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The second time around Can you wear white? In the past, marriage was considered a rite of passage from child to adult. The wedding ceremony was a celebration of that rite of passage. A second marriage, on the other hand, took place between two adults, so there wasn't the need for all the pomp and circumstance. Today, however, a second marriage is celebrated with the same joy as a first marriage. But what exactly is the etiquette for a second wedding? With many couples, there are children to consider. The children should be told about the wedding in private before any public announcements. It is also best to inform any ex-spouses and in-laws. Doing this in the form of a note is acceptable if there is bad blood between the two parties. Bridal showers are acceptable. In fact, the bridal shower is the perfect time to invite any future stepchildren and get better acquainted with them. There is nothing against having a bridal registry for home improvement items or a honeymoon registry. If the couple does not wish gifts, they should say so discreetly in the invitations. In lieu of gifts, they may ask that donations be made to a charity. If the wedding ceremony is to be a small affair with just family and a few friends, invitations are not necessary. A phone call or an informal note will suffice. If the guest list is over 50, the couple should adhere to proper etiquette and send out invitations. For a large second wedding, it is acceptable to set aside a number of invitations for friends and divide the rest equally between the two families. It is inappropriate to invite a former spouse, no matter how good the relationship. Inviting former in-laws, however, is acceptable. It is also acceptable for the bride to wear white. Although once seen as a sign of virginity, white has since become a sign of joy. If the bride prefers not to wear white, any color is acceptable. A simple off-the-face-veil will do, as will one with a tiara. The only attire not recommended is a wedding dress with a long train or a long veil. When planning the ceremony, if children are involved, the couple may want to ask them to serve as ushers, groomsmen, bridesmaids, ringbearers or flower girls. A child could also walk their mother down the aisle or be in charge of the guestbook. The reception presents another opportunity to involve children. The couple may have their children walk in with them to the reception so they can be announced as a family and sit together at the head table. After their first dance, the couple may have the children join them before opening the floor to others. There is no guide for a second wedding, and ultimately, whatever makes you happy goes. --By Ronda Addy, special