary Publiz, &e., Brock street, Whitby. + R. J, WILSON, ARpISTOR, Attorney at Law, Solicitor in Chanery, &c. Office in the Victoria Building, at. Whitby. LYMAN ENGLISH, LLB, OLICITOR in Chancery, Attorney, .Conveyancer, &c., Oshawa. Office--Simcoe 'street, opposite the post office. G. YOUNG SMITH, LL, B, y ARRISTER,_ Attorney-at-Law, Solicitor in Targa 0arY, and Insolvency, Notary Pub y Cy & Offcs Neila 's Black, Brock Street, wa "by, Ontario. Ontari "CAMERON & MACDONELL, ARRISTERS and Attorneys at Law, Solicitors County Council Ontario. ' Offices: Dourt House. 0, CAMERON. | 1 JAMES LAMON, \ TPORNEY at Law, Solicitor in Cliancery, a Sonya yancer, &c,--Land Agent, RE Gfice over Armstrong's otel, Maa Office and H, J. MACDONELL. FAREWELL & "MGEE, » ARBISTERS, Attorneys, Solicitors, Con- Banca 'and Notaries os publi, Oshawa. -- r North of the Post Office; and af le, office Mr. Feeter's Block, oppo- Lm. | R. M'GEE, B. A. JOHN BILLINGS, EA or "Clos avr a the opal . HURD, wy and Selivlior in in Qn Perry. xOfise in he Royal Fi 4 AT A el x, I 8 1, oor. Tooth oat be Ex- SRL : LB [spre o exsonte all operations shortest nd Samii specimens. S08 | Accounts COLLECTED PROMPTLY. WESTERN ASSUBANGE CoMP'Y TORONTO, C. WwW. INCORPORATED ..... cue 1851. $400,000 Capital = = President..... HON. JouN McMURRICH Vice-President 1, sq Secretary BERNARD. HALDAN, Esq. JAMES PRINGLE, GENERAL AGENT. BRITISH AMERICAN Assurance Company ! FIRE AND MARINE, Oldest Chartered Upper Canadian Company. HEAD OFFCIE-CORNIE OF CHTRCH AND 'OURT STREETS, T ORONTO: : ---- Boarn or Drercrors.--Hon. G. W. Allan. Geo. J. Boyd, Hon. Wim Cayley, Tfios. DD. Harris, Peter Patar- son, G, Perceval Ridout, 8ir Jas. L Robinson, Bart. i. H. Rutherford, Thos Street, overnor : G, Perceval Ridout, Peter Pauerson, : EK. IL Rutherford, Hon W. Cay G4 Thos . Mnnuger Marine Departm, ment : Wm. Stew- . Lire Inspector : i. Roby O'Brien, T. W. BIRCHALL, Managing Director. * DAVID J. ADAMS, AGENT, PRINCE ALBERT. Deputy Governor : MAJOR & WILLCOX, LICENSED AUCTIONEERS [iz 2 FOR THE COUNTY OF ONTARIO, Valuators, Land Age Agents, Commission Merchants, &c. Money to Loan a at 8 per cent. E. MAJOR, Wi M. WILLCOX, * BORELIA. . PRINCE ALBERT. ~nnnnan | Sept. 29, 1870. * 39 J.C. PILKEY, Ww. | icensey Justianess NorthOntario; Jers loft at this hours .m, .m. J patents. 2 ls NAOT Tate ag Jo ted. | do this offen, or of 1 rsidence belt ey hotels. Royal Canadian £otel, PORT PERRY. us Sibscriber laying leased to above Hotel has fitted up in a style in keeping with the taplaly increasing business and prosporty of the Village andl neighborhood, and with direct re- ference to the comfort 'and convenience of the public. it attention paid to the Table and the Bar. Comfortable Stables and attentive Hostlers. Neither labor nor expense will be spared in making the Royal Canadian Hotel worthy of ublie patronage. r HENRY FOY. Port Perry, June 16, 1869. 3 "REVERE HOUSE." MANCHESTER B. PLANK,.. PROPRIETOR. AVING purchased the above hotel, and has Hh as the fas oH the choloedt Sine) Ty 10 guests Staces to'and Tron Wii nf = § Carehil ostlers alwaysjn attendance. 8 Mackie's Eotel, (LATE BRODIE'S,) WALTON STREET, PORT HOPE. War. MACKIE, Proprietor. TJewett's Hotel, KENT STREET, LINDSAY. Good stable and shed attached, andan attentive ostler always in attendance. DAFOE HOUSE UTICA 00D accommodations. Careful attention to the requirements of travelers and guests. The bar supplied with the best wines, liquors and cigars Good snling, . DAFOE, Proprietor. Centre Hotel, SAINTFIELD, JAS. CAMERON, Proprietor. ALBION HOTEL, WHITBY. A, MASON, - - Proprietor This Hotel has undergone a thorough renova- tion and been fitted up with a view to the com- fort and conxenicnce of the traveling publie.-- Every attention will be paid to the table and of the Company. 'Our rates' wilt be found as pP®F While obliging and atientive hostlers will have charge of the stables. Whitby, 20th June, 1870. 25 MONEY 10 LEAD! REDUCED RATES. ------ AM now prepared to lend a amount of I Money on the security of Good Farm, or Pro- uctive Town Property at the lowest possible rate of interest in sums and manner to suit bor rowers, Principal can be repaid by yearly in- stalments or in one sum. Several well cultivated Fors and Lots of Wild Land for sale cheap. Investments made in Debentures, Mortgages, and other Securities. Silver and Greenbacks bought and sold. For further particulars, apply to JAMES HOLDEN, Official Assignee, Money Broker, &c. FFICE--McMillian's Block, Brock Street. hitby,Sept. 29, 1869. 39-¢ FIRST CLASS HARNESS WM. THOMPSON, Saddle and Harness MAKER, MANCHESTER OULD embrace yh opportunity of return- WE ing thanks to his customers for their steady and increasing patronage, and would in- orm the farming community and others that it ¥ ill be to their advantage to leave their orders th Wx. Troumpsoy, Manchester. He uses - the BEST MA' IAL, and makes it uj 50 GOOD STYLE and at MODERAT. = = REPAIRING NEATLY DONE. £1 WM THOMPSON. Manchester, Feb, 16, 1871. TIE GREAT LABOR « SAVING "MACHINE! | Over 400 SoM within the last few Months ! ersigned having purchased the exclu- | wep el 'THE ONTARIO 'to--on the - SEW arunee, Micune 4 pens, § ssh aster are now any num! oof the | So i sale. : . Every deseription of Wood Work. and done on short notice. Foyuicng NEVILLE & HURD. Auctioneer, Prince Albert, Oc, 26, 1870, Tree Omnibus to and from the Cars and Boats. | 8! them on. WHAT T LIVE FOR, 1live for those who love we, For those I know are true, For the heaven that smiles above me And waits my spirit, too; For those human ties which bind me, For the task my God assigned me, For the hopes that beam within me ; And the good that I can do. 1 live to hail that season, By gifted minds foretald, When man shall live for reason, And not alone for gold ; When man to man united, And every wrong thing righted, The world shall be truth-lighted, As Eden was of old. | - 1 live to hold communion Withall that is divine, + Po fork Shere is aoumione: Twixt nature' 's heart and mine, To profit by affliction, Reap truths from fields of fiction, * Grow wiser from conviction, And. fulfil each great design, "ius Fin x I live Yor those who love me, For those who love me true, Tor the heaven that smiles above me And awaits my gpirit teo ; Tor the wrong that needs resistance, For the cause that lacks assistance, For the future in the distance, And id the good th that Feamdo,----* > ---- How Mr. Ko Keith Wiosi ¢ Man's work is Thom sun to sun, buy woman's work is never dove," qnoted Mrs. Keith. She had just finished her work for the evening, everything was tidied, and she was taking up her sewing, when Mr. Keith upset a vinegar bottle and a bowl of gravy in the kitchen cupboard, rameging after a knife which was in his pocket all the time. Mre. Keith relinquished her idea of a little season of quiet, and went out to eet matters in order again. Mr, Keith followed to oversee her--a habit some men have. ¢ I wish you would be a little more care- ful, Henry. You do not realize Low many things 1 have to see to." ¢ Humph !" said Mr. Keith, sitting down in a basket of freshly itoned clothes ; ¢1 never would complain of such a wiflo as that! If I dida't know, I should think all the women were.in slavery.' ¢ And you would be correct, Henry.-- You havn't the faintesk idea-- ¢ Noneense, Mary I" Why, I could do your work, and three times as much more, and get all through by ten o'cluck !" ¢ Could you, indeed ? ¢ To be sure, if you would only give me the chance of it' . ¢ Youshall have it," said Mrs. Koith quietly. <I bave long wauted to visit my Aunt Susan. I will do eo now, and you may keep house. I &hall have to cook up something--"* ¢ As if I couldn' cook ! You shall do nothing of the kind, Mary. 1 shall ive like a prince, and yo§ will see how nice J "You will hardly )n you return.' remarked Mra. Keith ; when can 1 go ?' ¢ To-morrow, if yon like.' ¢ And are you sufe you can manage ?° ¢ Sure I' what a look he gave her. ¢ Yon shall see.' Mrs. Keith laughed a little to herself as ber husband left her at the depot, and hie vleps homeward to clear the breakfast things and prepare dinner. She only wished she could be there invisible znd see him manage. ¢ Let me see,' soliloguised Keith, entering the Kitchen ; $I'll.wesh the dishes first, | and I'll put on one of Mary's Uissses to keep me clean.' He fastened it around his waist with a pin, rolled vp his sleeves, and looked about him." The fire was out, but after much trouble he succeeded in re-kindling it and then began the diehes. He took them lo the sink, Flogged up the spont, and put them to eoak in 8 pail of cold water. ¢ There, they're washed,' said he to limeelf. ¢ Now. for something to wipe Ili take the table cloth, Such a fuss as women make about work, Why, I could wash all the dishes in the neighbor- hood in half a day. This stewpan smells of grease ; I wander what's the matter with it? There, I'vegot some smut on my hand ! there it goes on that China saucer, deuce it. I wish there was no smot. Oh, there's the cream piture.. And I've step- ped into tnat' potatoe dish 'that I set on the floor to:dry, and that's gone tothe shades. Never mind ; accidents will. happen ; 1 guess I'll trim the lamps next ; mother always trimmed the Jamps in the morning. Confound 'em ! how black the chimneys are I' _ Thus conversing wiih himself, Mr. Keith = "but water was cleansing. So he scalded the | ehimney, and the result was aboot a hun< dred different pieces (0 each chimney. «Good cious I' said, he, who'd haye thought it! There's some t i at the door, 11 jest step np es I It can't be any- oly that Foure for ae eutly ao thin' "I'coaf, A small boy presented himself, eyeing Keith with ill-suppressed mirih. ¢ Be you mistress of the house ?* ¢ Yes--that is, Tam the master I' said Mr. Keith with wigthty, « what ¢an I do for you? ¢ Nothin: I guess. Martm sont over to see il you--that is-- if the mistress of the house could take care of the baby while she goes shopping.' ¢« No,* thundered Keith, ¢ I've other fish to fry.' 5 The boy put his thumb to his nose, and Mr. Keith, alter slamming the door--as men always do when out of temper--re- turned to the kitchen. The'fire was out, and the room decidedly smoky. --_-- IL gp down gellar aud bring up. somo Fol "and lie statled holt down the stairs, On the second step he put his foot through a rip in his dress" skirt --stum- bled and fell to the bottom of the: cellar-- smasinng 0 basket of ges and: knocking over a shelt loaded with pans of milk. ¢ Deuce take it I" exclaimed he, scram- bling to his feet, and rubbing his head, "how do worgen manage with these infer- nal long dresses 7 1 shall break my neck with this yet !" The fire made again, Mr. Keith bethought him of dinner. pleco ; it was one o'clock. for.culiers. What should he have for din- ner? [Ile had heard kis wile say that a tice pudding was easily made--he would have rice pudding and boiled potatoes, and broiled steak. He filled a basin with rice, stirred in a little sugar, dropped in an egg, and set the vessel into' the 'oven. . The potatoes he washed in soap suds, that they certainly might be clean, and put them into the tea-kettle because they would boil quicker. The steam was frizzing in the frying pan, he was proceeding to set the table, when the bell rang. He caught up the pan from the fire--to keep it froin burning, and made haste tothe front door. Then he remembered it would not be just the thing to go to the door with a frying pan in his hand, so he deposited it on the scfu and answered the ring. © Mrs. Dr. Mudge was ou the steps, dress- ed in ber best. ¢ Yea--I--dare say,' slammered "Keith, ¢ my Wile ia absent, apd I am playing Bridget. . Walk in.? Mrs. Mud; ae sailed into the parlor, which was darkened to exclude the sun, and without stopping to luok at her seat, sunk into the frying pan of the sofa. ¢ Jupiter,' cried Mr. Kieth, done it now Mrs. Mudgo sprang up--the grease drip- ping fiom her rich silk on the earpet.-- Her face grew dark. She was tempted to say something calling, but managed to control herself ; bowed haughtily and swept out of the house. Keith returned to the kitchen a little creat-falien, for Mig, Madge was a lady before whom he desired to appear particu larly well. There was a tremendous craeking in the oven. le thought of his pudding and looked in, The burut rice had hopped all over the oven ; the basin had melted apart aud the pudding was not done. He shut the dour upon the ruins in disgust, and looked alter his potatoes, only to find them them boiled to a jelty. Aud just as he made the discovery there was a sharp peal at the door bell again. 1 wish folks would stay at home! Pll lock all the doors and cut all the Dell wires, after to-day." At the door he found Mr. and Mra. get and their children. ¢ My dear Mr. Keith ! how do you do?' ciied Mrs, Fidget. ¢ We were in town and thought wed just stop in to dinzer, Where is Mrs. Keith 7? : ¢ She's gone away,' said Keith ruefully, wondering what he should feed them on ; ¢ walk in, do. I am the housekeeper to- day.' : i ¢ Yes, 80 1 should judge. But of , course you make a splendid one. I remember yon used to be telling Mrs. Keith and my- self how very easy house-keeping must be. It must be mere play to you. Don't put yourself out, I beg.' ¢ Pat myself ont, indeed I' cried Mr. Keith, retreating to the kitchen. Good gracious ! 'what shall I do?--1'd 'give a hundred dollare if Mary was 'here ! where shall I begin #* He drew out the table and set it without any table-cloth 3 then took off 'the plates and' put on a cloth~the very one he bad wiped the dishes on. . The task completed, he put on some more potatoes, and some more steak, burned the stake to a cinder ; took oft the potatoes when he did his meat, | and put all upon the tabler | There 'was a loat of baker's bread in the cupboard ; he | paraded that; and onlled bis. guests to din= ner. 'Aqizsioal smile. sprond over Mrs. Fide got's face, at the sight of the repast. - welt wae dn cold perspitation. #1 «Ma, my plate's all greasy, avd ofy my knife. 1 can't'eaten dirty. dishes,' eried || Aimost time ¢ you've Fid- Ho looked at the time--+h® ¢ And my fork is wet all over with water that's dropping off the table cloth ; and my tater aint half bile," oried little Jane Fidget. A slighf noise in the kitchen drew the attention of Mr. Keith. ¢ Jupiter' cried he, ¢if Mrs. O'Flaher- 1y's dog ain't making off with my steak !' He jumped fron: the table, and started in hot pursuit, The dog made the best of it ; Keith's unncoustomed nitire wns a sad drawback, and he made bot little head- way.' ¢ Kill him," he yelled to those that joined in the pursuit § « ll give fifieen dollars for his hide? ¢ Mrs. O'Flabierty hersell- appeared on the scene, 'with a skillet of hot. watek.". £Tethi him if'ye dare," Whidetied. rn bicik the bancs of ivary mither's son av | yees. Stand from fornist or ye'll rue the day.? : 2 Keith took a step forward ; stepped on his skirt, and pitehgd headfirst into a wine cellar, where hall a¥ozen menlwere playing with cards? ¢ The devil in petticoats !" exclaimed one gamester, and the place emptied quicker than a wink, The police picked up Mr. Keith, consid- erably bruised, and cartied him home.-- company had---teken their dep and somebody, not having the fear of the law upon them, had entered and stolen a hundred dollare worth of property. Mr. Keith sent the following note to his wile, by the evening mail :-- ¢ Dear Mary, Come home ; I give up eat A woman does have a great deal to do. I confess myself incompetent to man- age Come home, and you shall have a new silk dress, and a daughter of Erin to divide your labors. Yours disconsolately, H. Keita." ee ---- THE PROFESSOR IN SHAFTS. A TRUE STORY OF ¢ OLD PEROX."" In the fifth chapter of the Rev. Elijah Eellogg's college story; now in publication as a serial in Oliver Optic's Magazine, appears the following droll narrative : A singular illustration of the extent to which theory often- fails in practice was furnished by a venerated prolessor--a most distinguished mathematican, whose works are still used as textbooks in many of our institutions--this occurred within the com- pass of our own experience. He went to Bethel ; on his return, he spent the Sabbath at Lewiston. Monday morning he wae told the horse was sick.-- Nevertheless he started. . The horse went a few rods, fell down, and broke both thills. Ile then sent his wife home, and also sent to Brunswick for another horse and caniage to take him and the broken chaise down.-- When the driver came, they lashed the two vehicles together and started. All went well until they came to the first long, steep hill between Lewiston and Brunswick ; on its summit they held a consulation. The professor had an exaggerate idea of his strength, and said : ¢ Mr. Chandler, it is too much for the horse to hold these two carriages on this steep descent ; take the horse out; I will got into thé shafts." ¢ Professor,' cried Chandler, ¢ the breoch- ing is strong, aud so is the arm-ginh.? «But tho Zorse, Mr. Chandler, ¢its fou much for the horse. Besides being strong- er, [ know how to take advantage of de- scent, and Manvse it much better than the horse.' ¢ But if the firs can't manage it, you can't.' ¢ Do you, «ir, intend to place me, in point of intelligence, and knowledge of mecbani- cal forces, below a horee? I have made mathematics the study of a lifetime." «1 have no intention to be disrespectful, sir ;but I know tliat a borse understands his own business--which is hauling a load on a hili--better than all the professors in the United States. 1 was sentup here by my employers, who confides in me, to take care of their property, if you will take the busi- ness out of my hands, and be horse yourselt you must be answerable for the conse- quences,' The Profossor had a habit, when a little excited, of giving a nervous twitch at the 1apel of his coat with his right hand. «1, he replied with a most emphatic twitch, ¢ assume oll responsibility." The driver, in reality nothing loath to witness euch an operation, took out the horee,and led him by the bridle, and the professor, getting into the shafts, took hold of them at the ends. The forward carriage was just descending the hill, and the hinder one a little over the summit, when the pro- fessor trod upon @& rolling stone, which ed the velocity of his pad so much, that he 'and exchange the slanting position; w! 1 shoulders thrown well back -and fees braced which he, had first adopled==for, ui, 'perpendicolar one. Atlength hie was pusti- | | 'ed into.a tun j the carriages were going , a fearful tule. AL: the "bot . . little Johnny Fidget. - 0 cased him to plunge forward, snd increas. | 'was {orced-to walk faster than he desired, The professor was between Scylls and 'Charybdis, going nine feet at a leap. In order to cramp the forward wheel, he turned suddenly To the right, The shafts of the forward carriage went two feet into the bank, breaking both of them ehort off ; the laskiing of tho hinder one slipped ; it ran in- io the leading one ; breaking the fender; and both the velbicles turned over down the hill, with a tremendous emsh, the learned gentleman describing a parabola--~one of his favorite figures--and landing some rode away. He rose from the earth a dirtier and a wiser man ; knee skinned, pants worn, 8 piece of ekin knocked off his forehead, and his best hat flat as 'a pancake underneath the hind carriago ; and looking ween he J exclaimed. assible I could have 'been wo: dos» 3 "len | cajved Bi to tho mvinentem Te was prog. digious.® © ¢] don't know anything about momen=- tum,' replied Chandler, ¢ but I know some- thing about harses. mighty difference about holding back a load on o steep hill, whether the horse has two legs or four, and whetherJhe weighs a hun- died and seventy five or twelve hundred pounds.' It cost the professor thirty-seven dollarg and fifty cents to ascertzin how much horsge power he represented. HOW TO GET DINNER, A party who travelled about pretty ex tensively was greatly 'perplexed to under» stand how it was that other persons wera waited upon promptly and well served at the Hotels, while he was almost ignored, and could scarcely obtain a square meal, complain to and swear at the waiters as he might, At last his eyes were opened to the dodge of iecing the waiters liberally, and being of an ingenious turn of mind, he determined to improve on the plan. The next hotel he dined at, he' took hig seat very pompously at the table, and took out a well filed pocket-book, extracted therefrom a ten dollar bill, which he laid on the white cloth beside his plate, and placed his goblet upon it.} In an instant almost he was surrounded by waiters, who seemed to vie with each other in attentions. Every wish wae anti- cipated, and all jhe delicacies of the kitchen and *pantry were placed before him in tempting array. Ha¥ing fared ad 'sumptuously as a prince (to the envy of many of the other guests), he took up the greenback, and beckoging to the nearest waiter, was immediately beseiged by a half dozen or so. Holding the bill in one hand, he point- ed to it with the other and inquired of the crowd : " Do you eee that bill 2"? "0h! chorus, yes, sir'? they all exolaimed in "Then take a deuced good look at it'? | he replied, ¢ for you will never see it again? Saying which he departed, leaving the waiters aghast. 5 etl ------erieett THE SHANGHI ROOSTER, BY JosM BILLINGS, The Shanghi rooster iz a Gentile, and apeaks in a forrin tung. He iz built on piles, like a Sandy Hill crane. He iz not a game animil, but quite often comes off sekund best in a ruff and tumblé file; just like the injune, tha kant stand a civilization, and are fast dieappearing. Tha roost op the ground similar to the mud turtle. Tha oftin go t) sleep standin and sumtimes pitch over ; and when tha do, tha enter tha ground like a pickaxe. Thare food consists f korn in the ear, They crow like a jackass, troublcd with the bronskeesucks,~ Tha will eat as much toonst as a district skule master, and ginirally sit down right oph tu keep from tippling over. Tha are dvedful hard ta kook, you have tu bile one end of them tra time, yo kant get them all into a potash kettle tu onet. The lemail lays an egg as big as a kokernut, and when she hatches out a litter of yung shang his, she has ta brood them standing and then kant kiver but 3 ov them--1the rest standing round the outside, like boys around a cirkus tent, getting a peep under the kanvas when ever tha ken. I would rather eat a boiled owl rare dun, ora turkey buzzard roasted hole, stuffed with & | pair of injun rubber boots, but not any shanghai for me, no thank you. A dabbler in fiterature and the fine_ arts, who prided himself on his la upon a youngster silting upon a river, angling for gudgeons, and thus dressed him :--% Adolescence, and ar thon not endeavoring to entice the fir I know. .it makes @-