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SLICED VERY THIN By SixbiU "No Matlir How Thin You SUce It â€" It's Still Bclor.ey" . ivU iiiL' ii.iMu? ".Stnen-uij" uppuiirint; frei|UC'iUiy on our streets and in our nev.;; papers (Advt. ) it might not be iniippropriate if wc turned over the dump of our memory and tried to die up the uiulent story about that pastime. Wc think ,t was Irvin Col)b that told us first, but we make no apologies for that as it has ahva.vs been our policy to try an.i steal from tl'.e best :;ourccs. • • • • And that reminds i.i- I'ftcr the Great War was over, a friend of ours who was mixed up in that affair informed us that during the four years he was oveisea.-^ he tried countless times to tell this talc but never could rerr.cmber how it went. » • * • Of course stories that require explanat'on generally fall as flat as pit on a plato, in view of the fact that the illustrious sport of Seven-up seems to be widely unknown in these degenerate days, it might be as well if we told yuu that there are five ways of scorinj; a point in the ganip; one each for liiph, jack and Rame; one for the player who plays low; and also, if the non-dealer doesn't like the trump turned up he can "beg" for it to be changed â€" and the dealer, refusing to make such (hange, gives his opponent a point instead. > • • • So now, after all this wordiness, let's try and get started. It was down in the hill-billy country in the south, and Lafe Hawkins had been hauled into court on a charge of assault, battery, mayhem and attempt to murder I.cm Yokum- • w • • Lem was a sorry sight indeed as the judge looked him over â€" in fact he appeared as if he had received the going-over of his life. • • • • "I.afe Hawkins," said the judge sternly, "thar before ye stands the evidence of what ye done. What have ye got to say for yourself, if anything?" • « • • "Well, jedge, it's a sad story," began the defendant. "It has>- pened this-away. Leni and me had been a-settin' in the back room of the tavern, a-playin' of Sevcn-ui) â€" seven p'ints to the game â€" and two bits on every game. • « • • "1 had been a-losin' steady all afternoon, till I were down to my last two-bits in the world. And then along come this game and the score stood six for me, one for Lem. • • • « "It were my deal, so I dole the cards, and turned up trump- Lem begged â€" so I gin him one, and the play began." • • * * He flang his ace â€" and I played my tray for low. He flang his king â€" I played my ten. He flang his queen â€" and I played the jack." • • • • "And then, jedge, then â€" the mizzable skunk flang his deuce and I hit him." • • • • The suggestion is being put forth that the Athletic Commission â€" in future boxing bouts â€" should be prepared to over-rule the de- cision of judges, or referee, in case they think that anything is wrong with same. • • • • Which, with due apologies to everybody concerned, certainly sounds sirewey to us. What is the use of having oflicials in charge of a bout if their word is not to be taken â€" and what control cun they hope to have if they are in there knowing that their decision may be reversed? • • * • If the Comm ssioners are better judges of who won or lost a fight then why, in the name of common sense, not let them do the judging right from the start? • • • • It all sounds too much like what appears to be haijpciiiiig in the vicinity of Queen's Park- A man is put in charge of a depart- ment, and is supposed to bo in control of it. • • • • l;ut if he makes a decision that doesn't meet with the ajiproval of certa ii <|uarters, along conies the Big Head Man and cancels that decision with no more hesitancy than if he was telling an otlice boy to head in. And the nomin„- . try and like it â€" or else. • * • « al chief of the department has to take itâ€" and 1 y U4,'4 nrwi iw w» else. • • • • It may work all right in politics â€" for a whileâ€" but let's try and eep it out of sportâ€" or one of these days there won't be any sport eft. keep left. Stutf and Nonsense lighted I am, .Mrs. (;il(s. .My son Reg- gin has won a scholarship." rtrmer's Wife â€" "I can iindorstand your f.K'lingfi, ma'am. I felt Ju.st the same whon our pig won a hluo ribbon at the County Kalr. Wo do-i'l lirlii've tIni'S uro as goo<l B» they say. Thcro doesn't seem to be rnouKl Insiiranrn aijcnis bothering us. Clothier - ''Were you please! with the overcoat I hoUI you?" Customer â€" "Oil. yes. All my boys have worn II." Cloll.l.-r - "Well! Well!" CusloMiir â€" â€" "Yes. (^ach time It has lioca worn in the rain iho next smiilli'sl >i'.o has . take It." (ifT-gettcr.-' are not always k i J)rr;i. Some 'inliappy marrl;i.;.:i s inbli' 1)C prevoatcd If the method «UKi;o3le(l by tba following from tluj Pallifind'r wer;; ailoptfil. Young \lati â€" '.Sir, your chiirmli:,-; ^aiiKlitcr has Invited mo to dinnor.'' Iler Father â€" "I'll do betti r than that. I'll Invito you to broakfant. And then you can boo how slio looks In tho moiiilng without her makeup." Pal wanted to borrow some money from Michael, who ha|)pon('il to have a small boy with hlin at tho moment. Pat â€" "'TiH ft fino boy you have there with you, Mlko. A magnificent head and noble features. Could you loan mo ton?" Miko â€" "I could not. 'Tis mo wife's child by her first husband." Read it or not have wings. ' â€" "'.Vngels do not To toll Ti funny story, tell the point and omit tho story. .Mrs Smith iiislied Into h'M- living room. Mrs. Smith â€" "Oh, John, 1 dropped my diamond ring off my finger and I can't find it anywhere." John (calmly) â€" "It's all right dear. I canio across It In my trousers pocket.'" Ilalry ('ostomor â€" "Ilnir out, singe, shampoo, mustacho clipped and tho beard trimmed, and â€" er â€" where can I put this cigar?" liarber â€" "Would you mind keep- ing It In your mouth, sir. "It'll be sort of a landmark." Visitor â€" • I cant tell you how do- I THE OPTIMIST I sing ii song to the Optimist, To thi! man that Is brave and strong, Who kiH'pa bis head wln'n tilings go right, .\nd smiles when things go wrong. I am proud of tho gonial Optimist, His radiant voice an dspeecli; llo helps smoolli tho rugged path Ot all within his reach. I like tlio way of the Optimist Who looks for the bright an dtho best Ho Bcattcrs sunshine as ho goes And leaves his fidlowa blest. I am glad to meet tho Optimist, With hU message of good cheer; Ho carries hope and confidence To those assailed by fear. So here's n song to the Optimist Who joyously works and sings .•\nd daily shows this weary world 'Iho v.ay to bettor things. â€" â€" Oronvlllo Klelser Clipped â€" "Whore there Is a will there Is a v.'ay, and where there Is no will there are a lot of fighting rela- tives." Ho was very fat and stood b.'^hlnd an Irritable old woman in a line that was waiting to get in a show: Siio â€" Stop pushing, cant you?" He â€" ''Excuse me, madaine. I did not push. I only sighed." (!i/0d doflnition ot Salesmanship : "The art ot selling products that will not come back to customers who will'" Loss In Ayrshire By Caterpillar Plague EDINBURGH.â€" A plague of cat- erpillars is causing extensive damage to the shec]) pasturage in tlie .^chil Hila near Glcndevon. One sheep far- men reckons he has already lost over a thousand acres of grazing, while ho has already found it necesary to bring his sheep down to the winter feedng. Acre after acre is swarming with caterpillars, the largest about two inc-hes long, steadily on. the move, and not only eating the grass, but burrowing down to the roots as well. The caterpillars are of a specie.s, identified with the hill pastures and causing serious damage in "epidemic" form. They have a processionary habit, moving from place to place. It was stated that a similar plague had broken out to an alarming de- gree in Southern Ayrshire, the sheep hirsel of Dunside four miles south of New Cumnock, being scriou.sly affect- ed. Owing to the number of dead cat- erpillars lying in the field drains and streams in tho Denny watershe.l, it has been considered advisable to shut otf the upper reservoir at Overton in case the grubs should find their way into the water supply, which is unfil- tered- There has been a .spread of the plague in the direction of Loch Coulter. whose visitors are looked on by the fraternity us a natural source of in- come. Hotel proprietors, anxious to keep their victims to themselves suggest- ed that a tax on visitors might meet the ca:;o, if the proceeds were shared out among the beggars. But the lat- ter refused point-blank, on the frrouud that their "old and noble tr,i- dition" should not be allowed to die out. Jojne Arbus, who was elected leader of the beggars, cornea of a long line of professional vagrants, hi.s father, grandfather and great- grandfather having fojlowe.l the same road, as do his eight successful chil- dren. The one white shoe;) in the family was a son who went into re- spectable trade, and was turned out for letting his relat'ons down. Sturdy Peasants Beggars' Congress Hundreds of beggars from all over Poland recently attended a con- gress near Warsav,- to debate on the subject of begging operations car- ried on In tho nearby health resorts, The Windsor Daily Star writes: â€" People ask how it is that Firance can survive what so.?ms to be body blows that would take the starch out of most countries. The present politi- cal predicament of an unbalanced budget and a terriffic debt is Just another phase of the troubles and crises through which the French have passed in recent years. The answer is that a sturdy peas- ant people form the backbone of France. They are a frugal folk, who live in a harsh manner, but they are hard-working, honest and God-fear- ing. They take life as thoy find it, which is pretty hard at times. But they face life with a determination to wrest a livelihood from the soil, no matter what may happen to hinder or impede their eflforts. Those sturdy French peasants make a nation that has met and con- quered such adversities as invasion twice within half a century. Politi- cians may go, cities may prosper and cities may be depres^id, but the French farming communities go on and on, winn'ng a hard living from the soil by honest toil, and building a national fabric that endures no matter what may try to wreck it. Strange World Education Note: A 22-year-oId driver, fined £1 at Margate for driv- ing as a learner without a qualified driver, pleaded that as he was un- able to read or write he was ignor- ant of the ..egulations. His wife had applied for a driving license for him. Hen's Kittens: .An Ohio hen has taken under her wing 7 kittens de- serted by their mother Fried to Swallow Bus: The arm of a mechanical excavator swept out f •? Sfc'Tf >>* WITH THE • iil' BOY SCOUTS Mik .\.t< T.- â- .?;;- \ spectacular feature of the Coron- ation Year .lamboreo of the Scouts and Cubs ot Winnipeg was a living Coronation Crr)wn, composed ot 700 Wolf Cull!! Another feature was a great "Scout W(.rld Friendship Wheel tho living Scout spokes ot which, re- presenting the difl'erciit Scouting counlrles of tin; world, revolved, sing- ing, about a figure representing tho Scouts' patron saint, St. George. On a Riant checker board small Wolf Cub checker men bopped about as they were moved In an actual game. (;ontiiui."! e/ldenco ot the practical value of Itoy Scout training recently brought the gift ot headnuarters buildings to tho Scout Troops of three Ontario towns. A now club house in Agricultural Park, Owen Sound was presented by tho Town Council and toriiially opened by Ills Worship iMay- or .lackson. At Sarnhi a now Scout homo, to be known as Coronation Hall, was presented the local Scout Association by Mrs. W. J. llauna. and at Tlllsonburg tho Pell Telephone Co were the donors ot a building on condition that tho Scouts removed It to a site given by Miss Cora Ander- son. An experimental camp for sightless Hoy Scouts of the Scout troop ot tho niind School, of ISehala, Calcutta, was counted a promising guccess. Tha 19 blind lad.'?, in groups of five, were In charge of "sighted" Scouts, and took caro of all camp details except the cooking. A three mile hike was one ot the Scouting experiences greatly enjoyed by the boys. Hocause of tho tidiness of tho cauip, and tho smart appearance of tho hoys, visitors at first did not recognize that tho Boy J Scouts wore sightless. "Smiling Mixture" la a medicinal novelty at the Rosem:iry Convales- cent Homo for Hoy Seoiits nt Heme Pay, Kngland. The mtxttire, which Is plain vliior;ar and water, haims on the wall, with tho proscription. "This mix- ture to be taken In tablespoons three times a day tor non-grinnicus, non- lafficus, and any who have tho dole- ful dumiis and dismals." It has only boon used once â€" by a nurse! â- 'It all boys were In the Doy Scout movement, many magistrates and police would soon be out of a Job." â€" Magistrate S. H. Arnold, of Chatham Ontario. and grabbed the side of a 32-seater bus in Kent, ripping it from end to end. 00 Years Late: The widow of Dr. Hillard, of Grimsby, Ontario, who died in 1919, has just received a letter from an anonymous writer, enclosing £1 in settlement of a debt owiiig to her husband over 50 years ago. The Game's the Thing: A High Wycombe cricketer had almost reach- ed the pitcn to bat in a village crick- et match when a lad rushed on to the pitch crying, "Come at once, your house has fallen in!" "Good," said the batsman, taking a careful "mid- dle and leg." He played a steady in- nings, put hi.s team on the way to victory, then went home to his cen- tury-old cottage. The front garden was a mound of bricks and debris. Tinned Frog: A factory has been built in Bosnia for tinning snails and frogs' Icg.s. Crcndmcther's Chair My grandmother, she, at the age of eighty-three. One day in May was taken ill and died; .And after she was dead, the will of course was read By a lawyer as we all stood by his side. To my brother it was found she had left a hundred pounds. The same unto my sister, I declare; But when it came to me, the lawyer said, "I see She has left to you her old arm chair." Chorus: And how they titer'd, how they chaff 'd. How my brother and sister laughed; When they heard the lawyer declare Granny had only left to me her old arm chair. I tho't it hardly fair, still I said I did not tttre, And in the evening took the chair away ; The neighbours they me chaff'd, my brother at me laughed. And said it will be useful, John, some day; When you settle down in Hfe; find some girl to be your wife, You'll find it very handy, I declare; On a cold and frosty night when the fire is burning bright You can then sit in your old arm chair. What iny brother said was true, for in a year or two. Strange to say I settled down in mar- ried life; I first a girl did court and then the ring I bought. Took her to church and then was my wife. The old gill and me were as happy as could be; For when my work was over, I de- clare, I ne'er abroad would roam but each night would stay at home, .AnJ be seated in my old arm chair. One ni.ght the chair fell down, when I pick'd it up I found The seat had fallen out upon the lloor; And there, to my surprise, I saw be- fore my eyes, A lot of notes, tv.o thousand pounds or more. When tny brother heard of this, the fellow, I confess. Went nearly mad with rage and tore h's hair; But I only laugh'd at him, and then said unto him, Jim, Don't you wish you had the old arm chair. "Flocking" To Britain I.OXDO.N.- .-V decision to make an experimental export of ,'!6,000 mut- ton .sheep to the London market has been reached at a meeting of the Livestock and Mer"" Control Board of Johannesburg. Shipments are to begin as soon as the recjuired shippini? space is avail- able. They will cover a period of 12 week.*!, during which 3,000 sheep are to be exported each week. The main decision for this deinsion is to avoid overstocking on farms, wh ch this year will carry a particu- larly high percentage of" sheep. Without a Sigh For Rudy, Dancer Sails For Cannes With Troupe . . . STOPPED IN A MINUTE . . . Aft you l<.rmcnifil with tli<? Iidiinn I i;urr« of ««fm.i rii«hn ailili-ie'ifMt.rrupiK.nii.nroihrr •kin «ink'nniii/ Kor (julck (iiit Imiinv rrlifl, «ie cooling, antlieptic, liquid 6. 0. D. frMwIptlon. It* grnile niti »o<iihf llit irri- UiM ikln. Cl«r. arraMlm ami nainlfMâ€" dricf fait. Stnpii the moKt intrnsr itching ImtantW. A JSc trial Ixiiile, m dtug iiom, I toâ€" e( uuiocy kwt. W Issue No. 31-â€" '37 Kvelyn Giesham (third from left) imiles farewell to New York u sh« *«iU vHh mcmbera of • dancing troupe for an engagement in Cannes, France, where awa ta her the French Count who is run^ orcd to have replai«d Rudy Vallee in her heart. A COAST-TO-COAST "SMOKE-UP" Wise roll-your-owners will fell you Ogden's is the feature ot the smoke- enjoymen* piogromme. They know that finer flavour and cooler, smoother smoking are assured â€" every timeâ€" with Ogden's Fine Cut and "Vogue" or ''Chantecler" papers. And there's a bigger 15c. package of Ogden's, nowl OGDEN'S FINE CUT Soap And Water Don't Harm Eggs Curator Gives Collection Careful Bath MILWAUKEE.â€" Even the dainty egg of a ruby-throated humming bird came unimpaired through a soap and water bath to which 3,328 eggs were subjected at the Milwaukee museum, Marvin H. Adams, assistant cura- tor of birds and mammals, applied a soft brush to the collection to prepare it for new show t^ses after it had been withdrawn from exhibition for a time. All of the eggs excepting one ara from \orth American birds. There are 795 sets from 720 species and sub-species, and 84 nests. Derivation of the collection ranges from the ex- tinct passenger pigeon to the alba- tross and the California condor. They were gathered, often at risk , cf his life, by the late Benjamin i Goss, a native of Pewaukco. Wis. Be- I fore his death in 1S03 he had egga 1 of all the North .American birds } known to his contemporary ornith- ologists. Women On The Farm CHARI.OTTETOW.N â€" Branches of agriculture that can well be de- veloped by wo non were fruit, vcge- I table and hicken canning, poultry raising, butter making, bee keeping : and production of honey, raising of ' pigs for bacon, garden ng, and small ' fruit growing, according to replies to ' a (lutfstionnaire sent out by the Pro- vincial Convenor of Canadian Indus- tries, Mrs. W. .A. .-Mley, of the Prince Edward Island Women's Institutes. Noble Industry HKRKFOKD, England.â€" Declafinj? the 'oldest and most noble indus- tries in the world" were tilling the • soil and breeding fattle. the Arch- bishop of Canterbury said the old . England of the West Country was | the Englancl kinstnen overseas looked ui)on as the motherland. Classifiedl Advertising I AGK.NTS WA.NTKD L'l.VCl.fStVE AGK.NrV. .MAN OK WO.MAN, ^â- ^ M:ike iDunoy ci.sl!y. scUlnij new patented Cli'tlies Plti--^. Solid tjuickly. Ten cents a duzeo. i Mull one dollar, special twenty dozca IriaL ; Fux Agencies, 21 KhiK St. Eust. â- ;â- â-  nrnt", ' ai;k.nt3 V.'A.NToIi PORTRAIT Ar.F.Nrs WKlTt: FOU CATA- l«'KUe anrl price.i - Bl^; inoncv maklns l.p.posillim- Unlteil Art. Tnrnntu 2 I'UDTlliUtAHllV 1,1 .NI.AKllKME.NT KRl'K WITH KVKKY * 2.5 cent i-riler K-ll tilii3 •level'pe.l an* eiiihl prints 'J3 cents. re;irints ;t cents each. HrlKhtlint!. 29 Rlrlim.md Street Kr\«l. Toronto, C01.LECT10.N' SEI'.VICK Jl.VTARIO COLLECTION AnENCIKS. EX- ' ' pericnced Oillecll'n Service. t':iillffs. â€" Star BWg.. TiP'rti.. t^tlOS WA.NTEII. ^ prc-^l'-i 1 r.-..fl . ;i ''re'ices A. ^TirMt, .i WHITE: HiGHESr I'M i-rade:!. naiik ref- Kane Ave . T"r'»nto. Started Chicks, PuUets, Cockereb V' »ee!l .1:1 .l:!;el-. l'.ii:,-l '.{.cR.. .SKiUS: ' â- â-  :, r- 1, S^vj r â-  (• cl.f"- f-r-e' R-cks. J8.90. Three week i>ld pullets. Barred Rcick«, .SIO.QS; I.egh' rtjs. $23.45: O'Ckere'n B.irred P.ck.'i, $12 0.^ F. ur week old piiip-ts. Bar- red Rncke. S21.y5: LeKh<rns. S2,'<^.^. Flv» week 1.1(1 piillcta. B.arred Ricks. $2993: Les- huma. $33.I.V F'ur-slx week ild pullets. a»- siTted breeds. $26.4.s. All stick from Oovcmment Approved DIood Teste I Broe<Iera. Shipped C.O.D. anywhere. Write for prices on sU weeks to 20 , week old pullets. TV.'LIDDI.E CHICK HATCHERY LIMITED, FCRCDS. Onl. Baden Started Chicks. Pullets, and Cockerels All rmm Oovernnient Approved Blood Tested Breeders, sired by Big Oi.vernment Approvtd Males. Two week old Cockerels, Barred, Rock*. »«.«; pullcU BATnd Rc«ka, $14.40; Le«- bonui. SIT.SS. Three week old Cockerela. Barr«l Rocks. »12.4»: pullets Barred Rocki. JJ3.40; Leghorns, »2t.»S. Four week oM pullets Barred Rocks, $23.40: LeiOoma. $3S.»S. Auorted pullets fuursix weeks old. M^40. Shipped C.O.D. anywhere. Write for price* on older pullets t weeks to M weeka BADBN KLBCTRIC CHICK HATCHKRT. BADEN, Oat ' \