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the HERALD PageUB WednMday November 1911 Community Family Violence Unchecked violence will increase By JACLE B PALMER Herald Special Most articles and studies agree that abuse is a learned behavior which once begun will repeat Itself through generations of a family if it is not stopped Because most of their life together is good women in violent situations often have a dif ficult time dealing with the casual problem of abuse They dont want the relationship to end the victims want the violence to stop Because the abusive male part ner is not all bad and because during the nonabusive periods he may be an excellent companion the victim has grave difficulties in admitting the problem She cannot acknowledge her part in condoning the problem because often the abuser has conditioned her to accept blame for the violence She accepts the blame easily because she wants to deny the problem the magnitude of the problem Once the victim has admitted abuse exists and attempted to make changes she will often find herself unable to deal with the finality of divorce or failure of the relationship The relationship has been her dream She the love marriage children scenario to continue for the rest of her life She loves him despite the abuse She understands his moods his stress levels his poor childhood his job problems the drinking and believes she can nurture the situation and that time will heal everything Is she helping her partner in condoning his unacceptable behavior Absolutely not Unless intervention and counselling oc cur studies reveal that violence will often reoccur with increas ing frequency and intensity the longer it remains unchecked The victim may describe herself as addicted to his atten tion or in love with him in spite of it all Most of all she believes he will change is the fastest tool to bring about change A war a crisis in business or a crisis in personal life ensure reactions The critical situation must have our im mediate reaction and attention We have no choice in the matter Established 1973 HALTON HILLS COLLISION ACTON ONT We understand the stress that you feel j when unhappy events cause you to make a claim and I try to act with speed and care JANETRMSTRONG I YOUR INSURANCE BROKER I UNDERSTAND PAUL C ARMSTRONG INSURANCE BROKERS LTD MILL ST Hills Ontario 8770133 Most abusers know the limits of their victims well and do not cross those boundaries They know the victim will forgive and forget for all the reasons they can both muster They both perpetuate that cycle of abuse and neither receive the required help to solve the problem How about trying rejection Total rejection Complete rejec tion Finality That should put the abuser in crisis That should bring about some kind of reaction There is a line of a poem which elicits the sentiment that if you really love someone you can set that person free and if the love is real that person will return to you and the relationship survive and will become better A woman who cares enough for herself and her children to reject her mate may be doing him the biggest favor of his life In forc ing him to deal with his abusive nature and in forcing him to view the affect of the abuse on his family he has the opportunity to formulate change that will enhance their lives together He has the opportunity to seek counselling Yes that woman is taking a chance He may well misinter pret the reasons for rejection but she has already decided a life without abuse is preferable because it is positive and produc tive for herself and her family She may be having grave dif- f icultles dealing with her future prospects She wants him to know she loves him but she realizes that if she in any way reveals her true feelings she will be in difficulty once more Her rejection must be strongly and clearly stated She must not waver because if she does he will recognize their former pattern of foregiveness and not take her seriously A victim taking this ap proach will be a leech as she sucks all the support she can from friends and professionals It will be all she can do to stay away from her partner and all she can do to not have contact with him She needs to be continually reminded that she is taking ap propriate action to ensure a higher quality of life for herself and her family She may be con fused emotionally distraught anxious guilty ashamed or irra tional but she may be taking the best action of her life She is emo- tionally torn apart The myriad of feelings ex perienced by the abused are dif ficult to logically analyze Out siders often misunderstand but must remain openly supportive and nonjudgmental of this woman who is taking a giant step forward to help herself and her family Feel free to contact Jade by directing letters to her attention at the Herald All correspondence will remain confidential Should you wish to speak to Jade call the Distress Centre at 87721 li and your call will be returned If you are a woman or child in crisis or an abusive male wanting help call the Distress Centre or dial 911 Saysaw THE CORPORATION OF THE Town of Hills Hills Dove PO Box 128 HAITON HILLS Goorgolown Ontario L7G 8732600 TEMPORARY ROAD CLOSURES SATURDAY NOVEMBER 30 1991 IN GEORGETOWN On Monday November 25 1 991 the Council of the Corporation of the Town of Hills intends to pass a bylaw to close temporarily various roads in the Town of Halton Hills Georgetown on Saturday November 30 1991 from approx imately pm until approximately 300 pm for the purpose of the Georgetown Lions Club Incs Annual Santa Claus Parade The parade route will be as follows The parade will form on Sinclair Avenue travel through the Georgetown Market to Mountain- view Road at Campbell Gate follow Mountain- view Road to Guelph Street Street to Maple Avenue Maple Avenue to Main Street and Main Street to James Street where it will disperse The Council Meeting will be held at pm in the Council Chambers Hills Drive At this meeting Council will hear in person or by his counsel any person who claims his lands will be prejudicially affected by the said bylaw and who applies to the Town Clerk at 8732600 before the Council Meeting Ad No alMcllv at Mind Hut and Mind Ultra Marl In all Mlltr Ha Satins Ind i to llnll and now Lower Prices fool MIRACLE FOOD MART No Coupon Required SLICED SIDE BACON Regular or Maple 500 EXCELLENT VALUE MIRACLE COUPON No 1 Grade Food Marti While jl dozen carton Bass WITH THIS COUPON Instant Coffee g jar WITH THIS COUPON MIRACLE COUPON tubs 12499 with Tins COUPON CLOVER LEAF SOLD WHITE TUNA g tin 199 Regular or Diet Pepsi or TOP ml botlle 49 j Regular Pepsi or ml lint MIRACLE COUPON In Tomato Sauce Heinz Beans tor Pasta WITH THIS COUPON Product of S A No 1 Grade CALIFORNIA FRESH ICEBERG LETTUCE 69 Pamper Cat Food case of 184 g it Product of Swaziland VALENCIA ORANGES per kg Extra LeanLet Ground Beef Fork Chicken for Turkey MIRACLE FOOD HART BUTTER TARTS or to 199 FRESH DELI DELUXE PIZZA J loppings 10 slice size WITH MIRACLES OWN BRANDS PniC6SliFFECTIVE NOV Miracle rood Chocolate Chip Cookies Corn or Mixiti Miracle Food Mart Vegetables IMS Chi rural Mlmcle Food Mart Slices o Pitera Food Mart Mushrooms MIraats Food Mart Pasta TO Liquid Bleach Tomato Ketchup Condi Miracle Food Mart Mushroom Soup Food Mart Tomato Soup Mlraola Food Mart Pure Chocolate Chips Miraola Food Mart Jelly Powder