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CR TTT PORT PERRY STAR - Tuesday, July 13, 1999 - 21 "A Family Tradition for 132 Years" a Un Ean Sh J Named #1 Newspaper in the 1999 Readers Choice Awards by more than 96% of popular vote over Port Perry "This Week = PORT PERRY STAR naw a What's Over 200 animals! Over 30 different species... 15 minutes from Port Perry Call for directions! 655-5236 off per person with this coupon Coupon expires July 31/99 At Large... Port Perry's Todd Healey takes a look at today's world of sports Taking Aim At Today's Wacky World Of Sports As some of my loyal subjects may recall, this space was granted king status for a day almost pre- cisely one year ago, and to mark that anniversary, regal status has once again been granted for the day. And so, great and wise king that I am, I shall endeavor to dispense some of that loyal wisdom to the athletes of this world who so desperately need it. Speaking of athletes, let's start with WWF wrestlers. Listen, the next WWF boob to call himself or herself an "athlete" in my kingly presence will be sentenced to seven straight years of working security |[ on the set of the Jerry Springer show. It's the perfect punishment really. You're both fake, you've both had to publicly admit to it, and you both have the same intellectually-challenged audience. No one will know the difference. Now, if wrestlers wish to argue that they are "athletic," they'll have my sympathetic, if not approv- ing ear. But the gap between being athletic and being an athlete is about as wide a stretch as it is between Herb Score and Herb Tarlick. JOHN B. McCLELLAND / PORT PERRY STAR Now on to the "Junkie Tour" or the "Tour de Farce" or whatevepelse you want to call the Tour de France. Ok, listen up you spoke-heads, because this 1s a royal decree. If you wish to inject growth hor- mones, EPO, or any other cocktail into your veins in order to compete, hey, by all means, shoot away. But then don't plead innocent to the doping charges that is for those aged 5-16 and emphasizes fun and" learning at the same. Here, Andrew Evans, 13, and Britni Smith, 10, show off their skills. For more information, please call Mark Cole at 985-4309. JUGGLING ACT: The first week of the 1999 Scugog Soccer Camp is officially over, but another session will run next week for those interested. Camp hours are from 9 a.m. to 1:30 p/m. The camp result. In fact, the next cyclist to plead innocent, or worse, ignorant, to doping in my realm shall hereby be sentenced to 500 recitals of Romeo's famous death scene speech which as you may recall, is "O true apothecary, thy drugs are quick." Now with my royal guns blazing, I'll take aim on Gary Bettman and the rest of the NHL suits who have been pleading with the federal government to grant tax breaks to Canadian-based teams so that they can compete with US - based teams. How dare you attempt to hold the Canadian government and the Canadian taxpayers hostage with your slick, thinly-veiled innuendos and threats of moving to greener southern pastures. Listen, if Canadian-based teams have difficulty competing because of the exorbitant exchange rate or because of an inflated salary structure, that is an in-house problem and must be rectified in-house. By royal proclamation, the next NHL shyster who approaches any level of government in Canada look- ing for a hand-out will be sentenced to a lifetime of begging on a Toronto street corner with a sign around their neck saying "will fight Bob Probert for food." As the hour grows late and the time for me to relinquish my throne is nigh, I leave one final thought to those in the sporting world who escaped my royal wrath, the same thought that goes through every Boston Red Sox fan's mind: "there's always next year." Steve Toll leads the Brooklin Redmen to an 11-5 victory with one goal, four assists By Mark Stehlin rooklin Redmen The Brooklin Redmen came into this contest in first place overall in the Ontario Lacrosse Association Major Series with a record of nine wins and two losses. The visiting Akwesasne Thunder were tied, with the Brampton Excelsiors, for second place with an 8-5 record. With the season past the halfway mark both teams were eager to show their strength with the playoffs looming. The Redmen got off to an explo- sive start by putting the ball in to the net with the game only seven seconds old and the echo of the National Anthem still bouncing off the walls of Iroquois Park. The home team added two more in the ~ first while the Thunder were only able to keep within a one goal deficit by scoring two of their own behind goalie Rob Blasdell. The Redmen did what they have done the past few games which is \ to win the second period by a eeunt of 4-1. Brooklin came out of the gate with a quick goal only 16 sec- onds into the second frame to set the pace for the rest of the period. The two teams went into the third period with the Redmen up by a score of 7-3 and seemed to be in control of the game. The Redmen jumped ahead to a 9-3 lead before the Thunder answered with two goals to make it 9-5. That is as close as the visitors would get. The Redmen tightened up defensively and added two more as they came out of this game with an impressive 11-5 victory. This leaves the Redmen in first place with a record of 10 wins and only two losses for 20 points. The Brampton Excelsiors played in Oshweken the same night and if they won would remain two points behind the Redmen. The referees in the game were busy at times this evening as they handed out 72 minutes in penalties on the night, 36 minutes to each team. There were two fights in the third period. The first between McDonnell from Brooklin and Phair from the Thunder. Later in the peri- od, Dave Noganosh and John Rosa went toe to toe for a close battle and each drew five minutes for fighting. The big shooters for the Redmen were rookie Craig Ainsworth with three goals, Gary Rosyski with three goals and Jason Crosbie and Jonas Derks with two goals each. Steve Toll had a five point night with one goal and four helpers. For the Thunder, single goals went to Phillips, Mitchell, Hollenbeck, Wannamaker and Henhawk. The Redmen kept league leader John Tavares off the board and with Shawn Williams netting two points keeps him in third place Akwesasne Thunder pay the Toll * overall 11 points behind Tavares s. and five points behind Grant Johnston from St. Catharines. The Redmen will host the defend Turn to Page 23 Mosport Speedway report By Wally Nesbitt Points leader Don Thomson Jr. takes the checkered flag in Sunday's CASCAR event Weekend. Round Six of the Castrol CASCAR Super Series (East) was run at Mosport Speedway last Sunday as the headlining event in the CDS Tech 200 Current series points leader Don Thomson Jr. claimed the pole position for the 200 lap event with a new track record, spot circling the half mile oval in a time of 22.803 seconds. Starting alongside of Thomson on the front row was London's Pete Vanderwyst. Crowd favourite Kelly Williams in her CAG Ford Taurus was third fastest with 'three-time CASCAR champion Dave Whitlock filling out the second row in fourth starting Thomson led the field of 31 cars to the green flag and jumped into the early lead, stalked closely by Vanderwyst. These two took turns leading the race until lap 166 when a spinning backmarket tagged the rear end of Vanderwyst's #77 Chevrolet, sending him into the pits for repairs. Thomson continues on to the Turn to Page 23