The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

PageS TUB HERALD OUTLOOK Saturday October Federal government is a myth Editorial- I have come to the conclusion after countless hours of ing research that in fact our federal government does not exist In effect our national govern ment is a myth Prime Minister Brian is a myth and the whole crew comfortably esconced on Parliament Hill in Ottawa have obviously the boat Let talk turkey here oops Freudian slip methinks Seriously though just what do we get from the federal govern ment for the taxes that Ottawa col lects A report from the Vancouver based Institute non political study group suggests that the average Canadian with a household income of mil pay the federal government 722 in taxes After inflation this represents a 1 per cent rise the Pro gressive Conservatives Came to power in Fair enough one might argue but the federal government takes care of Canadnns with this tax money Wrong again oh flip side of a looney On the tax dollar cents alone goes just to the interest on the public debt run up by the way the federal government Sixteen cents is transferred to the pro vinces for jointly financed pro grams such as medicare and welfare Eight cents out of every dollar goes to the Canadian militarv and we all know how the arm acted during the Oka standoff and tents of ax dolhr goes simply to keep the federal bureaucracy well oiled or well heeled depending on your point of view That leaves TO cents of federal tax dollar for the to provide sustenance to he ana dian people But what does the federal government provide Health ire schools our rn id svslems ire Colin Gibson Poets Corner THE KINO As a lad I ploughed the ground Tht job then for me be found Fed the pigs and milked the cow I walked behind tht walking plow The lhe hard and tough yen seldom hear them puff I try to those furrows There is no timi to stop or wait I would walk n miles steady grind no lime to play day you plow the same amount Step it by yards that s how you count Sometimes I strike a jagged stone The plow handles left a bruised bone broken plow would make you Take all day to replace a share Work was hard life was rough Men those days were better stuff Down the pretty little stream It surely was a painters dream Way up in the apple tree the birds would sing to me Over by the house the bark of a dog On the edge of the swamp the croak of a frog By the bush the caw of the crow The blackest bird I ever did know All these things as I plowed my way They are the memories of my boyhood day by Albert Brooks It 1 1 irfod Mow in 1 bring Togf Hit r family indistriss Should I stand up firmly Or t I m just a 1 pray for them my family I worship he smiles they gut I hope for them slong tslslullliw 1 their mist tks I yt offend tin in But still then limn confusion hi wilhst They yenad your holy hook They yisitoue But still the hate is growing Thi ir loy is getting meek They need a stronger person Oh God lookout its you Show them the to hap pines- Please help our family through By Acton V OKA I am the Native You all may agree It is the outsider Wishing theoutsider was me Once they were welcomed We wished them the best And ever since then We ve been given no rest The quickest means To destroy us you see Was to issue monies The current currency Putting us on welfare Their idea of charity Once were guests Pride won Lit ge town The Halton Hills HERALDS Home Newspaper of Halton Hills Established 1 A Division of Canadian Newspaper Company Limited Guelph Street Georgetown Ontario L7G 326 K ROBERT MALCOLMSON Publisher and General Manager 8772201 responsibilities Need a cop want garbage taken don call Ottawa because these are municipal responsibilities Canada Post that shining exam pie of efficiency is self supporting crown corporation Air Canada was put on the market and gobbled up now Canada is for sale it is estimated that Ottawa uses 400 million tax dollars a day For what pray tell Now I like horses as much as the next guv and also a good show But I don t feel like forking over tax dollars to the feds just so some tourists can the Moun ties and their Musical Ride So now w come back to the original premise that the federal government is a mvth and merelv a figment of some bored bureaucrats lively imagination Until Mr and his politicil party or federal political party for at matter can show me that I am getting value for m lax dollar I have to question if these guys really know what the are doing Similarly I would ques tmn any and nil decisions made from Ottawa that affect my pay check same this is all just a bad dream and when we collectively wake up based politicians will no longer be with us Now that would be a myth I could handle ADVERTISING- DAN TAYLOR IWi sue a Rob MANAGER PRODUCTION DAVE HASTINGS MANAGER G ion lion CLASSIFIED- J lonMnnil CIRCULATION Shed bo ACCOUNTING JannaHapch SUBSCRIPTION RATES ton yai ill feign ill three m on Mall RagldiedNo lor lilting out of error man 1 beyond amount Tor I ho occupied by that portion I he Smoking can make a person a perpetual teenager At long here some truly glorious news to pass along to smokers 1 have just discovered that ing wonderful fringe turn hitherto unknown to medic science it keeps you young Honest This is totallj and true Well sort of true Smoking may not keep voung but here in it can make you feel lik a perpetual teenager which is surely the next best thing rust me You re talking to a year old man who has just been nailed for smoking In the washroom Well this isn strictly true either It wasn exactly a washroom It was the car deck of a passenger ferry But the feeling was precisely the same All of a sudden I no longer just another nondescript male verging on middle age I m now the world s oldest delinquent Mom always said I d amount to something Naturally you re dying to hear about my encounter with the Smoking Police It happened on the weekend and I ve been having a cheerful chuckle about it ever since After all it not the sort of thing I d feel bitter about Heavens no I m not the sort of guy to com plain about getting busted for smoking while sitting in my own car with the flipping windows roll up trusting in the belief that were living in a democracy and not Stalin bleeding Russia where jack booted thugs made a practice of stomping up to respectable Ian Weir Weir View Km Seme citizens and But I digress We were discuss ing the many cheerful chuckles I ve been having Ha Ha In any case there I was relax ing in my car enjoying the view and the carefree pleasures of blow secondary smoke at my old pal Miller who was coughing gently in the passenger seat when there was a sudden sharp rapping at the window I rolled it down and there stood a very large Car Deck Attendant glowering down at me the exact ex my junior high school viceprincipal had worn the day he confronted me with the underground newspaper I d been hoping my fnend Doug would get blamed for instead Yes I said nervously This is a ferry he snipped What are you doing with that cigarette young man Actually I can t remember if he really called me young man He may have said you wretched boy instead Whatever The point is I have time to think I was suddenly seized by an overpowering urge to blurt out the truth which was that it my it was Millers cigarette and that Miller should be punished instead even though he d deny everything being a dirty rotten liar who went around getting other people in trouble I going to hive to report you the Car Deck Attendant sinrled and stomped around back to take my license number Miller looked at me I looked back at Miller and was suddenly seized by the terrible fear that he might tell my Dad Naturally this t a very logical thought After all my father already knows I smoke here not much he can do about it since it much too late to send me to private school In any case this whole episode may yet have a tragic ending since I don know what happens to people who get reported for smok on the ferry Do they send you to jail Do they fine you Or do they just suspend you from all extra ti vi ties and make you clean up the Science Room at lunch hour But in the meantime I ve dead to look on the bright side which is that smoking has actually given me back my adolescence It quite a delightful feeling tually And it opens up some really neato possibilities Tonight I think III spray paint something very rude on my neighbor fence Then I produce another edition of the underground newspaper and perhaps freak my brother out by hiding his bicycle or as it happens his Mazda RX7 which is even better And then I II blame it all on Miller