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A MAN WHO AMUSED THE WORLD .M Genu of Humor from the Life of Mark Twain. It lj one of (he most (UtHcult thing* tn the world to inak« ilit> world laugb, Uid i;rpiit humorlnts, being few and far between, fhould )>e valued acrord- Ingly. Mark Twain, the American author, wag une of the prlvtleKCd few with thl« gift of laiighiermaking Here !â-  an illustralioD, beloR a true ntory told by himself :-- Hp once arrived to iecluro in a cer- tain town, and as theru was nobody therf- to receive hini. Iip went on to the lecture hall and tried to gain admit- taDC(>. but wa."* stopped by the ticket oollector:â€" I "Tlcl(<^t, please." | Mark Tw-ain bent over and whisper- ed: "It's all right. I am the lecturer." One Too Many. The man closed oni' eye impregslve- ly and said, loud enough for all the crowd to hear, "No you don't. Three of you have got In up to now. but the next lecturer that Kies In here to- i night pays." I The above is taken from "Mark I Twaln'fi Autobiography," which was ' dlclatPd by the fiimous imthor before he dieil fourteen years ago, and which ' he Ktipulatcd should not bo publlBhed : until after his death. Hero are some morf of the many "gpins" In the book: i Orct' ilurlnp a visit to Dr. John ' Hrown. the Kdiiilmrgh phy,s!clanauth- or, Mark Twain and his wife went with hini on his round of visits to pa- tients. When the doctor was dlsem- barkinp from the carriage at his first stopping-place to see a patient, he re- marked: "Entertain yourselves while, I go In here and reduce the popula- tion." The New Dish. One of Mark Twaln'fl stories of his childhood concerns Dr Meredith, the family physician, who saved Mark's life several times. Which lends Mark Twain to remark: "Still, he was a good man and meant well. T.et It go." He was a slokly child, often tire- some; and when his mother was In her eighty-eighth year he once said to her: "I suppose you were uneasy about me?" "Yes, the whoe time." "Afraid I wouldn't liver -No, afraid you would.' Of his daughter, ansy's, childhood, he relates a niimber of amusing Incl- deni.-:. When she was six she was with her father and mother In Qer- mmiy. One day she found a new dish on her tablo and Inquired concerning It, an/1 learned that It wafi made of snails Hhe wos awed and impressed, and .siild. "Wild qnes, mamma?" As he says himself. Mark Twain was "born lazy." Oncii he went to see Governor (afterwards Prealdent) Cleveliindâ€" he had known Cleveland before he rose to fame- and h« sat on the comer of a table while Cleveland Hi« Wife's Advice. ••Kro(n each door," he dc-lurcs, "'ai young man now emerged, and the six- ' ' teen lined up and moved forward and stood in front of the Uovornor with an aspect of rf'6|>ectful expectancy In . their iitlitude. No one spoke for a moment. Then the Governor said: 'You are dismissed, gentlemen. Your services are not required. Mr. Mark Twain la sitting on the bells.' On another occasion, when (,'leve- ' land had become President, he called at the White House. While there he turnd to Mr«. Cleveland and gave her bis card, on which he had written, ' "I did not." and asked her to sign it. | She could not understand, but at length she consented, and Mark Twain , then handed her a note written by bis. wife. It read : "Don't wear your j goloshes In the While House." This j was .Mark's device for proving to his ' wife that he had remembered to obey orders. Another new and amusing book of reminiscences Is Mr. Frank Rattigan'a "Diversions of a Diplomat" The permanent head of the Foreign Office, of which Mr. Rattigan became an ollU'tal. was a martinet of the old order. Fifteen Thousand for Social Hygiene. That the ijral Hi weU u urban Natural Resources BuHeliii. The Natui^i Reaource.4 InteUigmc*' Department of tbe Service laturai of 1h« William T. Cosgrave, president of the Irish Free State, poses for his bust, which is being eiteeuted by George F. Waters, the American sculptor. In his Anteuil studio. The Grass. How is the grass set free? I What liberates the green? "The first occasion on which I had Is there some urging need, to wait upon him with a sample of Some Inkling of that upper, far-spread my handwriting, he gldted at me for scene, a moment and then snapped, 'This Wedged In the seed, handwriting is allowable in a genius, That wills: Go forth and be? hut until we have had the opportunity of Judging whether you are one, you , How caa. the t.lny grains, must write more clearly.' i Held under heavy earth. The Clerk's Ambition. i ^n f'at moist, smothering hrown "I remember a discussion amongst |5'°''f ®^ '^"^ .sunlight's worth, a number of clerks when one of them , "'' "'"â- ^' '"^^" "'"* ^^^^ surface holds Service. them down. To suffer thrusting pains? Is It from earth's deep heart. That edict: Unhusk; remarked to another, 'I can't think why a rich man like yourself can stay on In a life of slavery like this.' Well, If you feel like that," was the reply, 'why don't vou go? ... I have a de-| ''""• «'"^"'-- unnusk; go! finite object in staying on.' On being ! l"^, "''J"' •'^hold a sky. pressed to tell us hLs object, he ex- 1 V''<'°"'''«'»y' blades know plained that It was in order to refuse ' '^ â- "" '°° *« '^^P ^Igh, to subscribe to the wreath which j ''"methlng that makes them start. would be sent to the Foreign Office | ^ on the domlce -of our formidable i „' 5°™ °° '''"'''®°* ^""• ehiefi" I lorhapB, through miles of air During the visit of the King anilV"^'^/^}^^ "â-  '""^'Sln word Queen to Gibraltar on their return j ^'''"'P"/^ "^ ''O'^ fair from the Delhi Durbar, the author at! ^^\ , ';'"^'''^''o>« rainâ€" the slng- a certain function was seated next to j _,. . the Governor of Algociras, who point- p"' ^^''« •'*"''"' "ehtly spun! od to a woman seated at another ' „ table, and said, "The guapu!" which â-  l!'''^ '"^ â- "'ave answer spreadsâ€" roughlv tranfili.teri, means In English.!^?'®" ''"« ^""^ '« Slad; "What a darling." The author ro- tT «'"een-tho green Is here! piled, "Does your Excellencv think , ^"^ "^'^^'^ suffering of the earth ' clad â-  HO?" and this launched him on a flood ' . , . , ', , of eloquence ending in a protest f''"'!'/°!''» '•>« ^Phere; against anyone who could remain un- ""* i^-^"'" ''^"'^ "»elr heads. Since a man haa only one life to lead, he wants it to count, and is bound to invest it where it yields the largest returns,'* not in ephemeral pleasure, not in the chaff which the wind driveth away, but in service "simply given to his own kind in their human need." When he first chooses a calling, he caref-j'Jy balances the claims of sev- eral trades or professions in the light of his own training and his peculiar aptitude. There are grown men and women on the concert platform who are miscast because they wanted the glamour and applause; they would have done better to follow dweller is vitally concerned in Sociar ^"'<*'"'"'' ** Ottawa says: Hygiene- as a means of definitely pro-' Canada's dairy products are making longing the average length of human * na>n« 'or themselves in many coun- life haa been shown recently by the' '"" *"*' •'^ meeting world compe- announcement of a grant of $15,000 ^'*'**" '""*^'' inc»«»«*»» success. Dur- from an American Life insurance' '"K the twelve months ending Novem- Company to the Canadian Social Hy-!''*'' '»*'' Canada increased her ex- gione Council for the extension of its' J^rts of dairy products in nearly all specialized public health work all over' ""*^- '^'i'* *"* especially the ca£« the Dominion. I wi*** butter, milk powder, and cream. The grant is to be used in spread-i ^^ *^^ ^"PP'^ **' ''""*'" ^°' ©"tside ing the gospel of social health to aU'"*""''*^ Canada contributed 21,676,- the outlying parta of Canada and in''^'^^ pounds the past twelve months, making possible a national scheme for' *« "Sainat 12,935,279 pounds a year the adequate education of all parents' *K°- '^^'* butter, than which no bet- and children in the essential meaning ^' ^ '"*<^' *" supplied to twenty and vital importance ot the funda- «o"nf»«»- The United Kingdoui-ia^f- mentals of social hygiene j course, the largest consumer, while It is understood that this offer has <^'"'"*"y' Belgium and Newfoundland come through the very favorable n- "^ •'**^ purchasers. It is of in- ports made by the officials at the '*'^* *** "°** ***** *^'"* *"'* â- ^*P"° Canadian headquarters of this conv- i ^~ ^ ***» •"*'"''*' 'o"" ^^"***" '>"*^**''' pany in Ottawa, regarding the activi- 1 '*'^"^ between them over 100,000 ties and program of the 'Social Hy-' PO""*^^ m November, giene Council. i M'"' powder is another of our In speaking of the uses to which ^ '^^''^'^ ^^^"8 exports having as this money is likely to be put Dr. Gor-i ''^ P^mary source the dairy farm, don Bates, General Secretary of the' ^" **** ^^"^ ^^'^^^^ months' period Council, said; "Though we have fifty i '^•''^'''''''''^ P"""*^ "' "*'"* V^"^^^ *" branches of our Council throughout' ''P**'"'^' *' compared with 3,981,- Canada, and a national program of °^^ P"""''^ ? y?" ^°- "^^f """"""J social hygiene, there have been two °^ condensed milk exported mcreased definitely weak spots in our move-^'"'"" 37.059,600 pounds last year to ment, and these we now hope to- rem- ^ *3''^36,00O pounds this year. During edy. Ono has been the need of organ-l *•** ^^'^^ P*'"'°*'' '*'^'*' """^ *=•***** *"' izers in both Eastern and Western I P**"^ increased from 116,982,500 Canada. These we hope to appoint at P"""'^," '" ^^^^ *° 120,116,200 pounds once. The second weakness has bseni '"tP""*- ..^ . o^ ^ ^ , ». „ in our failure to work out a national' ^^^ ^°'****^ ^^^^^ ^^^ practically scheme for the adequate scientific *>"?': _!"''f-° e-xports of cream, not- education of adolescents and children T'^,'"^ *, 'i"eased tariff, in the meaning of social hygiene, so'^® ^^^""^ months endmg November, that from the ^earliest yea« onv^z^i ^^f^' ^^owcd deliveries of 3,287.452 there may come to them through pro- ffi°"^o^"'?f t^^ 'ine, compared with per channels a gradual, but accurate! ^-^^^'J^^ ^njlons in 1923. - knowledge regarding certain bio- Dairymg is closely allied with deveU logical facts, and the maintenance of ^P"!?"* "l '^ ^^^- Raising the feed, clean standards of conduct In â€"I ^^^^^^ ** ^ hve stock, and ur.ing work so far, we have aimed at these *^ resultant fertilizer upon the land some; objectives by educative work for " * conservation measure that will prosaic occupation outside the spot- adults and parents But we fed that *"*'"'* ^^ continuous productivity of "Sht- there should be a more ae^ressive and' ^*"^'^*'* Sroabost natural resource A rich merchant took a fancy to the^ definite plan to ensure child education' "''*'â-  agricultural lands, son of his chauffeur, bought him a I along all these lines. This 115.000 ^ grant wll enable ua to put our plans I into immediate effect." Is "costly violin, and was bound to make him a concert virtuo.so. The boy took a lot of expensive lessons and made no progress to speak of. Did that mean that chauffeurs' sons ought not to try to be artists? No; but in this instance it is probable that the lad was wasting time in the studio that „ - ... might well have been spent on learn- ^'^"^ physicians have been in dan , ing at the bench to be a good me- 1 fJ^"". "^^ '^i"^ ^'^^ °* ^^ perquisites of' chanic. i their profession â€" a free orchestra The old adage that you can't make' ^"^ "* *^* theatre. PoUce regula-; a silk purse out of a .sow's ear was! '**"^^'*^"''^ ^"'^'^ theatre to have, Ancient Courtesy to Medical i Profession in Paris Theatres moved by Buch beauty. "I diKclaimed any intention to dis- agree with him." Mr. Rattigan de- clares, "it was much later In the and another friend remiilned standing evening when the excited Governor and talking. There appeared to Mark clutched me by the band and begged to bo nbout Rlxtoen doors to the spa- me to foigive his outspoken remark cldii.s room. alK)ut my wife." â€"May Lewis. Mme. Yoko Takahashl is the first women of Japan to be made a oellegs professor. She was photographed, fol- lowing her appointment recently, for the hrHt time. The Author of the Three Bears. It was HolxTt SoutlK-y, once poet laureate of Rnglnud, who wrote the used to delight his young favorites, and which never falls of effect with that fit audience tor w^hlch It is de- signed If it be told with dramatic spirit in the manner that our way of print- ing it may sufficiently Indicate with- out the aid of musical notation. Kx- perto crede. Prick up your ears then, my good little women and men, and ye who are nelthei%so little nor so good, favete Unguis., for here follows the story of the Three Bears, 'a tale which may ojntent the minds of learn- ed men and grave philosophers.' " And 80 ho begins the story: "Once upon a time there were Three Bears who lived together In a house of their own in a wood." All the speeches of the huge bear appear In big Old Eng- lish type; the middle-sized bear's lines are printed in big letters, and the little bcar'fl words are In small Italics. A« a story-teller for children Robert Southey learned his art from much practice, for he was the delightful slightly varied by Abraham Lincoln, who was in the habit of observing that you can't make a whistle cut of a pig's tall, till a farmer at Hartford, Conn., made one and sent it to him. It just proved that we mustn't lay down the law in such matters as unexception- able. But if the probabilities are that a girl will make a better .seamstress than she will a singer, or that a boy will make a good engineer and a poor sculptor, each should have the a medical man on serrice at each per- formance, for whom a seat is re- served. Often enough the doctor sends a friend to replace him, but always arranges so that the theatre i can find him rapidly in case of need, j â- Theatre managers recently started agitation to obtain freedom from this: tax, arguing it was unfair, unnecea-' sary and not known in other countries,' like the United States and England. They stHvned to be winning their. the children's claRRic. sfly that hig own little sons and daugh- I>ecomber 5 when the first message. Thre.i Rears He wrote a story that is known and loved the wide world over and never dreaiucd that ho had created a master- piece. Ho completely hue this tale en- tered iiiio the folklore of the race MiHt we think of It as a tale of iinimagin able antl(|iiity The great big hear, the middlesized bear and I he little bear seem to luivo JirBt eaten their breakfa.st porridge long ago.M ago. In- deed, we half expect the geologists to discover their Hiree-slzed footprints In "r had fossil roik« The Iriifh is. nowoxHr, that the tain Is modern. Il was flrht read by de- lighted children In 1KS7 You will nnd the story as Houthey wrote It In vol- am« four of a curious work entitled the Doctor, whtrh he wrote for lili own aniiisement and aflprwards pub- lished unonymoii.sly tn London. The flctlllous character, Ilr. Daniel Duvp, Is credited with having repeated (1ih story as It woh told to him by Ida equally flctltlous uncle William l)ov«. lloberl Houthey. writing a* the un- known bioggrapher of Oanlel Dove, the Doctor, says of th« moat Interest- ing chapter of the entire wor* : "So there shoald he one (chapter) at lPa.it for the nnreery With such a chapter tijereNire will I brighten the roUDteuance of many a dear child and gladden tbe heart ot many a happy father and tender mother and nepo-, tlous uncle or aunt and fond brother i or staler. For their sakes I will re-: late one of '.Vllllam Dove'ii stories withi whlrh l.ti ii*ed !o delight young IVinid and ^I'h nhlch iho IKiclor In bin inrai to qualify for the highest value, in stead of that which will produce dis- heartened muddlers in fields of effort for which they are inept. The successful employer is the man who finds what the employee can do best and sets him at it. The world at large, as a vast employment bureau, will sooner or later discover each man's ability; and if he refusas to do what he is best able to do, he is an economic superfluity and cannot ex- pect to receive the wage that goes to the valuable labqrer. "Save he I serve, no man may rule"; and only! when he servos in some fashion is he,' anything more than a drone and a social burden. But it must be rem- I embered that constructive thought, I ^ j creative criticism and the power ofi r^ _ 1 » \\r I 1 V I ; sympathy are among the most helpful! Complete Wireless to Yukon. | influences. 90 that no invalid who' wireless coiumunlcatlon between thinks and guides, who soothes and en-i the Northwest and Yukon Territories courages another human being, is! nnd other parts ot the Dominion was useless 0/ need be without employ- father of seven children. It is safe to •ffldally inaugurated at midnlglit, on ment. training that will enable him or her! P"'"*^' '*^*^ special medical service at the nearest police station as a sub-1 -stitute. when within one week two! theatre patrons died while witnessing j performancesâ€" one at the opera and' the other in a playhouse â€" and the! of Interrupted Flow. ist Comedian â€" "Did your song the Mill-stream flow smoothly?" 2nd Comedian -- "Well, no; the audience constructed it with dams." , . , , , , Cornelius T. Cramp, chairman of the managers decided to let the question , BriUsh Labor party, says his Impres- **P' ! slotts of New York will always be of ••â€"â€"â€"♦ ! "untidy prosperity," where people i erect Skyscrapers, but neglect t . I sweep their side streets. i __^ I What Some Plants Can Do. Some kinds ot plants have been found which can be made to photo- ; graph themselves. i *A beam ot light la turned on them, I the plants absorb It, ]ust as phosphor- I us will absorb light, and then give It • out again. A photographic plats Is Clamâ€" "There's Mr. Oyster, stewed ' Placed over the plants, and when the a«aln;" | light Is yielded up by them they photo- -â-  ♦- graph the outlines of thlr own form » q fl I ' and structure on the sensitive plate. His Fate. ters were the first little boys and girls who ever heard the Story of the Three Hears. signed by Hon. Charles Stewart, Mln- 1 ister ot the Interior, was transmitted j from Ottawa to Dawson. The recent completiion of the southernmost ter- Vancouver is Busy Port. lilies Answer. Had I l)e<-n ono of those proud When hu«ald "Consider," I would have hIiciI up to a star, quick with red! What heart would have thought you? Past our devlsal (O filagree petal!) Fashioned so purely. FragUely, surely. From what paradlsal Imaglneless metal 1 fipfti H nmall loaf near a dazfd niiiKltude, I wiiuld liBVc widened Willi laiighler's leaven Till the grass was fed! Hut If I had lifcen thorns In that crown, I would have shrunk with shamn Till a tren d'eil alone, without a name. Lena Mall. Vancouver is assured of shipping in mlnal at Edmoiiton opened the way tor ,*5V?!^hor°P r*'°"' ^ '^"^'-r m , the inauguration of the new ^Jvio^.^^'^^ f^ ^/"'u' ^"'^ P^- 7^T T'"' '" *^'"- the stations at Fort Simpson and Daw '^ • are constdt-rcd to be good for Who hammered you, wrought you. have been shipped from Vancouver to' He hammered. Ho wrought me; date since the beginning of the pies-' From curled silver vapour, ent crip year. Bookings are on the' To wish of Hie mindâ€" "board.s" for between four and five: Thou couldst not have thought mel million bushels to be moved in the' So purely, so palely. ' co-operation with the North West Ter- ritories and Yukon Branch of the De- partment of the" Interior, Installed the wireless apparatus In the four sta- tions lompleted, namely, Hldmonton, Fort Simpson, Mayo, and Dawson. Work on the northermost station, that at Hor.scliel, had to he postponed ow-j Ing to the loss of equipment and sup plies with (he steamship Lady Kimber ley. They are very small plants which thus supply their own photographs, so small as to be seen properly only un- der the microscope; but they may b« very Important for good or evil, for the bacteria, the yeasts and the I moulds, are all microscopic plants. I It has always been difficult to ob- j tain trustworthy portraits ot the In- j sides of these tiny things, but now it has been found that In many of them the substances which color them have I this power of giving out light again. I and so producing the color photo- i graphs. next two months. ♦ Preservlna the Fish. Minnesota ha.s nine llsh refuges either closed to fishing at all times or during apectfled seasons. I Finely, surely, j Mightily, frailly, lUBcupled, embossed ! With His hammers ot wind. .\nd His graver of frost." Animal Believed to be Extinct Reappears in California The California grizzly Ix-ar, sup- posed, extinct, has appeared after a lapse of -orty years in the Sequoia Naticiial Foi^t, according to a relU FrancU Thompson, i ^^^ '^•^'*. ^'""l ^*" Francisco. ^ j At one time ihe California grinly r:r: I tanged the Sierra Nevada and Coast , ranges in such large numbers that h« i was made the official emblem of tha ; state and still graces the state flaf, : He is consaderably larger than ths Rocky MounUin griszly, is of a gray. Ish tinge and has a distinct hump on top of his shoulders. As a flghtor ha was feai^ by all other anim»b of tb< early California days. Yet he wm im4 considered by men a dangerous artk mat, and he usually took to flight oat roan's approach. . * VT,1"1\ " nVrif !,*?..""'"• ''7"""'' *" •*• "'''•^"'«''' "" "^""^ '" O-'T ot complat. isolation by th. floods. Th. photograph .-.liowh a nnid neaiby, which looked like a raging saa. r • râ€" A gent1«man haa «aa« wtthont it^ i rolliarlty. Is respectful without ma«» I ness, genteel without aSectatioA, l» Istnuating without SMmtng artâ€" Oka* { terflatd. * â- X