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ell HILLS OUTLOOK Saturday November ltn Jumping into taxi not straight forward like it used to be Whatever happened to he good old days when you could climb happily into a taxicab and eel almost certain that the experience would not leave you physically or scarred lor Ilfe7 Just for starters there was a perplexing little news story a couple of weeks ago which reported that authorities in Amsterdam are planning to Introduce psychological testing for cab drivers Naturally this raised the troubling question why exactly do cab drivers need to be psychologically tested What have those Amsterdam cabbies been doing prompt this sort of official concern What sort of psychological Instabilities are they being tested or And what sort questions will be on the lest pick a customer up at the airport anticipating a hefty are Into downtown Instead the customer asks to be taken to an airport hotel three blocks away In response do you a nod graciously and start an innocuous conversation about the weather mutter dark oaths and scowl at him in the rear view mirror or push him under the wheels the cab and drive over him several times In rapid succession This Is the sort of thing that can inspire a bit of paranoia And no sooner had the paranoia set in than the bombshell dropped while Amsterdam cabbies are being psychologically tested cabbies In Paris have been given licence to electrocute their passengers It true Paris taxis are being equipped with hot seats designed to stun although not kill passengers who try to cause trouble Now granted cab drivers need protection against assault Still you have to question the wisdom of giving Paris cabbies the power of electrocution My own experience with Paris cabbies Is that they are not men who see themselves first and foremost as their brothers keeper Generally speaking they cherish the mathematical principle that a straight line is the shortest distance between two points regardless of what may He In between As such they tend to operate on the premise that II God had not meant pedestrians to leap out of the way He would not have given them legs And the problem of bigcity cabbies In general as you undoubtedly Enow from personal experience is that many are terribly sensitive men who are easily upset Naming a destination fewer than IZ blocks away will wound them deeply So will asking If the place we re going is 11 blocks south why have we Just gone five miles due north I I have yet to recover from the experience of a ride with a terribly sensitive pound New York cabbie named alp hie it was 10 years ago A friend and I were flying into New York apposite directions and decided or heaven knows what reason to rendezvous at 11 at the Jack Restaurant In Times Square Ralph was on sidewalk the airport herding passengers into his cab Where yousc he demanded glowering at me Jack s Restaurant 1 said confidently Never hold It said Ralph and slumped of I After stuffing three other passengers Into the back seat slumped back WHERE did say was going Feeling slightly less bold said 1 thought It was somewhere in Times Square rolled his eyes Den why dldn say so Get In the cab Inn Weir I scurried in We squealed off made some off hand remark about the Manhattan scenery We nodded pleasantly gazing out the windows A terrible chill descended Did hear me rumbled Ralphie In a deeply aggrieved voice If youse hold me den acknowledge me when I speak to After is minutes of frantically acknowledging everything said the other three got out Big hearted guy that he was Ralphie called his dispatcher to find the address of Jack Dempsey Restaurant Louie said into the transmitter Dls Is I lookln for Jack Dempsey Restaurant There was a dreadful silence put down the transmitter He stopped cab and turned to Do you know what Louie Just did he demanded Louie laughed me Louie laughed at me because restaurant does not no longer exist Since you haven met you cannot know how truly horrifying It is to discover that you have Just made Louie laugh at him Suffice it to say that I apologized wretchedly offered to get out anywhere would Tike roe to and gratefully handed over the that he demanded as my quarter share of the ride Ultimately I made my escape But I know that had been In possession of a hot seat I would be a waffle today It the sort of thing that makes a guy think In fact Its the sort of thing that makes him take the bus td 300 ALL SEATS ANY SHOW ON TUESDAYS ENTERTAINING THIS WEEK AND COUNTRY FEVER THURSDAY FRIDAY SATURDAY THE FINEST NINO EVERY THURSDAY FRIDAY SPECIAL ft 1 I I PRICE I J