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Science answers why men die so young At long last have a scientific answer to the troubling question why men die earlier than women do 11 turns out that It all due to toothed tigers Wc rt all aware of the statistics which show that women outlive men live to an average age of IB men to an average of Even In an era in which people both sexes arc living longer men arc unable to close the gap All the bean sprouts and aerobics classes in the world don seem to make a bit of difference Naturally we all wanted sort of explanation for this At least men want an explanation Somehow the women of my acquaintance don seem quite so troubled b the Injostlcc One theory eloquently espoused by a certain friend of mine Is that women live longer than men because they don have to cope with being married to A corollary to tills theory Is that women live longer out of sheer stubbornness It probably best not to Identify this particular theorist I won mention that It s my pal Wayne Just In case his wile reads this I But now a startling new theory has been advanced by Georgetown University Dr telle Ramey Ramey Cold a recent medical conference that men because of their biological makeup and ancient Instincts are simply not as durable as women Evenings at MATINEE SATURDAY SUNDAY AT 00 P M IN CINEMA ONE mi Evenings at 00 9 Mat Sal A Sun at BE READY WHEN THE SNOW FLIES ALPINE SKI TuneUp Wet Belt Grind Edge Sharpening Remove Burrs Detune Tip Tail Hat Wax Binding Lube Function Test I TO END OF MOV Alpine Binding Mount CYCLE SKI Main St Georgetown 2441 Well the simple claim that men arc less durable than women Is not likely to come as much of a surprise to anyone Most men arc wltherlngly aware of their relative lack of durability as evidenced by the look of dread on the average man face as he prepares to head home after a late night out with the boys The wise Volkswagen will make a very long detour In an attempt to avoid a collision with a Winnebago No It Ra for this lack of durability which comes as the real eyeopener According to Ramey men are biologically programmed to overreact to stress have faster and more dramatic responses to danger blood that coagulates faster bigger rushes stress chemicals and less elastic blood vessels than women And apparently this all dates back to man primitive past According to Dr a man may hear Have that report done by but his body hears Charging sabretoothed llger 30 feet to the left Good Lord All at once It makes perfect sense No wonder the average contemporary male is as anxious and stress ridden as he Is By the age of 35 he has been attacked by literally thousands of sabretoothed tigers If this Is the case the only marvel Is that most men arc not more neurotic than they already Granted there Is one small bright spot Thanks to the blessings evolution and extinction men in tin lDBOs arc no longer being charged by real sabre III If bung attacked by an lmajimry sabretoothed tiger can knock seven years off your life expectancy Just think what being attacked by a real one would do Although statistics are naturally enough unavailable wc might Infer from this that the discrepancy between male and female lifespans was even greater few hundred thousands of years ago Presumably the average Neanderthal woman lived to be the Neanderthal man lived to be 12 And of course the sabre toothed tiger theory explains why women are so much better at coping with stress and therefore For every contemporary male who harbors ancestral memories of being attacked by a sabretoothed tiger there Is a contemporary female with ancestral memories of gazing down from the safety of the cave and exclaiming Oh look Fred Is being attacked by a sabre- toothed tiger Perhaps I II invite Barney over to dinner Obviously hen men simply can to live the sort or long stressfree life enjoyed by women biologically Impossible St ALL SEATS ANY SHOW ON TUESDAYS ENTERTAINING THIS WEEK AND SERRIA Country Rock friday Saturday only THE FINEST I NINO EVERY THURSDAY a Sarvact 1 a m