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y â- *». JUST IN FUN Kive-In-One LaU' oDc afternoon an insurance agent secured admittance to the office of a big business man by dint of perserv:;rance. "You ought to feel flattered, young man," said the ijusiness man. "Do you know, 1 have al- ready refused to «ee five insurance agents today " "Yes, I know," replied the agent. "1 m all of them." Up To Him Hubby: "Isn't dinner ready yet? I have a good mind to go to a lestaurant." Wife: "Well, please wait ten nirutes." Hubby: "Will dinner be ready tfien?" Wife: "No, but in ten minutes I can change my dress and go wit!) yon." WeU-Spriet An English manufacturer of motoi car tires was the speaker at a businessmen's luncheon. In response to a toast he said: "I have no desire or intention to inflict upon you a long speech, for it is well known in our trade that the longer the spoke, the big- ger the tire." Not Accepted The tall, long-haired youth en- tered the music pi^lisher's office carrying under his arm a imall roll cf paper. • "Good afternoon!'' said the pub- lisher. "What can I do for you?" The youth looked nervous. "Well--erâ€" I have a song here," he began, "and I was wondering if you would publish it. Erâ€" shall I ling it?" "Oh, yes, let's hear itl" said '. : publisher; and the youth stood up and burst forth. When the song was finished the publisher sat very still and said nothing. "Well," asked the young man, "what do 1 get for it?" "Oh," replied the publisher, with an air cf resignation, "I'm a pub- lisher, not a migi.'stra^e!" Fire Fighter Staying at a boarding house was a man not noted for his early ris- ing. One morning about six o'clock he surjjrised the landlady by walk- ing into the kitchen in his dressing gC'Wn, a small medicine glass in hit hand. He asked for some water. She filled the glass and he returned to his room. Three minutes later he returned, •till yawning, w-th the same glass and the same request, and five mirutes later he again askd her to fill the glass. "Whatever is the matter?" in- quiied the landaUIy. "Aren't you well?" The young man yawned. "I'm all right, but my â€" my roi.m's on fire." Still Undecided For more than an hour, the can didate for the Legislature had 'lili- gently sawed wood in his quest for the rnral young widow's vote. Now »he canio from tlie house, '.-miling her approval, as lie mopped pers piration from nis brow. "1 declare," .^he sail, "I don't know who to vote forâ€" you or Mr. Billings. Why, right now, le's in the kitchen rli irning." THE SPORTING THING Two Jonclusionc "Never mind Johnston â€" they'll do that at the mill!" A group of workmen were dis- cussing the evolution and origin of man. One of the party remained silent, wluii a ci.niiiani<.ii turned to him and (Uni;^nde< his opinion. "i ain't goin' to say," he replied doggedly, "I remember as 'ov.' Henry Green and m. thrashed thjt out once before at d it's settled as far as I'm concerned. " "But what conclr.sio'i did you come to?" "Well," he said, slowly, "we didn't arrive a' the same conclu- sion â€" no, we didn't Henry ar- rived at the 'orspital an' me at the police station." Some Chicken 'I'lic landlady glaixed round the tahle at her twelve hungry boarJ- trs before starting to carve the rather sad-loukiuR thicken. In rapid succession she asked each which iiart of the fowl 'le preferred. Ten o. tlicni decided on legs. The carver cropped her knife with a clatter on the dish "What do you imagine this is?" she said sarcastically, point'n^ to the ciiicken. "A centipede, or what?" "Oh, no," replied the boarder who had been served. "Judgting by the piece of neck I've got, I should imagine it was a giraffe." [ MOVIE ACTRESS HORIZONTAL 1,7 pictured mj>vie actress. 10 Heavy barge. U Neither. 12 Baseball stick. 14 Request. 16 Breezy. 17 Fact. 19 Singing voice. 20 Frozen water. 22 Period. 24 Hearing organ 25 Music note. 26 Turn toward east. SO Symbol lor titanium. 31 Kind of finch. 33 Reluctant. 35 Mother. 36I41ce. 38 Behold! 89 Therefore. 40 Flight. 42 Sorceress. 44 Any. 45 Catch. 47 From, Answer to Previous Puzzle 49 Courts (abbr.) 51 "Pelican State" (abbr.). 52 Unit. 53 Excursion. 54 Buzz. 55 Fondle. 56 Rested. 57 Spread for drying. 58 Employ. 59 Spanish dollar 60 Half an em. 61 Street (abbr.) VERTICAL 1 Utters. 2 Itineration. 3 Upon. 4 Slight bow. 5 Turkish decree. 6 Headland. 7 Lieutenant (abbr.). 8 Cabbage variety. 9 Property. 10 She has lonf 13 Part' of "be." 15 African bustard. 18 2000 pounds. > 21 Three (prefix) 23 Dined. 26 Kind of plaai 27 Not suitable. 28 Acknowledge. 29 Formerly. 32 Type measures. 34 Jurisdiction. 37 Sequester. 40 Ensnare. 41 Endeavor. 43 Just. 44 She in screen playa. 46 Meat. 48 Festival. 50 Location. 52 Musical composition. 54 Him. 57 Toward. VOICE OF THE == PRESS = ASKING FOR IT These Canadians ^^llo are sug- gesting that they will marry Jap- arese women in order to save them from depo-^tation deserve just what they get. â€" Windsor Star. EXCLUSIVE The Soviet Embassy is the only diplomatic establishment in Wash- ington which does i ot employ any United States citizens as household help. â€" Newsweek. REQUIRED SOON Radar should be used at the time of spring house cleaning to prevent husbands entering dark rooms and sitting down where thi chesterfield used to be. â€" Brandon Sun. NOW WE KNOW Clothing manufacturers report that lack of pants is holding ip men's suit'. Aic we ahvav-i thought It wa-. the pan s that need ed hnlding up. â€" Christian Science .Monitor. APPLIES TO ALL This call (for grtater produc- tion) not only applic'.; to the farm ers of Oi tario, bv. ako to the townspeople. Back gardens that hitherto have supplied but a few vegetables during the summer must now be mide to produce more than ever before. The camp- aign for mori pr- duction can be helped by almost everyone in city or country, and the question ;s: What are we going to do about it. â€"Chatham News. WATCH FOR IT NEXT WEEK A NEW FEATURE SPOTS OF SPORTS By FRANK MANN HARRIS ("SIXBITS") FRANK HARRIS â€" better known In â- ports circle*. â- â-  "Th* Six Bit Critic" â€" at one time coadnctcd eolamaa ot aport- Ins comment In Tha Toronto Dnily Star and The Star Weekly. Horn la Teeawater, Ont., more year* aso than he carca to admit. Hnrria haa apent moat of hla llfo In Toronto nhere he TCaa In the book pnbllafaInK bualncaa for a conalderable time before taklnic to vtrltinar profeaalonallr. "SIxblta" ha« had many abort (torlea pnbllahed In the Saturday BTcnlns PoRt, Mncl.eaa'a and other nell-known minrnKine*. SALVATION KOR FOES Already the United Stales 'a crntemplatipg making a loi'n to Germai.y. ft inva-iably costs us about a< much to .lave an enemy alter we lick .lin; a it d< es to lie'* him. â€" St. Luuis Star-Times. NOT CONVINCING .-\t the pres' nt j'lncture, there's aflded point in the maxim ihat it takes more than sweeping state- ments to clean thivigs up. â€" Stratforti Ecconllerald. SUPER VALUAB .E In Bonib.-.y '.he .-Xg? Khan is held to be worth hii- wcigiit in dia- monds. Here we shoul''' use butter, if we could ge. 243 pouncs of it â€" Oitawi. Journal. EASE PAIN OF COLDS, SORE THROATS FAST! Take ASPIRIN It's ready io go to work in %MW. 2 seconds I i % ^ See for yourself how quickly Aspirin acts' Drop one in a glass of water and "clock" it. Within two aeconda, it will start to disintegrate. It does the same when you take it. Aa a result, it provides relief virith remark- able speed. Get Aspirin today. The "Bayer" cross on each tablet is your guarantee that it's , Aspirin. AsPIRIMi A^^[(^-New Low Prices! ^ Pocket box of 12s . • . , on!/ I So Economy bottle of 24 , , only 29a Family jlza of 100 . • t only79e THE SPORTING THING 'You and your feathered friends!" MUTT AND JEFF â€" is this a case of visibility or unvisibility? By BUD FISHER You Poor SiMP." You DON'T KNOW THE ALPrtABET.i I DO Too, I KNOWTHE ALPHABET/ «-<-t* 7 ^ WriEREDlDVoO^ EVER LEARN AN ALPHABET LIKE THAT? (WHEN I HAD MY EVES tested AT JTNE0RU6 STORE 1 OPTICIANS MC ;^ "He juit gigglea" REG'LAR FELLERS â€" Too Much Relativity By GENE BYRNES I KNOW I tXDN'T NEE-D A EWTER. MAN BUT TH' GUY5 A RELATIVE OF MINE --I HADDA aVE- him a job i 'mckctch .. . ^ POP â€" It U! By J. MILLAR WATT I M USED TD SLEEPING IKJ A BED TEN FEET L0K16 BY SIX FEET WIDE SOUNDS LIKE C: A LOT OF t'' BUNK I '|i », 1 .1.1! ;;;;.! ii.i| ; .". ! .:.. i