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THE WEEKEND OUTLOOK Friday ml Thank goodness for the Cherry Brandy flask A couple of weeks ago I told you about bottling homebrew my Dad in the family kitchen This week I thought Id let you know Im back on the booze kick Cherry Brandy If you have some in the liquor cabinet put it in your wifes purse just in case You never know when you may be stopped by the law for a spot breathalyzer test It may save your driving licence from being suspended That little flask of Cherry Bran dy saved a friend of mine from taking taxis walking and relying on to get him back and forth One day I was short of court constables to fill every courtroom and I decided I would look after toe appeals This meant those who had laun ched an appeal on a conviction of impaired driving at the Provin cial Court level could be heard in County Court I dont know what they call the system now but in my day the Provincial and District Court were separate Anyway I could pretty well handle the opening of the court alone and asked the judge if he was prepared to let me fill in while he heard the appeals He agreed Oh I didnt have to dress in my tricorn hat or carry my sword for this quiet session All I had to do was make sure everyone was in place go into the judges chamber gown him open the door into the courtroom and shout order loud enough to awaken anyone who had dozed off in cluding the judge I had on a navy blue blazer and grey flannels so I was dressed okay Now in appeals we didnt have a large contingent of cour troom personnel just enough to make sure everybody got a fair shake including the appellant We were ready to go everyone was in place Justice was about to be done Then I marched the judge to the bench as those in the business used to say I was startl ed to discover the appelant was a good ole Georgetown boy whom had known for years and knew liked a little pickmeup from time to time Naturally I couldnt smile or wave because that might indicate partiality on my part so I had to sit through his testimony without once cheering him or booing him when he was called to the stand Let me tell you I knew him bet ter and longer than anyone in that courtroom and I knew he was go ing to be convincing I checked my pockets to make sure I had a handle It was going to be an afternoon spent rolling in the aisles with laughter or sobbing with sympathy when my acquain tance took the stand I knew that much fat Stories by W Steamer My friend was finally called to the stand and I offered the Bible for him to place in his hand and swear his oath He gave me a look as much as to say they aint heard nothin yet He was quite right about that Man his testimony was something to behold He held our attention as he told his story Believe me I was listening as at tentively as the judge He was an oratorical spellbinder Man he was a story teller par excellent My friend is gone now but he sure told an intriguing fascinating story that afternoon There were times 1 recoiled in horror when felt he was on the verge of saying ask Steamer there he knows me hell tell ya I berated myself for not check ing the court list before I offered to serve in that particular cour troom Had I known I could have switched someone from another court while I took their place But on with the story You all want to know when the Cherry Brandy comes in Just read on My longtime buddy was ex plaining to the judge he and his wife were going to meet friends at Someplace Else in Huttonville for an anniversary dinner As they prepared to leave town his wife asked him to pop into the cash and carry store and get her a bottle of Cherry Brandy her favorite As a loving husband he oblig ed then headed down Guelph St towards Everyone was listening as he was quite articulate and sincere He explained to the judge he wore an artificial leg and the harness often irritated his shoulders so it was not unusual for him to wiggle and twist behind the wheel to seek relief and comfort from the bulky harness Naturally he explained this wriggling and twisting would cause his vehicle to swerve a bit and anyone following might think he was an erratic driver Between the cash and carry store and where the cruiser pulled him over he had wiggled and twisted three or four times at the most In his testimony he figured the cruiser behind must have thought he was driving while impaired Heavens nothing could be fur ther from the truth It was his discomfort that caused the and zags The arresting officer didnt buy my friends wiggling and twisting story He took him back to the police station back of the old municipal hall on Main St My friend told with a whimper his difficulty of getting out of the deep back seat of the cruiser and the officers impatience His ar tificial limb prevented him from exiting quickly As he struggled to get out the officer pulled him knocking his glasses to the ground smashed to bits He was disabled and now rendered sightless I was almost weeping at this point In those days the police had to call in an officer who was the breathalyzer specialist It was going to be 20 minutes or so before my friend would be asked to blow into the machine While my friend waited for the test his wife showed up and by George lo and behild It dawned on him she had that mickey of Cherry Brandy in her purse Your honor I was so upset shaking and embarrassed by this turn of event I asked my wife in a whisper to open her purse I dont mind telling you Sir I took a pretty good swig to settle my nerves He went on to say in a few minutes the breathalyzer officer had arived and the results show ed a high reading Any darn fool would know it was bound to be high he said The judge asked what happen ed to the remaining contents of the bottle My friend the ap pellant with a straight face said his wife threw the empty bottle over Lumber fence as she left the police station and it smashed just like his lasses SAVE YOUR BODY NORTH END NISSAN 610 Martin St MILTON 10 MINUTES YES TRY US Your Complete Car Cleaning Oil Change Centre 5 ARMSTRONG AVE UNIT 5 GEORGETOWN ONTARIO ALSO ON HWY 10 N ORANGEVILLE 8779394 A few days later my friend went sailing by in his car giving me a big wave and wearing a smile a yard wide I thought one good thing is hes alone in the car and if be gets SAME DAY TAX RETURNS Guelph SI Georgetown 8772217 GIC RATE 10 MONEY CONCEPTS stopped again therell be no purse with Cherry Brandy to rely DENTURES FULL DENTURE SERVICES DIRECTLY TO THE PUBLIC New Rearm Repairs Cleaning Dental Insurance accepted Wheelchair TRENTON Denture Therapy Clinic 18 Church St Georgetown Ont 8772359 Good Value W hen it comes to good value means a wide choice of flexible investment options special security features unique to a life insurance company competitive rates Good value also means having your policies backed by a company you can trust The Cooperators Weve built our reputation by providing sound financial investment advice for over years Thats just one of the reasons why were Canadas leading multiline 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