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Wednesday December the HERALD Page3B Community A perfectly legal bank heist Dont laugh Would you believe me if I told you I was in on a bank heist A real bank Threw the green machine into chaos for about an hour while my two Income Tax investigators two plainclothes and I cleaned house This wasnt a burst in yelling stick em up kind of robbery Everything was perfectly legal This was the first time I ever got money from a bank so easily Didnt even sign my name No endorsers nothing and I walked out with a pocketful of loot For a few minutes I was Willy Sutton the famous bank robber No fuss no masks no shouting no shooting no sawed off shot gun no force just give me the money Just easy does it smooth talk a couple of redcoats in two income tax investigators little old me and an old redsealed document called a warrant It had more bang than a and not nearly as messy or noisey Let me include my team in this story There were two in vestigative officers from the of National Revenue two as I said and we were after big game They were kind of taken back when they arrived at our office and discovered I was to be their designated hitter Right off the bat I could see they figured I was minor league The exercise was to enter a bank in Burlington drill the safe ty deposit box seize the contents then seize any cash in our suspected crime lords accounts Willy would have been proud of me in that bank I never threatened raised my voice or even showed one drop of perspiration on my upper lip Once the game action started I swung a mean bat The manager got a little ex cited when it hit home our prime target and his big account maybe part of the mob His heavy depositor might be less than thrilled with his kindly old manager if he just gave us the green light to steal I mean seize Lets just say he didnt send out for coffee to soothe our deter mination for the loot we were ex to find He stopped taking calls just in case his account phoned while we were on the premises What my new teammates hadnt told me Another team was going through this guys law firm 2 Another team was going through the parents house and 3 Another team was going through the girlfriends condo Heavens to Betsy I figured the whole musical ride was in on this show when it was all over and 1 finally met the others about their results Interesting stuff Success wise it rated about an eight out of ten Still in my bank the accountant came in and said to me and the manager theres 14 in the account Before the manager could cross himself and pray for mercy I said 1 11 take it and make the cheque payable to the Sheriff of the Judicial District of What if I wont give it to you asked the trembling boss His long slender fingers were shaking as casually replied Ill just put the warrant on the door and lock you up You lock up a bank dont be ridiculous he said Just as cool as Willy Sutton I said What makes you think the bank is above the law If I can close up that shoe store the clothing store in the area then why cant I close up your bank The two mounties and the tax guys were really paying This was like shootout time with Wyatt at the old 0 K Corral in Dodge City The manager blinked first Youre not getting a red coat till I phone head office he said Go ahead theyll tell you to give me Stones by W Steamer Emmerson the money they always do I replied When he hung up he said give the sheriff the money Strike one He looked at me and said Im 30 years in the bank Ive never had a morning like this ties tax guys a deputy sheriff its unbelievable I feel like Ive been robbed Now isnt that a coincidence I said Ive felt that way myself several times when I borrowed from a bank J lnishing up at lunch one mountie who was with me leaned over and asked Tell me were you really going to close the door when he hesitated about coughing upthedough Not really I replied You see I could always write the alleg ed crime leader and tell him how helpful and courteous the manager had been in helping me carry out my duties Strike two The laughed and responded Walk lightly and carry a big stick eh I said make that a big bat Strike three saw it in The Herald Ho Ho Ho Save More Dough KENNY DOLLY Once Upon A Christmas STOMPIN TOM CONNORS Merry Christmas Everybody THE CHIEFTAINS The Bells of Dublin 1899 THE JUDDS Time 1699 GS TELEVISION 265 GUELPH ST GEORGETOWN 8779541 HEAD LETTUCE I EA PRODUCT OF SPAIN OR MOROCCO SWEET JUICY CLEMENTINE ORANGES 227 KG BOX 469 J box ml SUPER SPECIAL STEAK SALE A MEA THA TDOES MOPE THAN COMPETE NEW YORK CUT STRIP LOIN STEAK 1100 KG a 99 LB 4 TOP SIRLOIN STEAK OR ROASTS 099 2 LB GROCERY SPECIALS LESS THAN HALF PRICE ALLENS APPLE JUICE TIN KNECHTEL CHIPS SNACKS Assorted Varieties And Sizes THREE STAR J WINDSHIELD WASHER FLUID Litre Jug Values Effective Men Bee 2nd through Sat Dec 7th 1991 WITH YOUR WEEKLY FAMILY SHOPPING ol you will receive FREE I A LARGE WHITE EGGS SPECIAL PRICE WITHOUT COUPON j eg I SAVE WITH BOB I coupon value