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THE OSHAWA TIMES, Thursday, April 30, 1959 15] -- | MARY HAWORTH MAIL To the extent that a girl is at- tached excessively to parents, to College Girl Hurts Parents By Writing Infrequently that extent must she struggle against thém paradoxically, when groping for emotional ballast on the road through adolescence to maturity. Especially if they, the parents, misunderstand the mean-| ing of her adolescent "rejecting" | of them; and put insidious pres Dear Mary Haworth: My prob-|to hold her back from getting |. 0 upon her to regard them 4 lem is my 21-year-old daughter|Weaned, psychologically, y X-y ghie As .an only child of devoted parents, no doubt your daughter was exceptionally close to you in Kate is an only child and has formative years. Thus the strug- been away in college the last four gle to achieve the inner balance years. The first two years she of self-reliance, to draw apart wrote regularly, but the last two from parents sufficiently to form and her negligence about writing home to her father and me. ways as her first and best love. | I wonder if an unrealized aim of this sort is at the root of your indefatigable though unrequited letter-writing? If 'so, correct that, And, when your maternal attitude is more relaxed and openhanded, h Kate will bounce back spon- t tt 3 years her letters have been very|free a to ar tancousty to a middle ground of few. We have had six letters from ies (as in friendships, love and marriage) is likely to be more|cordiality, at least, MH, her this school year. It is true that we see her for|arduous for her, than it would be a day or so, every couple of(for another -- say, Mary Haworth eounsels someone | through her column, not by mail months, and talk to her by tele-|brought up with brothers and sis- or personal interview, Write her phone once or twice a month; but ters, on divided rations of mother- between times we get no uy care, in care of this newspaper. from her. FUTILE WAITING It is heartbreaking to wait . after day for a letter and have none arrive. I have tried to be) loving, forgiving and understand-| ing about it, and write long newsy letters faithfully to her each week ~but I never get a reply or an answer, When confronted as to why she doesn't write, Kate says she has no time. Yet she has no classes) or work on Saturdays or Sun- days. Is it asking too much of her to| write at least every 10 days or two weeks? What is your com- ment on this problem? VR. | TWO SIDES Dear V.R.t According to the prevalent code of polite or con- siderate conduct, it isn't asking too much of an absentee son or daughter, to write to loving, news - hungry parents twice a) month; or even once a week. On the other hand, if the ab-| sentee son or daughter falls to meet the parents' expectations on this score, and continues to dis-| oblige after a series of fond or| wounded reminders, there is prob-| ably no value in harassing the subject indefinitely, One can only experiment, sen-| sibly, with possible ways-and-| means of educating the shirker,| indirectly, to become a consistent corresponden MAYBE DON'T UNDERSTAND For example, if you were to put | a brake on your insistent flow of lengthy, chatty, weekly letters, | and awalt a written reply from| Kate each time, before writing] her again, she might take the hint and do her share. This ac- tion probably would be more ef- fective if you don't sound a re- proachful note -- and signify, simply, that there's not much in- centive to pursue a correspond- ence that wins no response. Also, if you've been initiating the periodic telephone talks, you might interrupt that practice too. Because if Kate hasn't that mode of contact to count on, she may pitch in and work at a written | exchange. You mention trying to be loving, forgiving and understanding as regards Kate's seeming incivility. But Bt Dodo you don't under-| ere is a chance that Kate shrinks from your too-warm interest in her college activities SINGER SENSATIONAL VALUE Brand New Electric Portable Just Received! Limited Quantity! WHY SETTLE FOR LESS WHEN YOU CAN GET A ROUND BOBBIN PORTABLE MADE AND GUARANTEED BY SINGER FOR SO LITTLE? Get yours now while this supply lasts! Use the SINGER Easy Payment Plan SINGER SEWING CENTER | (Listed In phone book wnder SINGER SEWING MACHINE COMPANY) 16 ONTARIO ST. 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