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Acton/Georgetown, Friday, September 7, 2007 7 Happy Jack and his hen harem A few weeks back, I wrote about Jack, the newest addition to the farm. Jack is a big rooster with attitude, who originally lived down the road, but became a tad too territorial for the tiny tots toting the grain to him and his hens. Consequently, he was evicted. He was relocated to the old hen house at my farm, down by the barn, where he's been faithfully crowing at the top of his lungs each morning, usually starting around 6 a.m. Now Jack (originally dubbed `JD' by the kids next door) has spent six saintly weeks in the pen, scratching for grain on the floor, crowing, roosting, scratching, crowing... and so on. But there's been an element missing in Jack's life. You see, Jack isn't really into that celibate lifestyle thing. In fact, as roosters go, he's a bit cocky. One might even refer to him as `randy.' So over the past month and a half, I've patiently pondered Jack's problem. Last weekend, I took pity on the poor boy. It was time to release him from living like a monk. I ordered some `female companions' for him. Now the pullet farm in Elmira denies it's running a rooster dating service. Everyone assumes it's a place where young pullets (hens) are hatched and raised to go out into the work force, doing what they do best-- laying eggs. Ted Brown But for Jack, it was like dialing 1800-HOT-HENS. He's now in rooster heaven, surrounded by nubile brown pullets, who are not only youthful and energetic, but downright innocent. Mind you, Jack wasn't too cool when they arrived. The Sidekick gave me a hand lifting the poultry crate into the henhouse, and the door to Jack's pen was open when I opened the crate. Now that good ol' boy came barging out the door at me, thinking he was gonna kick my butt and show me who was boss. It goes without saying, he lost that contest-- I had a weight advantage. He probably feared I was bringing in another rooster to invade his territory. But the moment I set a few of the new pullets in the pen, Jack suddenly was overcome with a revelation. "Hey, these aren't roosters," Jack thought, "They're hens!! And young 'uns at that!!" As a result, Jack now has 10 new concubines at his beck and call, and seems quite happy about his new role as flock leader. In fact, he's done a bang-up job educating those pullets, since they were pretty naive when they arrived. Having spent every day of their life thus far in a cage, with food and water provided at one side, and the place for the eggs to roll out on the other, those pullets had none of the skills we associate with being a chicken. They didn't know how to scratch for their feed, they weren't sure how to drink from a waterer or eat from a hopper, and they had no idea how to fly up to the nearby roost to sleep. Jack has diligently shown them the old ways, scratching for feed, his 10 hens in tow, picking and pecking at the grain on the ground behind him. He's dipped his beak into the waterer and they've followed suit, and he's also shown them how to eat from a hopper. I wish he'd get 'em to lay their eggs in the nests, but that's asking a lot, even for someone as talented as Jack. So Jack's now become `Happy Jack', with his hot little hen harem hovering around him, looking to him to dispense leadership and advice. And judging from the new twinkle in Jack's eye, I'd guess that's not all he's been dispensing. (Ted Brown can be reached at tbrown@independentfreepress.com) ATTENTION Men and Women Do you have pain in your belly? Do you have Chronic Abdominal Pain or Discomfort, with Constipation? If so, you may have a medical condition known as Irritable Bowel Syndrome with Constipation or IBS-C. 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