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Page a THE HERALD OUTLOOK Saturday May 1989 Look for that mate who can Fight well Weirs View Just when you think youre final ly starting to understand a few things about relationships along come the psychologists to pull the rug out from under you According to an article in none other than The New York Times a new study has just concluded that fighting is good for marriages Well Let me be honest As a male two questions spring instant ly to mind when I read that psychologists are claiming something like this Question one are these psychologists kidding Question two are these psychologists women Like all men I have spent my adult life trying to avoid arguments with women There are two reasons for this For starters the man is at a great disadvantage in any arguments with his mate since he is almost invariably the wronged and innocent party This is not let me hasten to add just a personal bias All of my male friends say exactly the same thing And they wouldnt lie to me The second huge problem is that arguments put a much greattu physiological strain on the man than on the woman This is a scientific fact Ap parently the male experiences a vastly greater adrenalin reaction in times of stress because of his an cient fightorfhght programming the programming that was developed way back when men were out hunting large prehistoric animals I once tried to explain this to Dear Heart I hate arguing with you I explained because it trig gers ancestral memories of ram paging woolly mammoths Funnily enough this didnt seem to help matters much In any case here we are left with this psychological study which proclaims that the happiest couples are those who are able to confront and resolve their dif ferences by fighting well Right off the bat I nave a large problem with this I have never in cluded fights well on the list of virtues I look for in a mate This is just one of the many reasons I have never to Sugar Ray Leonard But the psychologists Insist that the problem with many relation ships is that one or both partners have poor fighting strategies Par ticularly destructive they say are arguments in which one partner becomes defensive or stubborn or whines or withdraws I have even larger problems one since theyve just sum marized my entire gameplan When arguments arise I get defensive and stubborn Then I whine and withdraw Occasionally I change the order whine first and get stubborn later And now they tell me I cant do this Instead the psychologists recommend a threestage strategy for constructive arguing As the fight begins they say it is essen tial that one partner at least part ly acknowledge the others point of view Well okay No man would dispute this Its an excellent idea if the woman starts off by acknowledging the mans point of view From here she can easily proceed to make a full confession that shes being horrible and un fair and that hes practically perfecl in every way But at stage two psychologists theory falls apart this way completely When the argument gets heated they claim its that one partner accurat ly mindreads saying how the other Is feeling about the issue This of course is Insane No man has ever read a womans mind accurately and only utter fools make the attempt When your mate confronts you with the statement that something is bothering her the only hope is to look blank and stupid Never hazard the guess that she may be worried about the clutch on the Chinch Bugs are small insects Datsun which In and feet on lawn And if the psychologists believe SJStL that minds be read at stage and feed J fl two then their third me that the partners wind down caRei a Stylet The insect inserts the dispute by agreeing to a com- its stylet into the leaves stems or promise is simply pointless crowns and sucks the juices out of Quite frankly the whole thing nB The damage looks quite raises a fascinating question Do similar 0 drought Symplons these psychologists actually con- People mistakenly assume that the duct their own marital arguments lawn needs only water to restore Its lush green appearance If theyve tried to then it ex plains why theyre able to espouse such theories Theyve all been for years Professional Advice from the Professionals Chinch Bugs can destroy your lawn with little war ning Cambridge FINE CARS INC Hespelter Cambridge The UlUmate Machine jMwuioFFwrrH SOMEOF0UB BEST SALESMEN Fal MAk LIFE CYCLE CONTROL Recognize the difference between a simple drought problem and a serious chinch bug infestation Only government approved materials that are applied carefully and precisely at the correct time are the most effective in controlling this serious lawn pest If you see suspicious brown patches starting to appear in the lawn DONT HESITATE Can a professional and he inspect your property FREE OF CHARGE If you do have chinch bugs he can protect your invest ment in your property by promptly treating the problem If your brown patches are due to lack of water he can advise you on correct watering procedures 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