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ET ata LY oar z AON ON ona hg, A Tp Ed 0 at TRIN" ve "aad et I Tt {let So a / a TD wr SE RT ee A a Little Tots Duane, aged three years, watched his baby sister in great astonish- ment as she pulled herself up in a standing position for the first time. Then he rushed excitedly into the next room, calling, "Oh, Mother, come quick, Sister is standing on her hind legs!" The Bishop's Plight A bishop attended a banquet and a clumsy waiter dropped a plate of hot soup in his lap, The clergyman looked around in agony and said: "Will some layman please say something appropriate." Cause For Mirth Clerk: "These are specially strong shirts, Madam. They simply laugh at the laundry." Customer: "I know that kind, I had some which came back with their sides split." Animal Crackers LUG + 4 W Bovirers "He says he could do it quicker with his teeth but the union won't let him." 'Even A Scottish commercial traveller called at a village to do business. Needing a shave, he went to the local barber, The barber, noticing that the Scott seemed fairly well-to-do, charged him 2 shillings, which he paid reluctantly, Then, not to be outdone, the customer commented on the enormous number of flies which were buzzing around, and the barber said he had tried every pos- sible means to get rid of the pests, "Give me half a crown," said the Scot, "and I guarantee to tell you a remedy that will clear your shop in less than a minute." The barber argued about the price for a second or two, but even- tually he paid, "Now," said the Scot, opening the door, 'catch one of those flies, shave him, charge him two shillings and you'll never see another fly or anything else in your shop again." He closed the door behind him as the barber collapsed. Take Her Away The head of the house approach- ed the young man. "Look here," he said, "you have been calling here to see my daugh- ter for a long time now. May I ask what are your intentions?" "Well, said the suitor, "I had hoped to become an addition to your family." "Let me tell you," was the reply, "there's nothing doing in addition. You'll have to substract." Praise For All A certain old Scotswoman could never be induced to say a hard word about anyone, "Why," exclaimed one of her friends, exasperated at hearing her plea on behalf of some ne'er-do- well, "I believe ye'd hae a guid word for the De'il himsel'." "Weel," came the pat reply, "he's a verra industrious pairson." Indignant Little George came home in a sad state. He had a black eye, many scratches, and his clothes were a sight, His mother was horrified, and, with tears in her eyes, said rebukingly: "Ob, George! George! How often have I told you not to play with that naughty Brown boy?" "Play!" answered little George, looking at his mother in deep dis- gust. "Do I look as if I've been playing with somebody?" Riding "Blind!" The driver of the bus gave his passengers a violent shaking as he swept around another corner at terrific speed. "Oh dear," said a nervous old lady to the conductor. "I do wish your driver wouldn't go so fast around these skiddy corners." "That's all right, lady," answered the conductor cheerfully, "You just want to shut your cyes, same as he does." Cleverness Pays A minister and his wife were discussing two men who were in the news. "Yes," said the minister, "I knew them both as hoys. One was a clever, handsome fellow; the other a steady, hard worker. The clever lad was left behind in the race, but the hard worker--well, he died and left sixty thousand pounds to his widow. It's a great moral." "Yes," replied his wife, with a smile, "it it. I heard this morning that the clever one is going to marry the widow." A Sure Thing "Wung Nung," said the magis- trate, "You are charged with con- ducting games of chance. Have you anything to say for yourself?" "Yes, your honor," replied the Chinaman, "Me no play game of chance, Cards all marked, dice all loaded, me win every time. No chance at all." | THE STRANGEST THING AN ALMOST PERFECT ALBINO COCK PHEASANT WAS KILFD BY A HUNTER OF CHICAGO, THE PLUMAGE WAS NEARLY ALL WHITE WITH THE EXCEPTION OF THE HEAD, BREAST AND TAIL FEATHERS , WHICH HAD MARKINGS OF BROWN ACACIA OF CENTRAL AMERICA. IT PROVIDES A HOME FOR CERTAIN FLESH-EATING ANTS IN ITS HOLLOW THORNS. WHICH SERVE AS THE PLANTS GUARDIANS THEY ORNE AWAY ALL LEAF-FATING 2 3 WHICH MIGHT HARM THE Know Your Hockey Stars There isn't a hockey player in captivity with more moxie than Augustus (Gus) Bodnar, slender right winger of the Toronto Maple Leafs. Gus, actually, is taking quite a risk playing pro hockey. During the war, army doctors > | rejected him be- Gus Bodnar cause of heart : : palpita- Fight Wing tions. When he reported to the Leafs for a tryout, he was well aware of the fact that he was entirely responsible for any- thing that might happen to him. As it turned out, he caught a war- time place with the leafs at the first asking. Gus is nobody's push- over, doesn't back up from the largest opponents, and is a puck- hound from the first to the last whistle in every game. * * * His real name is Bodnarchuk, but he chucked the "chuk" when he turned pro with the Leafs for the 1943-44 season. Gus was born at Fort William, Ontario. on April 24, 1923. He played his first jm- portant hockey with Fort William Hurricane juveniles in 1940-41, then moved up to junior ranks with the Hurricane-Rangers and was top scorer in the Thunder Bay League for the next two seasons, Gus was recommended to the Leafs by Scout George (Squib) Walker and when the Leafs opened the 1043-44 campaign, Bodnar was in the lineup. Operating as play- maker for Schriner and Carr, young Bodnar wound up as Rookie-of-the- year and recipient of the Calder Trophy. . x» Bodnar bagged 22 goals and had 40 assists in his first N.H.L. sea- son and that 62-point haul enabled him to finish 10th in the scoring race. Two seasons ago, his scor- ing pace slowed considerably -- 8 goals and 36 assists for 44 points --but young Bodnar was a stand- out performer in the Toronto team's late-season drive to the Stanley Cup championship. Gus scored only three goals in Toronto's 13 Stanley Cup games that spring -- but each of those goals won games. He broke up an overtime duel with Canadiens by scoring from a face-off at the 12:30 mark to give the Leafs a 4-3 win and a 3-1 lead in the serics--and he bagged what proved to be the winning goal in Toronto's fourth and clinching ver- dict over the Habs, a 3-2 triumph, Bodnar netted only once against the Wings, but that marker proved to be the only goal of the third game and it gave the Leafs a 3 to 0 lead on the series. And by the way, that was the first goal Bodnar had scored against the Wings in two scasons of pro hockey. " » * Last season, when the Leafs ran into right-wing trouble, young Gus was shifted to the starboard side and worked for a considerable span with Taylor and Schriner. An in- jury to Mel Hill caused Hap Day to place Bodnar at right wing alongside the team's two speed merchants, Apps and Stewart, and Gus performed so well that Dav left him even when Hill returned to the lineup. This season Bodnar is still right- winging it and started the current campaign with his townsmen, Stewart and Poile--a line that was colorfully dubbed "The Flying Forts", Gus is unmarried, is the idol of Toronto's "bobby sox" fancttes and gets quite a kick out of the fan mail and poctry they send to him, Toxoid prevents diphtheria, yet in the last five years diphtheria caused 1,364 deaths in Canada--a needless waste of human life, . os = V\ . Ji i Por Fr : ¢ p J a * "i 2 a 2 ' VOIC E OF THE PRESS Natural Thing Our typewriter persists in mak- ing it givernment, and isn't so far wrong at that, --Brandon Sun Woman of Fine Sense A Mississippi woman chosen "Mrs. America 'of 1946" prefers to stay at home with her husband and four children rather than go on tour with the title, and thus demon- strates her right to it. --New York Sun Enterprising Chinese The spirit of enterprise is cer- tainly not dead in China. Chinese marauders have just stolen four miles of the Hong Kong-Singapore submarine cable, --Edmonton Journal Canard We are quite willing to admit that Scots are thrifty people, but we flatly disbelieve the Guelph Mer- cury's story about the Scotsman who found a package of corn plas- ters and promptly went out and bought a pair of tight shoes. --Kingston Whig-Standard Sure Cure An American medical journal urging the greater use of "psycho- somatic medicine," warns doctors that they should not be content with a physical check-up of a sick patient, but should also X-ray his personality by means of asking 500 questions, The patient then gets sick of being sick and is ready jo call it off. --Toronto Saturday Night Nothing New Think the shortage of dwellings is something new? The lead edi- torial in the Expositor of October 10, 1903, was headed, "The Housing Famine," -- Brantford Expositor In Reverse In the old days the horse uscd to run away and hit a pedestrian, Nowadays the motorist hits a pe- destrian and runs away, --Kitchener Record Still Preferable Friends of Fred Rose, M.P, claim his cell is chilly. It's a lot warmer than the grave Rose would have earned in Russia for a similar performance, --Toronto Telegram It Can Happen Here The present struggle going on between the U.S. Government and John L. Lewis is, in the final count, one to decide whether decisions affecting the lives of the majority of the people are to be made by the elected representatives of the people or by one man at the head of a small minority. It is a decision which must sooner or later be made in Canada. Yes; it can hap- pen here. MACHINERY NEW AND USED Of Every Description Phone EL. 1271 H. W. PETRIE CO., LTD. 147 Front St. W. - Toronto 'WE BUY & SELL' INTERNATIONAL LIVESTOCK ION AT CHICAGO A view of the lineup of fat calves in the Coliseum at the International Livestock Exposition at Chicago; note the absence of pillars in the huge arena. Canadian entries did well at the Expositio n particularly in the grain exhibits lots of lambs. , winning three firsts, and championships for car- Winter's first chill winds, and the coal shortage hold no terrors for these beach baskers. of the early birds arrived for what is expected to be a record Fl COLD WEATHER? COAL SHORTAGE? SO WHAT? Pictured at Miami Beach, they are some orida winter season. REG'LAR FELLERS--Hair Trigger Test By GENE BYRNES et -------- ------ ty oe rn et tt. et 4 Min. mt Senn = bo + foo ARE YOU SURE. THIS MATERIAL 19 lS a Cp | ET --