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Halton HillsThis' Week, Wednesday, July 15,1992, Page’7 OP ED Family violence Society's stereotypes tough to break By JACIE B. PALMER Stereotypes among society are + difficult to break. The cycle of domestic violence will not be bro- ken without a change in thought patterns among our community members. One abused woman was desper- ate to get out of her situation and sought help from others. She tells it this way: “I didn’t know where to turn. Anyone could see there was something terribly wrong with me. as angry, emotionally distraught and crying much of the time. I couldn’t cope with anything — my job and my family . In desperation I went to a couple I though would help me. Instead I was told that I was taking this situation far too seriously and that if he wasn’t belt- ing me across the head, I wasn’t being abused. He was only choking me, grabbing me, controlling and confining me. The psychological abuse was awful. This just further compounded my situation and it was months before I talked to any- HELP OURSELVES one else. I was lucky! I finally got support from more enlightened individuals who couldn’t empathize with my situation but were aware of and ay seen the existence of abus Magy persons support the notion that a woman provokes violence against her and somehow deserves to be treated in this ghastly way. Some people believe she gains sat- isfaction from being hit. If you are a woman who even suspects she is being abused, you should go to your doctor, minister or other professional and discuss the situation with him or her. The very fact that you are upset and thinking in terms of abuse means you are likely experiencing some form of violence against you. Members of our community who are not cognizant of issues sur- rounding abuse may say things like: it’s your lot in life, verbal abuse is no big deal, you got yourself into this situation — live with it, stay with him for the sake of the chil- dren, he’s your husband — you can’t leave, you must have done something to make him behave that way or you won’t make it on your own. Don’t listen to these unin- formed people! Don’t believe them! Men abuse because they want power and control over their part- ner. An abuser does not abuse his partner because of her actions or reactions. He has simply not learned to behave in appropriate ways. He learned to physically abuse others from his father who was a poor role model. He may believe that physical abuse, manip- ulative, devious and controlling behavioral patterns are the norm — rather than the exception. He has the problem and he needs help. Often he will not change, nor rec- ognize his problem unless he is confronted with a crisis. Like an alcoholic who desperately fears the loss of his job, the abusive male may treat to the threat of the loss of his partner or family. Even the threat of loss may be enough for him to seek help. Sometimes even the possibility of being “found out” by friends will cause him to act ina Positive way and seek help. So much is dependent upon the background of these men. If they’ve been subject to unrelenting abuse during their formative years and early adulthood a male abuser will have more difficulty in dealing with this ingrained inappropriate behavioral pattern. A man with a less abusive, less destructive child- hood may have an easier time seek- ing help and modifying his behav- ior. He may even regain control. In any case, the victim must protect herself and her family. Our children cannot be happy and well-adjusted unless their major care-givers, their mothers, have their needs met. We need to ensure that our com- munity supports the victims of fam- ily violence. These women. are the heart of family and influence your children and mine. Feel free to contact Jacie in confidenceby directing letters to her attention at Halton Hills This Week. All corresponcence will remain condfidential. Jacie can be reached in person throuh the Distress Centre at 877-1211. Leave a message and Jacie will get back to you. If you are a child or worman in crisis, call the Distrss Centre or 911. Halton Hills Bom in Hamilton ("You have to have a sense of humor to admit THAT!”), but bred in Georgetown, Peter Roe now brings his artistic talents to the pages of Halton Hills This Week. A York graduate of English Studies, an occasional stand-up comedian, and an active member of Georgetown Little Theatre, Peter has honed “For Pete’s Sake” over the last eight years, and feels the world is ready for it. “Well, Halton, anyway. True, North York was the first community to be exposed to “For Pete’s Sake” through York University’s major © 100% cotton diapers professionally.cleaned © Pick Cartoonist joins This Week campus paper, but now that I’m free and back home, I'd like to see what my neighbors think of it .” “For Pete’s Sake” follows the adventures of Pete (the artist’s persona) and his friends through the greatest peril of all--life. Peter’s influences include the Marx brothers and Andrew Dice Clay “for the strip’s sarcasm,” Bobcat Goldthwait and Monty Python “for the silliness,” and The Commitments “for the soul.” Nevertheless, “For Pete’s Sake” is primarily comprised of its creator’s soul, and hopes to find its own niche in the highly competitive comic strip industry. Activity Line Playing is fun By LAURIE BURNS Exercise Physiok Our kids can’t all be wrong. Playing is fun, and it isn’t just for the young. If we play as adults, we can alleviate some of the stresses of our adult life. Let yourself go, (maybe Peter Pan had the right attitude after all) and enjoy some of the activities you need to do. There are so many ways...ride a bike, play hide ad seek with your kids, badminton, take a hike, go dancing, the ideas are end- less. The list of activities can go on and on but, remember it is your choice. If you haven’t been active in a very long time, check with your physician to see if there are any restrictions or recommendations for your activity choices. Some health conditions like asthma, diabetes and high blood pressure can be affected by physical activity. These condi- tions will all be affected positively by exercise but, it is important to consult’ with professionals. The choices of activities you do will depend on many things. They may be different when you are 60 than when you were 35. Different for you now as an adult than when you were in high school. They will depend on your abilities and inter- ests. The choice is yours to make and will be as individual as you are. Playing is simple, it is doing, it is being active. For Pete's Sake by Roe THIS ENVELOPE CONTAINS RECYCLED FIBRES. FAX SEvice 8 53-1855 ATTENTION: Bottle water users Distilled water available CHECK OUR PRICES! 294 QUEEN ST. E. ACTON, ONT. 853-2220 Aco GEORGETOWN, ONT. AT THE EXCHANGE TAVERN 37 KING STREET ACROSS FROM GO STATION LICENCED PATIO - OPEN LUNCHEON SPECIALS 112 Main St. $. Georgetown 873-2900 or 416-874-3063