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Breaking the bonds that hurt THE HERALD OUTLOOK Saturday September Page 23 By Mitchell BEYOND CODEPENDENCY By Mel ody Harper Row 252 pages 95 paper She was abducted and molested at age She started serious drinking at By the time she was 20 she was addicted to heroin But Melody Beat tie is a survivor and today she is the author of a bestselling book an artic ulate and persuasive spokeswoman for the recovery movement and the head of a family she describes as a haven from the world Meeting her it is hard to believe that this vibrant woman Is one of the walking wounded The theme of her books Codepen- No More which was a huge best seller a few years ago and her latest Beyond Codependency is obvious ly the problem af flicting people who are tormented but trapped by the addiction or depen dency of in their lives Asa result codependents become hostile controlling manipulative indirect guilt producing difficult to communi cate with generally disagreeable and sometimes downright hateful Her first book Beattie explains was about stopping the pain and gaining control of our lives The new book is about what to do when the pain has stopped and weve begun to suspect that we have lives to live Its about what happens next The enormous response to her first book leads to believe that mil lions of people are codependent to some extent Who of us hasnt been affected by another persons prob lems she asks Ive gotten thou sands of letters from people who said You told my story it felt so good to be able to identify that Im not crazy reaches her readers with references to her own life and with the true stones drawn from her corre spondents or from people she has known though her work as a counsel or Ive found that if I can hook peo ples emotions and just give them a little bit of Information it goes a lot farther than giving them a lot of in formation and not bothering to con nect with them emotionally Beattie attributes her success to the fact that she Is a recovering addict and codependent and that her profes sion is writing not psychology She does not like to be called an expert If I were an expert that would have gotten In my way Although says she wants to empower people to find their own solutions she advises her readers to enroll in a 12stepprogram along the lines of AlAnon Why We need to do something each day toward chang ing she says because if we just get all the awareness and never do any thing with it were going to keep bot toming out I didnt invent the wheel in my books I took some of the basic infor mation thats been around in old ther apies and and Just tried to make it accessible interesting and from the heart Beattie does use a great deal of jar gon from the realms of psychology and addiction recovery but her style is clear conversational and compel- begins with Cartas Story Car to go to a nursing home volun- whom she had fallen in love And the anecdotes she tells are thought she was perfectly fine but hours a month at a mental direct and powerful although some of she was so immersed in compulsive health center and provided a rent- the extreme cases seem almost like taking that she worked three free home for people she had met in was when Carta realized caricatures teaching jobs took in an Alzheimers the visiting room of a prison where she was in trouble that Codependency for exam- pa to prevent the womans she visited an alcoholic inmate with Can you afford to buy a house You cant afford to miss this FREE seminar The Brampton Real Estate Board has assembled leading housing experts to explain the world of Real Estate Will housing become more affordable What should a first time home buyer know Is Real Estate a good investment Why do you need a lawyer Sunday Sept 24 1 pm to 430 pm Holiday Inn 30 Peel Centre Drive near Queen Dixie Brampton FeatU ring The Hon John McDermid MP How the Goods Services Tax Will Affect Real Estate Frank none President Toronto Home Builders Assoc Will Housing Ever Get More Affordable Sponsored as a public service to celebrate Ontario Home Week September to 30 by LB REALTOR Brampton Real Estate Board 119 West Drive Bramalea Ontario 4511515 ARE YOU SITTING ON A GOLD MINE nflZl If youre considering listing your home or just want to know what its really worth nows the time to call your CENTURY 21 neigh bourhood professional for a complimentary market analysis ill It fnrKlw Illation or THE LARGEST REAL ESTATE ORGANIZATION IN THE WORLD Realty of Distinction Inc Realtor RAMSAY BARR It a Mate broker tease Bui offor It not our intention lo the of other Male art nappy la work My fa