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2 Friday, September 1, 2023brooklintowncrier.com Journalistic convention states that writers should not use profanity nor dirty words, which is one reason why there are editors. For instance, in an Ottawa Citizen column some years ago, I wrote a tongue-in-cheek piece about a downtown issue. My second paragraph was one word: Damn. The editor called me and said he'd have to remove the offensive word as it sort of/kind of violated the paper's standards. But doing so, I argued, would eliminate the dripping sarcasm I'd intended. I asked him to change just one letter. Make the word 'Darn'. He did. Issue resolved. I felt better. And the Citizen was forever saved embarrassment. So here, at the risk of offending sensitivities, I will not resort to the use of synonyms for canine fecal matter (CFMs) all of which can be summed up in one or two syllables. I don't understand why dog owners who see - See! - their pooches drop a load don't pick up. Sidewalks, paths, lawns. All victims. Perhaps they've missed the point of the dog walk. Dogs, from what I gather of my own over the years, don't discriminate and will go when and where the need arises. Humans do as well though we are a good deal more fussy. (I will spare you stories of fellow marathoners who, en route, would hunt for thickly wooded areas.) There are no clear solutions to the problem, save for one which I'll get to shortly. We could ask the town to put doggie bag dispensers in parks and on paths. Would the bags be stolen? Perhaps. To be used for what, thinks the thief? Are the dispensers worth vandalizing, wonder the vandals who don't spend much time contemplating actions? My solution is similar to one I've long proposed to nail bad drivers. Inexplicably, I can't get the authorities to buy in. The proposal is this: we hire roving ticketers (for lack of a better word) to roam key areas and ticket dog owners who don't pick up CFMs. We would each be provided fancy jackets and ball caps and carry a few dozen doggie bags. First offense is a warning. Second offense is a nominal $10 fine. If you don't pay, it's added to one of your utility bills (plus the usual admin fee). Third and subsequent offenses have a doubling factor. $20 then $40 etc. In other words, nuisance fines. Make it more aggravating to be stopped and fined than to spend ten seconds to pick up. Interested in the job? Apply at: doggiepickupviolatorticketer.ca. I will vet applicants for their ability to sneer. Less than half the picture by Richard Bercuson Pick it up from here Monday - Thursday 9:00am-7:00pm Friday 9:00am-5:30pm Saturday 9:00am-5:00pm Sunday Closed Fun Truck Time 2023 Colorado 1201 Dundas St. East, Whitby SALES 905-668-5846 SERVICE 905-668-8871 PARTS 905-668-8853 Top Dollar for your Trade 4WD Crew Cab Short Box ZR2 ORDER YOUR PRE-OWNED CAR WITH US! SALES (905) 721-6599 SERVICE (905) 721-6588 PARTS (905) 721-6577 445 Winchester Road East, Brooklin Hyundai - Official Partner of the NHL Swing by to take a practice shot on our Net in the showroom! Check out our Pre-Owned Inventory on our website! Made for Those Who Drive Hockey!Made for Those Who Drive Hockey!