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TIT-BITS. A Great Injustice, "Yon eem to have a tidy berth here," aid a newly arrived American to St. Peter a* he entered the golden gate : " and you have held it for a long time, I lielieve. " " Yes," said the saiut with a sigh, "but I don't save anything." " Why not!" " Well, you see, I'm being constantly rob- bed to pay PauL" Cape Cod Item. No Enoch Ardeo. "Say, secretary," said a wild eyed indi- vidual a* he entered the Mayor's oth'ce, " kin I get a purmit to carry a piitol ?" " I* your life in jeopardy ';" asued the teniixl secretary. "In where?" "Are you in tear of danger?" said the secretary, speaking somewhat plainer. " Well," said Ihe wild-eyed man, " I m not '/ackly feared, as yer oall il, bul yo' see I married a woman who ihought her first husban' wuz dead. See? Well, now it 'pears as how he'* turned up out 'n Dakota. Af'er hearin' all about her a-marrin' me he jist *its down an' writes my ol' 'oman as how he'* on his way here to trim my eye- brows, jilt to show me that he'* no sickly Knoch Arden, wha'ever that mean*. Now, considerin' all thing*, hadn't you better gi me a pet mil to carry a muiket ? Eh 1" [D. V. P. (Jon for Asthma. " Dissolve half %n ounce ot iodide potash in an *igl>* -ounce bottle of water. Done, a teaspormful in half a tumbler of witter after uieala. " The above i* published by request. Todide of Dotash iia drug that should not be raahly administered, and can only he safely used tor any length of time under the eye of the physician. Only Partly Married. A gentleman who wa* walk ing behind two flashily dressed women in Central Park over heard the following conversation : " Do you see that young lady with the straw hat on, iu that carriage with the old gentleman with a big muiUche ?" " Yea, I see them." " Well, that's my daughter." " You don't say so ? Are they married ?" " He is, but she isn't." A Safe Bit Day That Joblets will take a drink with any one and will drink to and toast. Weeks I never knew him to drink to MMMj Day Then you can bet Excen never ak ed him. Hit on (he Cause. Harper's fla~ar : Employer Thompson, you are discharged. Krr.ployee But what have I done, sir ? Km plover Nothing ; a) solutcly nothing That's what I complain about. Job's Objections. New York Herald : -Elder Berry It is no use trying to get Job Lots into the church. Dr. Thirdly What doe* he object to in our belief ? Elder Berry To calling a king wise who married 3UO wive*. Misunderstood- MR. (_; RASH Sim > (in city bookstore) I want ter get a book ter take hum. Muter. CI.KKK Ye, *ir ; (hall it be something light. M .:. GRASS SKKD -Not too heavy, Mister, 'caus' I've got some more fixings ter carry hum, an' I ain't as strong u I uster was. [Tex- Sittings. A Mitipatirar Circumstance. Hosteller Mcdinnis It U mean of you to be always abusing your friend Jones behind his back. (ins De .-Smith leant see it that way. If I abuse him to his face he will pound the life out of me. Sifting*. The Mm Who Had been tW- Thcy got on at St. Thomas to come west. Everyone could tell at a glance that they were a newly married couple, and the light of love and happiness *hoi>u in their faces with thirty-two caudle power. As they sat down the young hualiand put his arm around her waist, and a minute later there was a grunt from an old man in the seat behind. "Speak to me, sir 7"i|iicried the husband a* he looked around. " No ! I hain't say in' a wold to nobody," was the reply. Pretty soon the young wife rested her head upon her husband's shoulder and the old man uttered a "humph !" which caus- ed the bridegroom to turn his head and in- quire : " Were you addressing me, sir t" " No ' I hain't addressed nobody for over two hours." Five minutes later the bridegroom reached his right hand up and pinched her check iu a playful way and the " byjzosh !', of the old man was heard half the length of '.he car. "See here ! (aid the husband as he turned about, " are you speaking?" " I hain't bin speakin, to nobody, as I told ye before. Are you goin' right through to Detroit ?" " Yes, ir." "Right in thUcar?" "Of course." "Jeet bin married, I take it? ' ' Wo were married two hours ago, sir." " Wall, I hain't tindin' no fault about it, I merely wanted to ask - Here lie reached down for a bundle tied up in a linen duster, and the husband quer- ied : " Well, sir what is it?" " Would it hurt yer feeliu'( if I went into the next car?" " Of course not." " Then I'll ask to be 'scuscd. I wouldn't hart yer feelm's for a thousand dollars, but I've been married three times myself and " 'And what?" " The old man bent over and whispered in his oar, loud enough for a dozen people to hear : " Kvery one of 'em either run away from me or died on my hands, and I can't abear any recollection of it 1" He dropped a celluloid collar and a sock out of his bundle as he pawed do* n the aisle, but he was too agitated to slop and pick them up. [Detroit t'roe PMMS. . 1I . l OK CHBIKTMAM \li.nr. OOCKu .11. Let all the players, sav ame which rfiymes with ve one, assume a name which rhymes with yM, thus ; \fr Pagh, Mrs. Crewe, Mauler Hugh, Miss K.-I lew, Mr. Tlu-w, Missio Sue, Mr. Chew, Mixsie Loo, Miss Hijou, Misj Asliuw, Mi -me True, Mr. New, Mrs. few. Miss La Hue, Mrs. Clew, Ac. , according to whether they are single tadicn, children or gentlemen ; and let them form in a circle or straight line (whichever is preferred), either sitting or standing. It is the business then of the left-out play- er to question the others with the utmost rapidity and bewilderment, and to try and entrap them into a wrong answer, when the one who make* a mistake has to pay a for- feit. There are two rules to the game. The tirnt, that every question or every an- swer must end with the allotted rhyme. The second, that each player's first answer must be his (or her) own assumed name, that, ever after, no matter under what pro- vocation, the answer must be the name of his (or her) left-hand neighbor. In no case is there to be a syllable uttered else. The left-out player begins by addressing as abruptly as possible, any one of the com- pany. To illustrate the method, let it be supposed the question are put to "Mis* Bellew," and that her left hand neighbor u " Mr. Pugh. " Says the player (which must be always the first question), " Pray, who an you ?'' and the lady has to an(wer, " Mis* Bellew." ' But is that true?" asked the player ; when " Miss Bellew " naturally fear* she has mode a wrong reply, ami is likely to '' ft*. t cry out " Yes She is, however, or aoir.ethiiig similar, only to answer " Mr. Pugh," and if she stirs from that, must pay the penally of a fine. To make her (tir, the player piles her with ques- tions of this sort: " What, next to you ? 1* that your view ? And will he do? Han he a shoe ? Are hi* eyes blue ? Does he like (tew " Will yon pursue ? Cau he make glue ? I* that your cue '" putting in every now and then, " But is that true ? as if a doubt really existed, aud "Miss Bellew ' ought to take care. The player, a* well as " Miss Belle w. ' must be narrowly watched : for the moment a question is pat with more than four sylla- bles, or which does not rhyme, a fine follows, and the player loee> his (or her) post anil must go into the ranks. When this occurs the player chooses a successor, saying " Mrs. Crewe, I change with you,' 1 and if " Mrs. Crewe " does not happen to be the right name there is a second tine. Kvery time any fine is incurred the company all cry " Cocka- too " and change places. It is the privilege of the player to lea off questioning whenever he (or (he) like* and to begin upon another of the company. The more frequently and capriciously thin is done the more merriment follows, and a player can go up or down the line, oreilher way round the circle, with only the question " Pray, who are you ?" thereby reducing his chance of a fine ; but the moment a per- son U asked this question a second t ime with- out the intervention of a string of questions elsewhere it is " Cockatoo !" a* in the cane of any other error, and the player has to re- tire. The change of place, when it is ( 'ockatoo, is good, because it shift* the neighbor*. For every linn a player can produce, i. ., for every error a player can discover, he (or (he) redeems one of his (or her) own tines. lll.IMiM VN'N BCKrU.O. Blindfold one of the company, and then let all the rest, one at a time, moo or low like a cow or bull. The blindfolded prison U to gues( who the mooer is. The order of moer must go according to place, or indicated by pointing the finger by the chief of the paity ; and each for "His Majesty the King of Clubs," or Her Majesty the (,iueen of Heart*," or Hi* Royal Highness, die Prince of Dia- mond*," or so oil ; but if he has one ut a family, or two of a family, he will ask for the members of it, or for one of the members of it who i* mining. Should the player addressed have what i* asked for the card ix handed over to the anker, who then declares, if that make* his family complete, that the game i( at an end. .Should the player addressed, however, not have tl> card asked for, the anker's privilege is over and the turn passes to the next player in rotation. When there ha* lieen a successful asking, which yet does not lead to a declaration, the osker is of course left in posgewion of three cards, whilst the person aaked is left with only one. Also, a person may chance to have bean asked by different players, for Ixilli cards, finding himself with none. In all such casee, on the arrival of the per- son's turn to play, such person can chal- lenge any holder of three cards, to lay his three face downward on the table, when he can draw one, and pay for it by a subscrip- tion to the pool, doing this twico over supposing two cards are required. This is because a Royal Family munt be composed ot three card*, and a player without two .-arils to begin with could never win. Player* soon get to know in which hands the card* they wont are held ; unleMs, in- deed, these get drawn face downwards, when of course only the last holders are in possession of the secret ; from which comes a complication adding to the interest of the game. A new deal with a new pool succeeds a ieclaralion. Court cards in ust be called "Their Majes- ties" and "Their Royal Highnesses " on pain of a tine. Aud none but Court carda have value. D1VKR8IONS. Put a raisin in a bowl or basin on the table (there is to be no water in it), and let the company dive their heads in for it, in turn. When it has been successfully seized by one of the company put in another ; and when any person has sei/.ed six, the game is won. An almond can be the prize. roMB-rvic.\Tlo.x. A Comb-plete Roar -chest r i. Provide every member of the company with a comb and a small sheet of soft paper, from which music u to lie produced in the usual way by putting the comb between the paper, iiptotln- mouth, aud blowing between the tei-th whilst humming. For the overture, all are to phiy together, with the piano as :inii Her 1 . u i hails possible. Iii turn, e.i i. mi :n1-r of the company must hum a solo, even it it ! but afewuntunefulaound*. One of the company is to be chosen a* con- ductor, at the fall of whose baton each solo is to cease, at a signal full orchestra is to from whom the egin and to end. The conductor i* to indicate which a.doiit it) to play, and he is to do this capriciously, be- cause, on the failure of a soloist to take his part he ho* to pay a line. Much comic "bu*ines*"can be introduced into this by Hinging the hair back, by a high collar, a handkerchief, a boijuet, by minc- ing, or blustering, and HO on. Also there it* opportunity for skill in imitating roulrades, and by the whole orchestra playing a l.unt accompaniment to a solo, a men* rnythini" " turn," to nvtrk the bars. Some genius can assume great gravity, &c. No one is to speak. Tliij would torm a very good orchestra to precede an impromptu charade. Manual l . :.,im, : l MhooU. The Chicago School Hoard i* in tw minds an to accepting the proffered gift !* a wealthy resident of a sum of money to provide for manual tnin.ing in one of the sch. ml.-. It ia difficult l: imagine what .,1. The rmlllod at Wose*i. The condition of woman in any country i* an index of the oivilization there exist ing. la the country where she is fouud the social equal of man there the highest type of civilization obtains. In the Orient wo man is a chattel ; in Russia -Wie itm serf in Spain she is a servant ; in Knglanl she is man's equal socially and legally. In tue countries mentioned the plane of civilization ascends until it reaches iu highest point in Kngland. In the United States woman hits secured the nearest approach to political equality. But heretofore even in English- speaking countries woman'ssphere has been regarded a* merely domestic. No doubt she ought to be conversant, with domestic economy, but to ooatiue her only to the duties of housewife, mending ulothe* and nursing children is unwarranted and unjus- tifiable. A knowledge of housekeeping doo* not preclude the desirability for woman to know something more. If, (is the Orien- tal* believe, that woman's only object is matrimony, a knowledge of matters ouliidc the home were superfluous. But even if marriage were, as by nature it should l>e, the destiny of woman, we have arrived at a period of enlightenment at which a husband looks on a woman not merely oa a privileged servant, but as a companion for life ; the guardian of his children, a true friend to him in all respects, one capable of sharing his joys no less than appreciating his sorrows. The refinement of society, tlio knowledge that they are of the world, a prying into the treasures of literature, conversant with art and music, all are elements conducive not to her happiness alone, but to that of her com- panion for life, and the acquirement of these by means of early training and education, are as essential a* the practice with the needle, or the superintendency ot kitchen and cellar. lint aside from that, the rearing of ch ildren is the most sacred trust of a mother ; the first object lesaons that the child re- ceive* from it* mother are indellibly im- printed in its mind. The unconciouiuasiin- ilation of knowledge from its first teacher the mother is the foundation upon which may be reared the superstructure, education, and without which the efforts of the belt teachers in the school may be futile. But to teach two requisites are essential ; the one is Hood's Hood's Hood's Hood's Hood's Sarsaparilla H"MbjrlldnujHttil. l . ill f.>rS Prepared only by C I. HOOD A CO., ApothBCrl>i, Lowell. Mut. IOO Doses One Dollar The Fireman's Hope. Sick Fireman 1 hope, my dear boy, that I haven't been too good in tins life. Consoling Krienii Why, I am astonished t o hear you oxpre** uy luch hope at that ! Kx plain the meaning of it. Sick Fireman Oh, well, I don't believe I'd enjoy myirclf a bit in the next world if I didn't have a chance to run to a tire now and then. [Boston Courier. The prohibition of the export of wheat from Kmwia u simply the official rerngniuon of the well-known fact tliat Russia ha* no wheat to spare. It is .sin prising lliat the recognition should have had any effect, auch a* is reported from London, where tha anuouncement of it strengthened dnadian and American railway securities. It hai Imen orticially estimated tha' the export of wheat from Russia hoi already amouuted to -'O.tJOd.iHlO bushels, and such dribblet* a* my henceforth (hid their way across the border, 111 spite of the prohibition, are not worth reckoning in the world'* supply. ~.~.. ... , ~* -.._, ...^ ,..,_. Whatever maybe the accuracy of the the imsnession of knowledge, the other the [ estimates thus far made of the Kuropeaa imparting of that knowledge to others, demand, it u certainly great enough " Therefore the mother before inn <t l>c endeavor to keep tlio moo disguis- I jcctionc cau be raised against the object for ed. The person guewted must be blindfolded which the money is .luii.iteil. The i.i"-k in turn. fallacy that work in menial is aecixtly cher- DtsrAKDKl). ished to-day, ami this applies more IMI i.eii Put twelve playing curds on the seat of a ! lar| y '" ""'' Wlllt - ^'cieiy. * it were, cine-bottomed chair, an I see which of the ' draws the line of demarcation with vigorous company, by a single discharge of the right,- ; cruelly, and though n<a publicly , hand middle finger and thumb from under- neath, can scatter the greatest amount of cards. Ties discharge again, at llie end of the trial TIIK-BIN:I.AMM . Let each one of the company, iu turn, aland up-m his (or her) left any other support, and see which U 0t "7t l t! U * re " tMt DUnil * r f tlmC " W ' lU Handicraft, manual labor, trade and ing are just as honorable as occupation in a BOUM: TIM- niMi'vss. store or an ollice and oftentimes more use- Constitute yourself the Clerk of the nil. One of the dangers menacing o iut y Weather : then divide your company into is the disinclination to follow the practical groups of four, each kept well , -ip.nl, and pursuits of life, including farming. A re- each standing ring-shaped, the faces inward, medy for this evil is to remove this prejud- Arrange with them which wall* of the room ice and barrier against manual work. So- me North, south, east, west ; and at you ciuly can do its snare by opening ihe doors have the wind* at your command, make as to those engaged in manual labor, but upon much confusion as possible. Cry, "The the schools devolve tin; responsibility ami wind is east '." when every group mutt sw ay duty of inculcating the deaire for manual towards the west wall as thinirs would, it work in the mind.s of the pupils and giving the wind blew from the east quarter. As them object lessons in trades, t hey might <iuick!y as possible, cry "The wind is ; become inclined to follow as pursuits in we have castes no less than tin- I hiiieseand Hindoos, lliow engaged ill manual wnl j Iwing considered tho I'ariab's of *.. This accounts for the desire to be engaged in any o.:cupain excepting manual labor. A.; a consei|tiencc our professions are over- crowded, the clerks are double or triple a* u , urn ' numerous as positions to which they aspire. L I'M high true t.i.it the mistaken sentiment i' that jnauiial work i* degrading wiwcliangml. south !" when the swaying must be towards the north : changing this to " The wind i* north," to get a southerly swaying, or " The wind is west," to get an easterly ; and making the change* as unexpectedly as yon can. Sometime*, also, make no change, but repeat the previous wind ; and when life. Prlare 1'rincc CSeorgo wns considered a good deal of a flirt when he was on the North Ameri- can station. He wai, too, somewhat demo- cratic in his taste, and he never stopped to you Hnd your people knowing the point, of c , 11|si(ler .. wfao wh() .. , f he wiu - t .,, the compas, pretty well, cry It is a whirl- )1;UR . e wjth , jr , in a wlroo|n . , wind ! at which each group must whirl around as long as you keep up a whirr! which you of course contrive to do till you arc sure a stoppage of it will leave each of the company facing n different that respect he always succeeded in having liis own way. When he was at Quebec there was a ball given in his honor at tho Citadel, j The weather waa lovely, and tent* were , iu . hcd abo||t lh ,. , a ',,, , . hjne(|o wall fro,,, the wall he (or she) faced before. . > ern(1 tho .. rc |j Kiolmly , lini l ig |, tto the Any failure to follow the true course of mlUi(| * surrolI , K i ln * s . Ad.niral VVtson, ! your resignation. TIIK l l! I- \MII.V. over the grounds. He asked several peo pie, very quietly of course, if they had Been the Prince, but no one had. At Inst Ad- When there is a company of not fewer miral Watson's search waa rewarded, as be than (ix persons and not more than twelve, looked into one of tho tents and there saw tako all the court-cards out ot a pack. Prince, (icorge in the " dim religioua light" together witn as many more as will of that one Chinese hnteri, Ilirtug wiih .>]< siilh'co to let each player hold two. ' of tho prettiest girls in the Old Rock City. There must be a pool, to which each player London Star. contributes : and this is won by tho piuyer who can 6ist lay down a king, (pieeu, and Swit/erland ha* abolished natlon.il knave of one suit, I)IM constituting a perfect , banks. Royal Family. The players look at their j The man who invented free lunches in curds, being careful not to let them IK- seen saloons is said to have been a colored man by any one else ; and the player next the named .liu, Richardson, who died recently dealer begins, his privilege being to ask any in Chicago. one of the players ne may fix on for the card Telephones arc put in tbo house* of he want*. He (or (he) may have no part of holm, Sweden, at a rent of $"J. 75 n y ear e.ich. any R'>yal Family iu hi* (or her) hand, Kor each call, however, there is a charge of in which case it matters not whether he asks two and a-half cents extra. essay, ng to teach her own children should hiive Ix'cn the re -ipicnt of education herself. But such education comprise* the harmonious devel- opment .>t tho whole being ; it is not merely an acquirement of a few dry facts in.. ihly crammed into the mind ; it is not the committing to memory of pannages from books incoherently. It means a thorough development of all of the faculties : implies moral ind physical training. While these conditions would sutlice to induce us to alTord girls a thorough education, ther<* is another reason which in ..ouont. W .mi.-n should not marry except for love, for i* nothing conceivable that ISMO subversive of morality o--t mercenary inrri.iL"-v The !!..>; ayounitgirl, for iiuHance, marrying a Nil t< r- ingold man, merely for the mkeof wullh is most deplorable, and thedom* -'). i inlicily in such marring'** l* told in the com In, m mutual sepiu at ion*, and occmionally in tin. div.nci; pirjo- 1 ndir.^S'itOltaw i, and i,"t in frequently in suicide*. Happily .n Canada these condition* are not BO fr?<|,ienlly met with in in the I'tii'i-d >u:.'-i ami sunn: oilier countries, but the instance* of domestic infelicity from this cause are l-y uo means ran in our cities. Un i Ml in,.; to our picsentccononiicconditio,is,\vc nun ij unable to refuse marriage mil. j 3nhc i.s independent, and women niiiiot, l economically inde- pendent unless she na< means at In i .oinin.iii'l with wlir:li to earn an bom-t livelihood either by thu pursuit of som<* profession or other n Liniment, or hy manual labor. Woman him alfonlud object lutKoi.." ..i her ability to wciim her economic in.li'p-n .1 Civcii ihe facility land in Canada she ha* such ton greaterextent perl, ape than any other country) with which to ao|iu:<- Htillicient knowledge, we confer upon her a blessing by putting her in a position of absolute independence and of becoming a IIM f-il member of society. A rril-.ell.-r ltri,,lrig. Summer-tide, P. K. L, OcU 10, IHSS " Having used St. Jacobs Oil for a badly priiiiiH.l line,.. I ,. au testily to its pecnlinr ly curative properties, a* lea* than one hot- t li! cr-r.-.pletely cured the sprain." (Join-iE (!KIM:I:, Traveler for J. C. Ayer* Co. Chicago is t.i have a statue of Benjamin Franklin twenty one feet in height. A Russian eleclri-ian is said to 1m ve late- ly patented a process of photographing and engraving on mctala by mean* of electricity, by which the etching method u entirely dis- pensed with. A San Francisco man woke up tho other morning to 6ml that half his beard had l iiined white, the other half remaining red. Worry and nervous exhaustion ore supposod to have been the cause. The 40,000 French coal miners who are making a concerted proUit against the hard- ships of life and tho injustice of employers have really little reason to believe that flat- tering prospects are before l.bem. All that bus been wiitten about the collieries of France and Knghia.l for several years tends to show that upper scams arc being worked out, and that miner. s must go deeper and en- dure moro dust, and heat. The fact that deeper mining will add to (lie cost of pro cluclion does not improve the prospects that the miners of tho future are to have bet- ter pay and shorter honrs. The work is hard and unhealthful, and tho faithful toilets deserve the utmost consideration of thccapi tal that employs them and every device that may mitigate the perils and discomforts of their service. to abxorb the surplus of HT>,UUO,000 buvlicls available for export from Canada and the Uuitcd Sutc.-f. August Flower' Biliousness, Constipation, Stomach Pains. I have been afflict- ed with biliousness and constipation for fifteen years ; " first one and then " another prepara- " tion was suggested "tome and tried but " to no purpose. At last a friend " recommended August Flower. " took it according to directions and " its effects were wonderful, reliev- " ing me of " those disagreeable " stomach pains which I had been " troubled with so long. Words ' ' cannot describe the admiration "in which I hold your August " Flower it has given me a new ' ' lease of life, which before was a " burden. Such a medicine is ibeu- " efaction to humanity, and its good " qualities and "wonderful riier- Jesse Barker, " its should be " made0knowu to "everyone suffer- ' ' ing with dyspep- "sia or biliousness Printer, Humboldt. Kansas. G. G. GREEN, Sole Man'fr,Wodbury,>iJ. .m anything he depended upon in this uncertain and fluctuant world ' Here is a Itoston profcsssor wlioswcanithatthc paral- lel* of latitude are not immutably parallel, but wriggle like a Halnvorm. li people can- not pin their faith in tliBparnlleliamof paral- lel hues, if thepaiallel is not only deadly i'lit out of plumb, what can they stick to, :ind on what can they stand and be not moved T Are tha pole* polar, and will the equator continue to equate. Star-eyed Science U grubbing too u.uch, and these unsettling lisco.'enes make old belief to shake and sag. l'pt. J. .Smith i* gone ami William Tell is told, and now must be the parallel* of liititude tako to unsteady habits '! Tha Age of Reason grown unreasonable, unii the moon jumps over the cow. Decrease of population and depreciation of the value of property are remarkable facts in some of the states in the neighbor- ing republic, where everything U supposed to De booming. Mum two oountia* in Mis- souri and eleven in Mississippi show de- crease of population in the census bulletin just issued. As for land value in OE.O of the niKHt enlorprising of New Kngl.iud State( Connecticut, tlio Hartford Tinut tells of a farm of .'i*JU acres in Salem. Forty year* :igo, the property waa bought for 97500. A few d*yx ago, at auction, the whole property anil improvements, .T20 aemi of good firm- mi; Ian.! nnd woodland, all ftmceu and with go.nl buildings, brought only Sl-tOO. \Ve do nut. believe t Iml in till thi Dominion there can l> found an instance of depreciation of farm property so grout at this. THIRTY YEARS. Johnston, N. B., March 11, 1889. " I was troubled for tl'i; .. vmrs \\ ith pains in my side, which increased and became very bad. I used ST. JACOBS OIL nil it completely cured. I give it all praise." MRS. WM. RYDER. * "ALL RIGHT! ST. HC03S OIL DID IT."