The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

PORT PERRY STAR - Tuesday, February 25, 1992 - 7 "A Family Tradition for 125 Years" re Within days of President George Bush's infamous nose dive into his . dinner plate at a Japanese state ban- quet last month, the hottest act on Japanese television was Jiro, a six year old monkey who impersonates the president during his international Malox moment. (I have nothing but the greatest respect for Japanese ingenuity but slipping the president of the most powerful nation in the world a lunch combo of tainted sushi and chocolate mousse made of Ex-Lax is downright ~ distasteful. It's not enough the Japanese are taking North America auto jobs, now they want to put Benny Hill out of work too}! When his trainer Taro Muraski gives the order Bush-san! Bush-san! Jiro closes his eyes, his head hits the table, he falls under the table and pretends to blow lunch. This is true. Then a second monkey walks out from behind a curtain dressed up as General Alexander Haig and says "Tm in charge here!" (No, no, no - I made the second monkey up. Actually Vice-President Dan Quayle walks out and says he's in charge which people think is a lot traig! by William Thomas MALCOLM THE RICH LITTLE OF CATS funnier than if they had a monkey do it). But the fact remains that Taro and Jiro are today the toast of Japanese television with their Bush-san (or more precisely their Bush san repas} routine. I still have the newspaper clipping of Jiro in his little tuxedo and Taro's at a press conference in a kimo- na that's bulging with yen. I've got to hand it to this guy, any- body who can train a dumb ani- mal....anybody who can make a lot of money by teaching a dumb... MAL- COLM! MALCOLM! GETOVERHERE! So I mold a piece of plasticine around Malcolm's jaw so it looks like an enormous jaw and I play the part of the reporter at the press conference. "Mr. Prime Minister" I say, "the Canadian economy is sick and dying faster by the day. Unemployment is soaring, bankruptcy is flourishing, food banks are being overwhelmed with more and more homeless Canadians, retail chains are closing, consumers won't spend, houses won't sell -- what Mr. Prime Minister do you plan to do?" And Malcolm -- that jaw jutting straight out, waits for the drum role and in an incredible, perfect first take -- doesn't do a damn thing. The crowd goes wild. "Brian-san! Brian-san!" 1 yell, and Malcolm blinks to show the sceptics that he is alive and once again he does nothing whatsoever, perfectly. Then I'll reshape the plasticine and move it lower so that it's under Malcolm's chin and it looks like a larg- er, second chin. "Mr. Clark" I say, "the Constitution crisis in Canada is too great and to grave an issue to be settled by incom- petent politicians and these ringers you bring in for the so-called national unity conferences. Mr. Clark - when will you let real Canadians have a voice in their constitutional destiny and would it be rude of us to ask Bill Spicer for our $25 million back?" And Malcolm fidgets a bit causing the second chin to roll like jelly and then right on cue (Joe-san! Joe-san!) he does an impersonation of the Constitutional Affairs Minister that could fool Maureen as his eyelids droop and he nods off to sleep. The crowd goes wild which unfor- tunately wakes Malcolm up. Then I place a re-formed plasticine helmet on his head and he becomes fascinated by a bunch of bugs buzzing in a glass jar to his right. "Ms. Bondar" I ask, "as a staunch supporter of animal rights, how many IPs more innocent fruit flies must die in those billion dollar space treks that have so far produced nothing except a really neat colored photo of the Great Wall of China?" And Malcolm peering through his little helmet and unable to contain his curiosity, jabs with his left paw knock- ing cleaning solvent into the jar and killing another one hundred fruit flies. Then I place the plasticine now shaped like a baseball bat between Malcolm's front paws and I throw two balls past him which he doesn't even see, let alone react to. "Manny Lee" I ask, "as perhaps one of the most ineffective hitters ever to put on a uniform in any baseball lea- gue, do you think you deserve your new salary of $1 million a year?" At this point Malcolm, bored with it all, stretches, thus knocking the bat to the floor and missing the third strike by at least three feet. I mean it was so dead on, it looked exactly like fifteen replays of last years champion- ship series. The crowd chants "Manny-san! Manny-san!" to celebrate the fact that somebody has finally taken the bat out of Manny Lee's hands. I know what you're thinking -- a cheap way to make an easy buck. Hey cmon -- what's wrong with making a tidy little profit from working a comic routine with a dummy? Hugh Segal does it every day. eet cet gt Remember ON When 2? SS HISTORIC PHOTOS COURTESY SCUGOG SHORES MUSEUM VS) wk "S), ¢ Re located at the present time. 45 YEARS AGO Thursday, February 27, 1947 The Brooklin Junior Farmers held its 10th anniversary dance at the Brooklin Hall. Mr. John Pearce of Scugog Island celebrated his 82nd birthday. Ice on Lake Scugog is 16-22 inches thick. People are busy putting in a supply for next summer. One hundred Boy Scouts and friends attended a banquet held in the United Church. Sam Griffen presided and the guest speaker was Rev. H. Heskett of Cannington. A representation of a number of books outlining Cub and Scout work was presented to the library by Stewart Lane. 35 YEARS AGO Thursday, February 28, 1957 Mr. A. W. Brock has been elected director of Oshawa Skeet Club and vice-president of the Ontario Skeet Association. Mr. Brock is the president of the Port Perry Rod and Gun Club. Walter Oke stands outside of his Queen Street store. The exact location is unknown, but it is believed to be on the south side of the street in the vicinity of where Pineridge Sports is Miss Reta Willard of Port Hope (formerly of Port Perry) has been moved into an executive position in Oshawa. 30 YEARS AGO Thursday, February 22, 1962 Mr. and Mrs. George Samells celebrated their 35th wedding anniversary. A team of Lions Club members from Port Perry competed in a 20-rink bonspiel hosted by the Cannington Lions. Port Perry's team consisted of Storey Beare, Bill Beare, Gord Prentice, and Stan Bruton. The team came home with the trophy. Brooklin will again be represented in the senior series of the Ontario Lacrosse Association. 25 YEARS AGO Thursday, February 23, 1967 Port Perry Lions Club has increased its membership to over 50 members. This is an all-time PLEASE TURN TO PAGE 8 Lette I'S to the editor Family pet was shot To the Editor: This is an open letter to the person who shot one of our fami- ly pets on Feb. 14. 1 admit that he was loose at this time, but usually he stays on our proper- Thank who? To the Editor: In regard to Roy Grierson's letter to the editor "Thank you Brian." As for the N.D.P. burying Ross Stevenson politically, at the rate N.D.P. Ministers are falling from grace and the way Ontario is being run into the ground due to N.D.P. policies, no one will be left to hold the shovel never mind filling in the grave next election. Sincerely, Otto Bauer Beyond call of duty To the Editor: In reply to Mr. Grierson's letter in your paper, I would like to remark that it will take more than N.D.P. to put Ross Stevenson out of the legislature. He is one of the most honest, reliable, dedicated citizens and would be a most influential asset to ty. Maybe this time he wan- dered away and came onto your property. If he was causing trouble on your property, I wish you could have followed him home to talk to us. We certainly would of rectified the problem. If you were the person seen leaving our property at approxi- mately 11:30 p.m. and had just shot our dog then you are one sick individual! We found our dog Copper hid- ing behind one of the buildings in our backyard. Seeing your pet laying in a pool of blood is traumatic to say the least. You can only imagine how difficult it is to try and explain to our chil- dren what you did to our dog. They think that you are "A Creep." Fortunately for us Cop- per was looked after by Dr. James Brown and is now recu- perating with us "at home. (Thanks Dr. Brown}! Sincerely yours, Isabel Sackett, Nestleton . ' et cr tn tnt eng sn it ti ttt al, Stl" eat Np If pp Bi Sn any party. He has hel us on SERRE pany occasions eed call of for the past wr 125 years Marion King, . Port Perry, Ontario "The Tradition Continues' LETTERS TO THE EDITOR The Port Perry Star encourages our readers to make use of the letters to the editor column to express their opinions and viewpoints on just about any subject, as we feel a lively letters column helps make a better community newspaper. We insist, however, that all letter writers sign their name. Sorry, no anonymous letter will be printed. -- po nt i Pr 5 og rt ond pre mg lll a ieee a arg gn ee oo