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4 -- PORT PERRY STAR -- Tuesday, Sept. 27, 1983 editorial comments os 4a a Rd SF eS ll tages CF Lh fil PP AH ARR RAR HEL L A VY adit ad Lonatanl wal ° "AN HERES MVE. THE ONLY NATURAL- BORN WATER CRITTER WN THE BUNCH / / chatterbox by Cathy Robb Leapin' Ladas! Insult my dog or my bank manager or even my long dead Uncle Fred but never, never in- sult my car. She's mortified, Chris Shanahan, simply mortified. After reading your column '"'Anti-USSR plan makes Lada sense" in the September 14 issue of the Stouffville Sun, Lada's paint began to peel in outrage. I offered her a litre of super premium unleaded gas as a concillatory treat but she wouldn't be pacified. She's mad. Her feelings are hurt. And everyone knows about the righteous wrath of a woman scorned, even if the woman in question is an orange kleenex box-. shaped import from the Soviet Union. Really Chris, this is only a warning, for your own sake. When Lada gets angry all her four-speed heart can think of is revenge. I can't say for sure but I suspect she leaves home in the dead of night (sort of like Christine, the 58 Plymouth in Stephen King's novel) and wreaks havoc with those who have crossed her in any way. I remember one day last winter when Lada and I were nearly run off the road by a tractor-trailer on a lonely stretch of highway heading up to North Bay. We swerved sharply to miss the hulking heap of metal and skinfully scraped by a jutting rock-cut. I could sense anger seeping up through Lada's floor- boards but I shrugged the feeling off. After all, a car is only a car, an inanimate object. Right? That's what I thought. We spent the night in a tacky old travel lodge where I dreamed of flashing lights, screaming tires and rain- slicked roads. Sometime during the night I got up and looked out the window, expecting to see Lada parked out front. She wasn't there. Frowning, I tried to remember if I parked her behind the motel. I couldn't recall, but assumed that I did. The next day, about 50 km up the highway, we pass- ed a disabled truck, hunched over the roadside like a dead animal, with 18 flat tires and a cracked windshield. A sizzling orange L was branded on the hood and the driver was nowhere to be seen. i Without a doubt it was the same truck that had cut us off the day before. It's kind of crazy to say Lada was the culprit but I have my suspicions. When she's mad, she does strange things. Last week, after reading your column Chris, her muffler pro- mptly fell apart. Her brakes started to squeal and her horn honked louder than ever. When we're driving along Main St., Stouffville I have to fight to keep her from veering into the Sun office building. That's why I'd watch my step if I were you, Chris. Your column really fired her up, especially those first two paragraphs (and I quote): ' "It was really refreshing to hear about that fun- loving group of nationalists who gathered for the Lada- bashing ceremony at a Scarborough car dealership last Friday. What better way to show outrage at the Soviets act of terrorism than to rip apart one of their notorius imported lemons! ! "After that sacrificial vehicle was hoisted aloft by a crane, it was allowed to crash land (probably in similar fashion to a jetliner hit by a heat-seeking missile). Then the cheering revellers attacked the Rus- sian compact with bats and crow bars to finish off the wrecking job. "Wonder if this will become the newest fad in recreational pastimes?" That last sentence has probably inspired more than one imbecile to head out and bash a few Ladas. Which is why my Lada is in such turmoil. Look, I agree 100 per cent with your philosophy towards the Soviet Union, I can no more agree with the USSR's recent actions than I can agree with Adolf Hitler but why take it out on Canadian car owners who bought a Russian car because they couldn't afford a new GM or Chrysler. Cripes, it was my bank manager that suggested I buy a Lada. This was three years ago when the USSR was (sort of) getting along with the rest of the world and I didn't know a Lada from a bottle of Vodka. But as soon as I saw the squarish, ugly little car I fell in love. She had personality, gumption and a pen- chant for speed that belied her size. Besides, her tires are Canadian, the folks at the dealership are Canadians, and I'm as Canadian, eh, as they come. So I bought a little Commie car and lived happily ever after. That is, until the Soviets pulled their latest stunt. My dad says I should rip the Lada nameplate off her tail end and not park her in any dark alleyways where thugs might be waiting. The man at the gas station down the road tells me he's having trouble getting Lada parts, even though he's had no trouble in the past. And then I read in the Oshawa 'I'mes about a Lada dealer being so fed with hassles resulting from carry- ing the Soviet-made cars that he has stopped selling them and changed the name of his business from Ruscar to Scarboro Imports. Now he sells a funny looking car called Skoda because vandals couldn't keep their hands off his Lada fleet. The whole thing sickens me but not as much as it sickens Lada. Your column was just icing on the wheel bearing for her and she's mad, mad, mad. i You better watch your step, Chris. If you see twin headlights making a beeline in your direction, make a run for it. When you feel your heart rise up in your throat every time a Lada drives by, try humming a few bars instead of whistling. It might help. La-dee-da--dee-da. No Alcohol In Schools We believe Rev. Stuart McEntyre is quite right when he says that functions where gambling and/or alcohol are involved should not be held after-hours in Durham Region schools. The Durham Board of Education, by a narrow vote of 10-9 recently served notice that it will change the regulations to allow these kinds of functions to be heid. This is 1983 and there is nothing sinister about a group or organization in the community holding a bingo, monte carlo night or licensed dance to raise money. Ser- vice clubs, spcrts organizations and other groups do it all the time. However, our schools are not the place for this kind of function. First of all, from a very practical point of view, there are already numerous public halls in the community which can be rented at a reasonable rate for these kinds of functions. These halls depend on this revenue. Many of them are owned by the Township, tax supported, so loss of revenue would hurt in two ways. But more importantly, our schools are supposed to be places of education and learning for young people and the community in general. Opening schools up for these kinds of functions seems to fly in the face of their intended purpose, even when these functions are held long after the last student has gone home for the day. By all means, let the community make as full use of the schools as possible. After all, the community is paying a good portion of the freight through tax dollars. But keep the drinks and the gambling out. Trustee McEntyre said this is not a big issue with him, but he still is hopeful that trustees will change their minds and keep the old regulations in place. We hope so, too. It's not an earth-shattering issue by any means, but one that deserves some thought and attention. ' Scarey World Tucked away last week on the inside pages of the daily papers, buried under the stories about Lebanon, Central America, and the search for the "black box'* from KAL Flight 007, was a worrisome little article that seem- ed to sum up the state of the world's affairs in this early autumn of 1983. The United States government has decided to move the so-called "doomsday jet' away from the capital to some un-named base in the interior of the USA where it would be safer in the event of an attack. That jet, a modified 747, would be the home for top level political and military people, including the U.S. President during and after a nuclear war; a spot high _.above the ground where-they-could conduct the course of the war and the peace that would follow. The jet. is part of the very elaborate plans the American, Soviet and most other governments in the world have undertaken to try and ensure that not only would their top brass survive the initial destruction of a nuclear war, but would also be able to hold out for weeks, even months afterwards. What is frightening about this jet is not so much that it was moved away. from the capital last week; but the very fact that it exists. A few people, a very small chosen few, probably balieve that they will escape the horrors of a nuclear at- tack, even all out war. And they are the ones with their fingers on the buttons; with the secret computer codes that can be activated to launch the massive nuclear arsenals in several countries around the globe. World tensions today are about as taut as they have been since the end of World War 2. The decision-makers are screaming at each other from all corners, lining up the armies, clamouring for bigger and better weapons systems (for defensive purposes, of course) and just drif- ting along towards the day when insults aren't enough to throw at the other guy. And they make plans for their own safety when that day arrives. is the world a safer place than it was 30 years ago, ten years ago, even yesterday? The voices which say it is not are falling on deaf ears in the palaces of power around the world. But then, why should they listen to people who will lose everything, in- cluding their lives? After all, they have their jets and their mountain forts to protect them. There will be a handful of survivors, to be sure. But what will they do when the dust settles, except find a place to bury the four billion humans on this planet who won't survive.