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"OH, DOCTOR, COME QUICK!" SomcUmes They Really Need Me, and Sometime* They Don't â€" But I Always Go, Day or Night. I h*d to cr»wl om of bM and rtrlv« two mllee tntio Uj6 country when old Mâ„¢. Ward telephoned la frantic alarm. Sh* h«d swalk>w«d her falso tee<b. I have b«*n crawling out of b*d tor nearly thirty years to rell«ve th» p«lii« a wheol stniek a rook, tJie buggy up- 8*t atkd I found raycoir iiwtiumiiig for th« bank. I I ooaxftd old BlackJo tivto uliallow ; wat«r and unhitched b«r. I tied b«r | to a bush, mauBgod to rlgbt the buggy aii.'l Ills of ewfferlm; folka. That to my : au4 puU U oaL Balleve me. iihe bad boslneas as a country doctor. I hav* j to *t»i> when we got goln« again, and aa»w«red every call 1 poMtbly couM, oitoept for on© or two ihal 1 may tell yoti about uhortly. Mrii. Ward was autleriug wImu I I wa« glad to change clotbeo at the lU- tle ahanty that wa« our deeilnatlon. This was one of tlie many cases o{ helping anolber UtUe life Into th« roacliM her home. "They hurt my i world. I was Impressed by tlie meagwr Blomach to. IJo you think I wlU dler* j furutohlugs of the •hack. The hus- «he moaned. "I ftlway* put my teeth band aleiU heavily on a pallet on the In that glass on the draaeer, but to- floor all night, only waking with a night I weot to sleep wlUi them In my gniat erery hour or so wli«n I stirred mouth. 1 woke up with a start- my [ him up to ge'l som* wood for the fire. teioth were goae How they hurt my ' He was accuMoroed to lotting his wife j " ^â- ^â€" ^ e'.omach!" ' split the wood. during hiiS last hours, wracktjd by the j I can't help 8ymi>aihlrlng with my I Before I left 1 awked the mother greatest agony that ran torture human patients and I did feel sorry for Mr*. | what eJae 1 could do for her. hearts ,an<l then, after liia reltsas<>, euf- Ward- ahe seemed so uncomfortable. ' "Would you mind HUIn' and lig^htln' fer grief that eveji after many years j But I couldn't locate the teoth. I open- [ my pli>e for me, I)oo?" she said. I »tlll seeins- iinbearabli!. I 1 loft her propped up on an elbow,' Since th<>n, as never l>afr/ro, I wUl- Tho aUjvo map shows the scouo of preeeni a(;iivUy In luu ui;;i uiiKo »uc- tlon of the dlutrlcl of Patricia, Ontario, north of Hudson, on the main line of the Canadian National Hallways. Major C. J. A. Cunninehani Duulop. who has Just returned from Rod Lake, calls this the "blggofit gold rush since the Klondike." ed my ftut'Ob«l where It sat on tb« dresser and looked around. "Have you two sets of false teeth, Mrs. Wapdr' 1 Inqulrad. "No, doctor; Just these I swallowed. our »> "Well," I *ald, "that's funny. I see anotli«r xet in this cup on ttia other Hide of the dresser." Mrs. Ward's pain stopi>ed . :stnntly. I seldom have had a more &. cr sful treatmeirt. Biit a« I drove bai ; to town I reflected that after all It seem- ed betttir to go out on a useless call now and tin n than ever to Ignore one whan I was really needed. .\nd It set mo to thinking of scores of other Inci- dents In my thirty years' as a country practitioner. S<mie of them are funny, while others atlU make me swallow baird when they oomo to mind. A man ha« no busluGss starting out to be a country doctor If he Is anxious for his own comfort, for nobody can ba expe-ted to have much regard for that. It was llvo below zero a few weeks ago when a womnn called mo Who's Who in Musical History. Beethoven â€" 1770-1827. Bom In Bonn, Beethoven grew , Just the Kama as I or you; ooateutedly pufftn| a l>atfX!red clay ingly sU all nlpht by the bedside of an | um i,|g g^eat and glorious name pipe. ailing child. To bo able to make that Unforgotten became lu the history of I wa« present at the arrival of three child well and comfortable again, to j fame. babk>8 In that homa I received one' relieve ll;o feur that clutchaa the ap-Jno was but a tiny boy. payment â€" half a load of hay. prchen&lve hearts of the mother and caring not for game or toy; The family doctor soems to be re- father, seem to compcnBato for a ; And his father, harsh, they aay. garded h» a general counselor at thousand uniHild accoiinU^ on my led- overythlng. I liave been t^Ilwl to the ger and for a thousand nighl.s of telephone to tell how to treat seed broken- sle©]). potaloee to prevent scab, how to kill j ^ cucumber lice and how to cure chick- Schoolboy HowlerS. em with the roup. Only the other .-c^^eiry teachea vis to blnex nlglit I «at up ui»tll dawn with a ^^. ^,, ,,„g elKht sides.' youn« farmer who cam« to my house .j.,,^ ^^^^,^ ^^^ ^^.^ and awoke mc at two in the nionilng. Mudo him practice ell the day. When at 13 years, one night. Three sonatas he did write, t'^U of lovely sentiment. Showing his poetic bent. Fierce his temper, and self-willed. But with truth his heart was filled; "Doc, I haven't slept a wink all nigiht," h« said. "Old Banker .Tames says he Is going to foreclose my mort- gage," AH I could do for him boeldes listen was advise him to get an attor- ney. I answer nearly every call. There i was one I didn't answer and my cou- aclenee will always hurt hecauKo I didn't A line young woman who taught her out Into the country at midnight to bome district school canio to my ofllce see h«r baby. 1 found the child sleep- ing i)eiu:ol'ui:y. It had l)eeu fretful diurlng the day and again after bed- time. A.S people often do, she waltd until the middle of the nlg-ht before calling mo. The.se two Incidents ure typical of '"^r mind to jnarry a man tho many needless calls 1 have made. | not *UTe sho loved. I wl.sh I could Impress upon everyone I Her father called mo about three two liloa."!; o'clock one morning a few day,s later. 1. Iton't wall until the middle of the; "Myra Is awfully .sick. Can you night to call the doctor if yon think ''onio right away?" he Kaid. one evening after making auvo no one else was tliere. She w'as In serious trouble and want<ul my help. 1 did the only thing 1 couUI do â€" I g'ave her the only advice there was to give in such a c<i*o. But si e couudn'l make up she was rich mine of sclioollMjy howlers ex- plored by K. Wftlldon Finn In the Eldu- cation Outlook. "A circle Is a round«d straight line l)ent so that the ends me«t," wrltea anoUier youthful mathematician; while another humorist, on boInK ask- ed how many times IS) could be sub- tracted from a million, replied that ho could do It as often as he was asked to! Here are other dellghful S'peclmens: "A denmgogtie Is a vessel from which one drinks beer." " 'li:says of Ella'â€" the attempts of Klljah to get food.' "Tho Pyramids divide Prance and SiKiin." "Henry I. died from a surfeit of pal- freys. " Undor Henry^ VIII. the Bible was lranslate<l Into Latin by Titus Gates, whom Uio Icing ordered to be chalnc:i up in cliurch for greater .s.'curity," writes one yn\ithful 0Ksayi.:t. > 'Trluco Henry was drowned in the gems from a ' •'^'*'' ^° loved th« trees and flowers, ! Owing lliem his happiest hours. 01(1 he grew, and deaf at length, And hl.s music played with strength. Music, to his .soul so dear. Pell unheeded on hl»> oar. Though a great renown ho won For tho wonders ho had done. Yet ho lived, when older grown. In his dusty room alone. To his nephew, Carl, he gave All the money he could save; Yet tho hoy, with heart of stone. Left lilm there to die alone. Strange his ligure, us you see On tho page of hisiory. Yet H truer, grander mart . On tliat page we ne'er shall scan. So (lid old Beethoven die Just as yoa must do, or 1. But his grand and glorious name Unforgotten became in the hLslory of fame. Label each proper- , ^Ick to wait lliat long and tli«y would gj^yj Englishmen Are yours«iir with its set unolhtT doctor. So I went hark; D* f' f Sf ! you nre going to nred him. Make up i ' '"I'l drivon in aiiuiit mldiilglit and your mind during tho day. It Is cheap- 1 loft tho car In my gan-jge with a "at i ^^.„;,;;"- ,;';â- ;„„. goes that ho never er for you and a lot belter for the doc j Ire. 1 said I could be licre in an ^„,„p,, „, ., „.^, , tor. hour, for it would take quite a hit to: 2. Keep a medicine cheet of the ' '='*'ii«« "'« ''>â- ''«• He f.uld she was too ' simple remedies, ly and familiarize usa«. That w Ml save you many a doc- ! '•<' '>®d. tor bill and save the doctor many ai The girl died befoiv morning. I was aeedleas call i tbo only perciou In tlio world who knew You should have In your ch*^vt tur- ' her trouble. Neither hor parents nor pentlne, camphor, iodine, medlcntt-d "'« other doctor di.-coverefl lhal she cotton, surgical gauze and tape, ^â- '"' dying frnm an undertaking they quinine, a good laxative and other , ''="' "o cause to eu.speot a reason for. fctandard Items. Y(;ur own physician'' could have saved her life because I will gladly give you ii lull list of these '""'«â-  "''"• «'"* «<'uld not tell the and help you learn what each is good for. I hope, though, that you will at least offer to pay him for the advice. Too others. I should have answered that call anyway. Of all such things is the country doctor'.s life: a continuing .'uccesslou many country doctors get so Interested ' "' tragedies, of heartbreaks, of hum- In "dedicating" themselves to the aer- vlce of humanity that they fall to look after thems'plve.'i projx.-^'ly. One lov- able old phyelclan died in our town last year aft»»r mori' than fifty years of such service. He never worrlo<l much about being paid for his services, and bis patients didn't worry much about paying blm. He left only a few hun- dred doUaivj, and hl.i widow would be destitute but for her son-in-law's help. I estimate that 1 have received no pay for about fifteen per cent, of my work In the«e ihlrly years. I remem- be-r dlntlDctly a caU back In the horse- and-biiggy days. It was early in Febr- uary and I rather welcomed tho nlne- ralla night drive bohliMl a stepping mare bei'uu.so It was a pleasant night and there was to be a total eclipse of the moon that I wantud to wee. The roads w^ro muddy. We hud Just h.id heavy rains after a big thaw. I had to ford a rr. i-k and I was sur- prl!!>ed at Its width and unaccuslnmed •wiflii •^s ')ld Bla< kie waded In with- ou*. h»flMftl!ou S<JOii the '.vater was In iJie buggy bed I piii my feet on the dusliboarrl Qiilck-^r than I can lell'lt drum and of thrills. Nothing Is too The increasing vo^ue of the <Ioui)le. bron.sted .coat has caused nun of fa- shion in London to resort to dieting to remove fat. No fat man looks hi.-i iKjst in a d.iuble-breastcd suit ; honco the "bantiiiK" denial of favorite dishes and painful hours of massage in tho Turkish baths of PiccadiFry and St. James. Those undergoing the martyrdom of fashion find p'tysicul con.-^olntion, how- ever, in the advice of doctors that the fatter the man the higher the blood much to promi.se the doctor if he will pressure, and that the thin, wiry men refltore health to a loved one; any old i "^® longest, time Is soon enough to pay him after j health is won hack ami pain forgot. I I had $30 in cash and owed $L'.000 i foi' my college oxiK'usta when I start- ed practice. I own a nice home now, and liavo n little money ahead, though - not a great deal. .-Xfler all, though,' nmcli as 1 have harped hero about un- paid servlc*-s. I wlH pr»>U(Hy own that tho blggeal reward of all my years as a <loctor Id country frdks is the privi- lege and ix»w«>r of helping Utile child-' ren. .Vly wife and I wen? idilldless for Utterly Useless. Willie, who was marly live, and lil.i motluu', were .sitting at humo in front of the lire. At the table his sls-ter, aged seven, was doing her homework. Suddenly mother looke.I uji and saw Willie watching his sl.ster. â- Well, Willie." sHie said, "It will not bo long before you will have to go to .ichool." "Oh,' Mftld Willie, "It's no use send- ! lag me!" "Why. how Is thai?" asked his moth The Automobile naiVEK SHOULD LEAliK TO PARK AUTO PROPERLY. The individual who sets out to learn , ahead and another car parkii clc:v» to i the Ins niid outs of driving an automo- I the rear of his machina be will find I liils has not f u'.ly contemp'.utod this ; himself in eor.-cwhat of a iU to gei I accomplishmcr... until he or sin can • his car out, as hardly any ipac* tIH j successfully jiark a car. Increasingly, ] &a l*t for either backing or goin^r i of course, it is becoming difficult to j ahead. 1 find a place tnywhero in our urban ] At night a parked car should have communities where a motor vehicle ^ lt» lighta turned on if it is on a road can bo Itft for a few minutes. Ther« where there is liable to lie any motor ; was a" time wiien one couM merely ' traffic. If the car U parktd before I drive alongside of a curt* and atop 'Sundown and left until after dark It !• when ready. Even that procedure re- ' untMually eaay to forget this. If the i quirod some skill. But that was a ; standing machine's lighta do not show I simple ntatter compared with the ' a white light ahead and a red on3 be- i present situation. i hind it may not bo visible to an ap- ; Now the driver must know what are preaching automobile until too late to the local rules regarding parking, «void a smash. Thia app.iee especial- where he can park, when and for how, ly »« those who are parking to do long. In these days the space is . sparking. Protect that wonderft»l fu- greatly r©.strictod, which makes it : ture with your loved one by takmg necessary for one to .skillfully guide ; precautions against a motor co..unon. the machine into a small space. And danger from croo.ks. having succeeded in this no •mean] Park your car close to the curb. It achievomenit the next problem is how js dangerotis to stop a car in the mid- to get out in the traffic again when : die of the road. Regulation."! usually the driver wishes to proceed. j prohibit parking a car within ten feot In some cities certain public places j of a fire hydrant. In some cities it is are reserved where automobiles can not permitted to park a ear in front be left. It is something of a fine art ,' of a public building. A car should not to properly park a car in one of these } be parked near the intersection of two sections. The machines in these ' streets or highways, spaces usually stand in the middle of Never park an automobile on the the street, facing the curb. To park ' left side of the street except on a "one- in such a place the driver must either ! way" traffic street. The right side stop and back into his proper niche, ! should be next to the curb and never being sure no cars are approaching the rear or front end except in park- from the rear that might smash into ; ing spaces where the legulations re- iiim, or lie may, in some instances, be I quire cars to park at right angles or able to drive directly ahead Into h}« j diagonally to the road, space. In the latter instance he will Any contents of a car that might probably be required to back up when ' easily be stolen should be removed ho comes to take his machine away. | when a car is parked, even if the car CARE HEQUIRED IN JOB. '» *<> ^ ^^^ }!^^, ^^"^ * J'^ '"^""Jf ' It takes very little time for a crook to In such manoeuvring the driver . get away with any valuables that may should aim to park his car as near ; be left in an open car. If the car is to its next neighbor as possible and ; a closed model the doors have reliable yet accomplish this without scraping; locks on them and these should be the sides of either machine. Some- j used. times it will be necessary to squeeze j i„ any event, the car itself should in between two standing cars where , be locked and the key removed by the the margin of space on either side of, driver, as thieves not only rob the his machine will be very limited. Con- j automobiles of their contents, but also siderable care will be required in do- j have been known to steal the auto ing a good job. itself. A safe lock should be a part of When undertaking to park a car every car's equipment if it is to be alongside of a curb it is well not to ' parked very much, get too close to the machine ahead | In view of those increasingly con- when ^topping or when starting up gested conditions it is important for apain. And the car ahoad will be le.ss ! motorists to be first class partakers of liable to back into hi.s machine when j their machines and for them to realize it pulls out. A lot of fenders have ' that until they can qualify in this re- bcen dented in such operations. If a spect ^ y cannot be considered in the driver parks right up against the car class of competent automobile driver,-?. Distributing Money at Mstrriages. In every part of Scotland tlio niar- rtase coremorty Is iH^rtornied at the residence of the hrUlo. About the time it is expected the young couple are to start on their marriage jauat, all Uia boys and girls of the neighborhood as- semble in front of the house, and amiis? lhonKse'.v..s by calUng out, "BeM money. Bell money, shabby waddin,' g'habby waddin,' canua spare a baw- bee." These .shouts aro nioro than re- doubled when the door Is opened to let the bride .ind hrlilcgroom out, wlio aro actompauie.-l to the carriage by most of the company, and as the push- ing and shoving of tho crowd would be very inconvenient, some one of the party at this movement showers a quantity of coppsns and .small silver euiong them, thereby drawing their attention away from the "yoimg folks," who. under cover of this ' diverelon," are driven off. Willing to Pay \}\e Price. A somewhat shabby man wandered Into a very smart restaurant, says The Taller, and ordered au elaborate lunch. At first th» waiter was dubious about serving him, but the customc-r's obvi- ous ease in h\fi surroundings and Ills e:tccll6iit choice of dishes reassured him. At last, when the bill was pre- sented he aske<l cotirte'OUSily tor the manager, who appeared presently. "Good day," said tl'.e customer airily. "Do you recollect that a tew months ago a man caiue here and had a joUy good meal without paying for It?" "I do," answered the manager grim- ly "And do you remember what you did to him?" pursueil the other. "Yes, sir," said the manager fierce- ly, "I kicked him out of the place." "Well, then," said the customer, ris- ing leisurely and turning his back to the offlclal. "do you nilud obliging me again?" .several years and tln-n a boy baby '^f- came to gladden our lives. He drew ^ "What's the use of »ending me to us closer lOf-jotlier than wd had ever i 'â- '"hool?" queried Willie. "J don't know been. He wa* a woudi-rfiil. quaint, i n".*"'lnK. and I can't rend or write." gladsome little fellow who made every-! ♦ one happy who knew blm. He was ' * Nation of the Soil. taken away by an accident. I cauj KIghty per cent, of the population never .shake off the gripping horror ! of India K«»« it^eir livin.: out of the soil. of iho-'-e hours when we saw his life, * slowly ebbing away, helpless lo relieve | Hogs In Holland. hl.i pain or prevent his going. His j Holland l.s Rrowing a.i a pnniucer !,f mother and I coulil only .sit liy his hod â-  IX"'''- "They Shall Not Pass." I^uls Ciirolie. Indian goalkeeper of' tho ("aughnawaga hookey team. Indian j village, near Montreal, who Is said to be one of the largest "gnallos" In the I world. Ho weighs 400 pounds. He Is 1 manager of tho local baseball team, i Britain's Volunteers. The total strength tif iho territorial army on Oeoembfr ;!1 last, exclusive of permanent staff, was 144.937, an In- 1 crease of 4,300 compared with January I 1, 1925. I M.P. Dons a Woman's Hat to Gain Point in Commons Among many of the old rules gov- erning procedure in the Hou.se of Commons, Ix)ndon, England, is one that if a member wishes to raise a point of order after a division has been called he must don his hat The Luborite member, G. Buchanan, desired to raise a point, but he had not brought hi.i hat with him. He solved the dilemma, however, by bor- rowing the velvet toque of Miss Ellen C. Wilkin.s«n, also a I.aborite member, which he clapped upon his head of red hair. Thus he addressed the speaker amid noisy iaU.'<hter from tho mem- bers. Squelched. He wanted to read, but the man In the seat opposite him would persist la trying to talk as the train moved swift- ly along. After several brief repliei the student began to grow tired. "The grass is very green^ isn't it?" asked the would-be conversationalist, I pleasantly. "Yes," said the atudeut, "such a j change froni the blue and red grass ws have been having lately." The rest was silence. Following Olrsctlons. Doctor â€" "What! your dyspepsia no better? Did you follow my advice and drink hot water one hour before break- fast?" Patient"! did my best, but I couldn't keep it up mora than tea minutes." MUTT AND JEFF -By Bud Fisher. fl Oh, Well, They'ra in Paris and You Gotta Excuse Mutt VMS: PKewcK LAWSoAGfi &or Him IM A FOOLI%h ^A€^l'. oyCR Ker<e (^^ y>f\U\^ VV'HCM JM€ QuSS£S ARe F<.Ji.L AMD VWitL MOT ^T0P> PoR Amy Moi^e PATiSeNG<c($S TH€Y HAM6 OUT A SI6M "COMPLEX MeAwiMG "fULL*. MOuJ uJiTtl A BiT Of *?iLou>J MutilCj PRoFCSSOf^, UJG'LL <»o OM vu\TH THe ilL e.^