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Page THE HERALD OUTLOOK Saturday Marcb In days of yore JfJE when Brian ruled mm I I In days of yore when King Brian the Glib ruled the northern realm the great dragon Deficit ravaged the land On moonless nights when all was still the monster would emerge from the murky Swamp of the Dismal Science and lay waste Dollars were eaten away livelihoods ruined megaprojects delayed All manner of evil fell upon the kingdom people were in shock While the beast prevailed King Brian and his predecessors had to dip deeper into their subjects pockets Taxes gouged from the citizens were used either to hire soldiers to fight Deficit or to buy treats that were left out to distract the dragon from juicier prey The monster had ranged the kingdom before Brian came to the imperial throne Indeed it was his promise to slay the dragon which enabled his followers to overthrow his predecessor King John the Un fortunate At first the new sovereign had some success The dragon was con fronted and a limb hacked off It was not a victory merely a start But after a period of calm the dragon returned A new lleg had grown in place of the missing one And when Brian tried to raise dragonfighting funds by taking back money from the kingdoms elderly things began going wrong One day as Brian strolled about the courtyard an elderly woman stood before nun She waggled a finger and was heard to utter Goodbye Charlie Brown The king retreated in fear So ended his First Crusade At first the guardian of the kings treasure Sir Michael the Bland could not understand what bad occurred Brian seemed to have lost his courage his taste for battle MAGIC SPELL Sir Michael concluded that the old woman was a witch and her words a magical incantation Brian was under an evil spell The dragons depredations seemed to be getting worse So the king and his wise men and women sought out a treaty with a powerful neighboring kingdom in the hope it might provide some distraction for the people The alliance Brian hoped would also provide increased riches with which to fight the beast For a time it worked and behold the people once again rallied to the kings banner Yet no sooner had he triumphed than people including many of his own devoted followers began talk ing aloud about the peril of the dragon again The merchants who had always backed him gathered together The dragon Deficit must be slain they declared It matters not what our losses in battle will be but this beast must be laid to rest or we shall never live in peace again Many of the merchants offered to fight They rode to the royal palace clad in heavy armor and mounted on gaily decorated chargers to pledge their allegiance They clashed their gilt- edged swords against burnished shields and vowed to slay the dragon in its lair HEAVY BURDEN But then someone recalled that to kill the monster they would have to cross the Dismal Science Swamp Burdened by their armor the merchantknights and their horses would sink In the mire and be useless in combat Of course they said were willing to do our part But it would be better if the dragon were to be slam by more manoeuvreable foot- soldiers who with light trappings and weapons can skip across the bogland to the dragons lair And so it came to pass that the king commanded all the low and middleincome and militia to his palace When they ar rived he surveyed them They were a motley lot Their weapons were broken or bent swords scythes and rusty pike- poles Their unkempt uniforms left even more to be desired They dont look like an army to me King Brian muttered to Sir Michael And their clothes Phew Still Sir Michael urged they are the way to kill the dragon So with the kings blessing the ragtag army began the march across the swamp Not long afterward a few strag glers returned in defeat to the king The dragon destroyed us sire they wailed We are the only sur vivors Soon the worst fears of the king came true The fearful dragons appetite had been whetted by the tasty footsoldiers and the beast became ever bolder And soon the merchant warriors began disap pearing one after another Knight after knight after knight scores with double I Entertainment Bob Spgnce News The awards show will be aired in Canada by CTV Coming to a living room near you soon Major League Baseball CTV which will be airing born Toronto Blue Jay and Montreal Expo year its coverage with tbe Blue Jay in Kama City on April 3 Tbe Expos make their CTV debut with tbelr tomeopsner April pm ET Pittsburgh Pirates are tte opposition Allan Can- warns to double your pleasure The producer of the annual Academy Awards Is using famous pairs as presenters at this years awards show Rain Ham tbe story of a brash young mans Tom Cruise cross country journey with his autistic savant brother Dustln Hoffman baa garnered eight Dominations and may and up with the Oscars ACTON PRE CAST CONCRETE LTD TANKS WEUTIM AW MBS TOUCHES RR2 M I SEPTIC TANK PUMPING ClAND REPAIRED SNAKE SERVICE I COMMERCIAL 8532790 RH ACTON AUTO PROPANE 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