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' x : 114i AT v2 rl I Fr ha ~ A famous American broadcaster once wrote his version of a horoscope and it was acclaimed all over North America. With all deference to him, I offer the John Mack Horroroscope: : . AQUARIUS: January 9 to February 13 You are a bright person, full of fun and very popular with members of both sexes. This is because you are bi-sexual. The only real problems you have are that you are lazy and have disgusting personal habits. Please stop picking your nose in public. PISCES: February 10 to March 31 You are a creativg person. Sometimes you look as though you are daydreaming and inventing. Usually at these times you are drunk. ARIES: March 30 to April 2 : You are independent and like to make up your own mind about things. This means that you don't take advice. Aries people consider those who offer advice to be interfering buy-bodies. Everybody hates you. TAURUS: April 12 to May 9 You have a quick temper and lash out at people, particularly when it is your fault. Most people don't like to meet you twice. They don't realize you are - surrounded by stupid, ignorant, sentimental fools. GEMINI: May 8 to June 27 Gemini people love other people's problems and certainly seem to have a great deal of warmth and sympathy for their fellow man. Actually you are just gloating because it didn't happen to you. You are delighted to see so much misery around you. People like you are usually divorced and work as marriage counselors. CANCER: June 4 to July 23 You have the grace and style of a born leader. This, combined with your good appearance usually results in your getting the mate and the job you want. Unfortunately your spouse and your employer are both in for a big disappointment. You are stupid. LEO: July 25 to August 17 Leo's make excellent accountants. Your great affinity and affection for figures usually results in your getting the most senior and responsible of manage- ment positions. By then it's usually too late for the discovery that you have no conscience. Most Leos die in prison. VIRGO: August 13 to September 3 You are a real charmer. You are irresistable to members of the opposite sex. Most Virgos commit bigamy frequently and have stimulating and reward- ing careers as keepers or inmates of bawdy houses. LIBRA: September 6 to October 29 Libra people have great energy and enthusiasm. This, combined with your friendly smile, would © suggest a most successful career as a door to door salesmen. Unfortunately, most Libras die at the hands of jealous spouses. SCORPIO: October 4 to November 7 Most Scorpios have no talent. However they compensate for this by being excellent purse snatchers and muggers of old ladies. You should enjoy a long and rewarding career until you are finally murdered by your mother. : SAGITTARUIS: November 15 to December 23 © Most Sagittariuns are Sunday School teachers # working for the Hare Krishma. You were picked for pie hmm. SAA A A RR Ls \] Sth ANNUAL a] 72. Sponsored by Scugog Chamber of Commerce CEP C TOTTI ITI ne? bs completely unimportant. urinate on you. If you bend down to tie your shoe in a restaurant waiters put a tablecloth on your back. You have the ability to disappear in crowded rooms. You "have tried to overcome this problem. At parties you have doused yourself with gasoline but nobody .could hear you ask for a match. Have you tried the Howard Cosell Charm School? J) john mack this job because you mumble all the time and when you put it to music it sounds like a chant. Unfortunately this condition is hereditary and as you are a very randy bunch eventually everybody will go around humming. CAPRICORN: December 11 to January 5 "oe You are a problem which consists of your-feeling If you stand still, dogs 4 LR ¥ 9 ' Two school safety patrol captains, one from R.H. Cornish and one from Prince Albert Public School, will be taking part in a week-long summer course sponsored by the Ontario Motor League at Camp Samac in Oshawa. They. will join 200 others from all over the province, 62 from Durham Region alone, learning the responsibilities of safety patrol. The patrollers arrive in Oshawa to take part in the training on July 26, Accord- ing to Brian Dunham of the Whitby detachment, Ontario Provincial Police, the week- long all-day camp will sharp- en patrollers' supervisory skills, first aid, and other subjects. Considerable time / 1 ' ' he $e « J Ei PLAY ~ BO PEAR) So ORC ir SEAN i A, id EN ETE HA REAL 35 ' i (WAS . ROTAENRES-RLFREVR NSARM FIERA EVV RIREIPINEAR I WAN AERY FRIAS, YH CISTI LM CU & a dE PORT PERRY STAR -- Wednesday, July 21, 1976 -- 7 Camp for patrolers is left for recreational activi- ties such as sports. Policemen from various municipal forces and the Optario Provincial will instruct on such items as how to operate efficient patrols, how to conduct patrol meetings and how to react in simulated school bus emergencies. First aid in a St.John Ambulance course will also be demonstrated. Olympic Lotter: Tickets available at the Port Perry Star 985-7383 CARRY | PRICES NOW AT LAKE SCUGOG LUMBER OLYMPIC OVERCOAT Reg. *17.95 15%, Glidden Spred GEL-FLO VINYL FLOORING ; 95 CONGOLEUM 12" width Colours 1 Gal Sq. Yd. $300 OLYMPIC STAIN Reg. *14.95 12%, 14" Mahogany PLYWOOD Sod Ong Side Reg 6.50 '5 95 Rubber Back CARPET 12" width $A9% Sq. Yd. ARBORITE 12 Colours " X 4" SPRUCE HIGHLIGHTS TO REMEMBER SATURDAY, AUGUST 7TH - 1 P.M. POWER BOAT RACES Sanctioned by the Canadian Boating Federation. } FRIDAY, AUGUST 6TH - 2 P.M. SCUGOG SUPER STAR CONTEST 'Watch local dignitaries compete in zany ~ avant. wvCiirn, THURSDAY, AUGUST 5TH - 7:30 P.M. BINGO & EUCHRE Fun for All SATURDAY, AUGUST 7TH - 9 P.M. LITTLE CAESER AND THE CONSULS Great MUsic SUNDAY, AUGUST 8TH - 1 P.M. MINI TRACTOR PULL Up and Coming Popular Event. 5,315.95 ie 10°, ft. 2" X 4" SPRUCE in, #1 1 3° 235 WATER ST. - 985-7391 SON OF HIBACHI The Super Portable Bar-B-Q Cast Iron Construction PORT PERRY 21.75 LAKE 5CUGOG LUMBER