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WORD'S WORTH With Eric Balkind Writing it fight You've got a hotshot idea for an article for the Tanner and your neighbour is putting together a sports report which he hopes will be suitable for publication. Meanwhile, down the street in the local school, a teacher and a class of kids are busy working on a collection of poems which they'd like to see in print. So what is it that you and the rest of these would-be-writers and reporters need to know in order to get published? First, take a look at a couple of our previous editions and note the general layout of our articles. The following clues may also be helpful to your cause: 1. Look at the title as printed above and note that only the first word is capitalized; do thou likewise when creating a heading; the exception is when the title includes a proper name, thus -- Writing it right with Eric in Rio. 2. When writing, keep your sentences and language simple. Winston Churchill once said, "The old words are best, and the old words when small are best of all." That's good advice for all of us who want to get our message across to the public; so, when we write let us eschew the utilization of verbose and pompous linguistical dialogue. Really, don't ask what all that means --just don't do it. 3. When reporting the names of folk who were involved in your particular activity do make a point of including full names. It doesn't help, for example, to tell us that "Smith scored the winning goal" because even in the Acton directory there are 35 Smiths listed. Remember that by the time the assorted other Smiths in all those families are counted there are a couple of hundred people to choose from and the question becomes -- which Smith actually scored? 4. When trying to decide what information to include bear in mind the the following observation from the great Rudyard Kipling: "/ keep six honest serving-men (They taught me all I knew); Their names are What and Why and When And How and Where and Who. I send them over land and sea, I send them east and west; But after they have worked for me, I give them all a rest." When you write, just provide those six men with clear answers and you may rest assured that you've done your job. 5. When it comes to commenting on handwriting I will admit I'm on "thin ice"; my own teachers (in the long, long ago!) despaired at my lack of talent in that department. So let me give to you only the heartfelt advice which I received from one, caring soul who looked at my efforts and said: "Please, think of my eyes." In other words -- print, write or type your report or story clearly. End of message. "When you put the above ideas into a nutshell, you come up with what some wag called the KISS principle -- Keep it straight and simple! Good advice for all us great writers. WMWisdom A tense situation A boy who swims will soon have swum, But milk is skimmed and seldom skum, And nails you trim, they are not trum. When words you speak those words are spoken, But a nose is tweaked and can't be twoken, And what you seek is seldom soken. If we forget, then we've forgotten, But things we wet are never wotten, And houses let cannot be lotten. The goods one sells are always sold, But fears dispelled are not dispoled, And what you smell is never smold. When young a top you oft saw spun, But did you see a grin e'er grun, Or a potato neatly skun? --Anon. Note: Just a little more to think about -- for those who are bound and determined to write. Have fun! Can't see forest The NDP, in conjunction with our local councils are now intending to protect trees on your property by making it illegal to cut down a tree. Certainly I personally do not like trees to be cut down. Having said that, when do these planners intend to get off our backs? Looks like we need permission to do anything; the one exception -- pay taxes. On the other hand, perhaps our masters have found a way for us all to earn more money and, of course, pay more tax. Let me explain. The law says you will not be able to cut down a tree on your property. To enforce this certain things will have to happen. 1. Employ aircraft to plot and log all trees. 2. Have hundreds, maybe thousands of tree experts to confirm the air tree catalogue. 3. Have applications made, ( five copies) six months in advance, for a license ($25) plus Garth's Special Tax, of course, to cut a tree. 4. Create a Tree department in our local government. This will probably need at least twenty people (50% women, 5% minority groups etc.). 5. The NDP will need a new law enforcing agency to prosecute illegal tree cutters. Good for a least one hundred jobs. 7. After an application is made to cut a tree, have an expert determine if this is OK. 8. Issue license (good for ten jobs). 9. Issue instructions to all trees, that they may not a) get struck by lightening, b)get old and die, c)get any disease. Should any of these things happen the owner of the land will be prosecuted for failure to obey the law; he/she must also have applied for a license at least six months ahead of time. 10.Appoint lawyers for ensuing court cases. 11.Enlarge the court system to handle prosecutions. 12.Form a ministry of trees to oversee new regulations. 13.Set up a transportation system for above. If my calculations are correct, we may solve ALLthe unemployment in Ontario. Perhaps this could be expanded all over Canada. We could cure ALL our unemployment. Full employment created by trees. Nothing to bark at. If Canadians had property rights, this nonsense would, could not happen. John Shadbolt Deputy Leader, Ontario Libertarian Party. To all Acton vandals: There's a word for you; your mentality rides close to zero; you leave much to be desired. Know that you are being watched and people are aware. You can't see us but we can see you. Now, are you going to throw temper tantrums or are you going to get real and grow up? Gee, could you handle that? Time to shape up or ship out. Acton residents are alert and on watch. Name withheld at writer's request Editor & Publisher Paul Nolan Associate Publisher Dianne Preston News Editor Frances Niblock Production Manager Alanna Bowen Office Assistant Carole Wennington Business Editor Michael Cote Distribution Sandy Williams Regular Contributors Devon Ambrose Eric Balkind Esther Taylor Debbie Tilson THE ACTON TANNER is published weekly on Tuesdays by Wicklow Hills Publishing Co. Inc. at 7 Mill Street, East, Acton, Ontario. L7J 1G8. Mailing address: P.O. Box 150, Acton, Ont., L7J 2M3. Telephone: 519-853-5100. Facsimile: 519-853-5040. All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part without written permission is prohibited. Ideas expressed herein are those of the author only. SUBSCRIPTIONS: Subscriptions rates are: $22 for one year (52 issues for the price of 44) and $2 for one month (four issues). First CI a ss Mail subscription rate: $74 in Canada. ADVERTISING SALES: Ratecard available on request. Publisher responsible for errors in ads to extent of cost of that portion of the space occupied by erroneous item. Phone:519-853-5100 rax: 519-853-5040